A little help for the Newbies

We received the following from LTT friend TheVenom the other day:

Dear LTT,

In light of the recent scandal that has erupted due to confusion over the Sheila post (people are throwing chairs, offering free but questionable psychoanalysis services (i.e. “losers off yourselves!”) etc.), I thought it might be funny/helpful/lame to write a fake newbie personality quiz to minimize confusion for new folks and help them maybe but probably not blend in a little more easily.

Disclaimer: I am not an authority on this subject. This is based on my own newbie observations, which could be totally wrong of course, and on the fact I actually read the FAQs first. I’m a dork that way.

The first (and only) question is:

1. Would you describe yourself as a…. (choose one)

a. Weird, Twi-hard commenter over at E-online
b. Celebrity stalker “loser”
c. Bully
d. Just a person who likes to read funny shit
e. Other:______________

Results:
If you answered….

a. Caution: You may not like it here very much & it’s possible you will seem weird and mean. You also may not get the jokes. You will probably freak out because of this and needlessly judge others. People will notice. It will be funny. You will not think so.

b. You may claim to have insider knowledge about gossip that debunks fun, innocent speculation but nobody will buy it, because these are seasoned pros. Your math skills will be questioned. Fake T-shirts will be created in your honor. (they’re fake right?) You might seem a little crazy and people might bag on you in a super nice way. Lurkers will laugh at this! (Also see results for a)

c. You might need help. Cyber bullying is a real issue these days. Nip it in the bud. Go take a free iTunes class in psychology since you’re so serious about shit and smarter than everyone else. Or just pay the money for therapy. Come back when you’re feeling better. They might let you. There is hope.

d. You’re normal, probably, but that will always be subjective because you are here. You will have thumbs ups and downs. Sometimes you will feel like an ass, but at least you have a sense of humor so you won’t care either way. You’ll like it here.

e. Other- Results vary based on expert opinions of Moon, UC and non-newbies. Lurk awhile and you’ll figure out who they are. They are to be revered. Give them a chance before the hate, and you’ll laugh so hard you’ll pee a little, which is totally a good thing. Try it!

I loved this start to the “Newbie Quiz” from TheVenom & have a few to add:

2. Have you heard of “Sarcasm?”

a. Yes- but it confuses me
b. No
c. Yes. I’m a fan
d. Yes & I’m a frequent user

If you answered:

a. Then we’re REALLY gonna confuse you
b. You’re going to hate it here
c. Welcome
d. You’re our people. Submit us a letter of your own!

3. Do you take the teenage love story about Vampires who sparkle in the sunlight & can impregnante their wives so seriously that you’ll hate on anyone who might criticize, poke fun of it or its fans? 

a. Yes
b. I don’t know anyone like that
c. No- I make fun of it all the time, yet I love it so much. Is this normal?

If you answered:

a. You’re gonna hate it here
b. Welcome to LTT. We ARE those people
c. That’s Normal. So normal. You’re home now hunny. You can relax

4. Do you think famous people who get paid millions of dollars to be in the public eye should never have their personal lives discussed?

a. No
b. Yes
c. Just don’t criticize (insert name of person you love)

If you answered:

a. LTTs gonna feel like home
b. You’re gonna hate it here
c. (Name of person you love) probably hates (insert name of of someone hated by person you love) and we’ll definitely discuss that, so you’ll be happy. But then the next day we’ll probably discuss (name of person you love) and piss you off for a minute. Sorry.

5. Finish the sentence: It’s more fun to:

a. Speculate or fantasize about what MIGHT actually be (or never EVER be, depending on the day)
b. Only discuss truth & facts

If you answered:

a. How does creating a “Character” for your favorite Twilight actor sound along with a favorite restaurant, girlfriend (we could even write a song for the two of them) and altogether “new” (but, let’s be honest, pretty accurate) personality sound? Good? You’ll like it hre!
b. You’re gonna hate it here.

6. When you leave a comment to hurt someone, you’d expect the response to be:

a. Something mean back, perferably to be called a bad word for a female body part
b. The responder to try to start a debate or argument
c. Something confusing (is that sarcasm?) that sounds like it agrees with you but also maybe doesn’t? And maybe makes fun of your spelling.
d. Total and complete agreement

If you answered:

a. This could happen on LTT, if you’re offended another newbie
b. This might happen at LTT, although it’s hard to debate with an LTTer who has been around for awhile
c. This is likely the response of a seasoned LTTer, or, if you’re lucky, UC or Moon decided to join the “there’s a newbie who doesn’t get it gone crazy in the comments” fun for a few minutes that day.
d. This means you got one of your friends to comment too! Look at you!

So newbies, how did you do? Does it seem like LTT is going to be a place to call home? Or did you end up with mostly “You’re gonna hate it heres?” Sound off in the comments & old LTTers (Can I call you Old LTT Hags?) what did I miss!?

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Did you remember we have FAQs? I forgot & re-read them last night (and even added a few new lines) HILARIOUS. All that crap STILL makes me laugh. Read the LTT FAQs now!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

111 Commented

And the winners are…

Your Hostesses for the evening...

Dear LTT-ers,

Hello and welcome to the beautiful WordPress Auditorium here on this lovely day in the interwebs! Today is the day we’ve been waiting all never year for! The ballots have been collected and counted by the accounting firm of UC and Moon pop a bottle of your finest Boone’s Farm champagne and throw on your finest borrowed dress (this IS Hollywood) because today is the day we find out who won the LTT awards!

The finest minds in the fandom have come together to bring you the very best of last year. As a reminder all winners are chosen by SECRET ballot but you can thank the academy (random people we like in the fandom) below. Now without further adieu I present you… THE LTT AWARDS!!!

*cue UC and Moon doing a musical number which sounds an awful lot like the Twi Musical number we posted last week*

Let’s get to the awards shall we? I hope you’ve filled out your home ballots and are keeping score with your friends.. Let’s Do This!

The LTT Awards! Awarding excellence and epic fail in the Twilight fandom! 

1. Award for achievement in bending the truth so far even they don’t know what’s a lie anymore
…and the winner is… Any person who has seen Robert Pattinson at any location with any woman ever.

.

2. Best actor/actress in a fake relationship
and the winner is… Kiowa Gordon and “music”

. 

3. Weirdest guest at the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 Premiere
…and the winner is Jackson Rathbone’s Suit. Our eyes have still not recovered though we hope he’ll one day teach us the finer points of applying Guyliner.

. 

4. Best leather jacket of Taylor Lautner’s
…and the winner is… ALL OF THEM!

. 

5.  Best gray suit of Taylor Lautner’s
…and the winner is… what do you know, ALL OF THEM!

.

6. Best Twi cast member’s Dad

7.  Award to the fandom that will take away the spotlight and crazy from Twilight in 2012
…and the winner is… by a landslide… congrats Hunger Games!!! We happily give you this burden crown to bear! Good luck to Joshifer and Jenniam! Though until we see one of the cast members’ faces tattooed on some chick’s back, they have nothing on the twi fandom.

. 

8. Robert Pattinson’s worst hair of 2011
…and the winner is… Comic Con sideways toupee hairdo! Proving Rob could show up looking like hell from a 4 day bender, eye brow-less and wearing a trash bag and we’d still be turned on.

. 

9. Best Twilight related Tweeter
… and the winner is… No one since Billy Burke stopped drunk tweeting.

. 

10. Best non cast/official Tweeter
…and the winner is… *cue the In Memorium piece to @DelaneyG84*

. 

11. Biggest Fandom Drama of 2011
…and the winner is… A TIE between SQID aka E.L. James ”publishing” and possibly getting a Hollywood deal for her crackfic. This time next year, we expect to see her accusing Stephenie Meyer of copyright infringement. Premiere Camping drama and Robert Pattinson seen with anyone besides Kristen.


.
12. Biggest thing Nikki Reed did this year that annoyed the Robsten-er’s/Krisbians?
…and the winner is…  EVERYTHING! Her breathing, joining Twitter, getting married, looking genuinely happy, her “story” in Seventeen, releasing that song, her existing in the same universe.

.

13. The most likely to implode post Twilight
… and the winner is… Kiowa Gordon and Bronson Pelletier

. 

14. The best usage of their 15 minutes of fame
…and the winner is… Kellan Lutz!! Between charity, tweeting, landing an undies ad, showing us his bulge with no shame, telling his mom to get a breast exam, dating a CW star and planning board games nights with Ashley, Kellan did it all! Not to mention he looked good and acted like a human being to fans whilst doing it! BRAVO!

. 

15. Twilight related person/cast member/etc. who used their short amount of fame time the BEST way
…and the winner is…by another landslide THE ENTIRE WOLFPACK! For good and not so good reasons There are several members who have used it for good. Booboo, Chaske, and Tinsel have all done significant charity work and tried to be role models. Boo Boo Stewart. He’s on TMZ every other day, but acting totally normal. He’s good at “running into the paps” to get his face out there but isn’t incredibly annoying about it. Then there are some other wolf pack members who show up to Twicons with boring answers to questions and take photos with fans while sticking their tongue out and acting moronic.

. 

16. Best music related Twilight endeavor
…and the winner is… The Belgium ladies musical, everything else is NO CONTEST. Yes, Alice and Bella Not an Addikt for the MAJOR WIN. We don’t even care that it was technically 2012 when it came out it’s about Breaking Dawn Pt 1 so there.

.

17. The LTT Icarus Award – The nominee that soars closest to the sun, only to fall the farthest. The actor/musician/commenter/blogger/Tweeter/author/Twi legend that fails so miserably, it has to be recognized
… Taylor Lautner in Abduction

. 

and because it HAS to be handed out, the retroactive Icarus Awards goes to The Dallas Twicon!

.

18. The most anticipated Twilight related event/moment in 2012
…and the winner is… The lavish wedding or bitter break up of Robsten

WE KID WE KID! Of course it’s Breaking Dawn Part 2: The End WAH WAAAAAH WAAAHH!!! NOOO!!!

. 

Congratulations to all the winners and better luck next time to the losers. We’re already running over time so we’re gonna throw it to you commenters for the final say. Until next year…

Moon and UC

You all deserve one of these!

Super big thanks to our secret voters who’s answers are all anonymous and credited to no one!
@einfach_mich, The Obird, Janetrigs, Bella and Alice Not an Addikt, Jenny Jerkface, JodieO, Brooke Lockart, The Lex, Lori and Laura, E at Twilightish, Twilight Examiner, Twilight Poison, and a few that wish to remain even more anonymous! You’re all awesome and hilarious and brave and we can’t wait for 2012 and another round of awards!
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Business Time after the jump!
Continue…

36 Commented

And the LTT Award categories are…

And the winner of the LTT goes to...

Dear Twilighters,

It’s that time of the year… the time when we all become arm chair fashion experts, movie and music critics and people who love to give even more airtime to the self absorbed. YES, it’s awards season in Hollywood and since nothing can escape from judgement here at LTT I think it’s time we gave even more praise and attention to our favorite people and books by creating the Letters to Twilight Awards. The LTT’s if you will.

LTT Award Categories
- Award for achievement in bending the truth so far even they don’t know what’s a lie anymore

- Best actor/actress in a fake relationship

- Weirdest guest at the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 Premiere

- Best leather jacket of Taylor Lautner’s

- Best gray suit of Taylor Lautner’s

- Best Twi cast member’s Dad

- Award to the fandom that will take away the spotlight and crazy from Twilight in 2012

- Robert Pattinson’s worst hair of 2011

- Best Twilight related Tweeter

- Best non cast/official Tweeter

- Biggest Fandom Drama of 2011

- Biggest thing Nikki Reed did this year that annoyed the Robsten-er’s/Krisbians?

- The most likely to implode post Twilight

- The best usage of their 15 minutes of fame

- Twilight related person/cast member/etc. who used their short amount of fame time the BEST way

- Best music related Twilight endeavor

- The LTT Icarus Award – The nominee that soars closest to the sun, only to fall the farthest. The actor/musician/commenter/blogger/Tweeter/author/Twi legend that fails so miserably, it has to be recognized

- The most anticipated Twilight related event/moment in 2012

Winner of ALL the awards... of our hearts

The ballots have been mailed to all the top bloggers, tweeters, commenters, and personalities in the Twilight fandom. We will be furiously tallying and counting each ballot and write in this week and will host the LTT awards and winners at our very classy and glamourous awards ceremony on Friday!

Good luck to all the as yet named nominees AND winners!

Moon & UC

Who would you nominate? Who should be the winner but won’t? Any made up category we missed?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

20 Commented

Breaking Dawn Part I: The Musical

As a reminder- there are auto-playing video ads on LTT. I know. We’re so annoying. Mute them & they’ll stay muted for life. Hit the volume button- two in the side bar. Two (or 3 I forget) down below.

Dear LTTers,

We have these friends Alice & Bella Not an Addikt (You remember them from their defunct website. RIP) who live in Belgium. They’re normal 20-somethings- ya know, speak 4 languages (or is 5?), in PhD programs (I think Alice is done hers actually. And Bella was “too busy” defending her dissertation last week to get this video done for us) are gorgeous, friendly, bring me macaroons when they visit me in New York on hot Spring days and are about to BLOW YOUR FREAKIN’ MINDS with what they did for us at LTT.

Yes, Bella & Alice are bringing us Breaking Dawn Part 1: The Musical complete with original lyrics set to Broadway favorites. Stop what you’re doing. Put down that contract you’re combing through at your boring desk job. Drop that kid. Pull that car over on the side of the road (seriously, don’t read LTT while driving) and Watch This Now:

We know. We cried too! Feed the wolves? Don’t cry for me Jacob Black? Who is that rediculously brilliant & funny? Is this a sign we should retire from LTT & give our Belgian friends the reigns!?

Hear from Alice & Bella themselves after the jump! Continue…

93 Commented

Still not dead

Dear LTTers,

Moon & I are STILL not dead (the first time we told you this was on Friday, remember?. But we STILL haven’t talked to each other. Well, we sorta did tonight when I was on my way to meet a friend, getting yelled at by a cab driver because I had no cash & getting another call on my other line. It was a very rushed & sad “catch up.” Can life slow down for like a second? Don’t they know that Moon & I haven’t talked in like, weeks? Uggh… stupid life.

Anyway- this is a sad, sad post to apologize yet again and promise that this week we’ll catch up. This week we’ll make a PLAN to entertain you AND ourselves. This week we’ll be BACK on the Twi bandwagon.

Love,

UC & Moon

PS: remember this?

23 Commented