Breaking down THE bed picture- you know, the underwhelming one….

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Moon & I started breaking dawn THE BED picture, and then ended up just creeping each other out. Hope you enjoy!

OMG OMG OMG I’M UNDERWHELMED

UC: OMG OMG OMG OMG… did you see it? The most over-hyped underwhelming picture of Edward & Bella in BED of the year!?
Moon: why yes, yes i did- i tweeted it out like an hr later. and then sat around and watched the crazy descend
UC: way to be on TOP of it (ahem) on top like Edward. Missionary style what whatttt!!
Moon: Bella’s first time
UC: Question: when you thought about yourself as Bella, doing it with Edward for the first time, because you know you did, how did you envision it? Missionary? I know you save your doggy style fantasizing for your Jake fantasies..
Moon: doesn’t Stephenie describe it as missionary in the book?? Cause he doesn’t want to crush her?
UC: does she GET that descriptive? Oh yes… the crushing….
Moon: ps the fact we’re breaking down the position is disturbing for any family members or friends reading
UC: sorry to all of them. but it’s SERIOUS, and we discuss SERIOUS things
Moon: and YET you’d think if he didn’t want to crush her it’d be the other way around
UC: also isn’t missionary best for baby-making? ? and since they make a baby (SPOILER ALERT)… or is that a myth
I will google it: Ah- Informative

“You may have heard that positions that deposit the sperm closest to the cervix — such as the missionary position (man on top) — are more promising than other positions. But there are no studies to back this up.”

thank you babycenter.com. but getting back to our fantasies.. I’m trying to think……
Moon: so wrong. isn’t everything about sex made up? it seems….
UC: I think so.
Moon: i mean if urban dictionary hasn’t heard of it than it can’t be true

Less Sex than on CSI

UC: right. So there’s that… Edward’s on top.. Big surprise. Are we jaded & t hat’s why we weren’t overwhelmed like it seemed the entirety of twitter was by this?
Moon: well i mean i guess i was underwhelmed cause its like we already know this happens, right? We’ve all read the books. they do it.
UC: right…. i know… i think we’ve built it up more in our minds… and at the end of the day… it’s just sex. And it’s going to be less sex than we generally see on an episode of CSI (believe me, I watched like 12 in the last few days i’ve been sick)
Moon: Or maybe we’re underwhelmed because it wasn’t on a bear skin rug. And even if its really Edward and Bella, Kristen and Rob should insist on any LOVE MAKING being on an animal hide
UC: I KNOW- it should be in their contracts. It should be wolf skin- just to stick it a little to Jacob
Moon: the fireplace is negotiable. The rug, NOT. It should be on a white wolf skin- the rarest of all! Suck it jacob!!
UC: have fun waiting 18 years for the zygote growing inside of me to grow up so you can get it on with her
Moon: HHAHAHA
UC: I just became Bella there.. in case you couldn’t tell
Moon: poor jacob. his life is the epitome of a “true love waits” campaign
UC: haha So true.. he’ll have to ask Kellan for tips
Moon: maybe kellan has given taylor pointers on how this works best
UC: jinx

The one where Faith Hill did it first

Moon: ALSO maybe it’s not ZOMG for us because it’s something thats pretty straightforward and less something we don’t know how it will turn out- like maybe if it was from the transformation or birth or something with Renesmee it’d be diff
UC: right…. they do it… it’s a glowing sunlit morning…. the sheets are beige….
Moon: I’d even say the feathers were better because it left so much to the imagination
UC: I’m thinking of another sex scene where you see a lot of beige translucent sheets….Wait..i’m pretty sure it’s Faith Hill’s video for “Breathe” but it might be from a movie…
Moon: and PS this is clearly from the same shoot with the feathers. give us something NEW!
UC: that’s how the scene always played out in my mind… and the hand with feathers, and now this, is proving even more to me that it will be that.. we’ll see the back of Edward- with Bella’s hand clasping at his skin…. maybe he’ll turn her on top for a second… a translucent beige sheet (or canopy from the bed) will fall and we’ll just see their outline.. and then up close shots of their mouths… all to a really kick ass song…like how the Sia song fit during the leg hitch scene
Moon: exactly. It will be all very tastefully and not crazy intense
UC: you’re right. no surprise.
Moon: cause this is a family film, and it will NOT be some crazy s&m, fan fic scenario. So everyone should ACCEPT it now
UC: ACCEPT IT NOW!
Moon: save the crazy shiz for after Bella’s is an indestructible vampire. She’d be more down for whips once he can’t kill her accidentally
UC: What this scene WILL be is great fodder for Robsten video makers. So we have that to look forward to!!
Moon: Dude bill condon already turned it sepia for them!! they’re half way there! All they need is an awkward song from celine dion and clips from a soft core porn and its done!

More after the jump! Continue…

198 Commented


Happy extended Christmas vacay!!

Dear LTT-ers,

So we’re all still recovering from the holidays, I’m spending time with a sick family member and UC is digging her way out of a snowstorm/blizzard whatever you east coasters call them, I don’t know. So we will be in and out this week posting here and there but wanted to give you a heads up and leave some discussion tidbits from the twidom to ponder….

  • Stephenie Meyer celebrated her 21st birthday (you’re welcome) on Christmas Eve by either listening to every Muse album front to back or ordering Pancho to give her a hand massage. Or both.


So when does it stop becoming an “outtake” and we all just acknowledge this dude has maybe 4 bad pictures to his name? The jerk.

Hope your Christmas was fan-damn-tabulous and you’re enjoying the down time with family and friends… we’ll be coming back atcha with some end of the year stuff this week and of course we’re on it if anything late breaking happens (Taylor grows a couple inches).

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Sooooo discuss… any fantbulous Christmas stories or deals you got the day after to share?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

50 Commented


Bill Condon is a tease

Pillow fight!!!!

Dear Bill Condon,

You know that sound you heard on Thanksgiving Day when you tweeted this still from the Breaking Dawn set? That wasn’t the sound of oven timers going off or your mom basting the turkey or even the air escaping a balloon at the Macy’s Day Parade. It was the sound of a gabillion girl boners happening at the same time all over the world. And now news of the stone cottage scenes filming this next week so fresh on the heels of the Isle Esme scenes has everyone clawing at their computers like feral cats. I’m surprised you haven’t had any crazy fangirls crashing the set or kidnapping you till they were allowed to watch from a darkened corner which Rob and Kristen… I mean Edward and Bella got it on.

But if you film all the ‘hot and heavy’ stuff up front what are the crazy fans going to pant about in January? It’s like an intense relationship that moves too fast, all the good stuff at the beginning and then all the boring crap like “running patrols in the woods” till you break up cause someone got bored (aka met someone at the Thriftway). Who wants that? Unless of course it’s Taylor running around the backwoods of Louisiana with his shirt off for no reason other than you want to test his commitment to the role. And Lord knows he’s committed. Meat patties, anyone?

All I’m saying is a slow burn is hot. Kinda like tweeting ONLY this picture. Next you should just tweet ONLY Rob below the belt with a bloody mouth or ONLY the high neck line of Bella’s wedding dress or ONLY Jackson’s catfish facial hair before you make him shave it off. THAT should get everyone’s blood boiling.

ONLY 354 days till Breaking Dawn Part 1 *resigned sigh*
Themoonisdown

PS Bill, I hope you keep this tweeting thing up like David Slade before you. Seeing pics of Taylor lit up like a sweet sweet angel or a super close up on a blade of grass really made Eclipse filming… ok maybe not the blade of grass but the sweet sweet angel thing, definitely.

Thoughts? If you could only see a still from ONE scene in BD, just to know it was filmed, which would it be?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

Don’t forget! Tuesday is your last day to order Bite Me notepades from Lobotome for 50% off! Hurry and get those stocking stuffer/secret santa/gifts for yourself!

104 Commented


Breaking Dawn, can we just not and say we did?

Dear Breaking Dawn producers-

Can we just NOT and say we did? Or actually we don’t even have to say we did. Let’s just use some sort of flashback or dream sequence and call it a day. What am I asking that we avoid you ask? The birth scene… yup, I’m just gonna ask that we don’t. I was just reading an interview with Wyck Godrey, producer of the Twilight franchise where he explained that he wife was an OB-GYN and that they may need her on set to make sure Edward is making the proper incision for an “oral c-section.” SERIOUSLY? Let’s just not. Please? As if I didn’t already take enough flack for the scene in the book and various other Twilight shenanigans that need explaining to civilians. I just can’t shoulder this one. I’m sorry. I’ll explain sparkling vampires, hot and cold body temperatures, celebacy, mind reading, vegetarian vampirism, bad wigs and anything else about Twilight but I just can’t handle explaining why Edward is tearing into Bella’s womb on a 60 foot screen at midnight.

Can I offer some suggestions or even ideas for how to get around this one so you’ll have more time to focus on how you’re going to make Jacob imprinting on Renesmee NOT weird for the outsider? Oh and nice job side stepping the Jared and Claire imprinting business in Eclipse. Don’t think we didn’t notice!

But anyhooozle, maybe since the story is told from Bella’s perspective we can go inside her mind again a la Twilight the movie after she was biten by James and Edward sucked the venom out. We saw a very abstract, beautiful montage of scenes from the movie, future, past, present, scenery, etc all set to music (sung by Robert Pattinson… oh heeeeey!). Just a thought and then we could see Renesemee lifted up Simba on Pride Rock style and CUT TO BLACK, end of Breaking Dawn Part 1, meet us back here in 2012 same Cullen time, same Cullen channel. OR we see Jacob headed down to kill off the demon spawn yet he’s oddly drawn to her and he doesn’t know why and then BOOM CUT. Multiple options people! I’ve thought about this a lot. Clearly.

Then of course, because I love the idea, let’s make part 2 of Breaking Dawn in 3-D because really it’s just a cool idea. Think about how Stephenie Meyer describes Bella’s first moments as a vampire. She sees light reflection off particles in the air, everyone looks so much different and more beautiful… imagine when she takes that first leap off a rock and over the creek behind the Cullen house IN 3D! It’s like we can experience Bella’s new vampirism right along with her. Sure 3D the cool thing to do in movies now and it can be hella lame but it works right along with the story line. LET’S DO THIS!

True luv

And theeeeeennn there’s that whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee business. We all know you’re gonna get slaughtered in the critiques for it, we know there’s gonna be jokes EVERYWHERE about it. Let’s just take this next few years to ACCEPT IT NOW. But can I suggest a few things? The way Stephenie describes their imprinting is just so interesting and beautiful…

“Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was – my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self – disconnected from me in that second – snip, snip, snip – and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee.”

Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18, p.360

Yup, pretty much how I see it

So can we just preserve what little personal pride we’re going to have left when all the vultures and civilians start making this the joke on all the late night chat shows and SNL. Can we do another Bella montage type idea but instead with Jacob where as he’s imprinting we see an OLDER, GROWN UP version of Renesmee and not a kid strapped to Taylor Lautner in a Baby Bjorn! PLEASE! Please.

So producers can we just take these ideas or some other phenominal one you have that does NOT include an on call OB-GYN for authenticity’s sake in the “oral cesarian” and run with them? Please? Cause I really don’t want to have to say you did, when you didn’t have to.

The Lock-NESS-blog-monster, 
Themoonisdown

What ideas do you have to make some of the Breaking Dawn moment a little more palletable for the movie go-ing audience. What can we do for the people who just DON’T KNOW?
 
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

198 Commented


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