Twilight: Life Ruiner. Life Enhancer.
I love you. No, seriously, I do. You make my life better, or at least more absurd, and that’s kind of the same thing.
With you in my life, I don’t need to make spaghetti. I can make “Italiano!” When the kids make a mess, I get to break out my best Esme Cullen voice: “Clean up this mess! *snap* Now.” And then turn away and giggle. (thanks, Esme!)
With you, when the Boring Relatives drag us to Olive Garden, I can tune out the awful food and 40 different renditions of waiters singing “Happy Birthday” by constantly scanning for Big Daddy.
Even putting on lip gloss is more fun, because Tarte makes a shade called Twilight.
I just bought Mr. Slut a Land’s End shirt because it was Twilight Purple.
What other cultural phenomena lets you giggle at menswear? Hunger Games? The Beatles? I don’t think so.
With you, dear Twilight, headboards are funny. Feathers are funny. BEARS are Funny. Pathetic liquor store holiday displays of tiny plastic bottles of Jim Beam in a stocking. Hot Pockets. Meat Patties. Seat Belts (“You should put on YOUR seat belt!”).
So, Twilight, with all sincerity, thank you. Look after my heart—I’ve left it with you. Except you are with me all the time, so, you know. It works out.
Love and kisses on marble smooth lips,
Aww thanks MarbleNutSlut! I miss these Twilight things that haunt us everywhere– let’s see what can I add. Well, apples… Stephenie & her illustrator have ruined life for all apple lovers for forever. Not to mention life for teachers. You can’t teach youngsters when they give you an apple as a gift and all you can think of is that cafeteria scene in Twilight with Robward, his dark lipstain & the apple. You just can’t.
Oh, Leg-hitches– forget it… The other night in bed I hitched my leg around Mr. Choice’s & just lost it in giggles. And I couldn’t even tell him why. Because we all know that bringing up Twilight in bed is a big no-no. After this long I’m lucky if I can bring it up out of bed!
*BEARS. See how in my intro I said today would have been another bare Friday without MarbleNutSlut? WELL, originally I wrote “bear” instead of bare. And I’m pretty great at grammar. But… I’m just so used to writing about bears here on LTT (we really did do it ALL the time.) that I almost made that mistake. Thanks, Twilight, for taking over the bears in my life! xo, UC
Okay what do YOU have to add? Share in the comments!