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Breaking it down: The Font and I talk Taylor, bare feet and DOWN THERE!

Dear Taylor,

Sometimes I end up talking to my guy friends about you and not because they want to but because I commandeer the conversation and we go there. I apologize in advance for talking about some sensitive subjects for both you, Jacob and whatever’s going on beneath the Jorts.

(suck it Chris Hanson!)

A first… breaking it down with me and The Font

Take this invite and shove it!

The one where I totally commandeer the convo
The Font: Moon
Moon: The Font…..
*lots of time passes*
Moon: i take it you saw the new jacob picture but you’re too shy to bring it up?? do you want me to start??
………………
Moon: ok… running barefoot?! wtf? am i right??? just because white bread vanilla snoozville bella and edward sent you an F You! wedding invite doesnt mean you need to risk a cold or worse yet needing a tetanus booster when you inevitably step on a nail from running without shoes.
Moon: you send them a F You! gift from their registry and by gift from their registry i mean a flaming bag of crap thrown onto the cullens front porch!!

What should really happen at Edward & Bella's wedding

Moon: or you streak the wedding, dump a bucket of blood on bella a la “carrie” then yell “they’re all vampires you idiots” at the crowd of dumbass townies who couldnt recognize a werewolf if it phased in front of them……
(it’s your turn to jump in…. anytime now….)
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The one where he finally gives in and jumps in
The Font: i go get a hot pocket and come back, and this is what happens?!
The Font: why is he BAREFOOT? is that a werewolf thing? or he does not have the twenty seconds to put on shoes?
Moon: i guess when you’re a werewolf in love with a vampire’s girl, pithy things like footwear doesnt matter. if he gets hurt it heals within minutes anyway so i guess he thinks fuck it, try to kill me tetanus!!!

Not exactly the Sports Authority

The Font: still. just for COMFORT’S sake
Moon: well maybe he’s realized it’s not worth it to lose another pair of shoes, because he’ll just get more pissed off, phase and the shoes will shread to pieces anyway. it’s a shitty economy still. he’s being economical and im sure new running shoes arent exactly cheap at newtons outfitters. its not like sports authority. they gotta put mike through community college somehow.
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The one where we discuss Jorts vs Stretchy Pants and modesty

Official uniform of the wolfpack and everyone in our neighborhood

The Font: aren’t there stretch shoes for these kinds of things? the hulk always has stretch pants
Moon: you’d think thatd be the way they’d go, but they like the denim jorts. hipster wolves?
The Font: let’s talk about THAT! if they have JEANS on, how are those not ripping? jeans are not exactly known for their give
Moon: ok, here it is… (twi nerd of the day award) they either take them off and stash them into the woods before the phase, or they shread off their bodies. thats pretty much how the explain it in the books and movies. in the books, apparently, they tie an extra pair of shorts or whatever around their legs, in the movies they stash them in the woods
The Font: so concerned with modesty, these wolves

Dude follow the cut, we talk about naked Jacob and SO much more after this
Continue…

121 Commented


The Font writes a letter to the universe

Gone FIshin'While we do the “mans” job and Go Fishin’, The Font from the LTT Podcast does a girlie thing & writes an LTT

Oh hey there internet!

It’s The Font, your favorite Twi-misanthrope. So listen. Moon left the country or something. And because I am part of the LTT family, I am legally required to write some sort of letter. It’s true. It’s in the bylaws.

But here’s the thing internet. I really don’t like Twilight that much. I mean, I don’t know if you know this, but it’s pretty much for girls. Seri

SO! In honor of Moon’s vacation to wherever she is (Thailand? Rhode Island?), I am going to write a list of things that would make Twilight more awesome.

Let's not talk & just sparkle

1)  Vampire Hunters.

Think about it! How much more awesome would everything be if when Edward and Bella are whining about how sparkly they are or whatever, a bunch of dudes show up with flaming crossbows! And then Jacob has to choose between letting Edward get super-murdered and saving the man his favorite lady loves! Oh hey look! Actual conflict!

Or what if they killed one of Edward’s friends, and somehow Bella was responsible? Also, could you kill these guys if they’re trying to kill you? What is the moral code of a soulless vampire?

Hey look! Conflict again!

2)  Way More Murders.

Seriously.  Everyone survives these books. It is a VAMPIRE versus a WEREWOLF. And they are teenagers! With all the hormones! If I had super strength and/or crazy murderous killing powers at 16, and some vampire was trying to take my lady, shit would be ON like Donkey Kong!

And that’s not to say anything about all the killer vampires trying to murder Bella all the time. None of them were like, oh, why don’t I kill her parents and shake her shit up! Bella would probably be dumb enough to go to the funeral. Murder  central!

Now that's funny!

3)  More comedy.

No one says anything funny in any of this.  Think of a funny thing in these books. Seriously. I dare you. I mean, you can say funny things ABOUT Twilight. (Some might say you could write an entire blog about it.)  But like, couldn’t Jacob be funny?  I mean, there is some comedy in the fact that he is a werewolf, right?  Like, no one ever turned into a werewolf and messed with people just for kicks?  I mean, that would pretty much be the greatest locker room prank ever.

Okay listen.  I am sorry for making fun of the thing that you guys love.  I know I do it all the time.  But I had to write a letter!  They made me.  I still love you, internet.  Even if I am weirdly distant.

Seriously, don’t murder me.

The Font

The Font is so paranoid. So what do you think? Does he have some good suggestions? Or are they as lame as his paranoia? Obviously he doesn’t share our views- but what about the views of the guys in YOUR life!?

Please love Moon & think of her while she’s gone!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

75 Commented


Ain’t No Lie Baby, Bye Bye Bye

**Read the finale letter at 12PM EST.**
***If you’re a true sadist like me, I included some music at the end to listen to while reading*** 


Dear Twilight-

It’s weird to be writing my last official letter to you after four years of a near contant stream of crazy, stupid, and awesome. While writing a different letter a few days ago I was searching for some particular pictures and ran across so many old, epic posts, that I sent UC an email titled “WE DID THIS SHIT!!” and then I just put a ton of links of us posing for pictures with people like Sam Bradley and the Bananager and stories from Twicons and a a little fanfic I wrote called Inside Our Home. YEA, we did do all. that. shit! And it was fun. A LOT of fun!

The last fours years have taught me so much about myself that I never knew was possible. You know how they say to make a habit you have to do something consistently for 30 days? Try writing something “creative” (I’ll use quote marks here because they weren’t ALL great!) EVERY DAY for almost 800 days and not learning something about yourself. Impossible! Even when I had bad days or off days I knew there were people out there who would want to read a letter the next morning no matter what. I learned that there were people who the only time they got to laugh during the day was at our site, I learned that people go through terrible things yet life moves on and sometimes Twilight or a couple of girls can help you get through it. Talk about motivation! Talk about life lessons.

The ship that launched a thousand blogs.

Things I’ve Learned:

  • Just when I think I’m done I need to proof about 20 more times (yes, I love typos)
  • I can blog in a stupor at 3AM from a friends computer after I vaguely tell him I have a “deadline” for a secret blog he knows nothing about
  • Some people are SUPER amazing and awesome and treat you like family even if you’ve never met
  • Some people are super mean and terrible and will Tweet about you from the same room instead of saying mean things to your face
  • Twilight really does bring people together
  • Krisbians will NEVER understand us
  • Once someone finds out you blog about Twilight, they will tell EVERYONE
  • Everyone is secretly (or not so secretly) fascinated by Twilight
  • When you’re out of ideas or need a one liner UC is always a text or instant message away with a home run. She hits a lot of home runs. Though she probably doesn’t know what sport a home run comes from.

These girls

I’ve learned a lot in the last four years, but just like Victoria in the films I’ve changed a lot as well. Ok, maybe I haven’t become a totally different person in a heinous  red wig, but you get the point. In the last four years we’ve been writing letters…

  • I’ve lived in 2 houses
  • I’ve had about 4 different jobs
  • I’ve traveled to 6 countries outside of the states
  • I’ve covered 2 Twilight red carpet premieres
  • I’ve interviewed Stephenie Meyer and actually said the words “Fuck, Kill or Marry” to her while others stared in horror
  • I’ve gained too many friends to count
  • I’ve re-discovered 1 unbelievable best friend and business partner

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UC once said that we could’ve been halfway through schooling to become doctors if we’d decided to apply ourselves to studying medicine instead of studying what hat Robert Pattinson wore to a bar the previous night. To that I say BORING!!! I’ll let the doctors do what they do best and I’ll stick to photoshopping Taylor’s face onto an alpaca. Cause that is totally normal. So who knows what will happen in the next four years, maybe Kit Harrington will tell us he needs to use the bathroom at a red carpet event or Ryan Gosling will agree to our polygamist lifestyle contract we created. Who knows, but one thing’s for sure, I want UC involved.
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We did it our way

After we started LTT and LTR UC and I would have regular discussions about how we could play with “the big kids” and get invited to special stuff and gain tons of readers. Every time we’d come to the conclusion that none of that was worth it if we couldn’t continue writing the blogs our way. I’m so glad we stuck to our guns and talked about Twilight  our way because it ended up turning out exactly how we wanted it to, it just took a little longer. But it was SO worth it. A big thank you goes out to each and every reader and follower we’ve had along the way for sticking with us and proving that what we were saying wasn’t totally crazy and that there were more Twilight fans out there who were just like us and wanted to be represented like we did. I hope we did you proud.
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This was the day I knew…

UC – You told me you cried writing your name for the “last” time and I laughed. Well, I just wrote your name and started crying, so I guess we’re even. And I guess it’s finally hitting me. After four years I don’t think we have anything left unsaid on the subject but I want you to know you’re amazing and talented and special and a heck of a business partner. Really, without you pushing me sometimes things wouldn’t get done. I appreciate that about you and I appreciate that we both recognize our strengths and weaknesses and have pushed each other to shine in our strengths rather than try to be something we’re not. People have asked me how we’ve made it work when so many partnerships fail and I think it really comes down to just that, we both know what we do best and we do it. There’s no ego or passive aggressive BS, just two friends doing something they really love together. Who would have thunk it? We’ve seen, done and heard a lot of crazy shit in the past four years and I knew we were meant to be because we’d ALWAYS be on the same page about it. Thank you for getting me and getting us and having the same vision for this blog as I did. Now go wipe your eyes, we have another blog to blow up.
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So yes, Twilight, we came, we saw, we laughed and WE DID THIS SHIT. It’s been a mind blowing four years that I don’t think I’ll fully comprehend for many years to come.

Thank you for everything.
XOXO
Themoonisdown

PS See you at That’s Normal!

These guys

PPS A HUGE HUGE special hug and thank you to all those who have contributed over the years by sending in letters, commenting, tweeting, giving us ideas and generally just being supportive. We couldn’t have done it without you. To the LTT family – White Yorkie, The Font, Brooke and Mr. Choice. To all those past and present who have kept the forum lively and working- JodieO, Zephyr, KelBel, Kristin, Jena and Dancing Echoes. To our friends at Summit- Ryan, Matt, Ramzy, Nancy and Jack, thanks for accepting us and trusting our form of Twilight love. To Rob. Why not? To Meghan, there are 24 usable hours in the day. Someday I’ll use them all, like you. To the Twilight family of sites and Bitchin’ Bloggers: Will, Elena, Gozde, Lauren, Erin, Abbey, Allison, Andrew, Kaleb, Laura, Matt, Heidi, Lori, Jen, Kimmy, Michelle, Kate and Patty! You’ve been invaluable resources and most of all good friends! To my SoCal friends who happen to love Twilight, thank you for doing all that stuff with me. To our Twilight cast pals- Thanks for acting like we’re not crazy (we are). And an even bigger thank you to Stephenie Meyer for getting us started and for helping provide the amazing content we spent four years writing about. Thank you for getting us. Thank you for Edward and Bella and Jacob. Thank you for being the reason UC and I reunited. And really, the offer still stands. If you need a place to escape and a computer… the closet is open.
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And because I never do anything without music… follow the jump for some tunes to listen to while you read this…

Continue…

45 Commented


Brunching Ashley Greene

(Get ready to pee your pants of the laughter and the epicness, then get ready to tweet @AshleyMGreene because this really needs to happen. Aren’t in luff with White Yorkie yet? Remind yourself here.)
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Brunch with White Yorkie?! Where do I sign up???

Well hello there, Ladies (and gentleman).

White Yorkie here, everybody’s favorite unicorn…  Well, everybody’s favorite other than the Font, but I lost him in the crowd at BronyCon (trust me, click on that link) this year, so you’re stuck with me.As you may be aware, Ashley Greene is near and dear to my heart.  Soon after writing this post yesterday, I looked at my clock and realized 9 hours had passed.  And then I looked at my screen and realized I had 25 ¾ pages of meandering (yet heartfelt) love sonnets.  I’ll spare you that and instead say this:

If it were up to me, all the films would focus on Alice and not this other chick Blecha or whoever-the-crap.  At the very least she should get her own Saturday morning cartoon spinoff series:  The Adventures of Alice Cullen & Friends.  It would be Masters of The Universe meets Muppet Babies.  Or Darkwing Duck meets Eek! The Cat.  Or The Snorks meets NYPD Blue.  You understand.

The real point is, this week both me and Ashley Greene will be at San Diego Comic-Con.  Now some might look at this situation and say to themselves, “Yeah, sure.  I could possibly maybe might see the love of my life from like a brajillion feet away.  We’re only separated by 5,000 sweaty mouth-breathers.  What a good day.”  But no.  White Yorkie ain’t having that shit.  I see this as the perfect opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream.

Hmmmmm pancakes… smoothies…. eggs…. what do I want…

I’m gonna make breakfast for Ashley Greene.

And trust me…  you (talking to Ashley now) are in for a treat.

Girl, I can make you eggs.  Sunnyside up?  You bet.  Poached?  Ain’t no thang.  Scrambled?  Child, please.  You like ‘em a little runny?  I got you covered.

Girl, I can make you toast.  I’ll be slicing a loaf of whole grain (gluten free if you’re into that sorta thing) to the beat of Father John Misty like it’s my J-O-B.

Girl, I can blend the shit out of fresh fruit and greens.  Yeah, I’m talk’n smoothies.  Mangos?  You bet your sweet ass.  Kale?  I ain’t scurred.  You like ‘em super green with Dandelion Greens and Chard?  I’m your huckleberry.  (Plus I’ll bring my Vitamix 5200 so you know I’m not messing around.)

We can talk about “movies” versus “films.”  The intricacies of Robyn.  Even the implications of the God Particle if you’re feeling especially sciency.

Alright, so here’s the deal LTTers.  I need your help.  You might be asking why I deserve it.  The truth is, I don’t.  But what mere human really deserves the company of this beauty?

The real answer to that question is “none alive.”  But today’s answer is “White Yorkie.”

Basically what I’m asking you to do is to spend the next few days leading up to Comic-Con twitter-bombing Ashley Greene.  Just a little note letting her know that I’m ready and willing.  Something like:

White Yorkie wants to make you breakfast at Comic-Con!  He’s so dreamy and junk!

Or

I really wish I had guys the caliber of White Yorkie wanting to make me breakfast!  Swoon!

Or

When White Yorkie makes you breakfast pretty please take pics!  OMFGROTFLCOPTER!

Just be sure to #brunchingashleygreene

You can also take a picture like this one and throw it on the ol’ Instagram and tag Ashley in it.

I will return from my adventures with extensive writings, photos, and perhaps even video.  And I will also be forever in your debt, Interwebs.  That means I owe you Italian food and at least a trip to second base the next time you’re in town.

Okay, here’s all the important details:

When: Comic-Con 2012 in San Diego.  Thursday-Sunday.  My schedule is flexible.
Where:  LTT headquarters in the Gaslamp District.  It’s legit swank.
Who:  White Yorkie, Moon, Ashley Greene.
How:  twitter:  @ashleymgreene
Instagram: ashleymgreene
#brunchingashleygreene

Please help me in my quest to brunch Ashley Greene.

White Yorkie out.

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**Yup, that’s right White Yorkie along with me and BrookeLockhart will be at Comic Con tearing it up on your behalf at all the Twilight events as well as all the other bizarro crap we’re into and will report on over at That’s Normal. So make White Yorkie’s day and tweet the crap out of Ashley Greene cause really, ya never know what will happen. Also if you’ll be at Comic Con stay tuned to our Twitter @Letter2Twilight because we might just be going something cool and what you there! **

28 Commented


Breaking Dawn is trying to sell us something else

Dear Breaking Dawn Promo stuff,

Sometimes I get the feeling you are trying to sell me more than just the movie. Like when I look at the promo pictures it feels like there’s really an underlying message or brand I’m being sold. It’s as if the Summit Marketing team got together to come up with some ideas for “brand partnerships” to create “film and corporate synergy.” Yea, I’m pretty sure the word “synergy” was used a lot… So when I saw this latest batch of promo headshots from Breaking Dawn I knew I had to be onto something…
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Poor dude who plays Caius, with every movie he loks progressively more and more like Fabio. They might as well just give him a tub of butter to hold while he’s sitting behind Aro in the Voltera, Italy scenes and help make some extra money with product placement.

Charley Bewley is like one faux hawk and guy liner fueled make up and hair session away from his own Ed Hardy ad campaign. Poor guy, it’s not like he wants a rhinestrone tiger havng sex with a Koi fish on his chest, give the guy a break folks.
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Carlisle’s not just the president, he’s also a member!

Dude, Carlisle is already winning the race for worst wig in Breaking Dawn and we haven’t even seen the film yet. YIKES.
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Sure, most of Kellan’s life has been spent looking like an outtake from International Male Catalogue but we don’t need the official promo shots reminding everyone! Though I’m pretty sure Emmett did some Internantional Male Modeling in the 80s, I don’t want to see his mesh shirt collection any times soon.

(For a good time google image search “International Male Catalogue”)
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Why does Edward ALWAYS end up looking like an Insurance salesmen/Real Estate broker/Weatherman/Boringest Person In the World??? How is it possible to make Robert Pattinson look like the dad across the street? Stop trying so hard Wardrobe Dept! We know he’s 107 years old, we’re supposed to be tricking the dumb Forks, WA townspeople not making a neon sign pointing to this guy saying “This guy could be your great grandpa not your son’s classmate!”
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Sorry Alice… Sorry Twimoms but COME ON! Though I feel this latest incarnation of Alice’s hair is probably closeted to how Stephenie describes it, it still looks like she should be loading up orange slices and Capri Suns into the mini van.
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While Emmett was busy modeling for International Male in the 80s, Jasper deciding to make some extra dough moonlighting at the local Chippendale’s club. Doing that face the entire time. Just that face, some cuffs and a g string. All night long. Try not to laugh. When Chippendale’s went belly up because of a Bachlorette party done awry Jasper made the move to modeling heinous man jewelry for Hot Topic. They already have replica Bella saint bracelets, the wedding ring and Alice’s velvet choker (!!!) why not take the next step and offer the small male contingency who loves Twilight some Jasper jewelry? I know what I’m getting The Font and White Yorkie for Christmas! Terrible  jewelry!!!

Am I the only one who feels this way about some of these promo’s? Maybe I should be hired by Summit to oversee Brand Synergy! Clearly, I have a knack for what’s happening.

Off to Chipendales!
Themoonisdown

Why do they always look so crazy? Do you guys feel the same way?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

25 Commented


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