The day I realized there are flaws in Breaking Dawn Part 2

Update: Stephenie Addressed the BD Part 2 Ending on her blog (coincidence, huh?)

While we’ve only spent time gushing over BD part 2 because we thought it was a pretty darn perfect end to a pretty darn perfect saga (I mean…. except for all the things we’ve complained about over the past 4 years…) we have to share a recent letter we got because she’s NOT the only one who noticed this imperfection. This is hard though… I mean complaining about Twilight after all the #RIPTwilight we’ve gone through? Isn’t that like bad-mouthing grandpa soon after his funeral? Oh well, forgive us Grandpa (aka Stephenie & Bill & Buttcrack Santa) Also this contains SPOILERS which at this point if the ending hasn’t been spoiled for you, you must have a much fuller life than I….

Dear Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2,

So I’ve started thinking about other aspects of the movie, now that I’m starting to relax and breathe again after that shock of the sight of Carlisle beheaded (oh, right, SPOILER ALERT…. how long until you don’t need to say that any longer? A week? A month? Until it’s out of theaters?).

Breaking Dawn battle scene

SPOILER ALERT: This happens

Anyway, earlier today something dawned on me (albeit, I’m a little disappointed in myself for not realizing this sooner, but, you know, Carlisle, Seth, Jasper DEAD… yeah, that’s a lot to get past) and I’ve decided that we need to sit down and have a chat about Alice. Specifically her visions.

But first, let me get something straight; Alice can’t see werewolves… right? And… Alice can’t see Nessie… correct? And this is true, not just in the books, but in the movies, right?

Yeah. I thought so.

So, why do I ask? Well, I was wondering how is it that Alice would see things about Jacob and Renesmee. Like the fact that they would need passports?

Okay, okay, that one I can see you talking your way out of that it was just a precaution, that she didn’t know, but knew that she had to give the best possible chance of Nessie surviving even if the rest of them were doomed and it was just a slim chance, she was still going to take it. Fine.

alice-jasper

“Are you turned on?” “Yeah… I can see the wolves now…!”

But then, tell me, how did Alice see Jacob and Nessie running away and Jacob slaughtering that vamp chasing them without slowing down his full-on sprint if she can’t see either of them? Because that was part of her vision Aro saw. Or if you’re going to argue that we (the audience) wouldn’t have believed that they would have been able to flee un-chased, or that it made for good dramatic effect and suspense (and then relief knowing they got away safely). Fine.

But how did Alice see the whole fight to Aro’s death if the wolves were there? Didn’t the wolves involvement with the fight in Eclipse against the newborns cause her to go blind? Wouldn’t that mean that Alice wouldn’t have been able to see anything about the standoff with the Volturi the moment that the wolves were involved? Or did Alice work on her ability to see around her blind spots and get really good at it. But then, how did she see Seth dying? Or Leah?

Or was there something that happened when Nessie was born that no longer blinded Alice? Or maybe the weremagic of Jacob imprinting on Renesmee unclouded her vision of both werewolves and half-vamps? Hallelujah! Alice is cured! The link was made between wolf human and vamp and now she could see them all. Maybe it was supposed to have made the movie, but was cut out during editing and was therefore never explained to us that in the movie version, Alice can now see those half-breeds.

That has to be it, because how else could Alice have seen that vision of Edward, Bella, Jacob and Renesmee all together after little Nessie is “all growed up”, assuring Edward know that his whole family would have a happily ever after?

Oh, I’m not complaining. I still think the twist was pure genius and wouldn’t have you change it, nor would I take back the blissfully happy vision Alice has at the end of the film of the 4 of them, the picture of a perfect, happy family.

I’m simply curious.

Mind still blown from BDII,
TeamJacobEdward

Hmmm….. since I’m the world’s worst Twilight fan, did Stephenie ever address how Alice knew Nessie & Jake would need passports in the book? Do we know HOW Alice can suddenly see things where the wolves are involved? Or is this just the magic of Hollywood (and prayers from Stephenie that we all forget about that teeny tiny detail from the books?)

Do you care? Does it matter to you?

PS: In case you wonder what I think… I don’t care. I want to be entertained by a story I love and characters I love. And I was!)

PPS: Around the Thanksgiving table when we were asked what we were thankful for, #1 I said Mr. Choice for putting up with me & vampires for 4 years. #2 I said Moon because she’s the world’s best Moon and #3 I said you. Yes you. I told my Grandpa and everything…. xo UC

146 Commented


A letter to Robsten from a (sorta) outsider

When I read this letter from LTT (and real life friend) Plane Friend I thought “HOW INTERESTING!” Here is the Plane Friend– an LTT reader, a Twilight fan and yet such an outsider to the Robsten-Nonsten drama. She is aware that it exists, of course. She is aware of the “scandal” (how can you MISS it?) but it kinda ends there. She is actually under the impression that no one cares. Like… a normal person.. GASP! And so today I share a letter about Robsten from someone with an outsiders perspective:

I don’t care about this AMAZING fanart

Dear Robsten,

Let me be perfectly clear about something before I begin: I DON’T care about your personal lives. Truly. Unless one of you had died before the last movie had been made, no news about the two of you would have ever made it high on my radar. (Ok, that’s not completely true. Kristen, if you’d been openly dating Rob and then you’d ditched him for Taylor and his gorgeous muscles…that would have made me laugh over the irony).

That said, being a Twilight fan (who loves LTT and misses the days when we were all more frequent posters/commenters etc.), I couldn’t help but be aware of this latest scandal. And it’s amused me a lot. Trampire? Hilarious! (Uncalled for, of course, because it’s a rare Hollywood-type who isn’t cheating, divorcing, or generally being a whore, but still, hilarious).

I know that way back in 2010, UC & Moon speculated that your relationship was a publicity stunt. I have to admit that now that I’m thinking of the two of you at all, here in 2012, I’m convinced that’s what it is.

I don’t think Robsten actually exists—or ever existed. I think the two of you, a horny Cathi Hardi, a brilliant publicist, or just a drunken Buttcrack Santa came up with the idea during the filming of the first movie. It struck everyone as the best way to promote the movies and propel you both into stardom. I mean, seriously, it was smart play. Teenage girls already loved Twilight. You could easily get them in an uproar over two attractive actors dating each other. And after all the media hype when Suri Cruise was born without a picture of her anywhere to be had, someone latched onto the idea of how easy that would be to replicate in a dating situation. Are they dating? Aren’t they dating? Did someone spot you together? Will you kiss at the MTV awards or not? And so, I speculate, the “relationship” began.

Unfortunately for both of you, it’s lasted a looooong time. You were kinda trapped into continuing it, because it was tied to the success of your careers as well as the whole Twilight franchise. And, I hypothesize, you just got used to it. It didn’t hurt that you were both getting paid butt-loads of money to continue the whole ruse.

And then, I think, something truly horrifying happened. The hype died out. Suddenly, most people didn’t care if you were together or not. Twilight fervor has started to wane in favor of The Hunger Games (and, for the teens/20-30somethings who actually read as well as watch movies, for Divergent, Matched, and other great YA series).

So you tried to come out of the non-gay closet. You got spotted together, kissing!

I also don’t care about THIS normal fan art

Still, no one really cared. You’d gotten used to the publicity, Rob had a movie coming out, you want a good showing for the last movie, so everyone started scheming about how to get the media to pay attention to you both again.

So, of course, the best way to do that was to have someone cheat. Rob couldn’t do it—after all, too many crazies are convinced he really is Edward (who would NEVER cheat). And since Bella had her moment of being an unfaithful hussy in Eclipse, that task fell to Kristen.

Now KStew, I don’t know if you actually were involved in any sort of fling with the married director or if he, too, just wanted his moment in the spotlight. Either way, I’d advise against messing with married men. The “trampire” label isn’t entirely unfair, after all. And, you know, we’d all like to see you get married and pregnant someday—if only to get the vision of you as Bella knocked up with the life sucking monster out of our heads. (And because we’d love to see you weigh more than 10 pounds. It would make all of us mothers feel better about ourselves).

Personally, I have to say that the best part about being a non-believer/carer of whether or not Robsten exists AND being firmly rooted in a reality in which I don’t equate your relationship with Bella and Edward’s is a good place to be. Bookward and Bookella will live forever happily ever after in my head, and I’ll enjoy watching that play out on the big screen in November. And whatever publicity stunt the two of you pull from now on probably barely merit a passing glance from me when I see the tabloids in the grocery store.

Although if it’s been a few more years and you’re looking for ideas that would create another frenzy, I suggest this: fall completely off the face of the earth for 6-9 months. Reappear with stories of spending time on your own private island. And get an accessory: a daughter (biological or adopted) that you’ve named Renesmee.

Love from the amused,

Plane Friend

So…. are you “in the dark” like Plane friend? What do you think? 

[Robsten Fan art 1 Robsten Fan art 2]

15 Commented


Twilight in Twitter

Dear Twilight,

Back in 2009 we had The Meyerbook- someone’s “Facebook” take on Twilight. And we laughed. But now, thanks to dear LTT readers like OperaRose, LadyMeadow, NatteringYeahRobber, TeamSeth, MarbleNutSlut, KayVeeBee and JustGoWithIt, we have Twilight in Twitter. Enjoy:

the Cast

Bella @cloudsorry, Jessica @futurevaledictorian, Mike @rainboner, Edward @edward1901, Jasper @emotionalvamp, Alice @BellasBestie

Bella: @futurevaledictorian People keep telling me to follow @ecullen1901

Jessica: @cloudsorrow Oh, that’s Edward Cullen. You can follow & tweet him but
he’ll never respond #gorgeous #toogoodforanyone #likeIcare

Bella: @futurevaledictorian Wasn’t planning on it. #lies

Mike: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictatorian YO! Snow Flower and the Secret
Fan is playing! U 2 IN? It is OK if you can’t make it,
J-girl.

Jessica: @rainboner @cloudsorrow Nice try, M. #firstgrade #newtoy #groan

***************************

Edward: @cloudsorrow HELLO?

Bella: @edward1901 Thanks for causing a scene today in class. You sort of creep me out. Sorry.

Edward: @cloudsorrow I’m Edward.

Bella: @edward1901 Duh. That’s your response? #arrogant #youreyeschangecolortoo

Edward: @cloudsorrow We were both right about prophase. #likeIsaid

Bella: @edward1901 Something odd about you. Again, WTF with your eyes?

Edward: @cloudsorrow *saunters off* #talklater #mystery #youknowyouloveit

************************************

also find her @boobsmcgee

Jessica: @cloudsorrow @secondbestfriend HOORS! SHOPPING!??? Half off at PROMetheus in Port Angeles!

Bella: @futurevaledictorian OK. I guess. Whatever. Dad says I need more girl time. #fine #onlyvampirebookstoreinWAtheretoo

Mike: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictorian @secondbestfriend Can I come too? #willholdyourpurseswhileyoutrystuffon

Jessica: Direct Message – @rainboner you know B has a thing for @edward1901 right?

*********************************

Jessica: @cloudsorrow so. How was his bed? *winks*

Bella: @futurevaledictorian no bed. Pretentious CD collection. Only recognized Debussy. Photos of me everywhere.

Jessica: @cloudsorrow which Debussy? Please tell me he didn’t play Claire de Lune. #tooeasy

Jessica: @cloudsorrow also, I cannot believe his @klout score is higher than mine.

Bella: @futurevaledictorian You don’t think it is weird he has photos of me everywhere? Normal?

Jessica: @cloudsorrow Please tell me it wasn’t a Best Of Debussy compilation. Please.

Debussybot: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictorian RT: Please tell me he didn’t play Claire de Lune.

******************

Bella: @edward1901 were you in my room taking photos last night by any chance?

Edward: @cloudsorrow hey, did you take my Best of Debussy CD?

Bella: @edward1901 Do you ever not answer any questions with questions? My dad says people who do that are usually lying.

Edward: @cloudsorrow gotta go. Wear something tonight. #nudesleepingisnothygenic #leftyouateeshirtandundiesinyourbottomdrawer

*********

Bella: @edward1901: when I glare at you tomorrow at school, follow me into the woods. #IKnow

Edward: @emotionalvamp Here’s my move: she says she knows. I’ll trip her backwards and knock her head again.

Jasper: @edward1901 @BellasBestie says you are just going to make out with her no matter what happens

Edward: @BellasBestie Please change your handle. Your visions are subjective.

Alice: @edward1901 You can’t make me. Let me seeee….nope. You can’t. Go kiss your girlfriend.

********************

Edward: @BellasBestie @emotionalvamp OKAY that game went as poorly as possible. Fuck.

*******************

Jessica: @cloudsorrow: Where have you been? Why do you have a giant cast?
Bella: @futurevaledictorian I don’t want to talk about it. BTW your boobs look great.

THE END

Um that was hilarious. Thanks girls. XOXO UC

PS: When GOOGLING to find that “Meyerbook” thing above, I discovered things tagged “Twilight” on the Failbook site. Annoying to read, but funny when you get through all the crap: Twilight Failbook

34 Commented


Someone really loves Big Daddy Lautner

Dear Big Daddy Lautner,

We got this e-mail related to you last Friday when we featured you on one of the new Breaking Dawn Part 2 Posters:

How dare you old ass hags disrespect Taylor’s father like that by putting him on some damn poster. Are you bitches mad because he makes more money then you yeah that’s what it is. Or the fact that your husbands are lazy ass men that don’t do shit for a living.

Dear director of the Daniel Lautner Fan Club,

You’re right. It was so disrepsectful to feature Rob on a poster along with Big Daddy. Daniel deserves his very own features. Like this one we did a few years back of Daniel outside of his favorite restaurant:

or that time we artistically represented what Big Daddy dreams about during sporting events:

Or that one where we shared how Taylor & his dad demanded a tricked out trailer:

Or that time we superimposed a fish filet sammy over Taylor’s head:


We were wrong to include the infamous Daniel Lautner with that terrible Robert Pattinson. We hope you’re able to forgive us & are convinced of how much we really do love our favorite Twi cast member’s dad (well, tied to Dick Pattinson, followed closely by Mr. Stoner Stewart)

Love,
A couple of broke old hags with lazy ass men for husbands

It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten a hater good enough to share. This one really gave me cheer on Friday afternoon! Hope your holiday weekend (in the US!) was grand! XOXO -UC

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

25 Commented


Stop reporting me to the FBI

It’s been awhile since Kristen has heard from anyone at LTT, so today we’re fixing that!

Dear Kristen Stewart,

I do not want to kill you. I also have no plans to throw rotten tomatoes at you, deliberately write on your face with a sharpie, or show up at any premier so I may hurl abusive language at you.

Ok, maybe I should back up. It is my understanding that you make a habit of reading blogs and visiting sites about yourself. If this is true, then you have probably seen my photo. I’m not going to post it here as the other innocent people in the photo with me have been abused enough across the internet. So please accept this artist’s recreation. I’m the chubby redhead down front:

(PS: You've seen this image with the "breast feeding boy" superimposed in it, right? Big Laughs)

Despite the fact that this photo was taken over two years ago some people will not let it go and they continue to hold up my photo as the face of all that is evil and wrong in the world of Kristen Stewart.

Does it count as abuse when I shout "FIX YOUR SKIRT! Everyone can see your business!"?

I’m not going to sit here and claim to be your biggest fan or try to suck up to you or any such thing because I have no reason to lie to you. The simple truth is, I’m not a fan. I don’t say that to hurt your feelings. It’s just one opinion amongst the millions, but somehow the fact that I don’t want to get down and kiss your Louboutins means to some people that I am a physical danger to you. This could not be farther from the truth. I don’t always understand your personal choices, and I seriously think you should consider having someone help you pick out formal dresses, but these are trifles and certainly aren’t enough to get me to seek you out to do you harm.

I have tried explaining this to ‘fans’ who insist on posting my photo all over the web, but my protestations have fallen on deaf ears. Or blind eyes. Or whatever the heck it is when I type out a plea that goes something like “Please do not post that photo. It is not affiliated with any website. To my knowledge none of the people in that photo have ever threatened the well-being of any actress and are actually quite nice people.” and they respond with “What photo? I don’t know what you are talking about…. LOOK AT THIS PHOTO OF THE HATERRZZZZZZ ZOMG THEY ARE SO SMELLY AND MEAN AND THEY DRESS FUNNY!”

Body tackle, boob grab, I'll take one (or several) for the team.

It has been rumored that my photo has been sent to your security team and possibly the FBI (and if they would like to monitor my Twitter account they should stop opening accounts with avi’s of boobs because I automatically block those). In response to this rumor I just wanted to go on the record to say that although I don’t enjoy your work I’m sure you are a lovely girl (when you aren’t telling people to freeze to death or blaming your faults on your teachers) and that if I ever saw you on the street I would be as polite and pleasant as I am to all strangers. Which is to say, I would probably mumble hello, and then fumble with my phone in a socially awkward way and pretend there was something really important that I had to look at.

I do understand though, that it is the job of your security team to protect you from harm, so I will feel no ill-will towards you if Hottie Bodyguard needs to pin me to the ground. And if in my confusion I start to get up and he needs to pin me again, that’s fine by me. The man has a job to do.

Love,

Sincerely,

JodieO

What do you think about Kristen’s hoo-ha up above? How about her Beyonce-knock off dress at the SWATH premiere? How hot is that bodyguard? Ugh… am I forgetting any questions?

We promised a giveaway, and a giveaway we are having!!! The winner of our very special Guri/LTT tote bag is:

 

Congrats BeeDee! Email us at letterstotwilight@gmail.com & we’ll get your tote out to you!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

38 Commented


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