Moon & I, exhausted from a busy weekend, so much fun together, a FAB LTT/LTR party last night and our prep for the big red carpet press later today, have nothing to say to you.
I really meant that sentence to sound much nicer, but I’m kinda cranky and my lips hurt real bad.
So here is the deal: Last night we gave the LTT Twitter @letter2twilight reigns over to my husband, Mr. Choice. And he knocked it out of the park.Even I laughed. So do yourself a favor and sift through our tweets & read the tweets from yesterday. You won’t be disappointed.
You might be able to figure out why here we look like we’re about to boss around some people:
Or why we’d subject ourselves to this 2nd-hand embarrassment:
And also maybe learn about our Fake-Lesbian civil union officiated by Edward:
See all the fun you miss when you don’t check our @letter2twilight twitter? So follow along today as the Epicness continues!
For the first time ever, you’ve done something that doesn’t suck. I’m not just saying this because we really hope you invite us to the red carpet next month (but we do. We’re going either way. We’d just prefer our time there to not be marked by 5 seconds of fun PLUS an overnight in jail cuz we snuck in the trunk of Kellan’s limo)
But you created this fanspace timeline called The Twilight Time Capsule that captures all the “moments” that fans have had with Twilight. AW!!! That’s so sweet & cute! And I immediately got to work, adding my own moments.
Of course, I couldn’t actually upload any images or comments or videos. That would make today’s letter WAY TOO EASY, right? So maybe I take it back… You had a great IDEA, but since it’s not working in the moment i need it to, it still kinda sucks. Go Figures.
(I mean we love you & would proudly represent you & your movie on November 14th, 2011 at the (Insert name of theater- don’t worry I’ll find out exactly where it is before I drug Rob’s limo driver & put on my driving cap to escort him to the premiere))
Anyway, what I WOULD have done today had it worked was bore you once again with MY Twilight moments. You’ve heard them all by now. But this time I tried to be creative & pick some of our lesser known Twilight moments:
I read Twilight on the beach and my family hates me because I am not present the entire vacation.
Thats me with the book that looks like Twilight (It's Eclipse, actually)
I see Twilight opening night November, 2008 & am the ONLY one at PF Changs afterwards who doesn’t agree when the topic of “Movie Edward is not as hot as Book Edward” is brought to the table. Movie Edward was hot
December 2008: Moon & I, casual internet friends who occasionally talk about how “The OC was the greatest show ever,” both discover we can’t stop watching this badly recorded behind the scenes 1 hour long video from a cast Vanity Fair photoshoot. And so….
Then some stuff happens (including a BUNCH of people finding LTT in January 2009) which leads to Mr. Choice & I flying to LA in March 2009 and Moon & I taking this 2nd-hand embarrassing photo:
And also making this video
(You know you love that)
Then some other stuff happened including Moon’s outing of Robsten in August, 2009 the same week that Stephenie Meyer outed US on her blog which gave us a Cullen Smile & made us fake-change our header for about 30 seconds to THIS:
(Re-read that letter- it’s hilarious, if Im allowed to say that about something I wrote (I am))
Then in November, 2009 we decided we didn’t do enough 2nd-hand embarrassing stuff together in March, so we did this in the Premiere camp-out line:
A bunch of other stuff happened including & not limited to:
- TammyO (oh how we miss you!)
- Falling in love with Big Daddy (Wait, we’re sneaking in HIS limo in November- forget Kellan!)
- Blog redesign that was about 1 year and 1/2 in the works
- I think Moon & I probably had one disagreement. Just 1 though. She’s the least difficult person to work with in the universe. Seriously. Everyone needs a Moon in their life. AWWWWW I’m CROSSTICHING THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY
- Moon threw me an EPIC online birthday party with a fairly accurate picture of my drunkest most FIRST-HAND embarrassing night ever:
- We found out we were picked out of a Twilight Cup to interview Stephenie
Then on June 18th, 2010 we leg hitched Stephenie Meyer while I made the weirdest face known to man:
Then I gazed longingly at Jackson while wearing a dress that looked more flattering in the mirror than in reality in my hipster neighborhood of Philadelphia (I had JUST moved in. I couldn’t get away with this now. Too 2nd-hand embarrassing. Even I have limits!!)
Then LegHitch2010 Happened. And it was Epic. And somehow Moon & I found time to make some videos. Some previously unpublished videos, some that Moon has totally forgotten about, and one clip that I’m sharing with you today:
(watch it again. I watched it about 20 times last night. And I wasn’t even drunk)
And during all that time THREE movies were released, another book was published, we fell in & out of love with actors (RIP Rachelle, Bryce Dallas & Xavier), made a couple (!) new friends (and a couple enemies- oops) and all together had a pretty good time.
So…. here’s to you Breaking Dawn.. You kinda have a lot to live up to. Think you’re up for the challenge? I sure hope so because these past 2 years and 10 months have been SO DANG FUN.
So what did I miss? And what would YOUR Timeline say? What do you think? Did Summit actually do something GOOD? (assuming the website works at press time?). How 2nd-hand embarrassed are you after watching that last video? And doesn’t Moon look HOT as Elvis?
PS: Hear ads? There are 4 that sometimes talk. If you mute them once they’ll be muted for eternity (at least that’s how it works for my computer!)
Yesterday when I was hitting my midday wall and looking for something to distract me (so around 10:30 am), I got a chat message from my friend sending me a conversation HER friend sent her that she was currently having with a sometimes boyfriend. About Twilight. Confused? Just wait until you read the names I gave them:
Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: I’m reading that TwiMoms blog. Someone is saying “Oh my Jacob” like “Oh my God” Also, one woman’s signature is “Owner of one of Esmee’s tears” Okay, I’ve figured more of this out, if you have even a molecule of interest in hearing the explanation Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: yes Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: Best I can tell, a lot of these women have signatures that say they’re the “owner” or something. From things like Esme’s tears, to weird, abstract things like “Charlie and Renee’s divorce” or “Bella being absurd” One woman is owner of Carlisle’s Hippocratic Oath, Elizabeth Mason’s deathbed, and “The fire that is Bella’s raw throat after her cliff-diving near-death experience.”
[My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: was it sad that i knew it was Masen not Mason? UC: No, That's Normal. He also butchered the spelling of Esme's name. But I'll let it slide]
Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend Someone is the owner of “Edward’s anguish and resolve when he believes that Bella committed suicide”
UC: this is so embarrassing My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: like, you think stupid shiny volvos and stuff are embarrassing. please. UC: WHY is he reading Twimoms!?
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: She doesn’t know. killing time maybe? good place for it UC: seriously
Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: That woman is also the owner of “Carlisle’s amazement at Elizabeth Masen’s astute inference in her dying wish” Though this woman ALSO owns “Bella clinging to the side-mirror of her truck to avoid landing on her tush in the ice” you’ll love that one
UC: hahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahaha. this is blowing my mind
This shocked even me. Just when I think I have seen EVERYTHING in the Twilight fandom, I find out that there are people with names on forums so complicated from obscure, minute details from a book I clearly have never read that thoroughly. I thought naming myself “UnintendedChoice” was weird- it IS a line from Muse song, you know (I bet Stephenie knew that!).
Are there woman on a forum thread about the movie actors with names like “That one time Rob looked at Kristen & we knew Robsten was real” or “Back to December and that time when I could believe in the love of Swiftner?” Are there owners of “The Lautner family “preferred customer card” from the Olive Garden?” Does someone claim to own “The catfish farm where Jackson was born?” How about the “owner of the box where Dakota Fanning’s virginity is being held?” Has anyone thought of that? I think it’s time for a name change! Clearly I’m not crazy enough about Twilight!
Owner of “That one moment when Edward was like “Oh F*ck” after he realized he knock-ed up Bella and was probably gonna have a kid with a name no one could ever spell” (otherwise known as unintendedChoice)
What name do YOU wish you had thought of? Be like a Twimom & pick a new one (just for today though, ok? That’s just weird…)
I HATE MOON
REMINDER ABOUT THE WORST NEWS EVER ABOUT MOON GOING TO AFRICA FROM JULY 28-AUGUST 17 FML: If you have something burning you’ve been DYING to “talk” to Twilight about, please e-mail us a letter at email@example.com! You can include pics if you want (links or attachments are best) or I’ll find appropriate ones for you! The more emails we get, the more posts there will be while Moon is gone. I’m going away towards the end of Moon’s trip, so LTT will either have the occasional letter from me, bitching about how much I miss Moon, letters from YOU, or nothing but a “Gone Fishin’” sign, which would probably make the owner of “I wish they’d make a movie about the life of Jasper & Alice” sad. Don’t make that person any sadder than she already is sad.
It’s one of those Mondays that I’m dreading- last week was a 4 day work week & this week has 5 days I have to work- plus there’s a heatwave. And I’m just in the mood to complain. So when I sat down to pen something Twilosophical to you, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to think hard & since all Twilight fans think alike, I doubt LTT readers want to either.
So I went to our email inbox, to see what treasure I’ve been storing for such a rainy/boring/horrible/hot/Monday such as this. This is what I found:
1) Antonella’s boyfriend (who she described as “Who is totally not a unicorn. At all. More like a buffalo.”) found us the holy grail of “2nd Hand Embarrassment”
Yes this is real
What’s even worse is that is that it’s in MOANtreal, which has French Canadians. And the French are supposed to be classier than the rest of us
The birds can enjoy the view
And of course that little white paper (INSIDE the car) says “I love Rob.” Of course it does.
2) The Old One took the time to take the Breaking Dawn calendar image & photoshop it to look exactly like the rest of us were thinking it should look:
After seeing the weird purple & orange lighting she couldn’t resist. She said it just screamed “we’ve just beamed down to the planet’s surface and encountered a strange half-man, half-lizard life form. He’s been eyeing Lieutenant Commander Swan and I don’t trust him.”
3) MarbleNutSlut wrote to tell us she’d love to see a “This Random Thing Reminds Me Of Twilight post.” She saw a whole rack of these at the Hartford airport and thought:
“ZOMG is KStew gunning for CoverGirl status?! That seems…uncharacteristic?”
And then her bleary cross-country traveling eyes adjusted, but still. This is the patented HairGrab pose. They teach it in modeling classes now, apparently.
I did a double-take too. That is a nice KSTEW knock-off!
4) And finally, Melissa thought of us when she came across these new JorJeggings: Yep. Jorts in Leggings material:
Think Leah will rock these in Breaking Dawn?
Oh Twilight, always popping up in our lives, even in the mundane!
Where has Twilight “popped-up” in your life recently?
If you know me, and I think by now you do, you know that sometimes I like to start a blog “series” that I never remember to do for a second time. Today is one of those days. Except that I hope to remember to write a letter like this again because I had a lot of fun crafting this one. We’re gonna KICK IT OLD SCHOOl, TWILIGHT-STYLE & bring back a topic, discussion or something fun from Twilight in the past. Today’s topic: Pieces of Flair.
You know you had them- You thought it was cool. You just saw the movie. Or you just finished the books & you wanted to share with the world via your Facebook page that You were on TEAM EDWARD (or You were one of the proud
“WOLF GIRLS”) and so what better way to do it? Pieces of Flair- yep, useless small “Buttons” you can barely read that you post on your Facebook wall, but then disappear 30 seconds later, never to be found again, but give you a good 15 seconds of pure joy & laughter before they’re gone.
I did it. Moon did it. And we spent an embarrassingly amount of time looking up Twilight flair, laughing at it (and even creating some Flair of our own)
I completely forgot about this “Old School” Twilight activity- mostly because they disappeared from my wall & I had no idea where they went- until we got this email from LTT reader & friend allryans about the beginning of her Twi-obsession:
Nov 08 TheBFF: I just got your Pieces of Flair…hilarious. Me: The Bookworms Against Twilight one? Yes, I’m sure [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] won’t understand. TheBFF: My favorite is the Narnia one. Me: “I just read Twilight and now I can’t get into Narnia – Susan Pevensie” HA TheBFF: “I just read Twilight, so Voldemort wins. – Harry Potter” Me: Those are the best. TheBFF: I cannot bring myself to read those books. Me: Ugh, anything that [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] likes that much has to be complete shit. Her favorite song is Jessie’s Girl.
March 22, 2009 Me: [Good guy friend] told me he rented Twilight and LIKED it. I’m removing him from Facebook. TheBFF: Deserved.
March 28, 2009 TheBFF: You’re going to kill me. My sister rented Twilight tonight. Me: Don’t do it. TheBFF: She wants to watch it. Me: You’re dead to me.
…. three hours later …
TheBFF: It really wasn’t that bad. Me: And the sparkles? TheBFF: THAT was bad. But I like vampire movies. So it was good for me. Me: DEFRIEND
April 7, 2009 Me: I have a confession to make, and you may never be my friend after this. TheBFF: Doubtful. Me: I have just spent the past 10 hours READING TWILIGHT (and I’m going back for more). TheBFF: I do not believe you. Me: I’m serious. [My husband] rented it this weekend, and I caved and watched it with him. Then when he went to work yesterday, I WATCHED IT AGAIN. Me: THEN I went to WalMart and bought the book (and the dvd). OMG. Me: I even went to WalMart so my regular bookstore lady wouldn’t see me buying it, and I could hide it under a box of Capri-Suns. TheBFF: YOU ARE [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] !! Me: I hate myself. Me: But God help me, I love Edward.
A week later, I was gorging on Rob interviews and lurking on LTT.
I still hate [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] though. Idiot. – allryans
Amazing. Do you know what else is amazing? I have 55 pieces of Useless Flair on Facebook – 35 of them are somehow related to Twilight. Yes, 63%. Yes I’m 27 years old. Yes, I am so very proud!!!!
Take a quick look at the amazingness that is my Twilight Flair:
How 2nd-hand embarrassed of me are you that all of those have been (hidden somewhere) on Facebook attached to ME for the past 2+ years?
And in case you’re wondering what the 411 is on new Facebook Flair (since I last added some), here is a sampling:
Oh & don’t worry- I sent Moon some great Robsten flair yesterday too, for old times sake!
of COURSE we made LTT flair long ago!
Long live Twilight flair (of course I didn’t delete a SINGLE piece!)
Do you have embarrassing “old school” Twilight flair or other images on your Facebook (or worse- MYSPACE) page!? Send us links!!! (PS: hate the new Facebook image layout? Hit F5 to view the old style (fn F5 on a mac!) and then right click, copy image link to link in comments!) Also like us on Facebook. DUH!