Twilight stuff happens while you’re busy having fun!

Wedgie's happened while I was gone

Dear LTT,

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

  • Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual).
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G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!

  • Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations.
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  • Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk.
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  • In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*
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Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

  • Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back.
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  • While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at  Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality.
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  • Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card.
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  • You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

Oh Rupert! LA loves you too

 

And with that… I think I may be caught up minus UC and I breaking down those new stills they released from Breaking Dawn Pt 1: Planned Parenthood Was Right! (The real tag line).

So happy to be back and I have some Twilight stories to share from Kenya another day.

Love to you all and mucho love-o to UC for holding down the fort while I was gone.

It’s Moon Bitches,
Themoonisdown

I know a ton of crap happend while I was gone that can’t be fit on BDmovie.org so what did I miss? Besides you guys, duh!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

100 Commented


The exact moment NONE of these things happened

Dear LTT-ers,

You know those moments you have an epiphany? It’s the exact moment you realize something that changes everything. Well I think we’ve caught some of our fave (or the one’s who showed their faces this week) cast members having epiphanies…

This is the exact moment Dakota realized her career was being eclipsed by her sister Elle’s…

Who needs Tom Cruise on speed dial when you used starred on a movie directed by JJ Abrams and produced by Spielberg? Suddenly that on screen kissy face time with Kristen Stewart doesn’t seem like a big deal when your sister is out taking over Hollywood.
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This is the exact moment Kellan knew he was on time to teach Sunday School on his local church

This week he’s going to teach them about Noah on the Flannelgram board. The kids love when he teaches because he does the “voices.” You should hear Noah’s wife.
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This was the exact moment Elizabeth Reaser realized her five head was best covered up with a side swooped bang

We agree.
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This was the exact moment Jackson saw his reflection in the mirror behind that girls head

And thought “WELCOME TO RATHERBONIA!!!!” ok ok maybe he thought: “Daaaaayyyyuuum playa. I look GOOD!”
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This was the exact moment the Holy Trinity realized they forgot to include “final approval on all movie images” to their contracts.

More on this gem later…
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We’ve all had those moments, haven’t we? Only ours haven’t been immortalized on a calendar for all over 2012.

Glad I don’t have the paparazzi following me,
Themoonisdown

Is anyone going to buy this calendar or is it actually the cover for the BD Halloween costumes we’ll be able to buy in October? Do you want Kellan teaching your children from a Flannel gram board? YES!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

78 Commented


Are there any 2011 Newbies?

UC Moon Stephenie Meyer

THIS is kinda a big deal....

Dear Twilight,

Last week it came up in conversation with some new friends that I run a Twilight blog. I bashfully said “Yes it’s true.. I write a blog about that vampire love story” and my friend quickly jumped in to say “But, UC, tell them all about it- Tell them how it’s kind of a big deal & how you met the author and everything” And I bashfully said “Yes.. Yes.. I met the author… I’m kinda a big deal” (Just kidding) So I was answering questions about what we do here at LTT & the new friend (a male) was really interested. Like a little too interested for a 33 year old father of 4, and it just reminded me of a year or so ago when that very conversation was more prevalent. At this point most people know about LTT (even though I’ve still never made LTT public in my life. No matter how many times my grandmother asks what the blog address is..) so it’s been awhile since I’ve had to explain WHAT it is we do here and WHY.

That got me thinking: What happens to the people who are just discovering Twilight now? Remember when you first found LTT, how RELIEVED you were that you weren’t alone in loving the story, despite it’s many, hilarious flaws? Can you imagine FINALLY giving in after hearing about Twilight for all these years, obsessing like crazy as everyone does over the books and then watching the 3 movies before slipping into a deep “it’s over” depression? What do they do next? Where do they begin? They’d probably Google Rob Pattinson like most of us did, and after watching 10 videos straight… then what? Text the friend who begged them to read the saga all these years and say:

OMG! There is this video where Kristen picks something out of Rob’s teeth and he goes “Yummy!” Do you think they’re together? It seems like it- I have to confess I watched this hour-long video of the behind the scenes filming of some photo-shoot. You HAVE to check it out!

Um, old news… like 2008 old news! How lonely must it be for new Twilight lovers- the newbies of 2011!!

See you at Youth Group Sunday?

Imagine the day when they come across old Twilight archives on some entertainment website & read that Kellan Lutz calls “A Purpose Driven Life” one of his favorite books. Who is there to laugh along with them when they put two and two together & figure out Kellan’s just a good ol’ boy from the youth group?

And imagine the disappointment of a Twilight newbie who finds out Kristen & Nikki are bff’s forever & then starts to come across pictures where the two girls are no longer together- or worse they’re in the same picture but on opposite sides! Or Nikki’s bitchface is showing. Did their fake lesbian-ship fall apart? Who/What/When/Where did that happen? Can you imagine trying to figure out what went wrong THERE 2 years after the fact (Newbies the short answer is: Nikki f*cked Rob, Rob f*cked Kristen, Nikki married some American Idol dude)

Who is there for the 2011 newbie when they cry after discovering 100 Monkeys? I can imagine it now: One night there’s some heavy research being done on Jackson because “he’s pretty cute.” Blah blah blah “he was on The OC.” Blah blah blah “he was a she-male on Criminal Minds.” Blah blah- “Music!? Nice! I love a guy with a guitar…” Pushes play on the music player. “AHHH What IS this? Why is blood pouring out of my ears? Why do I suddenly want all monkeys to die? Make it stop!” Ugh- how horrible to go through that alone!

Buttcrack Santa Tequila Tomas

Buttcrack Santa with an old friend I forgot about TEQUILA TOMAS!

And can you IMAGINE falling in love with the Buttcrack Santa story-line alone!? I mean we’ve known him for so long. We wrote him his very first letter almost a 2 1/2 years ago! He’s such a part of our “normal” life (as much as an old dude with his buttcrack showing is normal.) These days we barely even think about him (sorry Waylon! We’ll get on that. I do miss you). Or what about the day the newbie comes across a picture of Taylor and his dad & Laughs out LOUD at the picture- there’s this fit, young jacked guy & well, Big Daddy. Who has a lot of ‘lovin’ to go around if you know what I mean!

I can’t imagine what it’s like for 2011 newbies. Maybe there aren’t any- or at least any as dedicated as us. I’m not trying to say we’re better- I don’t think that for one second- I’m not a “old school Twilighter” by any means since I discovered the books a week before Breaking Dawn was released (thank GOD! I can’t imagine waiting!) I just mean- are we so dedicated because we’ve had awhile with the saga? We’ve come to love these things slowly- first the books, then the movies. Then we loved the characters of the movies- then the actors & finally their random family & friend connections…. Has all this time & “experiences” we’ve had with the story/characters/actors & players shaped our love? Or are there dedicated fans still jumping on board even these days….. all alone out there, wondering how to belong!?

I hope new people find Twilight. And then I hope they find LTT so we can let them in on our secret: That’s Normal. Yes, all of it. (Well, most of it. Or maybe like three quarters of it. Or maybe just the parts of it that we agree are normal. How’s that?)

Still Normal, even after all these years,
UnintendedChoice

Do you think people are still finding Twilight in 2011 & loving it with this deep obsessive affection? What other things/people/storylines would be hard to fall in love with on your own!? PS: I miss Tequila Tomas

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

65 Commented


Friday Funny, I mean Friday Sad, Kellan Lutz’ Flop at the Box Office…

Dear Kellan Lutz,

Uh oh. You haven’t had the best week, have you? Not only did your limited-release (meaning 1 theater near your mom’s house plus DVD) movie, “Love, Wedding, Marriage” only make 1.4 million, but it currently has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. ZERO PERCENT.

I mean I saw the trailer:

(please don’t be surprised that there is a comment on this video from xXtwlight4evaXx who says “i want mandy moore and shane west to do another movie together!!! A walk to remember was amazing<3″)

Things I do: Cheat on the real Chuck Bass & star in bad movies

While I love great films, I’m not really a movie snob. I love me a good romantic chick flick (hello I’m a Twilight blogger). But this DOES look pretty bad- I mean Jessica Szohr is in it (yuck), Mandy Moore hasn’t been good since “A Walk to Remember” and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t actually good then & I was just blinded by love for Shane West. And you playing a grown man in love is….. well, let’s just say you may still need a few years before that’s believable. I don’t care that you have an 8-pack. Which is obviously why you were hired.

But again, it doesn’t look like it deserves 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. I mean, I MIGHT watch it on a long plane ride after taking a nap, reading a book & when the battery runs out on my iPad. I could possibly turn it on when it’s free On Demand and I’m sick on the couch. I might even click a link that says “Download Love and Marriage for free & win an Ipad” if the mood is right.

It definitely couldn’t deserve this review (could it?)

“If there is a special hell for film critics, it probably has movies like “Love, Wedding, Marriage” on continuous rotation.”

And taking pictures of Anthony Weiner apologizing & captioning them with quotes from reviewers about your movie is just mean (but pretty damn funny via buzzfeed)

Kellan, Kellan.. if only you had come to Moon or I before signing on to this movie. We would have warned you that out of the 16 films of Mandy Moore’s on Rotten Tomatoes, only 2 have gotten reviews over 50%. And that a Rotten Tomatoes rating of 0% means your movies is worse than: Battlefield Earth, Freddy Got Fingered, and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (as told to us by EW Popwatch in a review attempting to be positive about Mandy Moore despite her horrible films (don’t worry- they didn’t mention you!))

And now you’re going to have to be nominated or even WIN a Razzie award and while that’s really good publicity, that shizz never leaves you! As if it’s not hard enough for you with all your muscles and Abercrombie background, the Twilight connection- that lacrosse movie with Ash Greene etc. to be taken seriously, this is just gonna make it all that harder.

Listen to me, Kellan. I don’t care how much Jane Seymour (Mandy’s mother in Love, Wedding, Marriage) pays wants you as her boy toy, don’t pick any more projects that drag down all the amazing work you did with the Twilight saga. Oh wait.

Kellan's big moment: Waving a knife while cooking Italiano

Always here to help,
UnintendedChoice

Do you ever feel really bad when a Twi cast member we love so much has a major flop of a movie like this one? 0% is HORRIBLE! Is this Kellan’s “100 Monkeys” moment? (Except that moment of Jackson’s doesn’t’ seem to be passing…) Will YOU see the movie? (assuming you live in the same town as his mom) Can you believe Ryan Adams married Mandy Moore? Can you tell I’m happy it’s FRIDAY FRIDAY

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

I failed & forgot to thank James for the heads-up on this amazing story!!

69 Commented


Kellan makes us ask the age old question…

Dear Kellan,

I was surfing the webs and noticed you went to the Victoria’s Secret 6th Annual (there was need for 5 others?) “What Is Sexy?” Celebration. Besides the obvious questions: this is a celebration? Why is there a question mark in a party name? Are only “sexy” people allowed or does Ed Helms get a free pass (cause he’s sexy to me)? So I got to thinking are you putting me up to the challenge? Are you asking me to prove to you I know what’s sexy?! WELL mission accepted pal!

What IS sexy…


Dude in a white tee and jeans on a classic car (nevermind the whittling)? Boom: Sexy.
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Dude discussing life and ladies with his mom after what can only be a Chico’s shopping spree? Boom: Sexy.
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Guy in a suit on what looks like his grandpa’s Buick after Sunday services? Boom: Sexy.
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Poolboy doing a thorough job of cleaning and removing all debris from the pool, whilst the lady of the house watches from behind the kitchen shutters? Boom: Sexy.
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Dude looking all dark and mysterious and foreboding and all come get me in this wool peacoat from Zara Men’s line that I picked up while you were in the dressing room and I was holding your purse cause I’m secure in my masculinity? Boom: Sexy.
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Dude who says don’t worry babe I’ll get all the luggage and find our car while you go call your mom and tell her we landed safe and we can’t wait till she comes to visit for 3 months and stays with us? Boom: Sexy
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Dude who’s not afraid to dress up for his girlfriends work costume party/neighborhood block party/children’s birthday/Church Harvest festival/Pride Parade in West Hollywood even thought he’ll be ogled/look alike contest/ex boyfriends halloween party? Boom: Sexy!
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Dude who says don’t worry ma’m I got this and then stops traffic to help a 90 year old lady cross the street with her groceries and then personally escorts a group of orphans across the busy intersection before heading into his shift as a volunteer firefighter in the understaffed inner city? Boom: Sexy.
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Dude who saves animals from burning homes, flood wrecked towns on the Mississippi and natural disaster savaged cities during his volunteer firefighter and National Guard shifts and then adopts them and loves them as his very own after doing exhaustive searches to find their owners? Boom: Sexy.
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Ok… so I think I know what IS sexy… let me take a stab and what’s NOT sexy...

follow the cut
Continue…

54 Commented


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