Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 – Movie Review! You hear it first, here!

Get ready – we’re coming for you!

Dear Twilighters -

So here’s something exciting: we get to be one of the first people to bring you a review of Breaking Dawn Pt. 2! Nope, not the movie critics, not the BIG TV outlets, not MTV, not E! But little ‘ol us… and the other fan-run sites and blogs!!

So, I want to really break it down for you but I also don’t want to give ANY spoilers away cause you have to go see it Thursday/Friday at midnight. YOU HAVE TO! So I will keep my REAL REAAAAAL review for after the 16th. BUT in the meantime, let’s chat…

We are dumped directly into the Twilight action post vampire c-section/imprinting/open red eyes and we’re immediately back in the thick of things with the new vampire Bella. After many scenes of Bella learning about jumping small rivers, scaling sheer cliff faces and yes, arm-wrestling Emmett we FIIIINALLY get to the action.

Get Ready For:
-All the scenes Michael Sheen/Aro steals (every one he’s in). And yes, Beller is in fact, ALIVE!
-The wall to wall music (TURN IT DOWN, Music Editor!)
-The new vamps looking various shades of crazypants to awesome (Do we expect anything less at this point?).
-Some migrating hairlines. (WIGS!!!).
-Rob. (Duh).
-Taylor (fulfills his last contractual gratuitous, totally unnecessary, yet awesome (who are we kidding?) shirt removal scene).
-Bella finally coming full circle. (single tear).

Spoiler: He loses!

And for those wondering… yes, there is Edward/Bella vampire sex. But in a very tasteful, Sade-type-music-playing-in-the-background, angles-that-leave-out-just-enough, Stephenie-Meyer-is -the-mom-of-three-boys-kind-of-way. You’ll still feel a little uncomfortable watching it with your Grandma but hey, at least it’s not an ordinary scene from Game of Thrones (hmmmm Kit Harrington…). So don’t get too excited about any “Fade to Sad” moments.

The first family

Guys, you know when we wrote that post called “Accept It Now” where we reminded people that the film won’t always follow the book version of the storyline EXACTLY to a tee? You know, the cupboards may not be yellow and Bella may jump on a motorcycle with Jacob, in front of Edward? Well, it’s time to reread that post because BD 2 does NOT follow the written word exxxxactly. BUUUUTTTT guys, don’t leave just yet! Here take my hand, squeeze it hard but DO NOT run out of the theater screaming, it’s going to be alright. IN FACT, it’s going to be AWWWWEEESOME! I promise. Your head will be spinning. And because I love you, and because I don’t want to be sued, I won’t tell you any more. I will tell you, however, that you should bring tissues and a friend’s (preferably a Twilight buddy’s) hand to hold. My last piece of advice is, after you read this and after you watch all of our premiere coverage (cause it’ll be GOOD), you need to get off the interwebs and avoid all the spoilers you can. You want to enjoy this and not know what’s about to happen. Trust me.

We’ll see you back here after the 16th for the FULL, REAL review of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two.

Accept it Now!
Moon

18 Commented


Remember that whole Robsten thing? Well…

Dear LTT-ers,

If you were not on Twitter late yesterday (west coast time) than you might have missed ALLLLL this:


Kristen Cheats on Rob! – US Weekly

Kristen Stewart cheats on Robert Pattinson with married director -People

Kristen Stewart “Made a Mistake” and feels “Awful” for cheating on Robert Pattinson – Gossip Cop

uhhhh… YIKES!

So when my phone started blowing up with texts from far and wide asking what was going on/what was happening/WHYGODWHY/Why should she do that and UC texting unintelligible things like ZOMGROmKirstncheeteosjhasisdj!!!!!jn!_!! I knew Twitter would be a mess and MAN did it not disappoint. We’re talking a 2009 era explosion among the fandom. I saw people who hadn’t tweeted in years come out of the wood work to weigh in, Nutty Madam was confounded, the fandom Glitterati came out in force to share their thoughts!

To say it was/is spectacular is an understatement. We hadn’t seen this much creativity and hilarity in months. Thank you fandom Gods for seeing to it that we got Christmas in July and that I wasn’t half way across the world when it happened. Since the story is still developing and since we couldn’t let you miss out on a single moment, we’re going to be bringing you all the best from Twitter and around the nets all day. Stay tuned here for a the best of the best in Krupbert-Robsten-gate.

Moon & UC

Updates:

Always the voice of reason and my blogging idol Micheal K from Dlisted has A LOT (of awesome things) to say about this

Every Twihard Just Melted Into a Puddle of Sparkly Misery – Dlisted

PS Michael we beat you to the Nutty Madam response. BEHOLD the twitter convo:



Now Nutty Madam is an elegant lady who is refraining from a reaction video (sadly) because she supports Twi and all it’s endeavors but just think about the possibilities and what might have been… :)

More as the story develops… (I think that’s the first and only time we’ll ever say that)

Tweets we Love (authors are anonymous)

She was careless. Her popularity will plummet. She has jeopardized sequels to SWATH & put BD at risk. No studio will want her. And with a director? Oh god.

Cuz when someone cheats in Hollywood it usually does completely ruin their career:

The spectulation about “the pictures”

so i am not in the crazy robsten forever and she woudl NEVER..but the ones standing..way too tall to be her, unless
she has heels on

AND WE KNOW SHE HATES HEELS!

These things we know to be true:

somewhere out there, michael angarano is having a pretty good day.

@joshuahorowitz sir, you know you secretly in the corner whisphering, “yes” because you think you have a chance with him. Don’t play

Follow us on @letter2twilight on Twitter (or just look at our page if you’re not a member!) for the latest…. There’s too much goodness to keep posting & I realllyyyyy have to work!

37 Commented


What Twilight crap I got for Christmas (aka the one where I rant about a Hallmark ornament)

One of these things is NOT like the other

Dear Hallmark Ornaments creators,

This shit is GHETTO.

Are you for realzzzz with this years ornament? Cause uh, NO.

As a connoisseur and collector of fine Hallmark ornaments (a tradition passed down to me from the lovely Mama Moon) I knew from one look that this year’s Twilight Hallmark Ornament was NOT up to par. I mean we have an entire tree dedicated to Hallmark ornaments that have been collected for us over the past 3 decades by my mom, we even have another mini tree dedicated just to the Barbie ornaments that didn’t fit on the other tree. So trust me when I say THIS is NOT a Hallmark ornament.

Let’s compare shall we??? Cause oh yes, I have last year’s Twilight ornament as well cause homie don’t play.

The 2010 Twilight Ornament

Yes, right there next to the slutty 60s Barbie we see these two… I mean look at this thing… the quality, the craftsmanship… the fully formed fingers. Bella’s in a jacket and one of her headbands. Edward’s eyes are even gold! Slam dunk for the creators and production team on this one.

Cue 2011′s Twilight Ornament – “Eclipse”

MY EYES!!!! I know the economy is rough Hallmark but you didn’t need to result to outsourcing your production and handpainting to kindergartners. Cause this shit is ROUGH let me tell you. Let’s take a closer look shall we?

ENHANCE!

Now while I totally appreciate the inclusion of the infamous “slutty tank top” (which if I’m not mistaken is actually from New Moon but whatever this thing is so janky, I’ll take any positives at this point) the rest of this is a total FAIL. It’s a good thing Edward is holding her (light blue, frost bitten from Edward?) hand because the other is missing about half of the thumb. Then we get up to her insane hairline… which YES was essentially a fivehead instead of a forehead because of the wig but her skin did not extend up INTO her hair… nor does her neck skin attach to her hair. Just look and poor SIMPLE looking Edward and Jacob back there… I can’t… BUT WE MUST!

ENHANCE!

All things considered Jacob isn’t THAT bad… as long as you aren’t concerned that an angry 7 year old with a bicep tatt and a rage problem from his steroid use (he is a 6 feet + tall 7 yr old after all) is hanging out with an older girl in a slutty tank and a slow looking dude who probs has a huffing problem.

then we get to Edward… poor Edward who definitely got the short end of this stick

ENHANCE!

 It’s a good thing hunchback Edward’s bleeding out of the ear that’s missing a chunk otherwise he’d hear us talking about how crazy he looks. If Edward had a molten hot body instead of ice cold I could understand why his v neck is sticking to his neck and why his denim jacket is starting to drip into his hand. BUUUT since he’s an ice cold vampire I have NO clue why this happened, other than the kindergartner’s hands got tired.
.

Edward Cullen… the saddest boy/ornament in the world… Merry Christmas from half his right eyelid…

A Hallmark Ornament snob,
Themoonisdown

Did you get any Twilight related gifts this year?? I also got the BD calendar which I will happily hang in a place of honor in the closet where I can close the door… this feels like the start of a twi-losophy… hmmmm

Oh and head over to LTR where we break down our thoughts about Rob and Bel Ami

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

19 Commented


Hey guys: GET OVER IT!

Yay let's talk about Twilight

Dear George Takei and everyone else who likes to hate on Twilight,

CC: Person who runs Reasoning with Vampires
Every late night chat show joke writer
“TRUE” Sci Fi fans
Half of Comic Con’s attendees
Disgruntled boyfriends and husbands
Friends who don’t “get it”
.

GET OVER IT.

First, I know this is for fun and jokes and I’m sure you, George probably didn’t write this and you’re just reading lines that someone who’s never read Twilight and has probably never seen it either wrote but has an axe to grind because they’re writing lines for a “George Takei brokering star peace” video and not sitting back counting money from their best selling novels and films. It’s not this video that bugs me, this is just essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back because you perpetuate all the things misinformed people say about Twilight. Be it angry nerds at Comic Con, joke writers on shows, dumb friends I have, whatever. Cause here’s the thing… IT DOESN’T MATTER! No one in the Twilight fandom is trying to shift the axis of the Sci Fi/Fantasy/Nerd world you all hold so dear. No one is trying to say Twilight is Shakespeare for a new generation. No one is trying to say every little nuance or idiosyncrasy in Twilight makes sense and fits within the cannon and lexicon of the genre. Cause ya know what? It doesn’t matter because why? Because it is fantasy it’s all a story someone made up!

Fantasy is a genre of fiction that commonly uses magic and other supernatural phenomena as a primary element of plottheme, or setting. Many works within the genre take place in imaginary worlds where magic is common. (via Wikipedia)

By definition this shit doesn’t have to conform to your preconceived notion of what fantasy or SciFi is and isn’t because, guess what – IT ISN’T REAL!!!

We all have our things that are weird, it doesn’t have to make sense but we like it and it’s ours. Surely you George like some weird shit, you were on STAR TREK for goodness sake. There was an episode with Tribbles and your uniforms had RICK RACK on them. And person running the Reasoning with Vampires Tumblr where you mind numbingly point out the grammatical errors in Twilight, you need to find a new way to spend your time. And yea, I realize the absurdity of someone who writes a Twilight blog telling you that, but at least I acknowledge my absurdity and have fun with it. Instead of dissecting Twilight down to it’s dangling participles and adverb misusage you should go out and write your own best selling book series, sell the film rights and then we can talk ad nauseum about the usage of “irrevocably.” Also, please dissect my awful usage of grammar, spelling and punctuation while you read this, that will make all my AP English teachers, the 32 I got on the ACT, and all the college lit and english classes I tested out of VERY happy.

Jokes!

To all chat show joke writers, bloggers and any “real” critic who’s written a review about Twilight or friends who post on Facebook. Your jokes are OLD. At this point they aren’t in High School anymore, Edward is not her BOYFRIEND, no one has FANGS. CATCH UP! Sure there’s some “moping” but what good story didn’t ever have moments of introspection, self doubt or flat out angst? Besides all the good jokes are about their vampire baby and her future boyfriend now, duh. And yes, we know they sparkle in sunlight. It’s a thing, we KNOW. If you’re gonna make fun of Twilight at least try actually reading the books or watching the movies to get some new material instead of recycling someone else’s bits from 2008.

Seriously, I don't care

Comic Con attendees – We’re all there waiting around to listen to panels about nerdy shit, no one is more cool or less cool than anyone at Comic Con, that’s the great thing about it! I don’t give you shit for waiting in line to talk to the guy who inked an issue of the Superman comic 50 years ago or the fact you’re wearing a realistic Centaur costume that has movable parts in public, so don’t give me shit for hitting up the Twilight panel before I go watch the upcoming footage from Spiderman. Oh and guess what, I like Twilight. I also like Star Wars, Comic Books that have been turned into films (and you’ve had a LOT of bad ones), costumes, Lord of the Rings, Walking Dead, Dexter, True Blood, Star Trek (the original version with YOU, George Takei), Harry Potter and graphic novels. Yes, us Twilight fans (and the human race) can like multiple things at once, THAT YOU LIKE TOO. SHOCKING.

I choose both

Back to you George and this “…there are no great stories, characters or profound life lessons to be had in Twilight…” Ok, I’m down for some jokes, poking fun, and having a good time but when you come at it like that? I don’t think so. Clearly, you haven’t read the books so you just don’t know. But because you don’t know doesn’t mean you can flat out say there are no profound life lessons, characters or stories. Just by the fact we’re talking about this, this blog exists and you made that video, means it’s a great story. It’s captured the imaginations and lives of millions of people who have bought the books and lined up for the movies. We get emails daily about how lives have been changed because of Twilight. We’re two examples right here along with countless others who have shared their stories. As for great characters you’ve obviously never met the flawed Edward Cullen or the selfless Jacob Black or the tragic Leah Clearwater and for that I just feel sad for you. That leaves us with profound truths. If loyalty to family and friends, courage to go against something you don’t believe in and love above all else aren’t profound truths then I don’t know what they taught you in literature and philosophy class.

Statler & Waldorf

Going back, I get that this video is a joke and you and everyone else are just saying this stuff for a little air time in the hopes of remaining culturally relevant. I get that. My issue is that you perpetuate the dumb jokes, misinformed opinions and the stereotype that Twilight fans are dumb and this story has no merit. Sure, I poke fun at Twilight all the time but at the heart of it I am a fan and I know that under the funny stuff ARE great stories, characters and profound truths. I do want the best for the series, I also want some of the weird stuff to be changed on screen to make it “work” better, but do I hang my life, hobbies and sanity on it? NO! The little things are what make this FUN! And THAT’S what I think some of you are missing from your lives, a little fun. Shit is NOT THAT SERIOUS. We all don’t have to like the same stuff, we all don’t get to “get it” but at least be interesting, do your research and get new material. Your jokes and critiques are TIRED. And plus… there’s always the reboot.

Live long and prosper,
Themoonisdown

PS to the Anne Rice’s and Stephen King’s of the world… we get it you are also best selling authors and have something to say… conveniently when a camera is on or when you’re writing a column but whatever. This applies to you too, go write some more amazing novels and stop worrying about what other people are doing or how they’re writing.

Are you as over IT as I am? I mean sure go ahead make jokes but at least come up with something we haven’t heard that is halfway true, am I right??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

196 Commented


People who tweet Chris Weitz: Your embarassing is showing!


Dear People Who Tweet Chris Weitz dumb crap,

NO ONE CARES. Seriously, no one care what camera angles he used or what movie best displays the use of the wide angle lens, or how foreign film distributors choose what day to release a film vs the US distributors and we especially don’t care for Chris’s take on Rob’s body parts (though they are lovely). You are ALL 2nd hand embarrassing to read and make the rest of us look like losers with hormonal issues who get off on tweeting semi naughty things to a guy who worked with a guy you like. It’s like asking your barista at Starbucks if your crush has ever creamed their coffee… hur hur hur… see what I did there? Yea, it was gross and that’s how some of you make us all look!

Srsly! How cute is this kid??

Don’t get me wrong, it’s BEYOND awesome that Chris tweets regularly and responds to his followers at all! It’s super cool and we love it and whatever but all I’m saying it stop with the facade of really caring about camera lenses, we know you just want to ask about Robsten. So check yo’self before you wreck yo’self. Annndddd if you feel the need to tweet him here’s a list of approved topics I’ve come up with:

Things we care about Chris Weitz tweeting about:

  • Taylor Lautner bits
  • Jokes about his mustard pants
  • Cute stuff about his freaking adorable son
  • Things tweeted in spanish (caliente!)
  • Restaurant recommendations
  • Twitpics of him at the pool
  • What he’s listening to
  • Stuff about his movies he’s working on
  • Twitpics of the mustard pants
  • Twitpics of his freaking adorable son with the mustard pants near Chris in a pool
  • Secret meet up locations
  • Whether Big Daddy was a diva on the New Moon set like he ALLEGEDLY is now
  • The juxtaposition between his jewish last name and christian first name (srsly, I wonder these things)
  • Why he’s so awesome
  • Whether him, Cathi Hardi, David Slade and Bill Condon meet up regularly at Cathi’s favorite Friday’s for drinks and reminisce about the old days, share war stories and who has the best black mail tape of Robsten
    .

Every day he's tweetin'!

Tonight (last night as it were) I will be at the LA Film Fest seeing Mamitas while Chris is in a nearby theater presenting the World Premiere (oh la la!) of A Better Life… I will be enjoying Mamitas but I will be secretly longing to see your new film FIRST… and hoping that my pal who IS seeing A Better Life will get us all the TLaut and KStew gossip as they will ALLEGEDY, MAYBE be there to represent and support you. HOW great is that?! All these people love Chris! Anyway, I’m hoping Taylor brings Big Daddy and I can see the Diva from afar.

Instead of tweeting why don’t we all go see A Better Life?

Themoonisdown

Is it crazy we’re still burning a candle for this guy? NO!!! :) Also who wants to see A Better Life? Anyone been hitting up the awesome LA Film Fest over the past week?? No Eclipse this year but there are tons of amazing films, if you’re in LA go go go! Vamos!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

110 Commented


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