Soooo we have SO many #RIPTwilight stories left to share and like zero days left (literally) so today will be slightly different. I know I know we ONLY post at 8 am unless something MAJOR happens. But we’re gonna switch it up today and post every few hours with the stories we have left… We think they are that important and you need a break from all the crying you’ll be doing, so we think you should eat ice cream between each reading.
Kicking us off today is a letter suggesting we need a glossary (we have a little one in our FAQs) or a Dictionary. And we agree. We should have done that LONG ago..!
Sigh . . . This is hard stuff. Cue “There’s a Possibility” from New Moon to play in the background while I type this letter.
I found LTT while doing my daily check of SM’s site. It was just a regular sleepy eyed morning, I was off work for the summer and was excited to see a rare update, which was the not-random drawing of fan sites to meet with Steph. I checked out all the winning sites, but of course LTT was the only one that really GOT me. The only site that made me feel normal. Though I have to admit, for a while I felt not quite cool enough to be here. I was scared to comment for fear that I would sound too lame. Everybody was SOOO funny, SOOO intelligent and (gasp) from all over the world! I was just a Kentucky red neck (that’s a term of pride down here) that had never even read a blog before. Plus, you guys seemed to have your own secret language, full of inside jokes and slang terms that I wasn’t in on and didn’t understand. I was so clueless. I read the rest of the site and the old posts as quickly as possible. The FAQ’s were very helpful. Though I still felt a little intimidated, I commented occasionally, and laughed constantly. Soon, I was getting the inside jokes, and I feeling much cooler. I no longer felt like a weird grown ass woman that was obsessed with a teen saga. I was this cool chick that made my own inside jokes that nobody else got J I felt way cool as I taught the words “jorts”, “face palm” and “second hand embarrassed” to my three teenage daughters. It might sound creepy/crazy, but I now feel I have friends all over the world. I know we’d never recognize each other in person, and I admit I still confuse which one is Moon and which one is UC, but you guys have all been my friends these past few years and I will truly miss you all. Thanks for upping my coolness, thanks for the sense of normality, thanks for letting me live vicariously through you at all the premiers and interviews, thanks for extending my vocabulary (still waiting for the LTT dictionary, or the glossary in that book your going to write) and thanks for the memories! #RIPBobHopetoo
Maybe we don’t need a Dictionary since we have Team Seth
Usually I write LTT, but since this is the final letter, I wanted to make it formal.
As a language lover, I really want to thank you for the new dialect. Purple meaning cool and green meaning good. Buttcrack Santa, a figure as well-known as his little bottles, always being followed by a #RIP to be grammatically correct. Jortspack and to fursplode being the most accurate and PC way to describe the wolves (sorry, shapeshifters!) and their transformation. The suffix -ward added to any noun creating a complex noun having to do with an iteration of Edward’s character growth as a non-growing being or, alternatively, of Rob’s hijinx for the week. Normal being an adjective to describe a distinct type of person belonging to a specific group. The etymology of the phrase Breaking it down, Vanity Fair style harkening us back to the creation and founding nature of this dialect. Thinkers, debaters, and philosophers coming together over the terms tweed serious, put on my tweed, and Twilosophy. Unicorn no longer meaning a mythical creature, but rather a real, flesh-and-bone male human being. Spit my coffee out not meaning a caffeinated beverage is splattered (usually), rather that one laughed in his/her head really loudly; louder than a LOL conveys. Such is the dialect of LTT, and for it I’m am ever grateful.
Most people like Twilight because of the relationship between Bella and Edward. I suppose that is respectable, though it’s not my favorite fictional relationship by any means (cough, Bennett and Darcy, cough). I like Twilight because of the trees. Imagine for a moment having visited the Pacific Northwest. A fleeting pass-through on your road trip around North America: mostly interstates and a few craft beers, and then some whale watching in British Columbia. Your recent boyfriend meeting you in Vancouver and telling you about the Ewok Forest of Stanley Park. You go with him there, take in the quiet majesty of the ancient trees that tower over you. The deeper into this urban park you go, the less light that filters through. Water is everywhere in the form of moisture. Everything is wet and cold and green. So very green. Even the things that shouldn’t be green, like the rocks and the tree bark, are covered in a neon green moss. Now remove yourself from that place and put yourself in the humidity and heat of Orlando, Florida. Put yourself on the smoggy, overcrowded interstate commute home from your 7:30-5:00 job that you don’t mind, but don’t see a future in. The pine trees, where they even grow here, are short and stumpy. The hot weather is oppressive and unrelenting. The land is flat and littered with swamp and hot, murky lakes that you cannot go into without getting amoebas in your ears. It is almost hellish.
Do you have that image in your mind? Now turn on “Full Moon” by The Black Ghosts (I know you all own it. You don’t have to pretend, you’re safe here). What do you see? What do you feel? You see trees. You see “Twilight” fonted. You see a metal bridge over a river and a Forks police car driving. You see a Welcome to Forks sign. You see an open-bed semi hauling timber. You see green and wet and cold. You feel good. You feel excited. You feel alive.
This is where I went. I moved across the country without a job to the Pacific Northwest. Under the nearly constant cover of stratus cloud and drizzling rain, next to the spraying roar of Multnomah Falls, on the cliffside of US-101 overlooking Cannon Beach and the outstretched Pacific Ocean. That is where I found you, LTT. And you changed my life. Irrevocably so.
Thanks for all the laugh lines, ladies and unicorns. You’ve all really meant the world to me.
With the Kindest Regards,