Twilight stuff happens while you’re busy having fun!

Wedgie's happened while I was gone

Dear LTT,

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

  • Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual).
    .

G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!

  • Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations.
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  • Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk.
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  • In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*
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Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

  • Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back.
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  • While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at  Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality.
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  • Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card.
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  • You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

Oh Rupert! LA loves you too

 

And with that… I think I may be caught up minus UC and I breaking down those new stills they released from Breaking Dawn Pt 1: Planned Parenthood Was Right! (The real tag line).

So happy to be back and I have some Twilight stories to share from Kenya another day.

Love to you all and mucho love-o to UC for holding down the fort while I was gone.

It’s Moon Bitches,
Themoonisdown

I know a ton of crap happend while I was gone that can’t be fit on BDmovie.org so what did I miss? Besides you guys, duh!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

100 Commented


The exact moment NONE of these things happened

Dear LTT-ers,

You know those moments you have an epiphany? It’s the exact moment you realize something that changes everything. Well I think we’ve caught some of our fave (or the one’s who showed their faces this week) cast members having epiphanies…

This is the exact moment Dakota realized her career was being eclipsed by her sister Elle’s…

Who needs Tom Cruise on speed dial when you used starred on a movie directed by JJ Abrams and produced by Spielberg? Suddenly that on screen kissy face time with Kristen Stewart doesn’t seem like a big deal when your sister is out taking over Hollywood.
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This is the exact moment Kellan knew he was on time to teach Sunday School on his local church

This week he’s going to teach them about Noah on the Flannelgram board. The kids love when he teaches because he does the “voices.” You should hear Noah’s wife.
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This was the exact moment Elizabeth Reaser realized her five head was best covered up with a side swooped bang

We agree.
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This was the exact moment Jackson saw his reflection in the mirror behind that girls head

And thought “WELCOME TO RATHERBONIA!!!!” ok ok maybe he thought: “Daaaaayyyyuuum playa. I look GOOD!”
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This was the exact moment the Holy Trinity realized they forgot to include “final approval on all movie images” to their contracts.

More on this gem later…
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We’ve all had those moments, haven’t we? Only ours haven’t been immortalized on a calendar for all over 2012.

Glad I don’t have the paparazzi following me,
Themoonisdown

Is anyone going to buy this calendar or is it actually the cover for the BD Halloween costumes we’ll be able to buy in October? Do you want Kellan teaching your children from a Flannel gram board? YES!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

78 Commented


Jackson Rathbone- he does highschool boy well..

Dear Jackson,

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a chat (approximately one year on Sunday, actually) and I miss hearing your southern drawl. In fact, now that I think about it- I haven’t really heard that drawl in an entire year- the last time I saw you on screen in Eclipse (well, except for the one other time I saw Eclipse in July and then when the DVD first came out (yes I’ve only seen it 3 times.. Shhh))

Anyway, I’m so used to poking fun of whatever you have going on- namely your catfish look & 100 Monkeys. So imagine my surprise when I hear you have a new web series (airing on Facebook? Really? We’re there now?) & I watched the trailer and… well, it doesn’t look that bad

I’m into the action/crime show thing. Maybe this is a little too ‘shoot-em-up-machine-gun-style’ for me (I tend to like my violence more with serial killer types. Or Vampires), but it’s got the young, high school “I really want to impress this girl” thing going on that is pretty intriguing. Plus you look so cute as a high school boy! Your dorkiness is so charming. I want to give you a towel when you get dunked in the toilet & scream at the bullies that you could kick their asses!

Watching you play a teenage boy again gave me a flash back to when I FIRST saw you on The OC… and that quickly turned into a timeline of your career in my mind- and mostly, a timeline of your hair. So without further ado:

You were born in Singapore to parents who were most likely Missionaries because once after a super duper sleuth & successful online stalking venture*, Moon found out your parents knew Kellan’s parents & then found out the name of Kellan’s home church & we put two and two (plus some political contributions we found from one of your families) together and figured out we’re pretty sure Kellan’s home church supported your family when they were in the mission field.

Your given first name is actually Monroe (FUN NEW FACT I JUST LEARNED) and you are approximately 1.5 years younger than me.

You first rose to fame (although it’s like your 5th IMDB entry) through 2 episodes as a ‘throw-away’ character on The OC. But you weren’t throw-away to me. I was that obsessed with The OC that I actually remembered your role when it was announced you would be Jasper Hale!

And dannggg you play a cute teenage boy (I think you were a teenage boy here!)

At one point you looked like a Dirty—- [TIME OUT for a full confession to say that I was going to say you looked like a “Dirty Sanchez” which is what I think of when I see that picture. But it didn’t sound quite right so I decided to look it up & WHOA- that’s not what I meant. So I thought maybe I meant “Dirty Sancho?” But turns out WHOA I definitely didn’t mean that. So basically what I’m trying to say is: You look like a really nice guy who probably drives a motorcycle & has a GED, is respectful to woman and maybe just maybe has some relatives in Mexico??? I’m just trying to be PC here….. you know how good I am at that**]

Then one day you landed the role of Jasper Hale- newly minted vegetarian vampire- and strutted your stuff into the mobile home make-up trailer that doubled as Catherine Hardi’s “Home away from home” where she slept every night during filming ready to put on your blonde wig- since you read that Jasper Hale was blonde. But instead they gave you a perm & dumped a bunch of powder on your hair:

Shortly thereafter, I see THE MAN in the flesh for the first time (and am also scarred for forever by my first and only experience with The 100 Monkeys) You’re sweaty but danggg you’re cute:

Then you freak the sh*t out of all of us by looking prettier than any girl I know as Amanda Jackson on an episode of Criminal Minds:

I’m still not convinced that this is a secret female twin of yours that your parents keep locked in the basement, with a Bible.

And just when we thought Jasper’s look couldn’t get any worse than the baby powder & perm, you got a wig (I think? I hope!!?). And it WAS worse:

Which FORCED me to ask you if we were going to see Jasper in a “Red Mullet” wig in Eclipse

(I can’t do it. I can’t watch myself in this again to find out where exactly I ask you that. However, I did just decide I miss that dress. I’m pretty sure it’s in my sister’s closet. I think it’s because I borrowed it from her, but still. I’d like it back)

THANKFULLY, we didn’t have a red mullet (although I DO see tinges of Red. I’ll take credit for that (despite the fact it was done filming long before I thought of it) although this look is a little “drowned rat” for my liking….I know, I know. I’m hard to please:

And now we’re back to present day & your role in Aim High. And, surprisingly, I have little complaints. I mean zero. You’re back to playing that cute high-school boy a la The OC & it WORKS!

You do dorky, high school boy well!

We’ve been through so much together. I’ve said some mean honest things about the way you look & your terrible, horrible band- but I’m glad we’re in this place one year after you first got to see me make these horrible faces in person:

Click for ultimate "WTF were you thinking, UC" moments

Maybe I’ll see you on Facebook!,

UnintendedChoice

*We’re about 57% serious about all of this. 100% serious about the fact that we online stalked that hard.
**I LOVE Mexico. I am still Facebook friends with approximately 5 friends I made in Mexico when I was 16 and went there on a missions trip. Yep- I did missions work- Kellan & Jackson– we can swap stories!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

54 Commented


Are there any 2011 Newbies?

UC Moon Stephenie Meyer

THIS is kinda a big deal....

Dear Twilight,

Last week it came up in conversation with some new friends that I run a Twilight blog. I bashfully said “Yes it’s true.. I write a blog about that vampire love story” and my friend quickly jumped in to say “But, UC, tell them all about it- Tell them how it’s kind of a big deal & how you met the author and everything” And I bashfully said “Yes.. Yes.. I met the author… I’m kinda a big deal” (Just kidding) So I was answering questions about what we do here at LTT & the new friend (a male) was really interested. Like a little too interested for a 33 year old father of 4, and it just reminded me of a year or so ago when that very conversation was more prevalent. At this point most people know about LTT (even though I’ve still never made LTT public in my life. No matter how many times my grandmother asks what the blog address is..) so it’s been awhile since I’ve had to explain WHAT it is we do here and WHY.

That got me thinking: What happens to the people who are just discovering Twilight now? Remember when you first found LTT, how RELIEVED you were that you weren’t alone in loving the story, despite it’s many, hilarious flaws? Can you imagine FINALLY giving in after hearing about Twilight for all these years, obsessing like crazy as everyone does over the books and then watching the 3 movies before slipping into a deep “it’s over” depression? What do they do next? Where do they begin? They’d probably Google Rob Pattinson like most of us did, and after watching 10 videos straight… then what? Text the friend who begged them to read the saga all these years and say:

OMG! There is this video where Kristen picks something out of Rob’s teeth and he goes “Yummy!” Do you think they’re together? It seems like it- I have to confess I watched this hour-long video of the behind the scenes filming of some photo-shoot. You HAVE to check it out!

Um, old news… like 2008 old news! How lonely must it be for new Twilight lovers- the newbies of 2011!!

See you at Youth Group Sunday?

Imagine the day when they come across old Twilight archives on some entertainment website & read that Kellan Lutz calls “A Purpose Driven Life” one of his favorite books. Who is there to laugh along with them when they put two and two together & figure out Kellan’s just a good ol’ boy from the youth group?

And imagine the disappointment of a Twilight newbie who finds out Kristen & Nikki are bff’s forever & then starts to come across pictures where the two girls are no longer together- or worse they’re in the same picture but on opposite sides! Or Nikki’s bitchface is showing. Did their fake lesbian-ship fall apart? Who/What/When/Where did that happen? Can you imagine trying to figure out what went wrong THERE 2 years after the fact (Newbies the short answer is: Nikki f*cked Rob, Rob f*cked Kristen, Nikki married some American Idol dude)

Who is there for the 2011 newbie when they cry after discovering 100 Monkeys? I can imagine it now: One night there’s some heavy research being done on Jackson because “he’s pretty cute.” Blah blah blah “he was on The OC.” Blah blah blah “he was a she-male on Criminal Minds.” Blah blah- “Music!? Nice! I love a guy with a guitar…” Pushes play on the music player. “AHHH What IS this? Why is blood pouring out of my ears? Why do I suddenly want all monkeys to die? Make it stop!” Ugh- how horrible to go through that alone!

Buttcrack Santa Tequila Tomas

Buttcrack Santa with an old friend I forgot about TEQUILA TOMAS!

And can you IMAGINE falling in love with the Buttcrack Santa story-line alone!? I mean we’ve known him for so long. We wrote him his very first letter almost a 2 1/2 years ago! He’s such a part of our “normal” life (as much as an old dude with his buttcrack showing is normal.) These days we barely even think about him (sorry Waylon! We’ll get on that. I do miss you). Or what about the day the newbie comes across a picture of Taylor and his dad & Laughs out LOUD at the picture- there’s this fit, young jacked guy & well, Big Daddy. Who has a lot of ‘lovin’ to go around if you know what I mean!

I can’t imagine what it’s like for 2011 newbies. Maybe there aren’t any- or at least any as dedicated as us. I’m not trying to say we’re better- I don’t think that for one second- I’m not a “old school Twilighter” by any means since I discovered the books a week before Breaking Dawn was released (thank GOD! I can’t imagine waiting!) I just mean- are we so dedicated because we’ve had awhile with the saga? We’ve come to love these things slowly- first the books, then the movies. Then we loved the characters of the movies- then the actors & finally their random family & friend connections…. Has all this time & “experiences” we’ve had with the story/characters/actors & players shaped our love? Or are there dedicated fans still jumping on board even these days….. all alone out there, wondering how to belong!?

I hope new people find Twilight. And then I hope they find LTT so we can let them in on our secret: That’s Normal. Yes, all of it. (Well, most of it. Or maybe like three quarters of it. Or maybe just the parts of it that we agree are normal. How’s that?)

Still Normal, even after all these years,
UnintendedChoice

Do you think people are still finding Twilight in 2011 & loving it with this deep obsessive affection? What other things/people/storylines would be hard to fall in love with on your own!? PS: I miss Tequila Tomas

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

65 Commented


Breaking it down: Lime green, helicopters and Twilight rick rolling

Dear LTT-ers,

Some pictures from the Breaking Dawn set of honeymoon reshoots in the Virgin (ahem) Islands this weekend have finally made their way onto the interwebs in all their lime green and water socked glory. We break it down…
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The one where Walmart sells Krisbian brand bikinis
UC: new love making pictures
Moon: oh lawd
UC: so Bella would never wear a lime green bikini
Moon: i was thinking the same thing. i mean really? lime green?
UC: Alice must’ve run out of time… Ran to Walmart & grabbed something from last season when packing
Moon: right who wears lime green? and WTF is going on here:

UC: well in real life she’s supposed to look “naked” but in LTT life I like to think that Kristen is making a fashion statement
Moon: is the green bikini just taped on? like her boobs are so amazing clothes just cling to them, they have to be close to the queen at all times? so i guess we can safely say the green bikini is a krisbian brand
UC: hahaha i think that’s a safe guess
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The one where we don’t comment but we do:
Moon: presented without comment (yet):

UC: exactly what i was thinking….. classing it up in St. Thomas what wahtttt!
Moon: right. playing the sweet virginal sad bella. smoke it up. i’m not trying to make a judgment call on smoking but come on. i have many friends who do and i will occasionally partake of a clove ciggie but i dont know….. its like tons of kids look up to you, you know. as much as you like it or not. and we know she doesnt like it
UC: it’s gross. I’ve done it. I still do sometimes when I’m drinking & am making stupid decisions and it’s gross. Note to kids: DON’T SMOKE JUST BECAUSE KSTEW DOES
Moon: bella and edward dont like it when you smoke, kids. it makes them cry * cue “the more you know” music *
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The one where it’s actually Kristen

Moon: this is actually how i picture kristen… they should just sub out the lime green for the pot-kini. save that 20 bucks they spent at target and the wardrobe budget will now equals 56 dollars total
wig budget = free from the party city leftover bin after halloween going out of business sale
UC: hahahhahahahahaha. that’s a funny picture. please photoshop pot leaves onto that. maybe add a hat
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The one where Rob is a tech nerd
Moon: in other news: rob is a super nerd and brings his ipad to the beach

Moon: i wonder if he has a team edward cover for it?
UC: I wonder if he has an LTT cover (Link- i think cafe press has them)! he has “Big in Japan”
Moon: cause he is… after a really big meal of ramen. gives you the bloat.
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The one where we gas up the helicopter

Moon: do you think that dude behind him just saw the robsten-copter circling overhead?
UC: hahahahah Yes. With fans attaching their parachutes.. ready to jump. ON Rob
Moon: robsteners and the paps rented boats for s. america so maybe they upped their game for the Caribbean and took to the air? they just tell the pilot to circle while they throw out handfuls of glitter on the holy couple. “rainbows of love” as they call it
UC: The actually rip off pieces of a bear skin rug & use it as confetti showering it upon their heads
Moon: They have some poor PA scurry around the set snatching up the pieces to fashion into a full size one because you can’t waste bearskin AND they forgot their travel size for the trip.
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I need a full table setting for 12


The one with the real royal couple
Moon: now that they’ve “outted themselves” (heh) they have to figure out a way to upstage the REAL royal couple, Kate and William’s wedding this weekend. do you think some kissing photo will just MAGICALLY leak saturday morning? just to remind the public who REALLY matters and to stop pulling attention away from the magicness
UC: I think there will be a pregnancy rumor… maybe a photo of Bella with child on the cover of a mag
Moon: or some “mysterious” twitter
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Our lovely Stephanie on the BD set

The one where we finally figure it out:
Moon: do you think rob went crabbing after the shoot in his wet suit and water socks, or did he hit up the water slide?
*time passes*
Moon: OH MAN! i think i know why that bikini is ugly lime green!!!
UC: GREEN SCREEN!!!
Moon: green screen color!!! they can replace it with whatever they want
UC: it just hit me too!
UC: smart….. (shhh don’t tell them i said that) what do you think she’ll be wearing? a little mermaid costume?
Moon: the potkini… they lost it after spring break 1993
UC: Will they CGI in some big beautiful bouncing breasts?
Moon: i just threw up
Moon: maybe her boobs will phase into wolves? she gets “THO” and BOOM wolves!
UC: they’re going to put her into a wolf bikini. just another FU to jake. gift from Edward. obviously

The one where I do some Twilight rick-rolling

Still too easy

Moon: oh and what about this one http://static.newmoonmovie.org/bdm/images/2011/04/ijsqf.jpg
First thoughts!
UC: hahahahaha
UC: First…. I had no idea who that was. Second, I wanted to get our my tweezers & pluck that unibrow. 3rd I laughed b/c it’s Jason playing a fake violin i mean non-existent violin. 4th I remembered the awfulness of the 100 monkeys and how serious he’s taking it
Moon: jason? who the heck is jason? and you call yourself the SUPERFAN… tsk tsk
UC: 5th I questioned… is that really jackson. I mean Jackson!!!
Moon: he really wanted that as his avi he tweeted it was his fave pic
UC: omg
Moon: i tweeted back and said “too easy.” I mean come on! you’re just asking for my mock and ridicule
UC: tweet him something we’ve made
hahaha
Moon: the facial hair is the catfish phase. this must have been last yr was this his subtle cry to be cast in WFE. then ron came by and took that role from him too. oh the humanity
Moon: he looks like a huge tool
UC: HUGE tool

Seriously, it’s too easy Jackson. I mean come on now. But is anyone else a little sad that this is it. This is the end of filming……. UC hold me!!!!!

It’s not the end… (it sorta is),
Themoonisdown

Did you wish it was the potkini? Do you think that Kristen/Rob/Taylor etc are role models to younger kids? Should they at least put on a more wholesome public front? Are you sad this is the beginning of the end?

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130 Commented


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