There’s lots of little bits of Twilight and SORTA-we-wish-we-were-and-kinda-are related bits of news out there floating around. Since there’s nothing HUGE happening, like pictures of Renesmee and Jake’s first date or Edward giving Jacob the birds and the bees talks… oh those didn’t happen? Well in any case here’s a round up of what’s going on out there in the world of Twilight…
The Twitters are…uh… atwitter with talk of the stills released from Kristen’s upcoming movie On The Road. UC and I spent hours (read: minutes) discussing but we’ll let you *ahem* come *ahem* to your own conclusions about it CLICK IT! (Source) .
Indie actress Kristen Stewart in negotiations to play Snow White in Snow White and the Hunstman from art house studio Universal and supposedly turned down playing little known comic book icon Lois Lane in the Superman reboot being produced by another small studio called Warner Brother.
(sorry couldnt resize this one POPSUGAR)
Tom says something about Kristen in On the Road here. The real issue is that fact that TomStu looks teeeeeny tiny next to RACHEL BILSON. If Summer Roberts can make TomStu look small than homeboy needs like 5 more Hot Pockets. .
Was it awkward when someone from Ouch Magazine (wtf?) chased Chaske backstage after his performance at Chippendales and demanded he tell them what kind of women he was into while they filmed it with their cell phone camera?
Tons of Kristen for our Kristen fans and actual SET PICTURES!! See Summit, it’s not that hard, take a cue from On the Road!! I actually think at this point we have a better chance of Stephenie leaking some pictures she took with a disposable point-and-shoot camera from the corner 7/11 taken on her set visits than we do of seeing official ones. *sigh*
Another day, another random news item!
Excited about On the Road but probably MORE excited for the insane twitter speculation about how jealous Rob is of those set pics and how Garrett Hedlund’s arm is around her. CONSPIRACY! And really WHAT is that outfit Chaske is wearing and WHY is there NO explanation about it? And do we all think I could fit TomStu in my handbag and carry him around like a lil chihuahua?
I was just reading this lovely Hollywood Reporter post yesterday about your movie studio, Summit’s money woes in trying to get their business refinanced. Now, of course we don’t know anything about how this all works and how money is made and spent and financiers but UC and I got to talking after I sent her the link. She asked me if, after all this Twilight stuff, after all it’s success, after all the clams it made and after all the stuff we went through, if I could imagine if Summit folded. I honestly laughed thinking it might just be the best ending for this whole thing. Of course I don’t wish any ill will and hope they keep on making shiz, but it made me laugh and also made me think about the future of the rest of the cast, people involved and Stephenie herself . Our conversation made me think of one of my favorite Conan O’Brien skits called “In the Year 2000” where he and a guest would dress up in weird futuristic space capes and talk about what will happen in the future while they held flashlights pointed at their chin. Amazing. Of course.
So let’s fast forward to the year 2000 and see what happens after Summit folds and Twilight the movies are no more…
Rob quits acting and moves into into a hovel with TomStu where they form a Jackson Rathbone/100 Monkey’s-esque performance troupe and tour the country side of small eastern block european countries. They are begged by the Russian government to be specimens in a body odor experiment
Kristen moves to the the way west valleto take over her mom’s wolf hybrid breeding business with her life partner
After being dumped by every goodie two shoes in Hollywood, Taylor Lautner vows to a life of celibacy and becomes the Christian Tom Cruise
Catherine Hardwicke is finally blackballed from every major media outlet after continuing to rant on about the Robsten audition tape long after no gave a crapsten anymore. She moves to Puerto Vallerta to meet some groovy Mexican beach bums and films her passion project: a documentary about the creator of the Margarita
Stephenie Meyer lets loose and bares her shoulders while on a weekend wine tasting trip WITH US to Napa. Oh yes, she starts drinking. Who wouldn’t after all this?
Ashley Greene will become the next Jennifer Aniston complete with wildly popular tv series, a string of movies where she plays the same character (herself), a failed marriage to Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/whoever and spends her days jetting to Mexico thinking about her cats and “the one that got away” (Spoiler: Jackson Rathbone).
Jackson Rathbone runs away to join the circus as a one-man-band after he learns that Ashley Greene (aka “The one that got away) is marrying Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/Whoever.
Justin Chon becomes the biggest movie star in the world!
Big Daddy – After becoming a contestant on The Biggest Loser and getting his butt kicked by new trainer and LTT reader Olivia he becomes the Subway/Jared-esque spokesperson for McDonalds new GRILLED fish sandwich.
Solomon Trimble – Yea, I just don’t think I can make a manager at the Home Depot joke. He ran away to Puerto Vallerta with Cathi to be her pool boy / key grip / Margarite pour-er.
Xavier Samuel will still be hot.
Dakota Fanning will win her 239th consecutive Homecoming Queen title even thought she will have graduted decades prior.
So what started out as an innocent convo about what the hale is happening with this refinancing turned into something we just had to share. Because really WHAT will they be doing after Twilight is all over… your guess is as good as ours!
R: OMG we're at a People's Choice Awards... K: just smile.... T: HAHAHAOMGHA
Wednesday night I hoofed it all the way from West Hollywood to Downtown LA to attend the People’s Choice Awards with @bitemebaker and the lovely gals from Twilightish. Sadly, the drivers of LA did NOT know where I was headed and decided to hold up traffic like it was Sunday driving time with their grandma’s. Didn’t they know I had to see whether the trinity would take pity on us poor poor sad bored fans and give us a little tiny clip of something from Breaking Dawn, ANYTHING? Well spoiler alert: They didn’t! And didn’t the drivers of LA know I needed to get to the Nokia Theater to see whether Kid Rock would wear leather or fur? Spoiler Alert: he wore BOTH (swoon/vom.). No, they didn’t but maybe the driver’s of LA knew I didn’t need to see Selena Gomez “perform” whatever her song is and didn’t need to see Johnny Depp not show up to accept an award that Rob didn’t win. So as it turns out the drivers of LA know me pretty well and getting to the awards almost an hour late was perfect because I sat down right as AnnaLynn McCord was coming out to present! Oh memories…. I was hoping she’d get an award for People’s Choice for best deep throating of a fruit or vegetable but sadly she lost. I mean she presented something else.
Never thought I'd say Ashley Tisdale was the luckiest girl on the stroll last night
So it must be known that the trinity wasn’t ushered in till right before Kristen’s award where they shuffled in whoever was going to win next to sit in the front row with the only semi celeb they could get to show up and stay in the audience: Ashley Tisdale. So either the Summit private jet was late in arriving or Rob, Kristen and Taylor had WAY more fun getting plastered (on virgin cocktails of course) at the open bar backstage with Jenny Anisten. Easy choice.
How did we spot them you ask? Well I noticed good ol Dean standing down in the front row and I was like wow that big dude looks like Dean and maybe that guy sitting down kinda has Taylor’s complexion… and wow, is that Kristen’s hair and ok that must be Rob in that weird tan colored jacket. Wait, doesn’t he know it’s January, aren’t there some kind of fashion rule about that? Then I stopped talking to myself and we all stood up to get a better look and twwwwweeeet.
Move bitch, get out the way!
They sat down on the front row and any time a commercial break happened Dean would stand up and then like 10 dudes would rush in from stage right and surround them. It became clear why this was necessary when some girl made an ill prepared attempt at trying to meet the trinity and instead got one-hand-Heismen-trophy-posed out of the way by Dean. It was amazing. And then sad because the trinity has to be protected like the latest shipment of Air Jordans to your local Foot Locker. Then I remembered they make a billion gajillion dollars and a felt less sad for them.
This is what it looked like when I took a covert cell phone shot. MOooohahahaha (Please love the care and precision with which this image was made)
So then finally Kristen won the award for best actress or whatever and Taylor became my favorite by helping Kristen up the stairs by taking her hand. Start some conspiracies yall, just cause I love them so much! It’s a PR ploy you guys! It’s really Taysten! Krislor lives! Ok, whatever Kristen goes up there and thanks everyone blah blah blah.
Another commercial break and Queen Latifah breaks through Dean and the defensive line down front to say hi to the Trinity.
and then we were witness to one of the more embarrassing moments of the twidom.
I know it’s all in good fun and it’s Queen Latifah trying to be cute and MAN are those guys good sports (give the trinity snaps) but seriously? Cause I was 2nd hand embarrassed and I was like hundreds feet away from them and I was shrinking in my seat. It was embarrassing as a Twifan. ugh. We are not all lunatics (says the twiblogger).
Is this really happening to us??
Mercifully some producer saves us all and wrestles the mic away from Queen Latifah so someone could give out an award. At this point the trinity was not being ushered out so I knew we had to be at the end of the show and it was pretty clear Twilight “won” for best movie. I mean it’s the People’s Choice awards they give the award to whoever shows up.
Ashton Kutcher took a night off filming Canon Camera commercials to come give away an award with Princess Amidala and SHOCKER Twilight WON!!!! ZOMG!!! I had no idea it would!!!!!
The trinity ascended to the stage and thankfully Rob recognized his and Kristen’s lack of public speaking prowess and pushed Taylor up to accept the award. Taylor recited his lines correctly but BONUS he made an awkward refrence to Katy Perry’s joke/euphamism about the awards being heavy like her boobs. UMMMM awkward turtle!!! Either Taylor got the joke or he made it even funnier by NOT getting the boob reference. Either way WIN. Then I crossed my fingers Taylor would surprise us with a teeeny tiny clip, a flash, a picture ANYTHING from Breaking Dawn but alas. NOTHING. Help us out Summit!! The natives are getting restless! I’m scared!
I'd like to thank John Stamos without whom this outfit would NOT be possible!
Next, Kristen said some stuff and her dress strap fell while talking and Taylor, being the gentleman he is, rushed to push it up. CONSPIRACY!!! PLOYS!!!! (anyone, anyone?!). Then Rob said some stuff and thanked John Stamos for letting him raid the “Jesse Catsopulous Closet” while he was at the party last summer. Then they all got on a private jet parked on the roof of the Nokia and flew back to the town with no cameras, paparazzi or internet access, better known as Baton Rouge.
Congrats to Twilight for winning some People’s Choice Awards! Now give me a set picture and no one get’s hurt.
Did you watch? Were you in ANYWAY surprised they won? Were you making hoping JUST A LITTLE that there would be something special? Did you feel box blocked? Also share your conspiracy theories!
We miss you… a lot. We love each one of you… a lot. And now Taylor Swift has written a song about you Taylor Lautner and we want a reunion… here we are to break it down. DUH.
Have a listen here: Taylor Swift – Back to December :
What could have been…… awwww…
The one where we go back to December, lit-trally
UC: okay let’s talk some Swift Moon: yes, can i tell you my fave feature of itunes is “date added”… listening… omg my boss must think im crazy i have this blaring UC: hahaha… youre trying to be “well rounded” Moon: back to december allll the time. ok ok taylor im opening ltt’s dec 2009 archives… clearly taylor is an ltt fan cause dec is our anni month UC: happy anniversary us! Moon: awww the lautner family xmas letter. tay is sad she wont make it this yr UC: i just saw that Moon: oh we did a tay laut appreciate sunday in dec UC: yeah… they were TOTES on in Dec. is that when it fell apart? Or was December a happy month? Moon: OH right he was on SNL this month… dude what happened?! when were they seen out all those times with to go boxes? and his sports car UC: i thought that was in the spring, but that must have been before… ohhh wait you wrote to the Taylors here and then we broke down swiftner like crazy robsten fans in OCTOBER of 2009, OCT 29 2009 Moon: awwwww memories Moon: rainbows, unicorns… lisa frank folders UC: it was perfection
The one where we think we know what happened
UC: and we know now, b/c of song and….. i’m now even MORE convinced this song is about them .. the timing was off in my head.i thought Swiftner was in the winter/early spring. but no… it was fall into CHristmas season Moon: well when i was in planes, trains and hospitals last week i read like EVERY rag mag and she said it was about him pretty much UC: and while I have to admit I’ve spent a long time listening to her new album over the past week, i think that this is how it went down: they met. They had so much fun. they liked each other. HE admitted the feelings were strong, and she did not. she hurt him. he left. she misses him, she’s sad, writes hit song. we break it down… and hopefully one day see her in concert ( I love Taylor) Because remember when that super secret source who is friends with Taylor told us they were NEVER really Swiftner and we were heart-broken? well, I still think that might be true…. and that Tay Lautner wanted to be Swiftner. HE wanted matching Lisa Frank trapper keepers & white baby kittens to hold together under a fuzzy pink blanket but something scared Taylor Swift off- I’m gonna go with Joe Jonas. And Ashley Greene- cuz she’s fun to blame even though they weren’t together then and Summit. Let’s blame Summit Moon: hahaha, cause everyone loves to blame them for everything. UC: Taylor Swift saw Robsten- and what happened with them- the rabid fans & the manips of their lovemaking in front of the fire (mostly from us) and didn’t want to BE Swiftner and broke Taylor’s heart Moon: i think they were having a good ol time filming Valentines Day. they hung out, “dated” with chaperone’s (aka big daddy), vma nonsense with Kanye happened, things heated up, love declared on SNL, then BOOM johnmayer/joejonas/whoever called
The one where Taylor Swift is scared of the fireplace
Wait, is this a manip?!
UC: she says “Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind” Moon: fear of the fireplace UC: Fear = The Swiftner version of Robsten Fans making love videos Moon: it’s alright to be scared the first time taylor UC: Don’t fear the fireplace Taylor! Moon: we’ll walk you through it UC: haha we’ll make a step by step guide to rocking the fireplace, also rocking in front of the fireplace Moon: taylor laut no doubt has his v card so it’ll be quick UC: Yes- it’ll be his vcard disappearing that night.. yours will barely be touched. . The one where the Jersey Shore gets involved
Yup, totes DTF
UC: So let’s get back tko the lyrics though- as they tell a good story…….in December, of 2009, after they went out to celebrate LTTs 1 year anniversary… Moon: Clearly. UC: it sounds like Taylor gave her flowers….. probably got down on one knee and asked her to make Swiftner official. NO doubt he had breadsticks in hand to seal the deal and she said NO UC: and dropped the flowers- or he did. ANd they wilted. Like their almost Swiftner relationship
Well, it says it right there- “SO good to me. SO right” I think she loves it. She sings “It turns out freedom aint nothin’ but missin’ you, wishin’ I’d realized what I had when you were mine” It sounds like Mr. Lautner was laying down the law… saying. enough of flirting with boys from Nashville.. I want you all to myself Taylor Moon: dude TAYLOR LAUTNER get your people on the phone, charter a flight and get to wherever Swifty is because as The Situation and Pauly D say: TAYLOR SWIFT IS DTF!!!!!!!!! UC: You’re right she was JUST DTF Moon: she realizes she had it GOOD and john mayer is a toolbag and she wants his assssszzzzz back UC: she sings about wanting Freedom- but “Freedom” meant getting screwed & felt up by a dude with backne (aka John Mayer). i don’t mean screwed like Effed, I mean screwed over and felt up after having to give him a massage over his backne. Moon: screwed as in he stole her publishing rights on a song they cowrote. LICENSING NERD ALERT!!! john mayers no fool. he sees her #1 songs
Follow the cut to read the rest of our break down, to see who we blame and the bet we place Continue…
*please read the entire post and the note at the end before you wild out in the comments*
I just watched this video where you discuss the term “Krisbian”
Really, Kristen? Your “brother” doesn’t like the term? In fact it “pisses him off” you say… why is that do you think? Why would your “brother” hate that girls would go gay for you or at least have a torrid make out session at The Truck Stop in West Hollywood with you for one night? What else pisses your “brother” off so much?
How about when he turns the tv on and it’s always on the Logo channel? That you just bought stock in the Croc’s shoe company? Your roadtrips with Taylor Scout Compton? That your favorite show is “Thintervention with Jackie Warner?” That your idea of a romantic date is going to Home Depot for a new tool belt and a hot dog from the vendor in the parking lot? That your favorite actresses are Cynthia Nixon (and Rojo Caliente!), Meredith Baxter Berney and that girl from Top Gun?
Man your “brother” is judgmental! Can’t he just accept you and your fans and who you choose to love? Does your “brother” get to choose who you love? And really, doesn’t your “brother” have stuff he should be doing? Like going out with his bromantical friends? Buying more smokes from the bodega across from the the hotel? Isn’t there an In-n-Out run he should be making? And I’m pretty sure there’s a ton of push ups your “brother” needs to be doing right now for something important that’s coming up. Right? Your “brother” should probably be in the middle of his 5th rep of 100 crunches right now instead of trolling the internets for Krisbians to cyber bully. Jerk.
Really, if it weren’t for your “brother” you’d probably call yourself a Krisbian, right? You’d start a convention for all the Krisbians to meet up and wear Krisbian shirts. You’d tie a knot in yours, of course. And then lead a break out session on proper knot tying so that all the Krisbians were doing it the correct “Kristen Approved” way.
Ok, ok maybe you wouldn’t do any of that because well we heard months ago that you and I guess your “brother” now didn’t really care for the term Krisbian. And we agonized for months over who would have to write the letter letting everyone down gently. But with this video I guess we’re off the hook now and we can meet up and have girl talk over Margs!!! Virgin for you, of course. But it’s funny, Kristen, I really feel like we’re on the same page now. Like we have something in common after all this time. Wow, this might be a new chapter in our relationship.
But now that your “brother” has to come in and rained all over everyone’s parade and said the term pisses him off, what can we do about it Kristen? What about the Krisbians? Are they at home crying into their Krisbian for life pillows? Marked out with sharpie now, natch. You just can’t change how you feel, we know that! It’s like they’re the Kurt Hummel in this Glee world and we feel for them.
We love YOU just the way you are
Maybe we should start a support group for the Krisbians to vent their feelings and provide a safe place for them to discuss what they’ll do to your “brother.” I mean… umm…. how they’ll ‘take care of’ your “brother” welllll…. ok. Maybe we should hire bodyguards for your “brother” instead.
Loving everyone just the way they are,
A special note to Krisbians: we love and accept you just the way you are! No matter who you choose to love. We’re not like Kristen’s “brother,” you’re safe here! And to show our support we’ve even thinking of turning our avatar purple on twitter… if we could figure out how to do that.
*No we don’t think Kristen’s “brother” is really her BROTHER, nor do we think any of them are cyber bullies or gay bashers, nor do we hate Kristen. There! Saved you from your dumb comments, people who can’t have a good time on the internet.*