Reading Between the lines on the Breaking Dawn Premiere Camping Rules

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Rule #1: The Cheesier the Sign, the closer to the front you can be

Dear Summit,

We got your “rules” for Breaking Dawn premiere camping & we hear you LOUD & clear. By now we know that you may say one thing, but you ALWAYS mean another. So we’re sharing the rules BEHIND the rules of Breaking Dawn Premiere Camping 2011: (Summit Rules Bolded, LTT’s interpretation not)

TWILIGHT Fans are allowed to begin lining up for camping in Tent City at NOKIA PLAZA L.A. LIVE at 6:00am PT on Thursday, November 10, 2011. No fans are allowed to line-up prior to that time.

So arrive to Nokia Plaza about a week prior, November 3rd, but make no sort of “official” line. Just meander around the plaza for a week, throwing dirty glances at anyone who may “meander” closer to the potential front of the line

The location and start of the official fan camp line will be set by Summit Event Security and all other non-official lines will not be recognized.

But if you do end up at the front of a non-official line that is 150 people deep & we break it up and you end up 75 people in, throw a huge temper tantrum & yell at the top of your lungs how you’ve been unofficially in line for over a week & you’ll be sure to get on TV and/or annoy a security so much they find you one of those “special” bands that guarantees you into the premiere.

Rule #2: Only ugly Twilight blankets allowed. Your down comforter is not welcome here

Fans will be asked to change location as Premiere set up begins in the Nokia Plaza on Monday morning November 14 at 6:00am PT. This will be the only relocation during the camping event.

At this time you may pee. For the first time in 4 days. We will hand out wristbands for the bathroom & if you don’t get one you’re out of luck. But if you pee your pants you can’t come in to the red carpet line. Last year Rob complained about the smell of urine. And we’re pretty sure he wasn’t talking about Tomstu

ONLY Standard Sized Pop Tents will be allowed (4′x4′ [16 sq. ft.] or less. No oversized tents, staked tents, etc., due to limited space)

You can forget about the tent you saved from your daughters wedding in your backyard this summer. Even if you promise to use the included dance floor for all-night MUSE dance-parties, it’s not gonna fly

ABSOLUTELY No Drugs or Alcohol allowed on premises

Yes, this rule was enacted so that Cathy Hardi can’t come & bother you all while you’re trying to sleep. You’re welcome.

Rule #3: Your reading material must be 88% or more Twilight-related

No horseplay. If anyone dumps food or beverages on another camper, they will be subject for removal

So the Slutty PJ Party-Food Fight you had planned & coordinated with the “Girl’s Gone Wild” producers for their newest featured “Twilight Fans Gone Wild” can’t happen. Sorry.

No amplified music. All music devices must be used with headset or earphone

So no, 100 Monkeys, you may not have an impromptu “gig” at Nokia Plaza and/or write a song about a “Sleepy-looking girl in a Team Jacob shirt who just wants to dance”

Smoking in Designated Areas Only outside of the NOKIA Plaza boundaries

Again, put into effect to keep Cathy Hardi at bay. Unfortunately that also means the rest of the Twilight cast may not visit.

Please only use the restrooms designated for fans and respect the other area businesses

So whoever took a shit on the sidewalk last year– you can’t do that this year.

Twilight fans will be given wristbands starting at 6:00am PT on Thursday, November 10 2011. Wristbands MUST be worn until the premiere is over. Any wristband that has been tampered with or removed will NOT be considered valid. Any fan arriving without wearing the original wristband they were provided will not be allowed into the viewing area.

So that beautiful “BREAKING-HEADBOARDS-2011″ Friendship bracelet you were making for you & all your Twilight friends with all the feathers that climb up the entire length of your arm will have to wait to be worn at your Breaking Dawn Premiere re-cap party where you share how You got to see EVERYONE and Even though YOu looked like you slept on the sidewalk for a WEEK it was worth it because Rob looked AT YOU and you’re pretty sure it was because he was in love with you and not because that girl next to you ignored the bathroom rule!

Happy Camping!!!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So… are you doing it!?? Come on! You can admit it!! I can’t make fun of you because MOON even camped out for Comic Con! So spill! What are your Breaking Dawn Camping Premiere plans!?

Speaking of Breaking Dawn- are you going to be in LA (Camping or not) that week? I AM!! (I don’t live there.. remember?) Mr. Choice & I are making the big trip west (it’s a “business trip” for him. Shhhh) and crashing with Moon, again, for the week. We’re planning to throw some sort of shin-dig again this year, despite the fact that many of the LTT originals aren’t going to be there this year (SNIFF!) We’re thinking that might be Sunday the 13th (so if you ARE camping out, sorry) So if you want to be kept in the loop because you’re coming into the area and/or live in the area, shoot us an email! EVen if you are planning to camp out but still want to meet up, e-mail us anyway- we’ll see what we can work out!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • gizmo

    “No horseplay. If anyone dumps food or beverages on another camper, they will be subject for removal.” 
    HAHAHAHAHA

    This reminds me of this one time my American aunt was visiting us and brought me these combat boots that were totally IN when I was a teen. And they came with an instruction manual, explaining in detail (accompanied by pictures and all), how to lace them up. 
    It still amazes me.

    But really really wish I could meet up with you guys. I’ll be all over your twitter as usual, though.

    • cosi bella

      Damn of course there’ll be Twitter updates!!!..I don’t understand how to use Twitter tho without getting totally confused…but I don’t wanna miss out ..waaaaahhh…I need a Twitter tutorial!!!!!!!

      • Sisterpenguin

        Me too! I’ve gotta go find a 12yoa to instruct me…

  • Anonymous

    “So whoever took a shit on the sidewalk last year– you can’t do that this year.”
     
    haha! Gross!

    I am not going. It is…a sadness. I was MAYBE but now, no. Boo. But really…camping? no. On a sidewalk? no no no. Don’t wanna.

    But I do want to crash on Moon’s couch and make everyone Pimms Cups designed to look like blood in a sippy (yes I am obsessed with the blood sippy). Coasts! Why are you so far from each other?!?!

    • TeamSeth

      Well, looks like you’re coming to my camping. Making coffee in the morning to help nurse our Pimmsovers… crap. I need to get to work and stop thinking about Murray’s taut arm over my mouth.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      I would totally go if free Pimms Cups were available to all campers. Breaking Dawn and Pimms go together like LTT people and Normal!

  • Anonymous

    Wait, they have rules for this stuff?!

    • TeamSeth

      Seriously! WTF! As if the fandom was crazy or something!

    • MariaCecilia

      Yeah, and apparently totally random rules they just pulled out of their freaky heads that have absolutely NO bearing on reality?

  • Linda

    Good job UC! You made me lol at work – lots of time.
    I live in Germany and nobody would actually camp on a sidewalk for anything. But I would love to see the action so I’m counting on you girls to break it all down for us.

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      we will hopefully take our little cameras over to Nokia Plaza that weekend & get some INSIDER stories!!

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been in Germany in November, and, culture aside, there’s a good temperature reason people will camp out for stuff in LA and not in Germany!

      • MariaCecilia

        Yeah, I’m all for camping out in the wilderness (preferably in gorgeous mountains with likeminded vampires) but on a sidewalk? Not so much. They are murder on the back, and neighbours get so nosy..

        • natteringyeahrobber

          You know how there are some women who can go camping for 5 days and still come out of the woods looking hot? They’ll show you photos from their trip and NOT edit/crop out their faces?

          I’m not one of those women. It really only takes about 24 hours for me to go from normal to disaster. In 24 hours, my face goes greasy, my eyes pink (lack of sleep, no humidifier), hair gets plastered to my forehead. Then I start acting all ragey and demand showers. I won’t let any photograph me. I won’t anyone touch or talk to me. It’s not cool, man.

          • TeamSeth

            I understand. So much.

            I hate Mercedes.

  • Anonymous

    Another hidden message: We don’t care what you fools got away with at Comic con, Summit means business!

    This OG will not be camping out. Had enough of that at CC. However, I should be able to make the party!

    Will Mr. Choice make more Bella’s blood for the party?

    • TeamSeth

      Occupy Summit!

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      I hope so. I hope he isn’t too scared to come!
      ew. that’s what she said

      • MariaCecilia

        Man up Mr Choice! If you’ve stood by your woman this long, this is not the time to abandon her with the sippy cups!

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Already jealous of everyone who gets to go to the LTT party!  I’ll be thinking of you guys from here in NY!

    • Anonymous

      EAST COAST PARTY! Suck it, California!

      • TeamSeth

        Ain’t not party like an east coast party cuz an east coast party don’t take a dump on the sidewalk.

        • TeamSeth

          no party*

    • Anonymous

      UC is fail at the East Coast meet-ups. Boo, UC.

      • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

        UC sucks

  • Anonymous

    I have every intention on being informed that I won a pair of Premier tickets, flight and hotel stay from FYE.  If for some unlikely reason that does not pan out…. well, I guess I’ll be stuck, grounded in MN.  But I REALLY wish I was going to LA.  I’ve never been and I’d love to meet a whole slug of LTTers especially for something so epic as #bustedheadboard2011 since I missed #leghitch2010 

  • cosi bella

    My camping out plans are to vicariously attend via Moon and UC’s report. You ladies  ARE camping out right?

    and as there’s no big names attending please please do a mini documentary with lots of footage on the campers themsleves – that would be hilar.Rob complained about the urine smell?  OMG is that true?

    “So whoever took a shit on the sidewalk last year– you can’t do that this year.”
    hahahahaha – oh that’s just awful – this happened for real?

    • TeamSeth

      Wait, ROB complained about the smell of urine? ROB?!

      Kettle, this is the pot.
      What’s up pot?
      Kettle, you’re black.
      Pot, you smell like urine too!
      Well played, Kettle. Well played.

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      i have no idea, but it probably did

      right?

  • Anonymous

    *sigh* Yes, I am going. I wish I had that huge enthusiasm that others have, but I’m still suffering PTSD from the WFENY premiere, and I’m mostly nervous. I’m too old to camp out on cement.

    I’m keeping my expectations very low–as in 1-If I don’t die, that will be great; and 2-If I do get to hang out with the LTT/LTR ladies that I’m meeting up with, that will be awesome. Pushing, scratching, crawling under legs so that I can see Rob Pattinson walk by me? Is that the ultimate goal? Strange. I’m keeping my eye on the real prize: meeting people with whom I’ve developed some really nice friendships & to experience the craziness of it all so I can understand it a little better.

    BTW- I plan to throw food and beverages on everyone AND pee on myself, several times.

    • TeamSeth

      i read this “I’m too old to camp out on cement.” too quickly and thought you said:

      “I’m too old to take a dump on the sidewalk.”

      My heart soared for a moment.

      • KStewBoy

        I also mis-read that… but then I thought “wait – there’s no alcohol allowed.  (Other) People only take dumps on the sidewalk when they are super drunk and in college.”

        • Sisterpenguin

          Or in the middle of a marathon…

    • ladyofthemeadow

      If I met you all, and saw Rob Pattinson walk by me, I’d pee myself.

      • MariaCecilia

        Just thinking about it, I may pee myself..No, I just have to go to the bathroom. Like, right away. See you!

    • ladyofthemeadow

      I think it would be more fun to be holed up in a 4 star hotel near the
      premiere, stay there a few nights (“hotel camping”), explore the city,
      shop, visit museums and galleries, eat interesting food, and at the last
      hour, join the enthusiastic young ‘uns in line. Whereby they’d be justified in disowning us and kicking our butts to the end of the line, where we belong.

      You in the for $ star package?! Wish I was.

    • robsslave

      OMG!!! you rock! I absolutly love it when you said you were planning to throw food and pee yourself several times! You just made my day!

    • ChillinWithCullens

      latersBaby, you’re hilarious – your last line just made me laugh so hard, people here were concerned I was having a seizure. other than that, made my day! thanks!

    • ChillinWithCullens

      latersBaby, you’re hilarious – your last line just made me laugh so hard, people here were concerned I was having a seizure. other than that, made my day! thanks!

  • Sisterpenguin

    Aw damn. I wanna come play (and the Summit rules make it sound so much fun) but the 5,000 mile commute puts it out of my range. Feel like partying in Worcester — it’s happening(!??)?

    The London premiere? Meh, Leicester Square’s currently dug up and who knows who’ll be turning up? Guess it’s just comfortable seats on the 18th.

    UC, isn’t it a “business trip” for you too? After all, this is “normal” work isn’t it??

    • TeamSeth

      I don’t like your lack of commitment. 5,000 miles is hardly a trek. ;)

      • Sisterpenguin

        I know, I’m a disappointment to myself ;-p

        • TeamSeth

          “And I would walk and swim 2,500 miles! And I would walk and swim 2,500 more! Just to be the one who walked and swam 5,000 miles to fall down behind Rob’s limo door! Bah da da! (Bah da da!) Ba da da! (Bah da da!)”

          “And I would walk and swim 2,500 miles! And I would walk and swim 2,500
          more! Just to be the one who walked and swam 5,000 miles to fall down on Kodak theatre’s floor! Bah da da! (Bah da da!) Ba da da! (Bah da da!)”

          • ladyofthemeadow

            all the above, sung with a Scottish accent. Or a Liam Hemsworth accent.

          • MariaCecilia

            “10 000 miles it is too far to leave thee there alone
            While I may lie here, lament and cry, and you’ll not hear my moans”
            (in Joan Baez soprano with fake Scottish accent)

          • TeamSeth

             You said ‘moans’ heh

    • MariaCecilia

      Flight of the Concord singing: “It’s business, it’s business time!”

      • Sisterpenguin

        Best be wearing “business socks” then :-P

  • TeamSeth

    My camping plans are as follows:

    -Fly down to LA paying extra to check my 2-person tent as luggage because it is considered a serious weapon on the plane with all those pointy metal sticks.
    -Call Jack Morrissey from the airport asking where the town car is (seriously, have you BEEN to LAX? Most ridiculously laid out airport…ever.)
    -Curse Jack Morrissey out on his voicemail for not picking up in my time of dire need
    -Call Greg Yolen for the BD Amex number so I can put my town car trip on the company card
    -Arrive at Chris Weitz’s Malibu home (It pleases me that he specifies which location his home is in, even though he only has one home.)
    -Give Sebastian the teddy bear I stole from Murray Gold (Little Ted, yes, it was a gift at birth for Murray. Do I look sentimental? No. Them boys are New Yorkers. Move on.)
    -Hug Mercedes and thank her for letting me crash that night and take her up on the offer of herbal tea (which isn’t actually tea, btw, it’s just hot water with herbs–if you guys were ever wondering. Our local Chinese Garden schooled us on the ways of tea. This means I could have been given false information, so please correct me if I’m wrong)
    -Don’t bother to ask where Chris is. He’s in DC, protesting immigration. Again.
    -Press ignore when Jack calls me back. Shows him! Jerk.
    -Put my stuff in the guest room at the Weitz household
    -Listen to Jack’s voicemail. He’s with Traci (whom he paid to come out), LatersBaby, and Kaybeevee having cocktails in Santa Monica. I tweet to them all that I’ll be there in an hour and to save some for me. #traffic
    -I let Mercedes know I’m gonna run and thank her again. She’s headed to toddler and me yoga anyway. I tell her to say hi to Chris when he skypes her tonight. I hug Seb, grab my purse, put their spare key on my key ring, repeat the security code back to Mercedes, and head out the door.
    -I wave to the illegal immigrant doing the landscaping in their front yard. #ironyisbeautiful
    -I drive one of their extra Civics down to Santa Monica pier, picking up Alexander Skarsgard on the way. #normal
    -Alex tells me I have an incoming call from a 212 number. I tell him to answer. It’s Murray. I have Alex put it on speaker. Murray says this: “I know where you are. I know what you took. I’m coming for you. I’m very upset.” and hangs up. Alex laughs, “That’s intense.” I laugh. We turn on the radio. “Pumped Up Kicks” is playing.
    -Alex has me valet park so we don’t have to deal with that. He pays. He’s such a great guy.
    -I spot Traci first. She’s always so sexily dressed. Definitely the nipples on display in her pajamas kind of gal.
    -Meet and greets ensue. Everyone is nonplussed on Alex’s presence. #normal
    -Laters asks if I brought the tent. I say yes. There’s an awkward pause before Jack decides to make a toast to my new book (which launches in two weeks! Ahem. Shameless plug)
    -I don’t remember the entire evening, but I do remember waking up with a hand over my mouth. The air is chilly and I’m in a red tent. My 2-person tent is teal, not red.
    -I try to scream. That’s what you do in these situations, right? Where am I? Who is the owner of the hand? Why is this happening to me? Why am I not cozy and warm in the Weitz’s guest room?
    -”Where’s Little Ted?” a whispered British voice says to me. I’m not sure how to answer since my mouth is covered. Surely this is Murray. I turn my head awkwardly towards him and I murmur “Malibu”. He’s smiling.
    -Um, lemons.
    -It’s morning in tent city. KBV and cooking eggs (heh) on her Coleman and Traci has the coffeemaker going. This is what sidewalk camping should be. None of this Occupy Wall Street crap.
    -Nat yawns as she emerges from her tent, quickly zipping it behind her. There’s a movement in the tent, someone is still inside. I can smell him. It’s Chris. I realize how awkward things just got for me.

    Um, this is already too long. And too thought out.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      1. What does Chris smell like? Just curious so I can better sense him when he’s sneaking up behind me. In my mind, he smells like musty scripts and $9 espressos.

      2. How did I get there? Was not covered. I’ll just assume I picked up Murray from the airport and we drove in together (he drove, I was the instructor, hah hah). I told him I’d lead him to his bear.
      He told me he would thank me in a special way, when he was done punishing you.

      3. At some point someone tweets Ian S., claiming acts of bear cruelty are happening at the BD camp. He shows up, demanding to know who is holding a bear captive and demands its release. He covers himself in sippy cup blood as a form of protest and Summit throws him out.

      4. Many fans piss themself laughing. Others angry that Ian was outed and they poor sippy blood on themselves as well, all chanting “I am Ian, I am Ian.” All thrown out.

      5. Basically, the only people left at the BD camp are LTT people. Rob walks by but no one cares. A true sign the apocalypse is close.

      • TeamSeth

        1. That’s about right. But sex too in this situation. And the lingering scent of an electrical fire from the 1970s ice machine. And that weird metallic scent of a kettle bell is on his hands. And sweat.

        2. Yes. I never imagined you to look like that though… I’m going to need to re-envision some of my stories.

        3. They’re right to throw him out! Ian wasting all of that rum is an unbearable situation.

        4. Sadly, this would actually really happen. The fans are REALLY like this. That is a sadness.

        5. Who is Rob? I thought this was about Mark and Jeremy, invisible fences, and the plight of the California concord. Wrong premiere?

        • jellybeanrainbow

          Tent city, pffffft, just stay with me in my Ritz-Carlon presidential suite overlooking Nokia Plaza and party with my new BF Luke Evans ( will explain later) #iWish

          • TeamSeth

            Okay! That sounds good.

    • http://memoramanda.wordpress.com operarose

      Please place your tent next to mine. It sounds like you have fun stuff happening in/around your tent.

      My tent is the one with the shirtless Tay-erm, I mean, “Alpaca” in a sleeping bag in it. I am the one in (a really cute) plaid shirt pretending to be exceedingly cold and occasionally stopping to console the Alpaca, who is distressed that his ex-girlfriend is away in the tropics breaking headboards and his new “girlfriend” is only 2 weeks old. 

      #firmgriponreality #twss

    • MariaCecilia

      You lost me somewhere in the middle with all the names drip dropping, but I think it sounds like you’re gonna have fun! :-) Please tell Alex I said hi. Or make that “Du kan få mitt telefonnummer när du vill, snygging!” I’ll stay for breakfast!

      • TeamSeth

        What if I ask him “Vil du kanula?” for you? (spelling not included)

        • MariaCecilia

          Nooo, that’s ruuuude! *blushing*

          • TeamSeth

            I prefer to see it as to the point.

  • Kaybvee

    TS, you rock my world. If only my camping experience could turn out like that. But who would be in my tent!?!? #lonelyKB

    YES, I’m going AND obviously completely nuts… And I’ll tell Jack you said hi ( : He better bring Pigpen.

    But I want to go to the LTT party if only to waive around my Tiffany “The Cullens don’t shop here” cell phone cover (it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine).

    I would volunteer my services as an intrepid undercover reporter for LTT in tent city…would give me an excuse for the crazy!

  • TeamSeth

    I just reread that there’s no alcohol. Except Absolut?  Is that what that rule means?

    How can they ban alcohol and drugs? That’s so inappropriate. Is this
    like Leeds Festival and you just put it in your Cullen crest engraved flask?  If that’s the case, ladies, we need to preplan who is bringing what so we don’t have just ONE option. #shuddersI remember during the sorority official events, my Little would put bottles in her Triscuits box, then reseal it. BRILLIANT!

     

    • natteringyeahrobber

      They did say no to drugs and rock & roll. Sex is OK, though. Woo-hoo, Summit has always been #teamfreelove.

      They also didn’t say no sex toys, no bondage and no nudity. So those are all in. Also OK to dump sand in your plot and surround yourselves with palm trees and male strippers with Latvian accents. Also OK to heckle anyone who walks by with ugly pasties.

      • TeamSeth

        No one gives a shit what you did on the playa Tent City.

        I kind of want to bring a big lifeguard chair now…we can sit in it together and heckle. Better yet, we can be puppeteers with the muppet men and heckle.

        Then SWD can make shirts that say “I heckled PFach for four hours at the BD1 Premiere”  No?

        • natteringyeahrobber

          Good point. They did not specify no 10 feet lifeguard chairs and no puppeteering.

          Reminds me of that old S&W joke:

          NAT: Well, TS, we finally made it to Nokia
          TS: Yup, and I already got tickets.
          NAT: You did? Are they good seats? TS: They sure are, they’re for the next train out of town

          • TeamSeth

            I want to like this more!

          • TeamSeth

            Wait it’s Nokia not Kodak? (Kodiak?) #fail.

          • MariaCecilia

            We’re going into Denali, not Denial? #double fail

      • MariaCecilia

        See, see?! That there is exactly why it’s completely pointless to issue rules! Because there are always more loopholes than rules, and this is beginning to look like Kristen’s panty hose in “Welcome to the Rileys”.

  • OPERATION:LA

    Hi, I’m an 18-year-old female and live by Palo Alto, CA (about 4 hours from the event in LA). I would love to attend, but have no ride (or anyone to go with for that matter). Soo, if you live by my area and are attending….I have gas money *hint, hint* And I would pay for my own necessities and all. I know this is a siren call for pedophiles but know I’m not easily fooled! So just respond to this comment ASAP, thank you. *ends desperate rant*

    • TeamSeth

      We’re not pedophiles.

      • Anonymous

        that’s what she said.

        no?

      • Anonymous

        THEY’RE NOT BEARS!

        • TeamSeth

          Bringing it back!

      • JellyBeanRaibow

        Well, we’re 25 and we like Taylor and Booboo, so Chris Henson could say something about it

        • TeamSeth

          Who likes Boo Boo?

        • OPERATION:LA

          Sorry I just read “we’re 25″ and thought “Oh, Rob’s 25!” and lost me in a Rob-induced fantasy. See? I’m that Robsessed (love that site) and need to be there. Or next year’s…

      • OPERATION:LA

        Oh good. That’s one down, dozens to go.

    • MariaCecilia

      Confess! You are really a fourteen-year-old running away from home and trying to latch onto someone with a driver’s license! Or a fiftyfive-year-old pedophile trying in a very roundabout way to pick up some jailbait? (Wait, so maybe I am sort of jailbait if you’re 55?) Still, I don’t have a driver’s license, so I guess the point is moot… :-(

      • OPERATION:LA

        I’m 18 (but look like a 13 year old, story of my life) and I am trying to latch on to someone with a driver’s license and car. So there’s your confession. Never been to LA! Crazy, right? Still plotting my getting there… .

  • Anonymous

    You’re in fine form today, UC!  I was hoping you would make fun of these rules, the food throwing one had me giggling instantly when I read them the other day!  

  • Natteringyeahrobber

    Dear Tent City Bella,
    I am not sure what persuaded me to leave my hotel room last night. It was a strange compulsion, since I rarely leave the room outside of work obligations. I men, if you call signing real estate transactions on behalf of your pretend father “work.” I am not sure I can. Then again, airports are no vacation, nor is dealing with traffic. But I digress.

    Yes, I left my room. Nothing on television and I was sleepless. A typical evening. Just seemed like I should do what people do in these situations and leave. I didn’t plan on running into you. I didn’t plan on running into anyone at that hour. In fact, I was hoping not to have any contact whatsoever. At 3 a.m. There really are only three situations that occur in hotel hallways:
    1. Run into no one.
    2. Run into a trucker fresh off a shift. They never maintain eye contact, they just want a hot shower and cool sheets.
    3. Run into people having an affair. They definitely do not want to meet your gaze, either out of guilt or because no one else in the world is important to look at. Usually guilt.

    So there I was in the lobby, hoping someone had left a newspaper or magazine. Of course not, people don’t actually read anything in print anymore. And then I saw you. You didn’t have luggage and you didn’t look like a hotel guest. You had a large pink mark across your cheek, a mark that looked almost like a concrete parking block. You seemed disoriented. I watched as you went into the women’s room. You were in there for what seemed to be 30 minutes. When you came out, your hair was damp and you seemed less out of sorts. Whatever you did in there seemed necessary. I then followed you to the hotel conference room. I watched as you created a bed for yourself by moving two end chairs next to a loveseat, and removed a cushion from another chair to use as a pillow. I watched as you curled into a ball, set the alarm on your watch, and fell asleep. It only took you 3 minutes.

    I watched as you slept. You mumbled something about wanting a drink, something about wanting to feel the sort of love where you can let go completely and not worry about consequence or humiliation. For a moment I thought you were reading my thoughts. You then crammed your hands between your legs. You were cold, I thought. A normal human reaction. But then…but then…you started panting and whispering about a man licking your chin and shoulders. You said a lot more, but I won’t get into that now. Let’s just say you put me in a position where I was unwilling and unable to leave the room. It pained me, I cannot ever remember feeling such beautiful pain.Thank you Bella, for allowing me to watch you dream. It was worth the $250 I had to pay the concierge to buy me a new pair of pants in the morning, it was.

    I shall wait for you tomorrow night, same place. Please do not do anything different…a repeat would be appreciated.

    Yours,

    Edward

    2. Ru

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Dear Tent City Bella,
    I wrote a letter to you last night but did so on my ipad which apparently isn’t linked to Disqus so didn’t get posted here. Oh well, it was riddled with typos and missing a few words and parenthetical comments. Best I guess that it is in some void.

    To summarize: if you could do what you did last night tonight, I’d appreciate it. Even if I wasn’t part of the action.

    Love,
    Wandering in the Hotel Edward

    • MariaCecilia

      Dear Edward,
      I’m confused. If you are wandering around an unnamed hotel, who is this guy with the messy hair and the beanie that is snoring in the sleeping bag next to me? He smells different from you, (eeww) but you have the same hair colour?
      PS. Please bring condoms. Venom kind of burns my girlie parts.
      Love,
      Tent City Bella

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Dear Tent City Bella #2,

        I apologize for our all to brief encounter the other night. You probably feel misled. You probably thought we were forever. Probably because I told you that. Probably because I gave you a ring.

        About the ring. Oops. Do you mind leaving at the front desk at my hotel, tell them it is for Cullen, Room 2050. Also, do you mind leaving me a small bottle of conditioning shampoo, a lavender eye mask, and maybe a spare set of PJs (maybe size 4)? I can’t really shop for those sorts of things. I’ll leave you a $80 at the desk for your trouble. If you have time to clean and resize the ring (maybe size 5), that would be swell too. Another $30 in it for you.

        Sorry about the other night.

        You’re almost the best,
        Edward

        • TeamSeth

          Dear Hotel Edward,

          I figured out who it was in the sleeping bag next to me.

          And yes, it is too much to ask. I’m done being your slave Leia. That was so SDCC ’11. We’re past that. Also, I took a trip to Vegas, baby, Vegas this morning and pawned the ring at Gold and Silver. I even made it on the History Channel! Who thought that would ever happen: clumsy me on TV.

          I still have a bottle of that conditioning shampoo from Montreal. Remember how none of the hotels carried conditioner there and you used the lotion by mistake?

          With regrets,
          Not Good Enough Bella

          • Anonymous

            ‘Pawned the ring’ – yes.

  • MariaCecilia

    I guess I’m a Really Bad Fan because I’m home in bed with a cold instead of camping out to be in line for the tickets to the fan event on 28 October when Rob and Ashley come to town…Camping out in LA is a no-no. But if there’s any camping going on in NYC on November 13-15 I’ll drop by to cheer and help do my special foot-stomping dance to keep you guys warm?

    • Anonymous

      I just inexplicably signed up to maybe do a Bruno Mars thing in NYC on Oct 26th for MTV? Something twitter told me to do. Are you close by? WILL YOU COME WITH ME?!!!? I don’t want to be the only old lady there.

      • MariaCecilia

        Dear old lady,
        Unfortunately I will be on the wrong side of the Atlantic at this time, but I will keep you in my fond thoughts, unless my advanced age makes me forget what I was supposed to be thinking about…
        Love, from one old lady to another!

        • Anonymous

          haha. I did think, after I hit “post”, that is was presumptuous to call everyone on here an old lady. But if we are all making Chris Hansen jokes, one can assume we are not Summit’s target demo.

          I don’t know if they will choose me, but if they do, I will not know what to do with myself all alone at MTV studios. I wish I would think these things through.

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Dear Tent City Bella,
    I am not sure what persuaded me to leave my hotel room last night. It was a strange compulsion, since I rarely leave my hotel room outside of work obligations. I mean, if you call signing real estate transaction documents on behalf of your pretend father “work.” I am not sure I can. Then again, trying to get past airport security with a fake passport and “suspicious object” in the front of your pants is no vacation, nor is dealing with traffic in a compact rental car when you are 6’2. But I digress.

    Yes, I left my room. There was nothing on television and I was sleepless (nothing new there). A typical evening as it were. I didn’t plan on running into you. I didn’t plan on running into anyone. I was hoping to have no contact with anyone, which is usually the case when you are taking a walk through hotel corridors at 3 a.m. 

    So there I was, in the lobby, hoping someone had left a newspaper or magazine. Of course not, people don’t actually read anything in print anymore. How can they when there are no bookstores or newstands. And then I saw you. You didn’t have luggage and you didn’t look like a hotel guest. You looked disheveled, disoriented and desperate, though not quite homeless. You had a large pink indentation mark across your cheek, a mark that appeared to be the result of sleeping on a concrete parking block.  I watched as you disappeared into the lobby women’s restroom. You were in there for exactly 32 minutes. When you came out, your hair was damp, your face fresh, and you were less out of sorts. Whatever you did in there was obviously necessary. I followed you into one of the empty hotel conference rooms. I watched from the dark hallway as you created a bed for yourself by pushing three chairs together against a wall, using a seat cushion as a pillow. I watched as you curled up, set the alarm on your watch to 6 a.m. , and fell asleep (that took only 2.5 minutes).

    I watched as you slept. You mumbled something about wanting to feel the sort of love (you technically said sex, but I’m assuming you meant love) where you can let go completely and not worry about consequence or humiliation. For a moment, I felt as if you were reading my thoughts. You then stuffed your hands between your thighs. I assumed because your extremities were cold. Normal human reaction. But then…but then…you started panting in your sleep and whispered something about a man drawing his tongue (assume you meant lips) across your shoulders (assume you meant cheek). You said a lot more but I won’t get into that now. Let’s just say you put me in a position where I was unwilling and unable to leave the room. It pained me, I cannot ever remember feeling such exquisite pain. Thank you for letting me watch you dream. It was worth the $250 I had to pay the concierge to buy me a new pair of chinos the next morning, it was.

    I shall wait for you tomorrow night, same place. Please do not do anything different. A repeat performance will be appreciated.

    Yours,
    Dark Hotel Hallway Edward

  • Anonymous

    My plan was to arrive to LA a week earlier, attend The immortals premiere, met Luke Evans there, got engaged ( yes, I know, the rumour is he’s gay, but it’s his problem, not mine, mmmmkay), stroll casually around BD premiere site on Nov 12 and get a premiere bracelet ( like last year) just when the Tent City was being demolished.
    This year Summit wants me to arrive 4 days earlier, get a bracelet at 6 am AND then camp? no, thank you. 
    See you at LTT meet up on Nov. 13 then. Wasn’t there a name for it, like Headboard 2011 ???

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