My Twilight Timeline

Dear Summit,

For the first time ever, you’ve done something that doesn’t suck. I’m not just saying this because we really hope you invite us to the red carpet next month (but we do. We’re going either way. We’d just prefer our time there to not be marked by 5 seconds of fun PLUS an overnight in jail cuz we snuck in the trunk of Kellan’s limo)

But you created this fanspace timeline  called The Twilight Time Capsule that captures all the “moments” that fans have had with Twilight. AW!!! That’s so sweet & cute! And I immediately got to work, adding my own moments.

Of course, I couldn’t actually upload any images or comments or videos. That would make today’s letter WAY TOO EASY, right? So maybe I take it back… You had a great IDEA, but since it’s not working in the moment i need it to, it still kinda sucks. Go Figures.

(I mean we love you & would proudly represent you & your movie on November 14th, 2011 at the (Insert name of theater- don’t worry I’ll find out exactly where it is before I drug Rob’s limo driver & put on my driving cap to escort him to the premiere))

Anyway, what I WOULD have done today had it worked was bore you once again with MY Twilight moments. You’ve heard them all by now. But this time I tried to be creative & pick some of our lesser known Twilight moments:

August, 2008:
I read Twilight on the beach and my family hates me because I am not present the entire vacation.

LTT REading Twilight 2008

Thats me with the book that looks like Twilight (It's Eclipse, actually)

I see Twilight opening night November, 2008 & am the ONLY one at PF Changs afterwards who doesn’t agree when the topic of “Movie Edward is not as hot as Book Edward” is brought to the table. Movie Edward was hot

December 2008: Moon & I, casual internet friends who occasionally talk about how “The OC was the greatest show ever,” both discover we can’t stop watching this badly recorded behind the scenes 1 hour long video from a cast Vanity Fair photoshoot. And so….

December 8, 2008 was born (or rather was born & was bought on December 23rd!)

Then some stuff happens (including a BUNCH of people finding LTT in January 2009) which leads to Mr. Choice & I flying to LA in March 2009 and Moon & I taking this 2nd-hand embarrassing photo:

And also making this video

(You know you love that)

Then some other stuff happened including Moon’s outing of Robsten in August, 2009 the same week that Stephenie Meyer outed US on her blog which gave us a Cullen Smile & made us fake-change our header for about 30 seconds to THIS:

(Re-read that letter– it’s hilarious, if Im allowed to say that about something I wrote (I am))

Then in November, 2009 we decided we didn’t do enough 2nd-hand embarrassing stuff together in March, so we did this in the Premiere camp-out line:

A bunch of other stuff happened including & not limited to:

UC's birthday LTTTammyO (oh how we miss you!)
– Falling in love with Big Daddy (Wait, we’re sneaking in HIS limo in November- forget Kellan!)
– Blog redesign that was about 1 year and 1/2 in the works
– I think Moon & I probably had one disagreement. Just 1 though. She’s the least difficult person to work with in the universe. Seriously. Everyone needs a Moon in their life. AWWWWW I’m CROSSTICHING THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY
– Moon threw me an EPIC online birthday party with a fairly accurate picture of my drunkest most FIRST-HAND embarrassing night ever:
– We found out we were picked out of a Twilight Cup to interview Stephenie

Then on June 18th, 2010 we leg hitched Stephenie Meyer while I made the weirdest face known to man:

Then I gazed longingly at Jackson while wearing a dress that looked more flattering in the mirror than in reality in my hipster neighborhood of Philadelphia (I had JUST moved in. I couldn’t get away with this now. Too 2nd-hand embarrassing. Even I have limits!!)

Then LegHitch2010 Happened. And it was Epic. And somehow Moon & I found time to make some videos. Some previously unpublished videos, some that Moon has totally forgotten about, and one clip that I’m sharing with you today:

(watch it again. I watched it about 20 times last night. And I wasn’t even drunk)

And during all that time THREE movies were released, another book was published, we fell in & out of love with actors (RIP Rachelle, Bryce Dallas & Xavier), made a couple (!) new friends (and a couple enemies– oops) and all together had a pretty good time.

So…. here’s to you Breaking Dawn.. You kinda have a lot to live up to. Think you’re up for the challenge? I sure hope so because these past 2 years and 10 months have been SO DANG FUN.


So what did I miss? And what would YOUR Timeline say? What do you think? Did Summit actually do something GOOD? (assuming the website works at press time?). How 2nd-hand embarrassed are you after watching that last video? And doesn’t Moon look HOT as Elvis?

PS: Hear ads? There are 4 that sometimes talk. If you mute them once they’ll be muted for eternity (at least that’s how it works for my computer!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • Anonymous

    Listen. Girls. GIRLS. You have to do this. We all have to do this, a LOT. Because do you know how much …. *awfulness* is going to go into that timeline thingie? So! Much! We can’t have a bad rep forever! I would like to someday not feel slightly embarrassed by all of this, and I wont be able to if the stupid Twilight Time Capsule is filled with “I LOVE EDWARD PATTINSON SOOO MUCH OMG” and “Team Jacob! Where’s my fleece throw!” and that crazy girl crying.

    There must be Olive Garden jokes. and jokes about bears, and marble nuts, and meat patties. Currently I am obsessed with blood sippy cups. OH! and weird internet crushes on Chris Weitz and Jack Morrissey!

    Who is going to tell the story of GoTeamSeth scaring the living shit out of Bill Condon’s assistant via email if not us?!

    Make hilarious Twilight jokes—for posterity.

    • Anonymous

      I would like you to tell me that story. About GoTeamSeth and the scaring.

      • Anonymous

        Once upon a time, there was a girl named GoTeamSeth. She was a pretty, but very silly girl, prone to random semi celebrity twitter crushes. One day, a boy named Jack told a story about a boy named Greg, and posted a picture on Twitter. Several Twitter Girls decided to CRUSH BIG TIME on Greg. (Greg, IRL, is Bill Condon’s assistant and the picture was of him picking out a sandwich at Subway). GoTeamSeth petitioned Jack Morrissey to get Greg on Twitter, but then sayeth she: Fuck It! Off to Google am I! And lo, she did find Greg’s email in about 3 seconds.

        Go TeamSeth, being who she is, emailed Sir Greg, who has a girlfriend by the way. What she said is lost to the annals of time, but your faithful storyteller has it on good authority that the easy getting of his email address Freaked Good Sir Greg right the fuck out, and possibly made his girlfriend less than happy as well. Sir Jack has made clear that Sir Greg finds everyone’s TwitterCrush both adorable and disturbing, thus necessitating the word “adorbing”, although the email may have been a bit on the terrifying side of things.

        and they all lived happily ever after…..


        ….or DID THEY??!?!?!?

        • Anonymous

          What a nice bedtime story.

        • Sisterpenguin

          Tell another one! We’re tucked up cosy and tight

        • TeamSeth

          Good story! Um, btw, if he doesn’t want people to email him, maybe he shouldn’t say:

          Contact me at gregyolen (at) gmail (dot) com on his blog.

          And his girlfriend should chillax…she’s in good company. Oh, and I’m married. Zero interest in Greg. (yawn) Single LA men? No thanks.

          • Anonymous

            Hey! Welcome back<3

          • TeamSeth

            Still not back yet 😉  Still on the honeymoon… (this is my “alone time”)

          • Anonymous

            Get a Let Hitch in for me.

          • Anonymous

            Hey, congratulations. I still want to see a pic.

          • Teamseth

            A pic of Greg or of my wedding? 

          • Anonymous

            Agreed, TS. I have a suspicion that certain Hollywood people are unclear on how the internet works.

        • Anonymous

          ‘adorbing’ now in my vocab.

          • Anonymous

            As it should be.

  • nocoolname

    We should all bombard the site with LTT memories – and make sure to PROMINANTLY MENTION a billion times.  Summit will sit up and take notice of LTT and UC and Moon will be offered their rightful place on the red carpet.  Si se puede!  Yes we can!

  • Emeraldjo60

    An OG from Jan 2009 here, under an assumed name, as I still can’t admit to any of this. Lovely as it is to see your two beautiful faces (and I’m glad you Meyered Up and came out of the Twicloset), I kinda miss the red ribbons that used to (barely) disguise you in all the second- and first-hand embarrassing photos.  Those ribbons should certainly be in any Twi-capsule.

    • hahhaa gosh I miss those ribbons too… we sure have come a long way from ribbons & elvis costumes!

    • TeamSeth

      Seriously! And we should do a Bunny and Noreen throw back too in there! (sniff sniff)

  • Applauding the brillance of the Edward on Edward meadow scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Just gotta say it: I LOVE how, despite the giggles, the twilight song is SO ACCURATE in the pocket Edward video! Nice one Ladies!

  • Sisterpenguin

    Firstly, UC, SO envious you could slouch in a bikini and still look fabulous

    My timeline is short:

    December 2009: patient talks about various books with vampires named Bill, Stefan and, her favourite, Edward.

    April 2010: babysat 10 year old, watched her DVD Twilight. Not impressed by film, intrigued by the story.
    Bought New Moon DVD on release.
    Ordered Twilight Saga books plus The Host.
    Left house for work only. Freezer emptied of food

    May 2010: reread saga. Lurking on

    July 2010: discovered LTT via twilightlexicon

    August 2010: start saving to botox laugh lines

  • Bubs

    One day UC n Moon I’m going to allow myself daysssss….to go back to the start of LTT and catch up with all that I’ve missed, since I only discovered you last year thanks to the “Goddess” herself {SM,} when she mentioned you and “jorts” on the Eclipse commentary.

    My time line…

    December 2009

    Daughter No1 [who was 31 at the time] gives Twi. to her sister [28] and New Moon to me for Christmas, saying how popular they were. I’m like thinking to myself….”as if I’m going to read a story about Vampires and Werewolves”. So, daughter No2 and I never got around to reading them.

    March 2010

    At daughter No1’s house, she had all 4 books by then-I was bored- and felt desperate enough to borrow them….5 days later after hardly eating or sleeping  [Hubby kindly indulged me and bought lots of take- away’s]  I finally finished the last page. My life was changed forever…..

    April 2010

    I discover there have been Movies made !!!! I immeadiately buy Twi n New Moon on DVD.

    June 2010

    Kristen n Taylor come to Australia to promote Eclipse. So, daughter No1 and I go to a promotion to see New Moon at the movies before Eclipse is shown. So I get to see both on a BIG screen. Best way to see them.

    July 2010

    Go to see Eclipse 7 times.

    From then till now, I’ve reread the books and watched the DVD’s…. tooooo many times to mention.

    Can’t remember when Eclipse was released on DVD but of course I bought it the first day. Then I heard SM’s mention of LTT and as they say….the rest is history. It’s so great to have a mature [?] fun site to laugh and indulge my “hobby”. You girls/Unicorns are amazingly intelligent and whitty. Thank you all for your thoughts and time. Especially UC n Moon….what would we do without you two !!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Moon is Elvis? I thought she was doing her best Jacksper.

  • Allryans is already selling that fic excerpt.

    • Anonymous

      Its normal that I’m pretty sure I know which fanfic they are reading from even though it is 3 and a half lines.

  • Anonymous

    Some time not too long before NM came out: Discovered Twilight after cryptic recommendation from acquaintance.
    Start movie watching and book reading. Insist on Seeing NM the first day it comes out. Intrigued by teen girls with Twilight themed T-shirts.
    Started to deny the Twi. You know most of you did it at some point. I’m not THAT into it, really, I just um…kinda like it (suppresses demented grin that comes when talking about it in any capacity).
    Found LTT, wiffle waffled back and forth…decided to give in and made myself a comment name and hang out here almost every day. 

  • The Plane Friend

    My Twilight Timeline:

    April 2006/7–one of my middle school English students tells me I have to read this book about vampires. I roll my eyes.

    September 2008–October 2008–every single female middle school English student I taught tells me I HAVE TO read Twilight. Since I’m their English teacher and make them read stuff, I agree to try it.

    November 2008–I am headed to India to hire a surrogate to carry my child. I bring Twilight along. In the midst of crazy fertility treatments that mess with my emotions, I fall in love with a fictional vampire, thinking I am both reading the most bizarre series at such an emotional time and thanking God for Stephenie Meyer because she distracted me so entirely from fears of remaining forever childless and unhappy.

    Nov 08-July 09–I read the whole series obsessively, over and over and over. They literally got me through my daughter’s conception pregnancy, and birth. 

    July 09–2010–I feel like I’m the only adult in the universe secretly in love with a vampire.

    Sometime in early 2010–Stephenie picks LTT to interview her, I find LTT, find out I’m normal (sort of), and discover I know UC in real life. We reconnect.

    Now: I openly admit to people that I occasionally write for a Twilight fansite. (If they mock I disgustedly tell them “normal” people are boring). I’ve found many other YA books to obsess over (like MATCHED). I’m writing a YA fantasy of my own and dreaming of the day I get to meet SM at some author event (yeah, right, probably not going to happen. But a girl can dream!)

    • The Old One

      Hey, NORMAL people are anything but boring!  The ones that hang out at LTT, anyway.

  • Anonymous

    Hey KStewboy, as our current commenting Unicorn (doesn’t matter if you don’t prefer the term, you know darn well we’re all going to use it anyway, better than a Unicorn Lurker, right?). Tell us your timeline!

    • KStewBoy

      Ok – I’m watching XFactor with laptop in lap (duh) with Mrs. KStewBoy beside me – so I must be short…

      2009 – Wife rents Twilight while I am out for the evening
             – Wife immediately reads all books that are out at the time
             – Wife bugs KStewBoy to watch Vampire movie with her
             – KStewBoy lays eyes on KStew for the first time
              -KStewBoy is so smitten he actually reads his wife’s “chick Vampire books” (secretly loving all of it)

      ..been a closet Kristen and Twilight fan ever since.

      Back to the TV show before the Mrs. gets suspicious 🙂

      • Anonymous

        Thanks KStewBoy! Mr. GWI is secretly a romantic that cries during Harry Potter movies, and loves the innocent no makeup school girl gig and had mentioned that he things KStew is kinda hot, so I kind of think Twilight would be up his alley. Um, and he has a thing for minor bondage…The Office fanfic! But the sparkling puts him off, among other things. Had a first timers Twilight screening get together tonight. So good! All in for New Moon of course. Mr. GWI asleep on Laz-e-boy in other room. Me, probably too drunk at midnight before a work day. Especially a Monday. Oh well.
        If needed, assure Mrs. KStewBoy that we all mean well, and probably 90% of us are happily married (wouldn’t want to leave out the single girls, who are probably not trying to pick up guys on Letters To Twilight). 

      • Anonymous

        Should I be turned on? I am turned on. That’s hot.

        (married woman, here, MrsKStewBoy. No worries)

        Mr Slut watches the movies with me, and has his own things to geek out on, so he doesn’t ridicule me too much, and in fact will jump in on occasion with some pop quizzes and Twilosophy. Which immediately get him laid because, for srs. Ask me more about Edward, baby, yeah that’s it. Like that. Lower. 

        • KStewBoy

          Hey gang, there are no worries with Mrs. KStewBoy from a fidelity standpoint – I’m just not ‘out’ with my Twilight geekness – even to her!  She doesn’t even know the premiere date of BD…  Forget about knowing that the trinity will be having their hands done in cement at Changs the week before!

          And as for Harry Potter – that may be an area that me and the Mrs. can move to next… I already have a little flame for Miss. Watson.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, and sometime after discovering fanfic, attempting to write fanfic and failing terribly (and hilariously). 

    • Anonymous

      I’d really like to see your terribal/hilarious attempt at fanfic (i never read fanfic but i’m ready to make an exception for this).

      • Anonymous

        If I had kept any of it I would post for you Teamnoone. I was too shy to write it on my computer, so I scribbled it down on small size M(EMO) pads that I keep just in case (you need to write Twilight Fanfic) in my purse. I’m pretty sure I did a terrible attempt at creating interest and tension having Renee come for a visit post BD. That was the only one I remember, there were others. Oh goodness I think I also attempted to do a Bella has a more than G rated encounter with Jacob during Eclipse time (I’m sure someone has done this). Not because I’m that into Jacob/Bella, more for Edward’s reaction.

        • Anonymous

          I wasn’t entirely fair to poor Bella and Jacob there. I don’t think their makeout attempts during Eclipse were G, more PG. I’ve never seen someone get kissed against their will in a G rated movie (that I remember), and that’s a good thing.

        • MariaCecilia

          …and Edward’s reaction was, surprisingly: Still life marble statue. Brooding. Pained expression while stroking Bella’s hair. No?
          ??? I’m reaching here!

  • Anonymous

    I am 3rd-hand embarassed by those lovely pics 🙂

  • MariaCecilia

    the Twilight time capsule? That’s where you hide out and then emerge after 114 years to steal Edward away from Bella once he’s bored and wants to get it on with another “forever”, right?
    The Twilight timeline? 2008 -read Twilight. Nothing happened. Feb 2009 got sick and missed Twilight the movie. June 2009 rented Twilight on DVD. Immeadiately hooked! July 2009, found LTT and LTR. Lost my life and found a new one! Oct 2011. New, rebooted, sexy and delusional me is looking forward to BD1 and planning a trip to NYC.

  • cosi bella

    So there’s always TWO ad videos playing at the same time which creates this kind of creepy cacophany (why creepy sounding?  – I dunno it just is)
    Ok so I can just mute the sound but then how do I hear the sound on Moon and UC’s videos?  If I try and play them that’s THREE video soundtracks all at the same time…help!

    • TeamSeth

      YEAH! Make it stop. It’s ruining my theme music that I hired a guy to play for me all day.

      • Anonymous

        Theoretically if you mute them once they won’t play ever again… except maybe if you’re using Internet Explorer.  This has been a subject of much discussion over the last week.  Welcome back, TS! Hope your honeymoon is delightful!

      • Anonymous

        Wedding, honeymoon! YAY. You’re just like Bella, although you may not be hoping for the trifecta on that one.

    • Anonymous

      I had the same problem. But I persisted, and eventually it stopped, but I don’t think it was anything I did. I am very clueless about how internet advertising works. 

    • Sisterpenguin

      There’s usually an individual mute key at the bottom of the ad itself that works for all the ads. They’re still really annoying though – I have slow broadband and it slows the whole page loading. Phwt!

      • KStewBoy

        And after I finally thought I’d found a community where I could forget tech-talk geekiness for a short while, it follows me even here.

        • MariaCecilia

          Because technology is EVERYWHERE and we all have to deal with its consequences. Sort of like when Bella turned into a vampire and then had to find out what her gift was! See!? Everything is Twilight-related!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for heads up on the ads, it would have been so helpful last week in the office. Whenever my comp. freaks me out with unexpected volume I instantly believe it can respond to vocal commands like ‘ssssssshhhhhhhhhh!’

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