Random Ramblings for your Monday..

Dear Twilight,

I miss dressing in disguise like this

I know it seems like Moon & I don’t care, but we do. We really do. We spend at least a good 5 minutes a day complaining to each other about how much we miss you & the fun we’ve had. And GET THIS– we have to schedule time to talk to each other. Really. Moon sends me a Google invite to schedule a meeting. I tell her all the time I really only like BING invites (brainwashed by The CW) but she keeps sending them from Google. I have no idea why.

I miss this

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in & give you an update on what I’ve been up to. Besides my week of sickness resulting in an eye infection, ear infection & possible sinus infection (yes I’m a 4 year old). I cleaned my closet. And realized that the big box of crap that Stephenie Meyer sent us after the epic meeting in 2010 STILL has crap left in it (ps: it’s the crappiest crap left, of course) and it’s taking up room in my closest, and I’m OVER it. So please comment with something that makes me laugh & I’ll send a random commenter something crappy (no you’ll love it! promise!)

Anyway, I want to tell you some REALLY exciting news: I’m writing a BOOK! Yes!!! I know! About time, right? It’s still in the works, but here’s a quick synopsis:

Kathy & Peter are from the same rural territory. Every year a young boy & girl are chosen from each territory and taken to the big city where they are televised and forced to prove their sexual prowess in something called “The Sexual Games,” created for the enjoyment of the residents of the city. Kathy is strong. In the beginning when all participants are meeting each other in a sort-of “speed dating” called “speed flirting” where you show off your skills to each other, she impresses the guys with her impeccable skill at darts. And Peter is incredible in the kitchen. Woman get woozy just by smelling his cinnamon buns.

As the games are set to begin, the participants are standing in a circle waiting for the gunshot to let them know it’s time. In the center of the partipants are “tools” they’ll need for the games. After the shot is fired, everyone runs towards the gear– they have to pick up tools like sexy lingerie, whips, chains, cartons of lube, condoms, dildos and a few surprises I won’t share here!

Kathy & Peter aren’t the best match. Kathy wasn’t ready for the games– she had a potential mate back home (Dale) and Peter just isn’t confident. But throughout my story you’ll see Kathy & Peter come together for the games (pun intended)– knowing that if they are going to win “The Sexual Games” they had better have the hottest sex in front of the cameras they can possible have. And through their fight, they might just find love. You’ll just have to wait & see!

What do you think? If my first printing goes well, I think I’m going to sell the movie rights! Oh and before you ask– yes, I have the same lawyer as E.L. James!

In other news, someone marvelous got this tattoo:

Yes. It’s a tattoo of jorts. On a guy. A guy with a lot of tattoos. Who I’m pretty sure isn’t actually part of “Team Jacob.” But it has jorts GUYS! I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him for doing this. Thanks Sianna for sending it to us!

So that’s what’s new with me. Now make me laugh so I can send you some crap

XX,

UnintendedChoice

 

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • MarbleNutSlut

    Oh my god I love that tattoo! So old school rockabilly. I bet the wolf pack was totally into the rockabilly thing that was a “thing” for like 5 minutes a while ago.

    I have been super jonesing for a re-read of the whole Twi-thing but, like UC and Moon, I have a stupid life, and stupid work, and there are rudely Other Books that are good and that I want to read.

    And now I have to get the stupid kid to school. Stupid.

    • MariaCecilia

      Well, if you don’t get your stupid kid to stupid school, chances are your kid will get REALLY stupid in the future and end up on some dumb reality tv-series and earn bucketloads of money and…what am I saying: stay home and keep your kid with you at all times!

      • MarbleNutSlut

         That would be a great idea, except that when would I get to read porny fan fic? Nope, she’ll just have to go to school and learn things. Although, if she doesn’t go to school I could sleep in….ooohhh….

        • TeamSeth

           Somehow it seems that forcing your child to listen to you do dramatic readings of porny fan fic would only lead to a quicker role on a reality tv show in which she makes buttloads of cash (which you steal from her because she’s underage).  I think this is a stellar plan.

          • MarbleNutSlut

             It really is a good plan.

            YOU! GUYS! I have a n00b. Oh god it’s glorious. She just asked me why the vamps don’t go nuts when Bella gets her period.  I am so happy.

          • MariaCecilia

            Tell her it’s one of those many questions that make Twilosophy necessary. Don’t clue her in on the logical problems with vamp erections…yet.

          • MarbleNutSlut

             She has so much to learn.

          • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

            I’ve never thought about Bella’s periods before – but now it’s all I can think about!!

          • MarbleNutSlut

            ALSO: poor Bella has to hold in all her farts, EVEN WHILE SLEEPING. Impossible.

          • MariaCecilia

            Because…?

          • MariaCecilia

            And you thought you had a dirty mind before..

  • kelbel75

     oh, I love your book idea, UC! but if you want it to be a best-seller, you’ve missed some important steps: first you need to post it online with the names of someone else’s characters, and gain a loyal following that makes your head swell. then take the story off-line, plug your original names back in, and say that’s how it was supposed to be all along. make sure you act surprised when your book brings in the big bucks too, but don’t go overboard and let some actual humility show thru; having ethics will get you nowhere.

    • MariaCecilia

      Yes, and Kelbel, let’s remind ourselves, if we hold out long enough, we’ll be able to buy UC:s book on Amazon for the bargain prize of 3 quid, instead of wasting 15 quid if we buy it right away! You’re worth it!

  • Michelle

    Ramble ahead. Okay, so fan fiction is my dirty lil’ secret. My husband knows I read it – but doesn’t know I READ IT if that makes sense. I doubt he understands the kind of “activities” I enjoy reading about Edward do to Beller. I AM SO IRRITATED about all my non-Twi friends getting all SWOOOOONY over freaking Christian Grey when he’s Edward. He’s EDWARD you a-holes! Can you tell I have a chip on my shoulder? Sure, he’s not cannon Edward…but he’s EDWARD. Our fantasy freak-tastic Edward.

    I “outed” myself to one of my close friends about fan fiction/this was a E/B ripoff, etc…and she was like “huh?” E/B don’t DO that. They aren’t LIKE THAT. Ew…it’s about them? But Christian Grey…

    Seriously. They don’t get it. I’m so sad.

    And I miss you girls. You make my day happy! :)

    • Sue G.

       I understand.  I am currently reading 50 Shades of Grey right now…about 2/3rds the way done.  Every time there is something obviously Twilight related, it irritates me.  Not sure why.  I think so far the biggest is the copper colored hair!!!!!

      • Bubs

        Wait till you read some of the exact lines as well [especially from the movies]. A true Twihard sees them straight away. Soooo annoying. THEN…wait till you get to the end of the third book [Fifty Shades Freed] and she does a Midnight Sun on us [but only one chapter]. Now I want more….
         
        Although I must admit, I can see Kristen playing the role of Anna if anybody is brave enough to try and make a film of the books. Rob as Christian…not as much. Though at least we’d have another Trilogy to discuss-and wouldn’t these discussions be REALLY interesting.

      • Michelle

        Ack! I read it when it was ff, I REFUSE to support her evil cause…even though I sooooo want to. Stupid, stupid rip off artist! ;)

        • MariaCecilia

          So, maybe someone will scan it, make a pdf of the book and mail it to you? Would that be okay, ethics-wise? ;-)

          • Michelle

            Bwahahahahaha. Ohhh yes, yes that would SURELY be okay. ;)

    • GoWithIt

      Sorry Michelle, but that is a Twilight related frustration, with counts as a good thing. My (local ;) friends are the “we’ve got other hobbies” don’t read YA or erotic fiction obsessively types. So Twilight only comes up if I bring it up. Now that is sad. Get a glass of wine in me at a kids birthday party and I will find a Twi-virgin to gush to. I don’t care if they are 6. 

      • MariaCecilia

        Lucky 6-year-old! I think one of the things us adults need to do for the young’uns is show them how much fun life still is once you’ve left college and started a family. Fan fic is definitely a perk of adult life. Give’em hope!

      • Michelle

        “I don’t care if they are 6″ HAHAHAHAHHAAAAA I love you for that!!!!! I hate that the people I bond over Twilight most are at LEAST 15 years younger than me. Awesome.

    • MariaCecilia

      Yes! Tell your friend that E/B totes do that stuff like all the time, when Stephenie ain’t watching! That’s why we need FF. “The truth is out there…somewhere.”

      • Michelle

        OMG that is great. I wish I was that “quick” in real life. Although, my friend only watched the movies! No books! OH THE HORROR!!!!!

    • Rob’s Zombie

      I know right!!! I’m like you know it’s really about freaky Edward, right? People look at you lie you have two or like I’m a pervert for knowing said info!;) I then always realize belatedly that I’ve admitted to a) reading smut and b) being freaky! Oh well alls good right? Speaking of freaky all of you need to go check out the BonIver erotica on tumblr, it’s fanfuckingtastic!!!

  • amynkansas

    Seems like I would AGAIN have to hide in a tree for a couple days just to make it to the finals…. 

    • kelbel75

       you were told NOT to go after the nipple-clamps but you just wouldn’t listen, would you?

      • TeamSeth

         What was she supposed to do? Charlie Bewley sent her a CHEESE WHEEL, too!  It’s cruel, really.

    • MariaCecilia

      Hey, you’ll find Rob in the tree being bothered, so it’s a win-win situation all around….

  • stupidshiny

    Ok, so here’s my funny thing… In BD1 when Bella is talking to her Dad on the phone (just before the ‘it’s really more of a…spa’ bit) Charlie says “I’ll bet that put a bit of a kink in the hymen”  go on, go and listen to it now… (5 mins later) see what I mean?? Well it was worth a try…

    • Bubs

      OMG it does sound like that-love the next bit…does Edward still walk on water-such a cool line.

      You’re very observant !

    • MariaCecilia

      The TIES of hymen, silly, not the actual body part! Charlie is educated, but he would never talk biology with his daughter, no way…remember how Bella fainted in Bio? Well, that’s what happened to Charlie when they did sex education in Forks High.. (hence Bella nine months later.)

  • GoWithIt

    I can’t wait to read about Kathy and Peter’s epic cave date, in which they kiss in the hot tube but just for ratings. 

  • http://memoramanda.wordpress.com/ operarose

    Yes. And then I can’t wait until my high school friends all post pictures of themselves sitting in bikinis and reading it on Facebook.

    (Because then I can brag that I know the author. Yay! Will you autograph it? Preferably, autograph it plus put a little sketch of jorts underneath your name? Please say the main characters all wear jorts in the Sexual Games.)

  • MeteorMuse

    UC, 
    Your story sounds so sexually liberating! I can’t wait to read something that awakens the sluts in all my mommy friends who will then realize

    • MeteorMuse

      … ugh technology fail…
      … that it is okay to idolize you for being so open and original. Your enlightenment is an inspiration for every repressed woman in the entire world. I #girlpower or something.

      Hey remember that other fictional character that was all sexy with the bread? I loved him too. If you haven’t read it you totally should!

      • MariaCecilia

        A fictional character who “..was all sexy with the bread..”?? Are you referring to Jesus H Christ? I may just be offended…

  • BeaDee

    That tattoo is golden. Please tell me it’s on his arm. Because I had a moment of horror when my only guess from the picture was that it was on his caboose. Which would make it funnier (especially if it just peeked out over the top of his jorts) but so much more disturbing.

  • chochang

    Spoiler Alert: Kathy and Peter lose The Sexual Games to some perverse couple named Edward and Bella Christian and Ana.

  • Ratheka Patel

    Whoever that guy is, HE IS Legendary! 
    Loving the whole ‘sex games’ idea, something Completely Different from other things out there!(; I might do my own called ‘The Sex Diaries’

    • MariaCecilia

      Okay, but the Sex Diaries is totally built on threesomes, I heard, so you have to think hard about the casting!

  • Kindred Spirit

    Love the book idea! It will be big hit… you’d better start planning the sequel now.

    I hope you don’t mind me taking liberties with your characters, but maybe you could introduce an evil President Rain who is obssessed with Kathy. Rain gives Kathy an emormous “task” to complete, but he isn’t satisfied with the results so Kathy is sent to compete again in the games. Kathy and Peter struggle to do their best until their sexual games mentor, Youtom, pulls a major coitus interruptus that leaves everyone on edge waiting for the third book…

  • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

    I can’t wait for the part where the Sexual Games makers change the rules and Kathy & Peter are force to join their arch-enemies Joan & Clarke in a day-long four-way orgy. 

    Then the S.G. makers mix it up again (it all seems so random!) so that Peter is force to gay-pair up with Clarke and Kathy has to lez it up with Joan.

    How will they make ANY of this PG-13?!

    *My cast is:
    Kathy – KS (duh)
    Joan – Felicity Jones
    Peter – dunno
    Clarke – who cares

    • MariaCecilia

      Hey, I’m glad at least you’re unbiased (or uninterested?) enough to leave the male casting to us redblooded females? Rob is a no-brainer, but I’m still deliberating over who Clarke should be…Johnny Depp has been a long-time favourite, but since you have to think about ALL the possible combinations, maybe I’ll have to consider TomStu and Daniel Radcliffe? Wouldn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable, right?

    • SingleStrand

      I support this movie version. And I really dont gaf who the dudes are. Have you SEEN Stew make out with a girl?!?? Abhdsncbktsvbdfhd hot

      • MariaCecilia

        Okay, now you and KStewBoy HAVE to go start your own LTKstew-blog, you barely-normal people you..

        • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

          I’m trying to get put out an LTK update today, but Real Life really sucks.
          And by the way Maria, I will give you full control over casting all the male roles.  Your guess of uninterested is more accurate than that of unbiased :p

  • Hezpixie

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for that hilarious dig at 50 Shades. I borrowed and read the first book and am just blown away that she got away with that shit. I miss you guys!

  • SingleStrand

    You guys. I miss Twilight. I miss getting out of bed in the morning AFTER reading LTT and LTR and checking my Rob Google Alert (what? He used to be hot). And I really really miss saying “Purple’s cool”, “that’s normal”, and “what the HALE” in my RL.
    I guess I’ll go read some One Direction fic to soothe my breaking heart. #sayitaintoveryet #imissthis

  • MariaCecilia

    Well, UC I think you should go for the vampire version of Pride and Prejudice instead: you know, a new unnaturally rich and handsome crowd comes to town, and the poor, disregarded, local smart girl is suddenly swept off her feet by the grumpy, handsome and aloof one..oh, maybe someone did that already?

    • Bubs

      Brilliantly summed up as usual MC.

  • Michelle

    Okay, another thought…yes, I’m wearing tweed. Does anyone else find it hysterical that the books that are “sexually awakening” all these chicks are based on Edward Cockblocker Cullen? That they are based on the couple that waited until they were married?! I mean I know it’s FF and the characters weren’t the same, but still…just comical to me when you think of it like that…

    • MariaCecilia

      Like I said, FF is about all the stuff that went on when Stephenie was snoozing..as if Eddie-boy would be able to resist Horny Bella until the wedding? Pleeaaze… Ever heard about “reading between the lines”?

    • kelbel75

       Irony in it’s truest form!

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    Oh I want that JORTS tattoo up on he Sailor Jerry web/blog!

  • lovemartyr

    I don’t know if I can make you laugh, but I do have something to say completely off topic!  I have you (UC) to thank/blame for being completely unproductive the past two days as I have been GLUED to the first season of Downton Abbey!  And I have NO ONE to discuss with as none of my friends watch this horribly addicting show!!!  Must develop a “Letters To Downton” at once!!!  After all, it is all your fault…going on about it as you have!  I had no choice but to see what all this nonsense was about! 
    Now…what am I going to do after I have completed season 2???  Wait until Jan 2013 like everyone else?!?!
    Aargh!!!
    :-)
    It’s just SO.GOOD.

    • MariaCecilia

      Hey, we’re multi-purpose here, we can totally do some breaking down of Downton Abbey while tweeding out on Twilight-related topics. Shoot! What do you want to talk about? The dresses? The eating habits? The character development of Mary? The pros and cons of arranged marriages? Give it to us!!

      • lovemartyr

        Well,mainly I just want to squeal, “OMG OMG OMG it’s so good.”  And I want someone to despise Thomas and Ms O’Brian with me…UGH!!!  Those are the most wretched people ever.  And I want someone else to understand how totally AWESOME Maggie Smith is!  AND yes!  Discuss Matthew and Mary!!!!  AND Mr Bates and Anna???  AHHH!!!!
        Ok…  Thank you for letting me get tha out of my system!!! LOL..

        • Bubs

          At least you’ve seen the 2nd series in the US [not shown in Australia until later in the year]. HOWEVER…I have a brilliant daughter who’s downloaded it for me. Isn’ it well done !!!!

          I feel Maggie Smith steals the show-she gets the best lines and delivers them superbly. “Weekend ???? What’s a weekend”???? [said in her imperious voice]can’t forget that from the 1st series and when she said to Mary’s [ex] fiance, when he tells her she shan’t be seeing him anymore…”Promise?” God, that woman cracks me up. Her timing is brilliant !

          • MariaCecilia

            Yes, I agree: without Maggie Smith’s character and one-liners something would definitely be missing at DA! Would love to see her in a scene with Billy Burke in Charlie-mode! Can’t she do a cameo in BD2 as Bella’s grandmother?Please?

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      YESSSSSSS

  • http://twitter.com/TroysMyAngel Savy the #GFYS Minx

    some suggestions for your book:

    -put Peter in jorts
    -make Kathy a virgin but who instantly knows how to be amazing in bed
    -have every orgasm they share be mind blowing and be better than the last
    -have Peter be weirdly close with some of the other male competitors so that theres awkward sexual tension
    -make sure they have sex an impossible amount of time with Peter always able to get rock hard instantly (either before sex or right after ejaculating)
    -and last of all have Kathy be this totally hot bombshell who thinks that shes completely matronly and cant understand why guys are always trying to get into her pants.

    add these points into your already amazing original and totally appropriate for the big screen and not a porno, plot line and you will be rolling in millions of pennies from your book sales in no time:P

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      thank you for the suggestions. I will use them & not credit you at all

  • Melissa

    When’s that Betty Crocker double fudge cookie Keebler elf story comin to a theatre near me? Are ginger bread zombies or bloody newtons copyrighted? So much merchandise potential.

  • TeamSeth

    I’m excited for your book, UC! I think you should name it something else though… 50 Sexual Games? Then we can just shorthand it “the Fifty books”. 

    Also, you need more characters who are hot. I just want to see hot sex. And you should explore different types of sex. Like, maybe the people running the games can force them to try different types of sex to keep it interesting for viewers (and readers alike).  And in the end, someone should seem like they’re going to die, but then not. Like in the form of an epic battle. That isn’t actually a battle.

    I’m also expecting you to acknowledge me in the credits since I’ve contributed so much to your book concept. I’d also like about 40% of what you make. I think that’s only fair. No one would even read it if you didn’t use the contributions I just gave you in a public setting.

  • Goldberrybecca

    I said “purple’s cool. ” IRL yesterday! Whee! :-) and yes, it was at a kids bday party in reference to the cupcakes, but still.
    Also, the book sounds awesome, can you throw a little reefer punk/steam punk in there to spice it up? I’ve got it! Set it in outter space. No one gets off the ship alive. Or do they??! Hmmmmm??????
    Or maybe they have to battle cylons or dalaks. Has that already been done? What? I totally just made that stuff up.

  • MarbleNutSlut

    Well, I suppose Bella doesn’t HAVE TO hold in her farts, it’s just: think about it. Edward is there, in the dark, wide awake. All night long. I am sure he thinks her farts and drool are adorable, but as a self conscious young girl, Bella is not going to be happy about knowing she is farting all over the hottest guy in school. Poor thing probably didn’t eat a burrito for the last 3 years of her human life. Sadness.

    • Venom

      I wonder if blood makes vampires fart. And if they smell bad or good.

      • MarbleNutSlut

         excellent question. how does the blood digestion work? One assumes there are residuals. Is it cool? I would think it’s cool, just like the breath. Cool, sweet farts.

        Let’s ask SM. She definitely won’t run away and call security. I am really good at celebrities.

        • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

          Remember people – vampires don’t change.  That would mean they don’t do any of the following:
          - fart
          - pooh/pee (yes, I have a 2 year old)
          - sneeze/cough
          - get zits
          - sweat
          - get boogers
          - lose hair
          - vomit
          - clip their fingernails/toenails
          - get eye crusties/earwax

          Must be nice, right?

          • MarbleNutSlut

             See? This is why it would be bad to be Bella. I would be all, LOOK. You need to change me or I will start eating beans and bad chicken for every meal. Do IT, EDWARD.

          • Mariacecilia

            No need. She still smells as good as frying bacon to him…

          • MarbleNutSlut

            Human farts smell like frying bacon to vampires. That has GOT to be canon.

          • Venom

            I figured as much. Yet somehow the junk still works. Fascinating.

          • MarbleNutSlut

             I wonder if they have a sort of physical control over blood flow? Like, drain a grizzly, then sort of…::think:: the blood to where you need it  most. Heh. I like this idea. It would be convenient, that’s for sure.

          • MariaCecilia

            That’s it! You’ve solved it! Mind over matter!

        • Mariaceclia

          No no – Edward told us when vampires run they evaporate the venom from  blood they drink. Vampires are like real ladies – they don’t sweat, they “glow”…and jerk off. A lot.

  • Kindred Spirit

    Please pull all necessary strings to have Big Daddy cast as Peter!

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      hahaha omg you win. done and done

  • GoWithIt

    Sharing off topic time: 50 Shades of not appropriate at work
    This morning my co-worker recommended 50 Shades to a client over the phone after hearing someone talk about it on the radio, thinking it was a women’s self help book. I informed her afterwards that it is a long smutty BDSM Twilight fan fiction that was published. We do not work anywhere that it would be appropriate to recommend porn. Awesome.

    • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

      Thank you for the update, GWI.  You made me laugh.  And I’m at work in a bad mood, so congrats.

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