I had every intention of writing you a letter letting you know I was a little preoccupied with last minute online Christmas shopping & then bill paying (really, Am Ex? Your due on CHRISTMAS EVE?) that I completely forgot to write you a real letter, but then I went into our inbox and read a few recent emails and decided to start a new blog series (content is tough these days, you see) since I have nothing better to do with my time like, say, go to bed, clean my house, or, hey, talk to Mr. Choice… Anyway, it’s called:
Things I wish I could say
In today’s episode, here are a few recent e-mails we/Twilight received & the things I WISH I could say back:
I just wanted you to know that even though I absolutely LOVE the twilight series I will NEVER go see any of the movies ever again. Sunday I took my 11 year old daughter and nephew to see it. My daughter ended up having a seizure during the birthing scene. It was terrifying for us and everyone in the theater! She is absolutely terrified now and doesn’t sleep. I am outraged that knowing these scenes have caused numerous people to have seizures and you still allow the movie to play in the theater. I guess money is everything. my email address is (insert crazy person email address) an x-fan Nancy*
Really, Nancy? REALLY? First of all, did you know you TEXTED that email to us with your ‘neato’ Virgin Mobile phone that seems to call texts “PXTs?” Second of all, you took your eleven year old to see a PG-13 movie? And are pissed that it wasn’t age-appropriate? And the birthing scene was SO terrifying it caused SEIZURES for multiple people? It actually terrified your daughter into a seizure? I hope after her “seizure” you took her to the Doctor who informed you that either #1: She was just a scared 11 year old who saw a movie she should have never seen or #2 She has a serious condition that has nothing to do with a birth scene from a movie. But you left out the most important thing in my email: what did your nephew think?
hi i am a huge fan of your movis and i love taylor lantner oh taylor e-mail me firstname.lastname@example.org or go to my website crazyperson.com can u com to my brithday sleep over i am 16 teen years old please com oh can u try to find a boyfriend ………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 rachel
If you’re 16, and the future of America, I’m scared. Hold me. Please. Not because you love Twilight. I love Twilight. Not because you love Taylor Lautner. I don’t, but I get it. But because you spell “come” as “com” (well, it could be worse) and you included a link to your “website” which was NOT actually a real website. and you still have sleepovers. And spell sixteen as 16teen. Actually… on a second read.. you might be brilliant. Because of this very line “Oh can u try to find a boyfriend…….” Even SHE KNOWS Taylor’s little secret!!
Write. Another. Book please they are addicting -Darya
Okay. I. Will.
No seriously we get 1 line emails demanding Stephenie write another book all.the.time. What are people thinking?
Anyway, you know what I’M thinking! What are YOU thinking!?
*all names & email addresses have been changed. Craziness is real