Don’t Jump! And other little things…

Dear Twilight: Today’s post is a little mashup of everything- which is a good representation of life lately. Kicking us off is SJ with a little note that maybe tugged at my heartstrings a little (not to be confused with a continuous heartquake. That’s very different. I love those too)

Dear Twilight World aka ‘my fantasy life’,

maybe we'll get another photoshoot like this again soon!

I love you, have adored you, and at times rearranged significant real life events (eg getting to work on time, highjacking bosses comp. to watch New Moon premiere livestream) to suit your needs. That is why I am imploring you now to please, for the sake of the Trinity and mother Stephenie, meat patties, brain bleach, Robsten, Nobsten and Kellan’s pamphlet of LA breast cancer clinics he keeps pinned to his fridge by a Cullen crest magnet (for when his mom *ahem* visits), and yes even the *shudder* ‘snail’, please, please don’t JUMP THE SHARK, not just yet. I’m not ready.

I know that UC & Moon have been blogging much less, but bless ‘em they’ve been the equivalent of Storm Troopers (maybe I mean Jedi’s??) in this whole saga ie the awesome guys. And so what if Cdubs & Cathy Hardy & the short guy are now but echoing voices, we still have Steph, Bill and whatsisname the producer. The whole cast may have temporarily faded into the LaLaLand ‘networking’ ghetto but lets remember that there are good times to come.

In just a few months we will care who that blonde chick standing to the left just behind Cuddlemore in a .52 second piece of footage is, Taylor will have had at least six more fauxmances, Ashley Greene will have done an even tackier swimsuit shoot, and Robsten still won’t be/will be getting cozy on the bearskin rug – just for us. And Dakota Fanning has/is? turning 18 years of age so, here’s extending an official welcome to LTT Dakota.

It’s already April, please just keep cruising around behind the speedboat before hitting that ski jump later in the year, you never know what may happen in the meantime, esp. if Rob is driving the speedboat. ;)

Sj.

AHHH SO TRUE. NEVER LET ME GO, NEVER LET ME GO (Twilight… I’m talking to you and not at all reminiscing the amazingness of last night’s Vampire Diaries. Not one bit)

In other news I was cleaning out our inbox a bit (I read some emails sent 1 month ago, go me!) and found a gem of a picture that Kaybvee sent us. Kay was at the Breaking Dawn Black Carpet & captured a Moment when Billy Burke’s wife grabbed his ass– Kaybvee says she was “practically up in there!” See for yourself:

Hey, I’d cop a feel of that copstache any day. Go get ‘em girl!

And LASTLY– my personal favorite find from our inbox (Thanks Sagalvr!)…. As you all know I was lost to Downton Abbey a few weeks back. Well, I’m on my 2nd watch through of the series (much slower this time because Mr. Choice begged me to wait & watch them with him! He loves Bates) And what’s better than Downton Abbey? Downton Abbey AND something from Twilight. So there’s this:

Downton Eddie – watch more funny videos

I knew I loved that guy!

Happy weekending

XOXO,

UC

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

12 Commented


Chris Weitz Porn– err pom

This begins our countdown until next week when both Moon & I enter a new stage in our jobs where we can find time for each other longer than a quick “Hi FML” for 5 minutes each day. 5 days to go…

Dear LTT,

I know, I know we’ve done the Alpaca Llama thing to death. I mean, Taylor looks like a llama! There are llama farms in Forks! Haha. So funny. But as luck would have it, an anonymous LTTer (not me, but anonymous for her or his(!) dignity’s sake) had a dream in which Chris Weitz was a Pomeranian. It was one of those Princess and the Frog type of story lines in which she or he(!) kisses the pooch and it becomes the DILF (x2 almost, btw!). The catch being that after ten seconds of the most recent human kiss, he turns back into the Pomeranian. Very awkward indeed.

When she or he told me about this dream, I knew there was only one rational response. Since I’m a good friend and really love procrastinating, I felt the only thing I could do was create, say, a minimum of five mash-ups of Chrispom (which, adorably, looks a lot like Chrisporn):

After that happened and I increased the day’s happiness levels for everyone who received the Chrispom, an email thread regarding “We should do the other directors! David Slade clearly is a naked mole rat” ensued. These were the results:

 

 

As you can see, Taylor is not the only one who can be compared to a domestic and/or wild animal to bring about happiness in one’s day.

Chrispom Forever!!!

With Kind Regards,

Team Seth

In other news, Team Seth’s letter today informed me that Alpacas=Lamas. I did not know this. I might be dumb.

Remember this from the good ol’ days?

 

GUYS: I’m going to the Sam Bradley/Marcus Foster show tonight. Hold me! – UC xx

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

47 Commented


The Twilight Games

Two Bad Ass Bitches of Fiction. Well, sorta

Dear Twilight,

This past weekend I read an article in the Sunday paper about the chick who plays Katniss and the guy who plays Peeta in The Hunger Games (yes, yes, they have real, actual names, I know, Jennifer something and um, someone… sorry, I’m writing this over lunch because I have ZERO time so I’m not going to look it up) as they were here at the Mall of America causing a hullabaloo with the masses. In the article, there was this emphasis on how huge, no, HUGE The Hunger Games was and the movie already is, especially since it hasn’t even hit theaters yet.

It got me thinking… Shouldn’t Stephenie Meyers, at the very least, get some sort of credit / recognition/ nod for jump starting this series into success? I honestly don’t think that The Hunger Games would be quite the ginormous thing it is without her recommendation of the books starting right when The Hunger Games first came out.

I hear your gasps. Your “boos” your “hisses” and your “nays” (yep, we have those who go old school and still prefer to show their disagreement with nay saying).

But think about it; how did you find out about The Hunger Games? I’m guessing that the large majority of you found out about and/or read The Hunger Games because of Twilight in some way, shape or form. Right?

Katniss. Shooting Beller & Edward

Personally, I asked for The Hunger Games as a gift with the blind recommendation from Stephenie on her site (then thought I was crazy to own a book by blind recommendation after I read the coverlet… and again when I read the first few pages). Of course I did pick the book back up months later, forcing myself to give it “the old college try” (since I did already own it and all) and found, not much further into it, I was hooked. But there was probably no way, without SM’s glowing, “I couldn’t put this book down, I even brought it with me out to eat so I could keep reading”* recommendation, that I would have been sitting here, stoked about the movie (finally) coming out since I read the first book shortly after it first came out.

I am by no means saying that The Hunger Games wouldn’t have been popular. It probably would have ended up pretty big anyway. But this epic cultural phenomenon that it is before the first movie is even out? I really don’t think so. At least not yet. Without Stephenie, I think the books/movies probably would have grown like Twilight did after its first movie came about… organically.

I mean, I personally am responsible for about 20 people first hearing about The Hunger Games from me and either borrowing the book(s) from me or buying them themselves and/or for their kids. And I know that many of them have recommended them to others. All because Stephenie said she couldn’t put the book down.

So, if no one else has given Stephenie a nod for this, I will; look what you helped spawn Stephenie!

What do you think? Do you agree? Is Twilight/Stephenie responsible for you getting hooked on The Hunger Games? How about other things? Percy Jackson? Volvos? Little bottles? Jorts? Purple bedding?

TeamJacobEdward

*This is a paraphrase from memory and not a direct quote from Stephenie Meyer

I loved this letter. And thought it was QUITE TIMELY as The Hunger Games is now OUT World-wide (right? Y’all have it over across the big pond?) I didn’t read HG after reading about it on Stephenie’s website (but I remember seeing it) but it WAS through a recommendation from a friend I met right here on LTT. So Thank you, Stephenie! You owe me $11.50 if the movie sucks tonight.

After the jump, another quick Twilight-Hunger Games thought! Continue…

67 Commented


Twilight: Life Ruiner. Life Enhancer.

You'll never say spaghetti again

MarbleNutSlut saves LTT from another bare* Friday with some things that Twilight has ruined. And enhanced.

Dear Twilight,

I love you. No, seriously, I do. You make my life better, or at least more absurd, and that’s kind of the same thing.

With you in my life, I don’t need to make spaghetti. I can make “Italiano!” When the kids make a mess, I get to break out my best Esme Cullen voice: “Clean up this mess! *snap* Now.” And then turn away and giggle. (thanks, Esme!)

With you, when the Boring Relatives drag us to Olive Garden, I can tune out the awful food and 40 different renditions of waiters singing “Happy Birthday” by constantly scanning for Big Daddy.

Even putting on lip gloss is more fun, because Tarte makes a shade called Twilight.

What would Edward wear? (Actually probably not this since it's not sleeveless or beige)

I just bought Mr. Slut a Land’s End shirt because it was Twilight Purple.

What other cultural phenomena lets you giggle at menswear? Hunger Games? The Beatles? I don’t think so.

With you, dear Twilight, headboards are funny. Feathers are funny. BEARS are Funny.  Pathetic liquor store holiday displays of tiny plastic bottles of Jim Beam in a stocking. Hot Pockets. Meat Patties. Seat Belts (“You should put on YOUR seat belt!”).

So, Twilight, with all sincerity, thank you. Look after my heart—I’ve left it with you. Except you are with me all the time, so, you know. It works out.

Love and kisses on marble smooth lips,

MarbleNutSlut

Aww thanks MarbleNutSlut! I miss these Twilight things that haunt us everywhere– let’s see what can I add. Well, apples… Stephenie & her illustrator have ruined life for all apple lovers for forever. Not to mention life for teachers. You can’t teach youngsters when they give you an apple as a gift and all you can think of is that cafeteria scene in Twilight with Robward, his dark lipstain & the apple. You just can’t.

Oh, Leg-hitches– forget it… The other night in bed I hitched my leg around Mr. Choice’s & just lost it in giggles. And I couldn’t even tell him why. Because we all know that bringing up Twilight in bed is a big no-no. After this long I’m lucky if I can bring it up out of bed!

*BEARS. See how in my intro I said today would have been another bare Friday without MarbleNutSlut? WELL, originally I wrote “bear” instead of bare. And I’m pretty great at grammar. But… I’m just so used to writing about bears here on LTT (we really did do it ALL the time.) that I almost made that mistake. Thanks, Twilight, for taking over the bears in my life! xo, UC

Okay what do YOU have to add? Share in the comments!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

109 Commented


The New York Post focuses on the important things in their articles about Twilight Fan Fiction

Hey Girl (whatcha’ doin’…?) You’re gonna wanna catch up on the controversy of the Twi Fan fiction being published for real and then read this New York Post article before starting this Part 1 of 3 written by a few anonymous fans:

NYP- we could've told you how hot Twi Fan Fiction makes women YEARS ago #oldnews

Dear New York Post,

So I was emailed this article today. You know the one, don’t act coy. You probably think this is about the metric crap-ton of TMI you made us all wade through to get to anything relevant, and granted, sure I now know way too much about random strangers’ sex lives, and thanks for that, really, because everyone knows you can’t possibly promote explore a work of erotic fiction without stressing again and again and again and again how absolutely horny your subjects are.

No, that wasn’t gratuitous at all.

It’s just that I’m a little confused how a journalist is capable of asking women how horny a book has made them, and capable of hearing about it at length, and capable of actually publishing it, and yet said journalist somehow has a difficult time finding out that said work of fiction originated as a fanwork.

Especially when such upstanding journalists have information such as this at their disposal:

In the fall of 2009, she was just another “obsessed” “Twilight” devotee posting BDSM-themed fan fiction online.

Well, to be fair, that’s maybe not much to go on. You have an author, E.L. James, who used to be involved in fanfiction. It’s not like you could just put that into Google and—

 Oh.

Yeah so, it probably would have been kind of smart to inform your readers that those books they’re shelling out ridiculous amounts of money for is actually the former Twilight fanfiction “Master of the Universe” and can be found online anywhere, anytime, as a pretty exact carbon copy (except the characters’ names). You could have mentioned that all this “success” should really be credited to Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight fanbase, seeing as, without us, this novel would have never been published in the first place.

But no. Apparently, this is not relevant information to your reader, and I get that, I do.

Who on earth would want to read about the exploration of any of the following topics relevant to this story?

  • FanFiction and the Vanity-Publishing Industry
  • Ethics and Literature
  • IP Copyright Laws and How to Completely Ignore Their Existence
  • Offensive Misrepresentations of BDSM Lifestyles
  • Stephenie Meyer Pays Your Bills
  • How the Internet Exposes Plagiarism
  • One time E.L. James Kind of Wrote a Novel and Three Times She Didn’t Actually Bother

You know what we really want to read about!

  • How BDSM makes women like super horny and stuff.

Excellent choice there. The only thing that made this article even more empowering to the very audience you were attempting to target was:

He’s not the only man looking to capitalize on the trilogy.

“A guy friend of mine said he wanted to form a business looking for girls who have ‘just finished the book, before they cool off,’ ” says Brod. 

So… that happened. And thanks for publishing for this, especially, as we all know by now that any journalistic exploration of Twilight and girls and girls liking Twilight and girls enjoying sex or any kink at all, just isn’t complete without a couple creepy dudes being quoted as stressing their desire to capitalize on it in the skeeviest fashion imaginable.

Instead of tackling a very controversial and significant topic, you chose to emphasize women’s sexuality, and you didn’t even do that right? I wish I were more surprised, but frankly terrible journalists made females lose faith in media long before Snow E. Queen L. Icy James Dragon discovered the secret to becoming a real writer:

Step 1. Write Edward and Bella having a lot of bad sex.
Step 2. Wait until it gets popular in the Twilight community.
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit!

The only thing worse than seeing the media fawn over what a complete success story this truthfully badly written series has become, is that you completely fail to mention the source of the popularity, and maybe in  some cases, completely sweep it under the rug. This series isn’t successful because E.L. James is an amazing writer; I think this has been established, even in your coverage. And, news flash: it isn’t even successful because it’s got a lot of sex and offensive misrepresentations of kink.

Let’s not shit ourselves here.

This series is successful because it was introduced to an existing, flourishing audience under the false pretense of a peer to peer relationship with a community devoted to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer, and Edward and Bella—definitely not because E.L. James wrote something so magnificent that all us sex-starved women can’t help ourselves.

To be continued….
Fandom Anonymous

Oh so what do YOU think?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

145 Commented


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