White Yorkie Reviews Breaking Dawn – So much wrong, so much right!

Dear LTT,You know when you receive and unsolicited Breaking Dawn review from a guy in your inbox the day after the movie is released you need to reevaluate your life… that and your friend is a FAN! Ok, ok I kid… You all remember White Yorkie from his famous posts and past podcasts, well no surprise I (totally didn’t) wrangled him into seeing Breaking Dawn with us and then I was totally surprised when this did show up in my inbox…
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To: Moon
From: White Yorkie
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Well…. Shit balls, where to begin?Before I delve into anything detailed, I think I’ll just start with some rapid-fire initial thoughts:-The Stephanie at the wedding.  Ugh.  There’s way too many metaphors and junk to discuss concerning this, but I’m a dude.  And lazy.-Ashley Greene.  Girl, you know I’ll always love you.  You’re a beautiful, beautiful woman.  So stop letting whatshisnuts do whoopsidaisy dance moves on you where you reveal your undercarriage to undeserving eyes.  It’s just not becoming.

-The scene where BSwan reveals her ingenious plan to name her daughter Renesmee.  Edward’s all “bitch, no way” and Jacob’s all “I’d do you right now, bruised preggo belly and all.”  Bella, stop being such a puss.  Go for it.  Call your baby Renesmeward.  Done.

My daughter's getting married and I've still got it!

-That stupid sexy catwalk Bella’s mom does when she gets the wedding invite.  Stop it.  And stop wearing those shorts.  And just go away and die or something.  You have nothing to contribute to these movies.  Team Mustache.

– The end credits.  I hate to say this.  But they might be my favorite of the year.  Way too cool for this movie.

-The wolf barking/talking/chase/fight scene.  What.  The.  Tits?  After the dramatic fade to black I wanted to sing.  I wanted to recite poetry.  I wanted to stand and applaud.  I wanted to throat punch the nearest grandma.  Anything, something to convey my overwhelming joy that something like that exists in cinema.  I was just too slack-jawed at the time to do much of anything.

Show us the carnage!! Not these doofus's

-The birth scene.  Anybody who’s talked to me knows this is the reason I was pumped to see this movie.  And it was simultaneously completely satisfying and completely disappointing.  Hot: all the blood.  Nearly dead Bella.  The overall tone of the scene.  Not hot:  Bella’s POV during the pivotal vampire c-section.

-The dream sequence where a bloodied Bella and Edward stand victorious on a mound of the dead.  I mean what the whaaaaaaat.  Yes please.  Why can’t the movies be about stuff like that?  Forever confused.

-More Ashley Greene being awesome.  Less of her doing flippies and being a damsel in distress during the vampire vs doggies scene.

-Why can’t Bella ever look happy.  About anything.  Ever.  Oh wait.  She does.  When Jacob shows up hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

-The vampire “extra special effects” still look like they were done by a dude fired from a CW show.  Somebody pony up some more cash for that shiz.  Take a few skrillz from the wig budget heyoooo

-Charlie is totally boning that Native American lady.  Secret loooooooovaaaahs

Alright.  Time to get serious.  As serious as I can get about a movie that I loathe and love all at the same time.  That’s right.  I said love.  I think this is the first Twilight movie I would actually recommend for people to go see.  Not because I think it’s some masterpiece.  But because it’s a masterpiece.  Let me explain.

But first, I need to get a few things off my chest that I hated about this movie and all the movies in the series.

More back breaking less slutty Renee

All of these movies are so odd.  I wish there was a better word for it but that’s all I got.  They’re so damn odd.  Odd in tone, look, structure, overall story, script, everything.  They’re such a mish-mash of awkward.  Especially this installment.  In the same movie, you have a pre-sexy time montage with Bella, a hilarious wedding reception speech by Scott Pilgrim’s sister, vampire bros giggling and secret hand-shaking as they’re about to go on Edward’s bachelor party (why couldn’t that be told in flashback instead of Edward’s secret past as Dexter?), and a scene where BELLA’S BACK FUCKING SNAPS IN HALF BECAUSE OF HER DEMON (but actually really nice) BABY.

There are so many tonal shifts in this movie that it’s hard to take seriously.  Not that I could ever take it seriously.  Well, maybe.  I could if certain things were done.  The major one being: start telling a coherent story.  With a beginning, middle, and end.  One with a driving plot.  And yes, I know there’s all these scenes from the book that all you ladyz want to see.  I get that.  But I still think all that crap could be included and still tell a story that makes sense.

Hey guys we're getting to the major conflict of the story you should really leave cause you're going to be needed

Small example of nonsensical stuff:  Bella is pregnant with the spawn of Satan.  Awesome.  And she needs to drink blood to stay alive.  Great.  But they’re running out of blood and they need to get her more.  Got it.  SO WHY DID THE ONE DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE LEAVE TO GET THE BLOOD WHEN HE HAD FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT SAID DAUGHTER OF BELZEBUB WAS ABOUT TO CLIMB OUT OF BELLA’S DYING LADY PARTS?

I know it’s all there for dramatic effect and junk.  But come ON.  At least give me a good reason.  And yeah, it might all be there on the page in the book, but you got to have this reason in the movie.

But story wise…  it just takes so long to get going.  And once it does, I kinda got bored with all the conflict that wasn’t happening but should’ve been happening.  Which I feel is a problem in this movie and the last one.  It’s a lot of waiting around for unclear reasons while conflict is about to maybe, possibly happen.  Bored.

Follow the jump for much much more from White Yorkie including who Breaking Dawn should really be about (spoiler NOT Edward and Bella) and more calling the Wolves, doggies

The movie White Yorkie REALLY wanted to see

Dear wolf pack.  Next time you want to kill some folks that are holed up in a mid-century styled house, just ATTACK THE DAMN HOUSE.  There’s like a dozen of you guys.  And you’re bad-ass wolves, man.  Go bite a bitch.  Crash through the windows.  Claw through the doors.  It was such a mystery to me why an attack on the house itself was not in the movie.  That would’ve been so great.  Instead they just wait outside in case the vamps ever decide to show themselves (right, that’ll happen).  This is all explained in some throwaway line by Jacob.  “Something something element of surprise something something.”  Blegh.  All these cool elements are right there in the movie, they just don’t come to fruition.  Which brings me to what I think the real crux of the movie should’ve been.

Jacob.  This guy.   This poor guy.  He’s the reluctant leader.  He’s loyal.  He’s the sad-core crusader.  He only cares about Bella’s safety and yet he just can’t seem to win.  He’s right there by her side while she’s being eaten from the inside out by the ungodly creation of Edward’s all-powerful uber sperm.  He’s even a true fan of the name Renesmeward.  And that scene where Bella GRABS HIS HAND AND SAYS, “IT FEELS COMPLETE WHEN YOU’RE HERE?!?!”  And this is AFTER SHE’S MARRIED.  TO EDWARD.  Does White Yorkie have to choke a bitch?  You need to run, Jacob.  Use your doggie powers and run far, far away from this girl.  She is dangerous.  I know because I’ve loved a ton just like her.  She’s a user.  She’s a sucker of life.  The true vampire (I just got DEEP).  This one lady a few rows in front me said it best when after the scene in question she yelled out, “She’s the worst.”  Amen lady.  Amen indeed.

And then…  Jacob decides to make this huge sacrifice to save the daughter of the girl he really loves but can never have.  He imprints on a baby.  Yes, the scene was laughable.  But handled in the best way possible… considering it was about a were-doggie falling in love with a blood-covered newborn in 1.5 seconds.  But you know what?  I get it now.  This is what the movie should’ve been about.  Jacob decides to bind himself forever to this girl he doesn’t even know so she won’t be killed by his own family.  And to make matters worse, the girl is the daughter of the one that got away.  I mean, that’s huge.  And it seemed so tiny in the movie.  Like just a reason to get the other mean doggies to go away.  But it’s actually powerful when I think about it.  And yet it’s downplayed.

Know who's the worst? Yup, this girl right here!

The focus should’ve been on Jacob making this decision.  He’s basically given up everything for Bella.  And you know what?  This girl RUINS EVERYTHING.  Everybody’s lives have gotten so much worse since she arrived on the scene.  High School drama reaches new heights.  Vampire families are all in a tizzy because one of their own likes Plain Jane.  Vampire and were-doggie treaties are broken.  Demon babies are conceived.  Frost/Nixon wants to kill you.  The list goes on.  But back to Jacob.

This movie is about you, dawg (ahhh I crack myself up).  I guess I just wanted to see more of it.  Goes back to that whole soft-conflict thing these movies are rife with. I wanted to see more Bella and Edward fighting over whether or not to keep the baby. I wanted to see more in-fighting with the Cullen family.  Could this baby spell certain doom for all vampire kind?!  Stuff like that.  Just… more.  Give me more.

Again, all the elements for a good story are there.  A controversial wedding.  An even more controversial pregnancy.  Threats of death by giving birth.  A love triangle.  A doggie-man who’s rejected by his family and has to make the ultimate sacrifice.

They’re just all drowned out by long drawn out scenes that don’t really do anything.

The wedding is great.  Cut that mother down.

Edward’s flashback is cool I guess.  But is it necessary? No.

Know what this movie needs? More chess playing

Honeymoon was too long.  They just needed to bone to move the story along.  Not play “find the vampire sausage” in the jungle for weeks on end.  And get rid of those housekeepers.  All you needed was a scene of some witch doctor lady being freaked out when she saw Bella post being humped to death.  Done and done.

But, in the end, that’s why this movie is a masterpiece to me.  So much is wrong.  And so much is right.

The movie looks gorgeous.  Probably the best in the series.

The latter half of the movie just wasn’t all that bad overall.  Story problems aside, I wasn’t falling asleep.  There were scenes that didn’t make me laugh.  Instead I was honestly engaged.

Bella sipping blood and liking it?  Bravo.

Edward biting dead Bella like a lunatic to try and save her?  Pretty dang cool.

The scene where Bella’s spine goes wonky?  High-fives all around.  Anytime Bella Swan gets all Black Swan, I’m all for it.

D-E-A-D

The birthing scene was nearly perfect.  Really disturbing.  And Bella looked really dead.  Like D-E-D dead.  Great job there.  The sound effects of Edward chomping his wife’s tummy were horrifying.  And then he pulled out a really, really bloody baby.  Yeah, blood.  Buckets and buckets of blood.  They really went for it.  Good stuff.

Bella finally became a vampire.  I could go on and on about this subject and what I think about it story-wise.  Perhaps some other time…

So Breaking Dawn has all this bad stuff.  And then there’s all this good stuff.  And it’s altogether.  In a single movie.  In one giant, pop-culture package.  And it was entertaining (if sometimes for the wrong reasons).  Where else can I get all that?

-White Yorkie

P.S.:  And FUCK YOU for setting the wedding kiss to “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” by Iron & Wine.  You made me have an emotional reaction to a most unemotional onscreen wedding.

Most unemotional wedding scene White Yorkie?? You be crazy, but we’ll take your crazy cause we’re all here talking about Twilight every day… and that’s normal.

Big thanks to White Yorkie for writing a hiiiilarious review and for always going with us to see these movies… in fact we had four dudes with us this time at the midnight release, that’s like an LTT record or something!

Agree? Disagree? Think Jacob needs his own spin off?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • superhumanmoron

    Poor White Yorkie.  He doesn’t like a lot of build up for conflict that doesn’t happen?  Better skip out on Part 2.  Wah-wah.

    • Themoonisdown

      seeing what they did to pt 1 i think they’re gonna change up the conflict in pt 2 a bit… at least i hope…

      • TeamSeth

        I hope they don’t. I want to see the critics’ comment on it. “We were all expecting this good guys vs. bad guys epic battle and then they went all indie film on us and had a fizzle ending that left us wondering why we bothered watching Twilight to start with if it was only going to lead us to a third round of I love you bella/edward montages in Bella’s mind.”  And then they realize they used the term “indie film” to describe Twilight and shudder.

  • Bubs

    Dear White Yorkie…….Obviously you’re a male…..who hasn’t read the books. If you had, everything would make perfect sense [?] yes, even the imprinting !!!. However, your critique has had me pondering just how precise you are… for one who has not had the extraordinary pleasure of reading the books.

    In retrospect [and I’ve only seen the movie 3 times-slack I know- however that will soon be rectified] I totally agree with you- the additional parts-Ed’s Dexter role and w’wolves v’s Cullens fight-were WTF UNNECESSARY. I ALWAYS blame Melissa Rosenberg [the script writer] for any stuff ups, especially all the good bits in the books she leaves out-I often wonder if she’s ever actually read the books…

    Good point about Bella only being happy in the movie when Jacob turns up [personally I would have picked sexy, hot Jacob over a guy who’s been dead longer than Bella’s been alive but I’m in the minority here] and yes, yes, yes a Jacob spin off-YEAH !!!! Tay, Tay better start hitting the gym/beef patties again-I wouldn’t mind seeing some 6 pack action again-the 3 seconds at the start of Bd is definitely not enough !!!!

    Overall I have to agree with you “this movie is a masterpiece” for all the reasons you mentioned and the fact that it’s part of the Twi. saga with a really good Director. Thanks for your p.o.v.-you’re a brave man….. 

  • http://twitter.com/KatieShh Katie

    Dear White Yorkie,

    I really enjoyed reading your review!  That being said, I prefer not to look at the Twilight series from an objective point of view because that’s not why you see these movies.  I will never understand why film critics bother.  It’s not for you!  I do agree with much of your review, but love the movie regardless (or maybe because of) its faults.  It’s still a series made for the fans.  Oscars be damned! 

    Except for the part about Dextward…  I’ll take more of that flashback any day.

  • cosi bella

    Most entertaining review EVER White Yorkie!!  

    First hour-is of the movie  was too much like a day time soap for me….. the lighting, cheesey scenery, sappy music…ugh! which sapped my will and then I sulked for the rest of the movie so wasn’t paying attention.  oh well maybe I’ll get back into it after a few re-watches….

    THANK YOU for mentioning Renee’s side sashaying …lol YES!

    I’m so Team-Jacob-Pathos all the way.  Always have been.

    I vote for TJP spin-off YES!! 

  • nocoolname

    Love it!  But wait – why the ugh with Stephenie at the wedding?  Just because it was all breaking the fourth wall?  A little self-indulgent?  Yep, I’ll give you that but I didn’t care.  It made me all happy to see her there – I felt oddly proud.

    • Themoonisdown

      i did too. one of my fave parts. it was kinda like look how far we’ve all come… i had a moment.

      • Chela Madison

        Seeing Stephenie and the montage at the end was definitely sweet. It’s been like five years people…what have I been doing with my life?! LOL. 

  • The Old One

    Thanks for the guy viewpoint, White Yorkie.  We need more of that around here.  It’s kind of fascinating how the opinions of the books and movies divide right down this male/female line, and you’ve put your finger right on the problem that is also in all the books:  3/4 of the book is all about relationships and feelings and nothing much actually happens, then, boom, gut-wrenching “battle” or crisis (which is really all about Edward and Bella’s relationship), but where nothing bad really happens, then, it’s over.

    Girls like the relationship stuff.  A lot.  Guys don’t so much.  So there you have it.

    • TeamSeth

      Actually, my DH dislikes the relationship stuff because it’s not believable at all. He finds Edward to be excessively broody and over-sensitive and Bella to have very little emotion and that they together are not demonstrative of being in love. That it’s just conveyed as a super intense, possibly lustful, infatuation that never matures into love.  So, he finds their relationship boring.  He then went on to cover his eyes during the birthing scene.  So, he’s not a gore guy.  He just wants a good story and a reason to care about the characters. I think if he read the books he would enjoy them… ;)

    • Themoonisdown

      “3/4 of the book is all about relationships and feelings and nothing much
      actually happens, then, boom, gut-wrenching “battle” or crisis”

      yea i always thought if they’d throw in a one or two other major conflicts the dudes would be right there with us. cie la vie. next time.

  • Anonymous

    I have to wonder with all the things that bothered you, did it bother you that Alice had a pimple on her cheek in the last scenes of the movie?  I mean, with all the awesomeness they did on Bella (and should have done w/ special effects you’d mentioned above), shouldn’t they have also taken 5 minutes to brush that baby out?  Vampires don’t get blemishes. 

    Yes people, THAT is what bothered me.

    BTW, while I completely agree with you that Alicshly is an amazingly beautiful woman and I love the Alice character, I cannot stand her acting, so I would not agree with more of her.  I think it’s her voice… or her expressions… or maybe it’s just her portrayal of Alice.  Yes, her acting is the one that’s bothered me the most.

    • TeamSeth

      I love you.

    • Themoonisdown

      why is everyone always hatin’ on greene??

      • Anonymous

        I don’t hate her. Actually I really really want to like her because I love the Alice character so much. But for some reason I cringe almost every time she has a speaking line. Maybe is just that she looks sooo much like the Alice I pictured reading the books (at least the way she looked in Twilight) that when she speaks, I expect her to sound just like I imagined too.

        No. that can’t be it because Kellan is a close match for my imagined Emmett.

        You know, I think I was fine with her in Twilight until the vision scene. Maybe I just can’t get past her zoned out, rain man/possessed person drawing portrayal of having a vision. And that ruined her for me.

  • Anonymous

    I’m still reading, but I feel compelled to point out that imprinting is NOT a decision. Jacob did NOT choose it. His DNA did.

    Ok, back to reading :)

    • Anonymous

      I was totally enjoying the review until that part. Do you not understand the imprinting, White Yorkie? Don’t bum me out with your hilariousness than combines itself with not understanding the story at all which just equals FAIL. I can’t take the rest of it seriously, or giggly, because my Nerd Brain is all “it’s the only thing in the series that is Not A Choice!” gahhhhh!

      • KStewBoy

        To be fair to White, he has two handicaps going into the theater: 1) He is a dude (2) he has not read the books
        Put these two together and I think Yorkie came to a fairly predictable (while very funny) opinion of our little movie.
        And I totally agree with him that it was annoying to just have the wolf pack waiting for the vampires to come out of the house.  I don’t remember being so frustrated at this when reading BD.

        • TeamSeth

          The treaty was still in tact in BD, so they couldn’t actually go on Cullen territory w/out breaking the treaty.  That’s why they did perimeter runs so often during Jacob’s book.

          One thing that annoyed me in the film was that they made it very clear that Jacob wolf’s pack could no longer communicate with Sam wolf’s pack. Then in the big anticlimatic reveal, Jacob turns into a wolf to tell Sam wolf’s pack that he imprinted. Except that HE CAN’T COMMUNICATE IN WOLF FORM.

          GAH.

          • KStewBoy

            Thanks for the superTwiNerd explanation there, TS.  To me, this is the part of the story that the movie took the most liberties with… they are always looking for more ways to “amp up the action”.  I’m always rolling my eyes when they add actions sequences just for the sake of having action sequences.

    • Themoonisdown

      it all begins with a choice… unless it’s imprinting… then you’re totally screwed. sorry wolves. sorry QUIL. poor dude. at least jacob get’s the age accelerating child. 

      • TeamSeth

        Serves Quil right for not committing to the beef patties diet and delivering “I’m Quil Atera” lines in such a way that I LOL every time.

        • Anonymous

          I LOL every time too. And I kind of love Quil just because of that line and how he says it.

          • Anonymous

            In the book it made Bella laugh.

          • TeamSeth

            That solves it. We’re all Bella.

          • Anonymous

            NOOOOOOO! I refuse to be that whiney *in best whiney voice* even if I am that insecure

          • TeamSeth

            ;)

  • TeamSeth

    The end credits.  I hate to say this.  But they might be my favorite of the year.  Way too cool for this movie.

    YES! THIS! So good!

    And I won’t disagree that the movies are kind of “odd” and lack in coherency, but I think White Yorkie missed out on something in the dialogue in his particular example… because Carlisle left not to get Beller blood, but to get himself some blood. Which was fairly clearly stated in the line by Esme, “He needs to be at his strongest.”

    And, actually, I thought White Yorkie had the books in a pile next to his bed?  Maybe that was The Font? But clearly someone needs to reexplain imprinting to him… maybe Jacob can do it again. Third time’s the charm?

    • Themoonisdown

      clearly WY needs to finish that stack of books
       

    • TeamSeth

       Wait, did I mess up the scenes in my brain?  Like Carlisle leaving bit… does he leave twice then?  I guess so. First time is the whole wolf chase in the woods scene and the second isn’t really drawn attention to?  I can’t even remember him leaving to go get Bella more blood… (smirks, guess I’ll have to see it again)

      • Anonymous

        Yes, we need to hear from The Font.

      • KStewBoy

        No, TS.  Carlisle leaves only once – to go feed.  We don’t see him again after that, except when Esme is keeping the dogs off him.  I think.  Maybe I need one more viewing, two is def. not enough.

        • TeamSeth

          Yeah, because I’m now thinking that after he distracts Paul and the gang, Jake comes back into the house and says, “Did it work out?” (them being able to feed) and Carlisle/Esme say, “yes, thank you.”  But… maybe Edward is the one who says thank you and then the naming convention part goes down?

          Clearly we both need to see it again.

          Speaking of, I had a dream last night that there was a scene in BD2 where Bella sits up in bed and the sheet falls off of her and there’s like FULL nipple action. In my dream I turned to my husband and exclaimed, “THAT’S where the stray nipple shot was!”  So, yeah…now I’m dreaming about KStew nipples.  I’m blaming you, KStewBoy.

          • KStewBoy

            I will take full blame (credit) for that, TS.  Sweet dream by the way – too bad we can’t share dreams… remember the movie Strange Days?!

            During my second viewing I took special care to pay attention for any special Kristen bits – going on all the suggestions from the LTT community.  While it’s true that I need new glasses – I saw NOTHING.
            They showed much, much, much more of Rob’s body (moley) than they did of Kristen’s.  I thought I saw some side-boob when they were embracing in the water – but it was probably just wishful thinking on my part.

          • TeamSeth

            Ahem. I will explain to you PRECISELY where the potential nipple is then, so on your next viewing you will know when and where to hone in…

            Not in the water, not during the sex, but AFTER she wakes up in the pile of feathers and BEFORE Edward comes up behind her to point out her miniscule bruises (ugh, I hate edward).  Anyway… she’s having the ‘touch myself while I recount last night’s sex in my head’ moment in the bathroom and during the flashback moment where they’re sitting up kissing on the bed, she moves her left arm to get a better grasp on Eddie’s head (brain head, not the other head) and that arm is then no longer blocking her breast.  SO… it’s there for a good 2 seconds (which is fairly long for film time) if it is in fact a nipple. The way the scene is lit, the focus is on them kissing/their faces and mouths…NOT her body. So, you have to be looking for it.

            I have faith in you.

          • Bubs

            “brain head, not the other head”….love it!!!!

          • ChillinWithCullens

            TS, this is genius.

          • Anonymous

            Yep. Eddie does the thanking (such a polite young man) and Carlisle’s away til post birth/quick-let’s-put-in-some-action scene.

            I’m a bit rough on some of the other bits though so I’m sure I NEED to see it a third time.

            It seems KSB has a lot to answer for…

          • KStewBoy

            Just admit it, gang.  You all want to see Kristen naked just as much as I do…

            Ok – maybe not as much as me, but you do want to see her bits ‘n pieces.  It’s ok – it’s normal.

          • Anonymous

            *tentatively raises hand, looking around*

          • Anonymous

            Yeeaasss. I’m thinking I’m seeing where your mind’s going with this…

  • Anonymous

    White Yorkie, I identify with your frustration about Carlisle leaving the scene, as I pretty much thought the same thing. Also, can I just say how utterly wimpy all the vamps became when the wolves attack? I mean Edward’s all, “I won’t let them harm my family!” and then proceeds to almost immediately get pinned by a wolf. LAME

    The rest of this comment is just for the ladies, as you will almost certainly not appreciate it.

    I finally saw the movie again on Saturday and I had to come and share a few more little items that I loved. Most of them have to do with Bella/Edward interaction and how cute and believable (especially on Rob’s part) they were.
    -1. On the honeymoon when they are sitting on a little couch together and he’s telling her how the housekeeper is worried about her. He’s all playful and seductive. Hot.
    -2. A replay of #1 when he finally hears Renesmee and then they have a cute little family moment.
    -3. Edward shows some real, legit emotions (frustration, anger, fear) when he and Bella have that argument about the baby after Carlisle examines her again and tells her she has some broken ribs AND when he thinks Bella might have actually died and he’s like freaking out. Loved it. SIDE NOTE: did anyone else worry that he was going to like accidentally punch through her chest when he was doing compressions after injecting her with the venom?
    -4. LOVED that they made fun of Bella’s naming skillz.
    -5. I’m liking the Volturi in the modern-day suits.
    -6. I giggled for the 2 seconds that Yorkie and Mike spent dancing on screen.

    Still good the second time around!!

    • Themoonisdown

      “I mean Edward’s all, “I won’t let them harm my family!” and then proceeds to almost immediately get pinned by a wolf. LAME ”

      HAHAAHAHA lulz forever

      • Nelle

        I hate in the movies that Melissa always makes Edward so useless.  He even says that ( or Robward does) in the commentary for Eclipse when Melissa AGAIN changed the story and had Rob in trouble with Victoria and Riley.  Rob says “Oh he’s so useless.”  Why MR?

    • Anonymous

      Love your list!

      Yep, so much more emoting and range of emotions from both Edward and Bella in BD. Thx Bill!

      And yeah, Edward’s CPR seemed quite violent for Bella’s frail body.  I’m guessing he wasn’t too concerned about breaking bones, so long as he could keep her heart beating long enough for the venom. Well at least that’s how my mind rationalized the intensity of his chest compressions.

      And thank you for mentioning that weird coven-pack fight scene.  I only audio-booked BD in prep for the movie… but I still don’t recall the Pack and the Cullen’s ever actually fighting outside the house in the book.  So when they started fighting it seemed like an impromptu professional wrestling match. As in, no one could really get hurt or die because there’s still a Part 2 that will need all of them to be ‘alive’.  Okay Summit… so rather than leaving it with Sam’s verbal threats and plotting… how do you take back actually attacking and trying to kill your neighbors?

    • Anonymous

      Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

      I loved all these too.

  • Anonymous

    P.S. Do the comments look different to anyone else? It’s like they are Centered instead of Aligned Left.

    • TeamSeth

      yes… they are centered. It’s very distracting. :(

      • Anonymous

        It’s Scummit, I just know it is.

    • Themoonisdown

       yes they do and its weird. DISQUS!!!!!

      • KStewBoy

        I thought I was the only one… not digging the new layout.  Messing up my eyes.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, that on my computer and then when I’m commenting from my phone, it clocks, thinking after about every other word like it thinks it needs to feed the data back and forth before I’m done commenting. Commenting on my phone recently takes for-ev-er.

  • 3Hboyshouse

    I am lovin’ White Yorkie!  I almost never get to hear people say ‘What. The. Tits.’ So this just totally made my day!  I must say that I am totes agreeing with the get rid of Bella’s mom campaign.  

  • Deedug

    Yes! Jacobs story needs to be told! Thanks for saying it!

  • Anonymous

    Great post White Yorkie! 

    I went with a friend who’s only read through half of Eclipse, so she had no clue what happens in BD.  She was confused about a lot of the same things you mentioned and we ended up in a lengthy Q&A after the movie.

    I suspect if they’d gone ahead and included the hate-hate relationship between Jake and Rosalie during Bella’s pregnancy at the Cullen house… you’d of enjoyed it.  Lot’s of dog comments and blonde jokes and a custom-made dog bowl.

    Yep, masterpiece sums it up.  And odd is definitely a term of endearment.

    BTW, in UC’s thankful post on the 28th… there’s a group photo from the BD movie night. No red ribbons to conceal identities this time?

    • Anonymous

      The dog bowl, the food in the hair…please Bill..

      • Anonymous

        I have a vague recollection of Jack Morrissey saying those scenes, at least some of them, were cut and will be on the DVD. I don’t see a reference to them on the FAQ blog: http://teamjackftw.blogspot.com/
        but if you tweet him at @team_jack and ask, we can put it on the blog.

        • Anonymous

          Jack is awesome. I had no idea. I have a new obsession. Poor Jack, it is all your fault MNS.

          • Anonymous

            this is what sexually harrassing minor celebrities will get you.

          • TeamSeth

            You may reconsider using the word “minor” there… Lest Chris Hansen being rapping on your door (again).

          • TeamSeth

            be rapping*

  • Anonymous

    Oh and Carlisle had to go get the blood BECAUSE he is a doctor. Doctors apparently can buy blood.

    mental note: get a M.D. if I ever become a vampire. Or befriend one.

    • Anonymous

      Side Note: Any Buffy fans out there wanting to tell Bella to put Wheatabix in her blood sippy? Gives it texture.

      I love Spike. <3

    • Anonymous

      Am pretty sure J. Jenks could have managed some plasma at a good price.

  • Chela Madison

    Very funny review! Everyone’s already mentioned imprinting, you’ve got it now I’m sure ;). I love Twilight, but agree that no movie has ever reached it’s full potential. You go into the movie expecting an unintentionally funny part, flashbacks that may or may not work, and some overall odd choices. Aw well, we come out loving it anyway.

  • Lemoody688082

    just on a slight aside, Edward has a medical degree, yes? so technically, there is a doctor still in the house….?

    • Anonymous

      Pretty sure Rosalie also has a degree is Pediatrics or that was fan fiction…

      • Anonymous

        Rosalie “has studied medicine…(as a favour to Carlisle, to help keep him up-to-date)” but no specialities spoken about. And she’s not that great around the blood…

  • Nelle

    WY-

    Yes dear, read the books.

    1.   Jacob doesn’t “choose” to imprint on Renesmee- it just happens.

    2.  And don’t knock Bella for wanting Jacob near- it’s Renesmee doing it.  They talk about it constantly in the second half of BD.  “That crazy connection- you don’t feel that anymore do you?  That was her. She wanted me around.”  [I paraphrase, but close enough.]

    3. And Carlisle has to leave to go get the blood.  He’s a doctor and the only one who can “legally” get those kinds of medical supplies. And as Esme said – he needed to “feed” to be strong for Bella.

    4. I LOVED the cleaning people/voodoo lady.  It gave Edward a chance to speak a foreign language.  So hot!

    5. Totally agree with you on so much, however.  Wanted more of Edward biting through the membrane and less from Bella’s POV for that part.  But otherwise loved the birth/death/transformation scene. Edward “biting Bella like a lunatic” to try to save her was great!  I think Edward’s part in those scenes were better than the book.  Was that MR or BC?  Remember- he is also a screenwriter. I just bet the improved scenes were his suggestions.

    • White Yorkie

      Well, I actually do understand imprinting…    But from a movie/storytelling standpoint, I feel it’s a lot stronger if it is something Jacob chooses to do.  That’s all I was really trying to say.  All of my reactions are purely a viewer’s perspective, not a reader’s.  So you’ll have to forgive me.  Most of the time I’m just being ridiculous on purpose.  But you should all know that by now. 

      And let’s face it.  Being forced by your Doggie DNA to love a baby is just too much (for a movie). 

      • Anonymous

        Dear White Yorkie, I only ‘understand’ your doggie  references because basically you are right and therefore I worship you. I will shortly be posting your international lecture tour schedule. But not before I go/oogle BDI from male POV dammit.

  • Anonymous

    Did anyone else ‘awww’ *heartbreak* at baby Bella being held by Charlie and Renee in flashback when Bella was dying?

  • Anonymous

    JAAAAACOOOOOBBBBBB!!!!! Sorry for shouty caps. I will go away now.

  • Stacey

    I completely missed this yesterday, but what a great review!
     
    I am not surprised about the Dexterward. First Rudy, the Ice Truck Killer shows up and then the Dexter flashback. I think Melissa is missing her good old Dexter days. I guess Charlie could fill in for the sarcastic Deb.  Only a mustashe version that doesn’t have a potty mouth.
     
    Funny story…my sister went to see it with one our close friends and this is what happened. First, they wer tipsy due to the theater selling alcohol. Breaking Dawn and wine makes and interesting combo. My sister was this, “That was a craptastic-extravaganza.” I took that to be a compliment. 
     
    Then my friend added this, “What was wrong with that creepy baby’s eyes? It was like they were to big for it’s head and they were trying to suck out my soul.”
     
    Sigh. At least I liked it. 

    • TeamSeth

      That’s what demon babies do… suck souls with their eyes.

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    I think he nailed it!!
     
    …and many thanks for introducing me to the phrase, “What. The. Tits?  ” #stealingIt

  • https://me.yahoo.com/a/iNoy11YH1pbU7a.P7bdoq54i3FINJ.8k#6f742 pattygirl

    Edward is the most sacrificing character in the series. he rather die and sacrifice his own happiness than see Bella suffer ( this  was  not shown in the stupid sequels New Moon and Eclipse). While Jacob is the most selfish and emo male in the  saga who sulks and wails when he does’nt get his way. But I suppose you are too male to be sensitive. and prefer a character who has one facial expression in the whole movie.

    • Anonymous

      Bitter and twisted with a slice of lemon? And I thought I held that qualification. ;-)

      To give you back a little faith in the menfolk read KStewBoy. Unicorns are real

      • KStewBoy

        WORD!

        (In New Moon last night – Bella went with Mike and Jacob to see Crosshairs. Mike got very sick and threw up into a popcorn box in the back of Jacob’s JUST FINISHED Volkswagen Rabbit. Then I went to sleep.)

        • Anonymous

          Which word? Is this a cultural divide?

          (Tasty. You do realise I only recently twigged that a VW Rabbit is actually a Golf. You’re really making me want to read the books again)

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