Things I miss about Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I’ve had some time to do some thinking on my mini-break while Moon is in Europe & a few things have come to mind: I miss you. I miss when you were EVERYWHERE. Sure you’re still around. And this Fall you’ll be crazy again with Breaking Dawn Part 1, but I miss when everyday things made me think of you & made me laugh in the oddest ways.

I had a great opportunity to meet 2 girls I met through LTT who are from BELGIUM (remember Alice & Bella from Not an Addikt?) this past weekend in New York. I’ll share more about that later, but being with them reminded me of a few things I miss. So without further ado:

Cathy Hardi & her love for the Ultimate “Cougarita” at TGIFridays. Why TGIFridays? Why a big, watered-down margarita? Who knows! But it fits, you know it does:

Click me for ultimate LOLs

Big Daddy and his love for Fish-o-Filet sandwiches (and our inability to call that sammy by the correct name), The Olive Garden & any sort of fried delight:

Buttcrack Santa and all the places he’d pop up. Plus it gave us many excuses to post disgusting pictures of drunk, naked Santa Clauses:

I miss you

Wolfgirl. You early readers will remember when Moon & I started a campaign to marry Taylor Lautner & my youngest sister:

Meeting Stephenie Meyer cause that was just awesome. And this June is really hard without excitement like last year!

I also miss that hairclip. I lost it.

Moon cause she does stuff like this, among other things:

I could go on and on!!! I’ll save more for another time.  What do you miss!?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

 

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Remember that guy Taylor??

This guy?!! Yea?! YEA!

Dear Taylor-

It’s weird how out of all the cast you don’t get that much love here post wise and you’re probably the nicest and most normal (I would assume). AND I really DO like you!! Why is that? Are you staying out of the spotlight? Is Big Daddy calling you every night at 1oPM making sure you’re tucked in watching Sports Center instead of our carousing with the locals? Besides a few sushi lunches you really haven’t been seen out and aboot much in Vancouver. So when I see you I’m like “oh wait, that Taylor guy IS in this movie…” and boy, do you ever remind us you are with this clip:


It’s funny that you cringe when talking about imagining Edward and Bella down in Brasil gettin’ it on like Marvin Gaye sings, cause really it’s pretty much imagining the magicness happening between Robsten on the bear skin rug daily and who DOESN’T like to ponder that for like 23 of the 24 hours a day we have???
.

So here’s the crazy thing, Taylor, you’re in other movies besides Twilight! Insane, I know.
So here’s the thing… are you playing Hanna meets Jason Bourne meets the narc in your local high school? This whole thing raised some red flags for me…

  • 1. What high school girl is cruising missing children’s websites when she should be looking up the address to her local esthetician to get her Robert Pattinson meets Camilla Belle eyebrows in check? And if your high school girlfriends idea of a good time is looking at missing children’s websites you might have a bigger problem on your hands. Like SHE’S the narc… or she’s really into those CSI Criminals in SUV shows and THAT is scarytown.
    .
  • 

  • 2. If your mom is Maria Bello and you are Taylor Lautner, you definitely did not come from her womb.
    .
  • 3. If Maria Bello is such a grade-a ass kicker why didn’t her and her friends take a taekwondo class in The Jane Austen Book Club instead of reading books and yammering on about Northhanger Abbey (I love you J.A.)?
    .
  • 4. Is it in your contract that every movie you’re in feature a motorcycle riding scene? Preferably wearing a tight, dark v-neck shirt while it rains. Good agent.
    .
  • 5. If Sigourney Weaver tells you she knows your “real” father you better hope to God it’s not an alien.
    .
  • 6. Taylor, in my neck of the woods we call that thing over your lip a dirty sanchez moustache. Shave it NOW.
    .
  • 7. If you’re a fan of the Pirates enough to wear a jersey, it’s a bad omen. This will not end well.
    .
  • 8. Did you insist on using the Jacob-tree climbing/jumping stunt just so that we would all subconsciously think of you with your shirt off jumping into Bella’s window? Cause it worked.
    .
  • 9. Lines like “You wanna play with no rules? You better be careful what you let out the box” just confuse me. First, it doesn’t make and sense, second it makes me think of any of Vin Diesil’s lines in any movie he’s ever been in and third it makes me want to embroider it on a pillow.
    .
  • 10. Giving Big Daddy a producer credit in the end credits just earned you like at least 10 McDonalds bucks in your stocking next Christmas. And a HUUUGE hug from me cause that means Big Daddy will be all up in the Abduction premiere!! WHOOHOO!!
    .

So clearly, I’m going to be seeing this movie… at some point. There are so many questions that need to be answered and so many scenes with you possibly shirtless to be seen that I couldn’t deny you me this or the 15 bucks. Just consider it an investment in Big Daddy’s retirement fund.

“I live my life a quarter mile at a time…”
Themoonisdown

Ok, so that line isn’t in Abduction (I think) but who would argue that there will probably be lines very similar… Will you see Taylor’s new movie? Did you think he was doing the Jacob-jumps-in-Bella’s-window move, too?

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The Top 19 things I think about Taylor Lautner on his Birthday

Tay Tay's idea of a good birthday

Dear Taylor,

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to YOU
you look like you’re the kinda guy Chris Hansen is gonna come after soon…
Happy Birthday to YOUUUU

Moon & I were talking the other day about how we have these perceptions of celebrities (mostly Twilight stars) and their lives that most likely are exaggerated or completely untrue. Like, does Nikki Reed actually have multiple STDs (probably) and WILL Ashley Greene for sure try to steal someone’s boyfriend if she ever meets him (most likely). And DO Rob & Kristen really make the sweetest love with bubbles popping all around them & kittens & bunnies running in circles while they’re on a bear skin rug? (Duh). You know what I’m saying. Sometimes we run with a quote from an article, or idea or rumor SO far that we truly start to believe it ourselves. So for your 19th birthday, I thought I’d share the Top 19 things I think about you that may or not be true:

1. You’re still so obsessed with Taylor Swift that hers is the only CD you play (yes, I also think you’re the one person left on earth with a DiscMan) and you have magazines of her stacked in your hotel room & the walls are papered with posters of her. Plus you buy Clean & Clear face wash. Just because she’s in the commercials.

2. You actually carry around a baggie full of meat wherever you go & a bottle of ketchup in your back pocket at all time.

3. Despite being one of the highest paid actors of the last year, you still live at home with your parents when you’re not filming & you have a twin bed, share a bathroom with your sister & on occasion can be found playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja turtle figurines that you still have stashed in your closet

4. This is legitimately how you looked before fame:

5. Your dad is really your BFF and you two actually own all the Olive Garden franchises found in The Valley. Plus you bought that cookbook where you learn the secrets of chain restaurants, and the one thing you DO use your hard earned money for is a private chef- but he’s only allowed to cook from the Olive Garden section of the cookbook. And occasionally the Red Lobster pages. But he doesn’t tell Big Daddy

7. Sometimes the person in the hotel room next to you wakes up in the middle of the night to someone groggily singing what sounds like the Taylor Swift song “Back to December.” You sing it in your sleep

She won't leave me alone!!!

8. Instead of explaining to your friends who visit the set who “Renesmee” is who you have been filming a lot of scenes with, you just say she’s one of the sound guy’s daughters who follows you around and wants an autograph

9. While you’re a black belt in Karate & could probably hold your own against some of the greatest fighters out there, you’re deathly afraid of spiders. And ironically, wolves

10. You actually have no Native American in you & are actually a natural pale skinned red-head. Hair dye & a tanning bed have changed your life.

11. Considering one of your favorite movies is The Notebook (according to IMDB), you have a bigger crush on Ryan Gosling than I do. And I didn’t think that was possible

12. You only like the feel of leather against your skin. So instead of cotton sheets, you commissioned a special set of all leather sheets for you twin bed in the Lautner family home

13. You learned that in Hollywood and throughout most of the world, being a good Christian boy confuses people into thinking you’re gay (the leather and subscription to Men’s health don’t help either)

14. You are adopted. But Big Daddy Lautner won’t tell & still blames your differences on a “thyroid issue”

15. Every year for your birthday Rob has bought you a case of Heineken. Every year you have let it go to waste because you made a vow not to drink until you’re legally able to (21 in the US for all you foreigners!)

16. The$12,500,000 + 2.5% of the gross times TWO that you’re making for Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 are just sitting in a can under your bed. You have absolutely no idea what to do with it (Call me! I have some ideas)

17. You’ve considered being the one who cashes in on the “Robsten” story after People Magazine offered you 2 mil to tell YOUR side of Rob & Kristen’s love story

18. Even though you’re a regular LTT reader, you didn’t realize what we meant when we said Taylor Swift was DTF until the other night when you accidentally watched “The Jersey Shore” http://letterstotwilight.com/2010/11/05/back-to-december-and-back-to-swiftner-we-break-it-down/

19. When you go to football games or go see the Lakers play, you are actually there for the sport & not just to see the Cheerleaders

Happy 19th Birthday Taylor! I can’t believe you’re almost out of your teen years!!!!

Love US & All of us at LTT! XOXO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

98 Commented


The Crystal Ball of Twilight – What does the future hold?

In the year 2000000000

Dear Twilight,

I was just reading this lovely Hollywood Reporter post yesterday about your movie studio, Summit’s money woes in trying to get their business refinanced. Now, of course we don’t know anything about how this all works and how money is made and spent and financiers but UC and I got to talking after I sent her the link. She asked me if, after all this Twilight stuff, after all it’s success, after all the clams it made and after all the stuff we went through, if I could imagine if Summit folded. I honestly laughed thinking it might just be the best ending for this whole thing. Of course I don’t wish any ill will and hope they keep on making shiz, but it made me laugh and also made me think about the future of the rest of the cast, people involved and Stephenie herself . Our conversation made me think of one of my favorite Conan O’Brien skits called “In the Year 2000” where he and a guest would dress up in weird futuristic space capes and talk about what will happen in the future while they held flashlights pointed at their chin. Amazing. Of course.

So let’s fast forward to the year 2000 and see what happens after Summit folds and Twilight the movies are no more…

Rob quits acting and moves into into a hovel with TomStu where they form a Jackson Rathbone/100 Monkey’s-esque performance troupe and tour the country side of small eastern block european countries. They are begged by the Russian government to be specimens in a body odor experiment

Kristen moves to the the way west valleto take over her mom’s wolf hybrid breeding business with her life partner

After being dumped by every goodie two shoes in Hollywood, Taylor Lautner vows to a life of celibacy and becomes the Christian Tom Cruise

Catherine Hardwicke is finally blackballed from every major media outlet after continuing to rant on about the Robsten audition tape long after no gave a crapsten anymore. She moves to Puerto Vallerta to meet some groovy Mexican beach bums and films her passion project: a documentary about the creator of the Margarita

Stephenie Meyer lets loose and bares her shoulders while on a weekend wine tasting trip WITH US to Napa. Oh yes, she starts drinking. Who wouldn’t after all this?

Ashley Greene will become the next Jennifer Aniston complete with wildly popular tv series, a string of movies where she plays the same character (herself), a failed marriage to Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/whoever and spends her days jetting to Mexico thinking about her cats and “the one that got away” (Spoiler: Jackson Rathbone).

Tips welcome!

Jackson Rathbone runs away to join the circus as a one-man-band after he learns that Ashley Greene (aka “The one that got away) is marrying Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/Whoever.

Justin Chon becomes the biggest movie star in the world!

Big Daddy – After becoming a contestant on The Biggest Loser and getting his butt kicked by new trainer and LTT reader Olivia he becomes the Subway/Jared-esque spokesperson for McDonalds new GRILLED fish sandwich.

Solomon Trimble – Yea, I just don’t think I can make a manager at the Home Depot joke. He ran away to Puerto Vallerta with Cathi to be her pool boy / key grip / Margarite pour-er.

Xavier Samuel will still be hot.

Dakota Fanning will win her 239th consecutive Homecoming Queen title even thought she will have graduted decades prior.

So what started out as an innocent convo about what the hale is happening with this refinancing turned into something we just had to share. Because really WHAT will they be doing after Twilight is all over… your guess is as good as ours!

In the year two thouuuuusaaaaaand!
Themoonisdown

66 Commented


Year in review and our 2011 Twilight Resolutions!

Dear LTT-ers,

We started a tradition when we first began this blog in 2008 by making resolutions for the year ahead. We made plans for ourselves and the blogs and have kept tract of our progress. It’s amazing how many we’ve made happen and how many we’ve failed miserably on. So of course it’s New Year’s Eve 2010 and time to revisit our 2010 resolutions and make our resolutions for the next year…

Our 2010 Resolutions…

1. Actually get ON the red carpet at the Eclipse premiere and not be standing across the street trying to figure out if that’s Rob’s hair or Mike Welch on stilts that the girls are screaming for. Verdict = half FAIL!

While we weren’t OFFICIALLY on the red carpet to interview or represent the fans we were VERY close, close enough to tell it was definitely Rob and NOT Mike Welch. We even had a gaggle of LTT-ers there in multiple locations so we had ALL angles covered. Sadly, we did not get to interview anyone to ask what they order at the Olive Garden BUT there’s always next year! 2011!!
Moon/UC: .5 People Who Want Us to Fail: .5

2. Get a picture with Kaleb Nation to commemorate meeting him instead of running into him accidentally while looking for a bathroom and then totally forgetting to get a picture since we were too busy thinking about not peeing our pants. Verdict = FAIL!

So we meet up with Kaleb like 320489324 times this year: DVD release, Eclipse Con, Premiere. but NO pic. We even got pictures with the girls from The Twilight Lexicon and Larry 411 and yet no TwiGuy. FAIL!  Those moments will live on in our hearts forever though.
Moon/UC: .5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 1.5

3. Watch Ashley Greene’s sex tape when she inevitably makes one and live blog it… blow by blow… um, that’s what she said? Verdict = FAIL!

Since Ashley’s with Joe Jonas this might actually be more like live blogging their couples bible study video or his coming out video at next year’s Pride…
Moon/UC: .5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 2.5

4. Meet Stephenie Meyer and not have her call the police on us Verdict = WIN x a gabillion!!!

We all know how this turned out… I think we can forget the rest and say 2010 was a huge WIN for LTT based on this alone!
Moon/UC: 1.5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 2.5

5. Take it up a notch with our video skills & perhaps write a theme song for them. Verdict = WIN!

We did have “In the car with UC” but never did upload “Under the Loquat Tree with Moon” (which does exist… in my yard). We did have videos from our meeting with Stephenie (in our hotel room), from the premiere, getting interviewed on tv, video for VH1 that never aired, and some others…
Moon/UC: 2.5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 2.5

tie ball game folks…..

6. Only see New Moon and Eclipse in the theater in numbers below the teens – This goes for Eclipse as well… When the popcorn guy knows you by name it’s time to seek help and a shock collar. Verdict = WIN!

I only saw Eclipse 1 and 3/4ths times in the theater and UC saw it twice! So we WIN!
Moon/UC: 3.5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 2.5

Preparing for the fall out

7. Host a peace summit in Copenhagen between big name players in the Robsten vs Nonsten world and decide if we can all finally get along. Maybe if we come to an agreement we can sing we are the Rob together. Verdict = FAIL!

SO fail… we all know how that went down, UC got called a Nonsten devil, I was called everything under the sun, people were sued, people quit being friends, nasty things were said all over the interwebs. And nothing was resolved expect for Robsten vs Nonsten arguably being resposible for taking the fun out of the fandom. World peace may not actually be possible. If they stayed together or they broke up… it would just get uglier. So much so we may need to build a fall out shelter from the war that will ensue between the Krisbian suicide bombers and the Rob fans (they need a better name). We gotta be prepared and think ahead. In fact that’s the new fandom motto and we’re not talking tents and autograph books. We’re talking gas masks and bullet proof vests cause shit will get REAL REAL when that happens.

This resolution was SO fail, in  fact, NO ONE got  a win.
Moon/UC: 3.5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 3.5

8. We promise to continue to be controversial. We started writing thus blog because we couldn’t’ believe the lameness of the fandom. We still can’t. So we’ll continue to call it as we see it by KIR, you know: Keeping it Real. Verdict = WIN!

Done and done!! We kept it so real everyone got called names not just us. Whew.
Moon/UC: 4.5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 3.5

9. Meet Big Daddy Lautner. Tell him we love him more than the entire cast combined and would love to have a conversation over a Filet O Fish. Try not to act surprised when he has NO idea who we are. Verdict = FAIL!

This is the saddest fail of my life cause all  of that is true, we’re not even joking in that resolution. We just want to have a heart-to-heart over breaksticks and endless salad with Big Daddy. We want him to give us life advice, to tell us which label carries the best Big and Tall collection, to find out if he’s mastered making the Filet o Fish at home, to watch “the game,” to tell us which fast food app is the best. This is yet another reason we need to get on that carpet for Breaking Dawn, the off chance we would get to meet Big Daddy. That, or I need to step up my Olive Garden game. There are still a few locations in LA county I haven’t been to. New Year’s Day 2011!!
Moon/UC: 4.5 People Who Want Us to Fail: 4.510. Roll out our new blog design. Yes, yes we are finally getting rid of the old look and moving over to join the forum on our very own server space. Verdict = WIN!

WIN WIN WIN! This may have taken us till June to roll out and we may have been hacked by some losers in BFE and it may have it’s moments we want to strangle it and we may spend many Sunday mornings fixing it but it happened and we couldn’t be happier!

So let’s get on to our resolutions for 2011!

HAHAHA I love fan posters!!

1. Breaking Dawn Part 1 (and 2) RED CARPET! – Our next logical step would be to be ON the carpet officially. We need to be close enough to count Mike Welch’s nose hairs, to see if our gaydar is pinging correctly on a few people AND to offer a prayer of protection and success for Kellan. He’s appreciate a laying on of hands in the middle of the carpet. This is one of our last chances to make this happen. Come on cosmic justice of the universe, don’t fail us now!!!

2. Meet Big Daddy – We’re gonna carry this one over from last year because our blogging life really can’t be complete without meeting the man, the mystery, the legend behind Taylor Lautner. We promise to spring from the cannolli for dessert if we get to meet sir!

3. Make another appearance at this year’s Comic Con in San Diego. 2009 Comic Con was a blast: throwing elbows, seeing all the new footage from NEW MOON (wow, that was forever ago). With Breaking Dawn being filmed NOW you know there’s gonna be something good at this summer’s Comic Con and we aim to be there!

Your turn Moon!

4. Since UC got to meet and interview Jackson Rathbone and be bequeathed the most unfortunate name of: Superfan, Moon too must undergo the embarrassment of being called  Twilight Superfan in 2011 by interviewing Kellan Lutz or another 2nd tier cast member.

5. Host another LTT blow out shin dig during the premiere week of Breaking Dawn Part 1! Preferably with karaoke because “Back to December” will NEVER sound as good as it would at an LTT party after drinking Cougarita’s or Mr. Choice’s special concoction called “Bella’s Blood.”

6. Infiltrate the set of Breaking Dawn for some sort of exclusive access. If Summit or the paparazzi or the people of Baton Rouge won’t bring it to us, we’ll just have to go get it ourselves. Good thing our passports are current, just in case we need to be ready to roll with Summit/Stephenie/Bill Condon/Big Daddy/Kellan or whoever invites us for a visit.

THE bed

7. Go to Venice Beach, break into Cathi’s groovy beach pad and steal THE AUDITION TAPE so that we can finally put to rest her claims of their amazing chemistry for what it really is: 2 awkward young adults making out on an old ladies bed while she tapes it.

Ok, so do you think we can do these? Are we gonna full of WIN next December 2011 or are the people who want us to fail going to be rejoicing? Only time will tell.

Happy New Year!!!!
Moon and UC

What are your New Year’s resolutions?

BUSINESS TIME!
Oh- We don’t want to forget to tell you, starting January 3rd the Biggest Loser challenge on the Forum (renamed “Resolutionary Challenge 2011″) is kicking off: Make sure you join everyone if you’re looking for fun, encouragement & healthy living in 2011!!! Resolutionary Challenge 2011

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