Brunching Ashley Greene

(Get ready to pee your pants of the laughter and the epicness, then get ready to tweet @AshleyMGreene because this really needs to happen. Aren’t in luff with White Yorkie yet? Remind yourself here.)
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Brunch with White Yorkie?! Where do I sign up???

Well hello there, Ladies (and gentleman).

White Yorkie here, everybody’s favorite unicorn…  Well, everybody’s favorite other than the Font, but I lost him in the crowd at BronyCon (trust me, click on that link) this year, so you’re stuck with me.As you may be aware, Ashley Greene is near and dear to my heart.  Soon after writing this post yesterday, I looked at my clock and realized 9 hours had passed.  And then I looked at my screen and realized I had 25 ¾ pages of meandering (yet heartfelt) love sonnets.  I’ll spare you that and instead say this:

If it were up to me, all the films would focus on Alice and not this other chick Blecha or whoever-the-crap.  At the very least she should get her own Saturday morning cartoon spinoff series:  The Adventures of Alice Cullen & Friends.  It would be Masters of The Universe meets Muppet Babies.  Or Darkwing Duck meets Eek! The Cat.  Or The Snorks meets NYPD Blue.  You understand.

The real point is, this week both me and Ashley Greene will be at San Diego Comic-Con.  Now some might look at this situation and say to themselves, “Yeah, sure.  I could possibly maybe might see the love of my life from like a brajillion feet away.  We’re only separated by 5,000 sweaty mouth-breathers.  What a good day.”  But no.  White Yorkie ain’t having that shit.  I see this as the perfect opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream.

Hmmmmm pancakes… smoothies…. eggs…. what do I want…

I’m gonna make breakfast for Ashley Greene.

And trust me…  you (talking to Ashley now) are in for a treat.

Girl, I can make you eggs.  Sunnyside up?  You bet.  Poached?  Ain’t no thang.  Scrambled?  Child, please.  You like ‘em a little runny?  I got you covered.

Girl, I can make you toast.  I’ll be slicing a loaf of whole grain (gluten free if you’re into that sorta thing) to the beat of Father John Misty like it’s my J-O-B.

Girl, I can blend the shit out of fresh fruit and greens.  Yeah, I’m talk’n smoothies.  Mangos?  You bet your sweet ass.  Kale?  I ain’t scurred.  You like ‘em super green with Dandelion Greens and Chard?  I’m your huckleberry.  (Plus I’ll bring my Vitamix 5200 so you know I’m not messing around.)

We can talk about “movies” versus “films.”  The intricacies of Robyn.  Even the implications of the God Particle if you’re feeling especially sciency.

Alright, so here’s the deal LTTers.  I need your help.  You might be asking why I deserve it.  The truth is, I don’t.  But what mere human really deserves the company of this beauty?

The real answer to that question is “none alive.”  But today’s answer is “White Yorkie.”

Basically what I’m asking you to do is to spend the next few days leading up to Comic-Con twitter-bombing Ashley Greene.  Just a little note letting her know that I’m ready and willing.  Something like:

White Yorkie wants to make you breakfast at Comic-Con!  He’s so dreamy and junk!

Or

I really wish I had guys the caliber of White Yorkie wanting to make me breakfast!  Swoon!

Or

When White Yorkie makes you breakfast pretty please take pics!  OMFGROTFLCOPTER!

Just be sure to #brunchingashleygreene

You can also take a picture like this one and throw it on the ol’ Instagram and tag Ashley in it.

I will return from my adventures with extensive writings, photos, and perhaps even video.  And I will also be forever in your debt, Interwebs.  That means I owe you Italian food and at least a trip to second base the next time you’re in town.

Okay, here’s all the important details:

When: Comic-Con 2012 in San Diego.  Thursday-Sunday.  My schedule is flexible.
Where:  LTT headquarters in the Gaslamp District.  It’s legit swank.
Who:  White Yorkie, Moon, Ashley Greene.
How:  twitter:  @ashleymgreene
Instagram: ashleymgreene
#brunchingashleygreene

Please help me in my quest to brunch Ashley Greene.

White Yorkie out.

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**Yup, that’s right White Yorkie along with me and BrookeLockhart will be at Comic Con tearing it up on your behalf at all the Twilight events as well as all the other bizarro crap we’re into and will report on over at That’s Normal. So make White Yorkie’s day and tweet the crap out of Ashley Greene cause really, ya never know what will happen. Also if you’ll be at Comic Con stay tuned to our Twitter @Letter2Twilight because we might just be going something cool and what you there! **

  • TeamJacobEdward

    “It would be Master of The Universe meets Muppet Babies.”

    I think my brain just crashed trying to meld the two of those concepts together. 

    Cannot compute.

    • Stacey

      I just had a waking nightmare of Kermit as Bella and Miss Piggy as Edward, MOTU style. It wasn’t pretty.

      TJE, emailing you later today!!! :0)

      • BrookeLockart

         What are the chances that he meant He-man??

        • Stacey

          We can only hope. The alternative is way too disturbing. :0)

        • TeamJacobEdward

          lol

          Your mention of He-man naturally had me thinking of She-ra.  Then I decided that She-ra would totally be the dom in that pairing.

        • White Yorkie

           Are we going to have to talk about this? 

          • BrookeLockart

            I don’t think that my brain could handle an in person chat about MOTU and Muppet Babies.

          • White Yorkie

             What else are we gonna talk about whilst in line for Hall H?

          • BrookeLockart

            Bronycon, duh.

          • TeamSeth

             If you guys LARP, please take pictures.

        • alice_av

          I pray so lol

  • Stacey

    The brilliance of your letter was awe inspiring, White Yorkie. I have decided not to share this letter with my husband, because I think it will give him ideas. For instance, one upping your brunch with a candle light dinner and a rendition of Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl.” (I know, I know…I don’t understand it either.) Then when I complain, my darling hubby will state, “Honey, if you wanted to have dinner with that gay boy, Robert Pattinson, I would let it happen.”

    Also, I want to thank Ashley and the editors of Esquire for that photo spread of Ashley in only a bra. Having my husband keeping those pages open and laying around the house has been peachy. (Note sarcasm) Our two year old boy keeps pointing at her and saying one of his few words, “Boob.” My five year old girl keeps harassing me about buying Ashley a shirt, because she’s…”cold.”

    The only good part that my darling husband finally showed a fleeting interest in watching Twilight with me. Fleeting being the operative word, when he discovered her ugly wig and that they make her wear clothing.

    • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

      Your comment is equally bril, Stacey.

  • BrookeLockart

    Dear White Yorkie, You forgot me on the invite. Moon and I are comic con roomies at HQ. I can make mimosas. 

    • White Yorkie

      Apologies.  You know I love you. 

  • Nelle

    White Yorkie. I’m on Twitter but have never tweeted. I just might for you!

  • Goldberrybecca

    I accept your challenge, White Yorkie, to tweet the crap outta Ashley. Consider it done. (In a non-creepy-I’m really a fan-girl-type of way)

  • JustthetipEH

    You can make me brunch… Just sayin.

  • Pammy

    How cute are you White Yorkie! I think Miss Greene would absolutely love to brunch with you!! Good luck!!

  • TeamSeth

    White Yorkie, I can’t support this. You’re too hot. If you were less hot, I might tweet for you, but as it stands, I’d just end up being jealous of Ashley getting brunch from a hot guy. It’s against my principles.

    It’s not that I don’t think you should go for it, I just don’t think you need any help. Your instagram hipster vibes stands on its own, White Yorkie. No one can resist that scruff and sliver of chest hair protruding from your black undershirt. I mean, she went to UF and is from Jacksonville, she’s my people. Trust me, you’re already in. Buy the free range eggs, man.

    • Stacey

      Whoa, you are correct my friend! He is way too cute to beg for her attention. He should just get it!

      For goodness sake’s she dated a Hanson brother…no that isn’t right…a Jonas brother! Really, aren’t they pretty much interchangable with those purity rings? My dear, White Yorkie you are a million steps up from that! She should be making you brunch!

  • http://letterstokristen.wordpress.com/ KStewBoy

    Menu is key, Yorkie.  All items must rate high on the Panty Loosener Scale (PLS).
    Suggestion 1:
    http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/heart_shaped_fried_eggs

    • TeamSeth

       I fully support this suggestion.

  • Sj_nuiph

    White Yorkie, you’re aliveee!

  • Rob’sZombie

    White Yorkie is hotttttt! Just sayin;)

    • TeamSeth

      BASICALLY!

      It’s like, Do I encourage him to fuck some other hot chick, or do I fantasize quietly about him on my bus ride home from work?

      Life is cruel

  • cyndibear

    Wow. White Yorkie, that Bronycon link was quite an unexpected distraction and literally caused a period of speechlessness (word?).  Post a link like that and claim to have been… and we’re going to expect details. (Please.)

    Rainbow-colored distraction aside, first tweet accomplished! Just so you know, my tweets may not be clever, but I can be persistent. Especially when it involves someone’s “destiny”.

  • Pingback: Help a Unicorn Out, Mang!()

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