Things I wish I could say

Things I wish I could sayDear Twilight,

I had every intention of writing you a letter letting you know I was a little preoccupied with last minute online Christmas shopping & then bill paying (really, Am Ex? Your due on CHRISTMAS EVE?) that I completely forgot to write you a real letter, but then I went into our inbox and read a few recent emails and decided to start a new blog series (content is tough these days, you see) since I have nothing better to do with my time like, say, go to bed, clean my house, or, hey, talk to Mr. Choice… Anyway, it’s called:

Things I wish I could say

In today’s episode, here are a few recent e-mails we/Twilight received & the things I WISH I could say back:

I just wanted you to know that even though I absolutely LOVE the twilight series I will NEVER go see any of the movies ever again. Sunday I took my 11 year old daughter and nephew to see it. My daughter ended up having a seizure during the birthing scene. It was terrifying for us and everyone in the theater! She is absolutely terrified now and doesn’t sleep. I am outraged that knowing these scenes have caused numerous people to have seizures and you still allow the movie to play in the theater. I guess money is everything. my email address is (insert crazy person email address) an x-fan Nancy*

Really, Nancy? REALLY? First of all, did you know you TEXTED that email to us with your ‘neato’ Virgin Mobile phone that seems to call texts “PXTs?” Second of all, you took your eleven year old to see a PG-13 movie? And are pissed that it wasn’t age-appropriate? And the birthing scene was SO terrifying it caused SEIZURES for multiple people? It actually terrified your daughter into a seizure? I hope after her “seizure” you took her to the Doctor who informed you that either #1: She was just a scared 11 year old who saw a movie she should have never seen or #2 She has a serious condition that has nothing to do with a birth scene from a movie. But you left out the most important thing in my email: what did your nephew think?

hi i am a huge fan of your movis and i love taylor lantner oh taylor e-mail me crazyperson@crazyperson.com or go to my website crazyperson.com can u com to my brithday  sleep over  i am 16 teen years old please com oh can u try to   find a boyfriend ………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  <3 rachel

If you’re 16, and the future of America, I’m scared. Hold me. Please. Not because you love Twilight. I love Twilight. Not because you love Taylor Lautner. I don’t, but I get it. But because you spell “come” as “com” (well, it could be worse) and you included a link to your “website” which was NOT actually a real website. and you still have sleepovers. And spell sixteen as 16teen. Actually… on a second read.. you might be brilliant. Because of this very line “Oh can u try to find a boyfriend…….” Even SHE KNOWS Taylor’s little secret!!

Write. Another. Book please they are addicting -Darya

Okay. I. Will.

No seriously we get 1 line emails demanding Stephenie write another book all.the.time. What are people thinking?

Anyway, you know what I’M thinking! What are YOU thinking!?

Love,
Unintendedchoice

*all names & email addresses have been changed. Craziness is real


Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • ChillinWithCullens

    wow. just… wow…

  • Anonymous

    I am so scared right now. Those people…*whispers* they’re out there.

    • Anonymous

      If you think this is scary, wait till you read this: http://itthing.com/twilight-almost-cost-me-my-wife-and-my-life
      Hopefully she’s better now.

      • Anonymous

        That’s just great. Now I won’t be able to sleep at night. I would be less frightened if I knew actual vampires were out there, creeping around.  But those people…they could be ANYWHERE! *looks around*

        • Anonymous

          I hear ya.

        • MariaCecilia

          Think of it hopeful-like: if these people exist, it is highly probable that there’s a beautiful vampire lurking outside your bedroom window!

          • Anonymous

            *runs to window*

          • Anonymous

            *elbows her out of the way* 

      • Anonymous

        Please please please let that be an exaggeration for humorous purposes!

        I refuse to believe that someone’s getting all hot under the collar and then rejecting sex – unless she was just after an excuse. Maybe he really does just play with his own joystick all the time…

        • http://www.kstewartnews.com KStewBoy

          It’s totally exaggerated for comedic effect.  I bet there is less than a mustard seed of truth to the entire episode.  The guy is sooo dramatic.  And don’t get me going on grown men who play video games – I’ll be here all day ranting.

          • Anonymous

            haha, right? I’d bet there are more than a few women who could write a similar post about Minecraft, WoW, or many, many other video games.

          • Anonymous

            After many years working in the IT world… trust, they exist all right. Just toss these two words out to a group of guys and see who bites: shadow network. ;-)

          • Anonymous

            Well, i don’t know about the sex thing but i do know that the “glass fetish” thing can actually happen. I knew this really normal girl my whole life and suddenly she was so deep in that shit, i couldn’t get her out. Haven’t heared from her or seen her till a couple of weeks ago. At the mall with her “Vampy look” all gone. She waved, i think… i marched straight ahead. Call me cruel but i don’t want crazy people in my life.

          • Anonymous

            Man, we’re surrounded by the crazy people. 
            That’s why we come here to talk to the ‘normal’ people

      • Anonymous

        I thought my husband wrote that until the third paragraph. His version would go ‘…and then my wife used me for sex……. and then my wife went to LA and stalked Rotten Crotcherson….. and then she watched the stupid 4th movie 6 times.’

        Oh wait, he doesn’t know about that last part. in our house “watching Breaking Dawn” is called “Christmas shopping”.

        • Aprilsun99

          love you. in our house “watching Breaking Dawn” is called “Christmas shopping”.that’s what I say too, but actually Mr. Anabel  thinks I have a lover

          • Anonymous

            Lol! you DO! Its called TWILIGHT!

      • 40Sumthin

        That was funny!

  • Notanaddikt Bella

    I have actually read newspaper articles that said the birthing scene does cause seizures in people with epilepsy. So I guess that woman does have a point that the film should either be removed from theatres (as if) or at least there should be a warning for epileptics… okay, end of my boring comment.

    • Notanaddikt Bella

      Whoa, I just re-read my own comment. Booooring. And now you see why I was never popular in high school.

      • http://www.kstewartnews.com KStewBoy

        But this follow-up comment totally made you funny and interesting.  I did a mini-snort.

      • MariaCecilia

        Oooooh: you were like Bella!! (Take that as a compliment, please, pretty please? Said as one woman pushing glasses up her nose to another.)

    • Nelle

      Black white and red flashing lights can cause seizures in people who are susceptible to them. This woman should be thankful that her daughter’s susceptibility was discovered in a relatively safe environment. But people with epilepsy are always vulnerable to triggers. Summit- don’t change a thing about the movie! Except maybe Carlisle’s wig.

      • Anonymous

        True. My cousin has epilepsy. Even some older fluorescent lights can flicker at a rate that can trigger seizures.  No going to raves either (strobe lights). “Photosensitive Epilepsy”

    • Anonymous

      Evidently it’s this weird variety of epilepsy that’s only triggered by a certain frequency of red flashing lights, and many people who have it never have an episode.  Article about it here: 
      http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/epilepsy-foundation-warns-breaking-dawn-seizures/story?id=15073430#.TvI2sdQV0-A
      It makes me giggle inappropriately that this was last widely seen with “the Pokemon incident of 1997.”

      • TeamSeth

        I giggled inappropriately reading your comment about giggling inappropriately. “the Pokemon incident of 1997″ does have a certain hilarious ring to it.

      • MariaCecilia

        1. When was there flashing red lights in BD1? Did I go to sleep at the same place every time?
        2. Was “the Pokemon incident of 1997″ when many families´economy crashed because of over-buying Pokemon cards for their kids?

        • Anonymous

          Yeah. The Pokemon incident was an escalation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Trauma of 1990
          I think my references are starting to carbon date me

        • Anonymous

          It’s evidently during the birth.  And the Pokemon thing was kids having seizures from watching it… evidently they’ve altered how tvs work so it’s not possible anymore, or something.  

  • http://www.kstewartnews.com KStewBoy

    “16teen”.  That is funny.  I’m going to start writing all my numbers in that style.  My clients will think I’m nuts (more so than they already do).  Or I will create a new hipster trend.  Either way works for me.

  • Jillianny

    I love the crazy!

  • Anonymous

    Finally! I thought we’d never have a crazies post again. I actually missed them till today’s letter reminded how we couldn’t fit them even in our wide definition of NORMAL. I wonder if someone got actually committed because of Twilight?

  • Anonymous

    “Not because you love Taylor Lautner. I don’t, but I get it. But because you spell “come” as “com” (well, it could be worse)”

    I laughed so hard, glad I didn’t have any liquid in my mouth at the time reading.  But it did cause me to get some strange looks from my co-workers.

    And dude, crazy-lady 1…. what the heck are you doing thinking a “horror” genre, pg-13 movie thinking it’s not going to get a little gory during a birth scene you KNOW is going to be betrayed?  I’m glad you’re not going to watch the movies anymore.  You shouldn’t go.  Sharing a theater with you doesn’t sound fun for me.

  • Anonymous

    Is anyone else being used as a resident Twilight saddo *ahem* I mean expert *ahem* to act as a censor on whether friends and associates should be exposing their children to Twilight?

    Perhaps we should write a precise that can be posted in the village magazine and read out at the Women’s Institute meeting?

    • MariaCecilia

      Maybe it would be safer if people should be given a thorough physical exam before going into a movie theater? Plus an IQ test? Or forced to write their own alternative ending to the movie for the movie company before leaving the theater? Or none of these things?

      • Anonymous

        By the sound of some of the crazies out there an exclusionary IQ test might seriously effect Summit’s profits and just imagine what the wolf CGI will be like for BDII then…

    • Anonymous

      Dude. My coworker brought her 6-yr old (6 YEARS OLD!!) to see BD, and not because she couldn’t find a babysitter. I wasn’t thinking and exclaimed “What? That’s not a kids movie!!”
      I’m sorry, but the book/movie/storyline is YA for young ADULT. There is nothing in this series that is intended for children, and just because it’s FadetoSad doesn’t make it fine for kids.

      • Anonymous

        SIX FREAKING YEARS OLD???? Oh my lord. 

        I’m not letting my retriever see it ’cause she’s only three and an half (and that’s over 24 in dog years).
        Maybe your co-worker is trying to scare her 6yoa away from touching boys real early

  • Anonymous

    Stephanie reads LTT. People know you can relay the message. Right Stephanie? But don’t listen to the crazies. Nobody want another book. Right ladies?

    • Nelle

      Right – especially not that Midnight Sun! Don’t foist that on us please Stephenie!!

    • TeamSeth

      ESPECIALLY NOT that Midnight Sun garbage. ESPECIALLY NOT that. Ugh.

      • MariaCecilia

        Hah! Reverse psychology doesn’t work. I tried telling myself I love chocolate – and look what happened? I believed me!

  • TeamSeth

    If her daughter had a seizure, then that sucks. And that IS scary, for her daughter, for her, and for the rest of the theater. Can you imagine sitting there during the birthing scene and someone yelling out, “Daughter Name! Daughter Name?! Oh my gosh, something is wrong with my daughter. Call 9-1-1.”

    That would be scary.

    However, if it’s such a concern for her (to have the film removed from theaters), she should research to see if this has happened before and write the distributor (ahem, Summit) to indicate it can cause seizures and that it’s not ADA compliant (and thus should carry a warning).  Maybe she thought that UC is Summit?

  • MariaCecilia

    It’s amazing how intelligent I suddenly feel! Maybe your blog is like venom, sort of translating me into a perfect, beautified state like..I don’t know, that bloke Edward?

    By the way, I AM sort of disappointed that you haven’t given me his phone number yet, seeing as how I have been harping on about it in e-mails every week for these past 28 months? But this Christmas you’ll send it? Right? With a complimentary little bottle?

    • Anonymous

      Maybe IN the bottle so you need to drink it first.

      • TeamSeth

        Da Vinci Code style though, so if she doesn’t get the five letter word right it dissolves. (still get to drink though, so it’s not all a loss)

    • Anonymous

      Silly. UC and Moon only respond to cheese wheels and nipple clamps.

  • Anonymous

    As scary as it would be to watch your child have a seizure, you cannot say the movie should be removed from the theatre.  You took your underage child to an inappropriate movie, I am sorry but the fault lies directly with you.  Looking at the positive side at least you were with your child when this happened for the first time, you could comfort her and make sure she was safe.  

    movis? Lantner? u? com? 16teen? punctuation anyone?  I tell you what you present a persuasive argument – FOR ILLITERACY! – somebody get this girl some education PLEASE!  And why oh why would he need to bring a boyfriend????

    ‘Addicting’ is not a word.

    • TeamSeth

      I just realized that perhaps she meant male friend…. as in 2 guys to hang with instead of 1. It’s her birthday party sleepover, so they just want more tail to go around for the gals. Amiright lol?!

      • Anonymous

        Yes TS I think you are, it just illustrates my point even more that good grammar and punctuation help your arguments make sense…LOL

        • http://www.kstewartnews.com KStewBoy

          Who iz this good gramar persin? and why do they make my argumints more good?

          • Anonymous

            You can get away with it KSB because you’re NORMAL! but it seriously makes the crazies sound more crazy.  Read her letter again then read this and tell me which one works.  Dear Taylor I love your movies and even have a fansite dedicated to you.  I am having a 16th birthday party and would love you to come – you can even bring a friend – though I understand you are probably very busy <3 Rachel

          • TeamSeth

            Either way, TayTay’s still saying, “Hale no.” to her.

  • Anonymous

    People, who know me in RL: I did NOT write any of the letters or texts above, even if one of the changed names sounds just like mine.

    • TeamSeth

      (closes eyes and grasps microphone) *tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!*

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