Twilight Buzz

Continuing with Moon’s idea of “mini” letters on Monday, today we’re going to discuss the latest Twilight “buzz” with a few little letters of my own:

Dear Cathy Hardi,

Wait, something about your new movie sounds familiar

What could it be? There’s:

Catherine Hardwicke
Billy Burke
A Wolf
Girl torn between two men
Familiar looking woods
Familiar looking mountains
An Actress from a Summit film

Is “All of the above” an answer? Man- you really like what you like & stick with it, huh?

And did you seriously use your interview about a totally unrelated movie to say

“Shiloh was my runner-up for Edward in “Twilight” but he and Kristen [Stewart] didn’t have the instant chemistry lock that is now well-known.”

Ohhh Cathy- give it a rest! We know- YOU are the reason for the magicness. It was probably in front of YOUR fireplace that they first made love on the bear skin. It was on YOUR video camera that their connection was first noticed and you watch it every night before you go to bed because it’s “Groovy.” We know. And until you release that video with the proof of the “magicness” no one cares…

In other news, I’ll probably see this movie. If not in the theaters, definitely when it’s on that free movie channel On Demand.

Dear Charlie,

It has come to our attention that tomorrow is “Have sex with a guy with a mustache” day. It’s for Cancer. It would be horrible if it didn’t happen. And you see…… you’re the only one I know with a mustache right now. So I’m just putting it out there- I’m willing. For cancer, and all. And since tomorrow is the official “Have sex with a guy with a mustache day,” I can bet there are tons of others who feel the same way.

Born-again virgin no more! Get out that little comb & make it happen. There are plenty of gals who wouldn’t mind a mustache ride. For cancer, of course.

More, after the jump! Continue…

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Kellan’s Love is Louder

Dear Kellan,

Moon & I heard your message to us through your Love is Louder video:

(Out of the US & can’t see the vid? Go here and read the transcript)

Here are our thoughts:

UC: THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE. WE WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD because KELLAN LUTZ made a video JUST FOR US. There is NO other explanation
Moon: seriously
UC: No explanation except that he is SEEKING approval. OUR APPROVAL and LTT’s approval
Moon: He wants us to break this down….. for LTT……
UC: and his JOY for Jesus- Sharing it with the world. The ONLY thing that would have made that better, was if his shirt was off
Moon: UC, Jesus is love and love is louder
UC: I feel happier than the day we interviewed Stephenie. This is like if Big Daddy wore a Tshirt with a picture of a breadstick on it
Moon: HAHAHAA
UC: this is like if….. Michael Welsh did a weight watchers campaign
Moon: HAHAHA
UC: or just wore a shirt that said “I REALLY DO like Boobs” or “Save the tatas”
Moon: Like if Taylor told the press he was starting an alpaca rescue farm
UC: Or if it’s really TomStu & Kristen who are dating
Moon: Or if Rob is being sponsored as the new brawny man
UC: hahaha
Moon: or he buys a home on the east side & stops going out in Weho
UC: yes! Like if Rob is seen at Chango- that hipster coffee shop in your neighborhood where everyone smokes pot.
Moon: It’s like they might be finally listening to us! Or just confirming the stuff we’ve thought all along
UC: I mean…. Moon…our VERY FIRST POST was about Kellan and his love for the big man upstairs
Moon: it was
UC: And we always knew it
Moon: That thought came to me while I was peeing
UC: I mean.. who else reads the Purpose driven life besides lovers of the Big man [Not Big Daddy- the other one] It wasn’t too hard to deduce.
Moon: You’re preaching to the choir sister
UC: and here it is.. confirmed …. for all to see
Moon: I may have to take Kellan to Kenya with me next summer
UC: I think this is Kellan’s cry for you to hear:
He wants to go
He wanted to go
He was hurt
Jesus healed him
but the pain is still there
Moon: It is. KELLAN since you’re reading this and we know you are. I will pick you up this Sunday and take you with me to church!
UC: THEY ARE SHOWING YOUR KENYA VIDEO!!! It’s perfect
Moon: It is!
UC: Jesus is love. Kenya is love. Moon is love
Moon: And Kellan is loving it all

Don’t be tempted

UC: It’s also possible he wants us to ignore the rumor that AnnaLynne moved in which I want to ignore- but kinda also want to talk about because I wonder how Jesus feels about his living in sin
Moon: WHAT?!
UC: Do you think they’re “just friends”
Moon: When did this happen?
UC: On a day he was “Straying” of course. No- some legit gossip rag mentioned it. And by legit I mean, not at all, but let’s ignore that fact.
Moon: AnnaLynne is trying to make us pay for all the times we’ve mentioned her
UC: I bet they have separate rooms, and he is SO close to Jesus that he just likes to really test his temptations. It’s easy to say WWJD when your girlfriend lives 10 miles away, but it’s MUCH harder when she’s in the room next door. He’s testing his faith. He’s showing us his strength as a follower
Moon: Maybe they both turned celibate and have created their own nunnery/priesthood in the valley?
UC: I bet they did- I think Jackson will be moving in soon too- there’s those rumors (that I think we started? Based on some hard-core googling stalking of his past??) that he grew up as a missionary kid
Moon: I just want to give Kellan a hug and then see what he REALLY believes. Also- I read a comment on his video that said “Nice Hair Plugs”
UC: Oh NO!
Moon: true or false? Sometimes his hair looks especially lustrous and other times it looks a little thin…
UC: you’re right. it looks VERY lustrous there
Moon: could this explain the comb forward caesar cut on Emmett?? He really has a receding hair line??
UC: it totally looks like he’s pulling a donald trump
that looks like a rug. WWJD? Not wear a rug.

Moon: I wonder what AnnaLynn thinks of all this
UC: yeah… she doesn’t seem like the type…. I’ve seen what she can do to a banana. Jesus doesn’t approve.
Moon: I mean she’s been traipsing around the world with him on this good will trips
UC: Has she been following Kellan around!? I’m behind on the AnnaLynne gossip, clearly.
Moon: yea she’s gone on a couple things with him- Haiti or whatever.. New Orleans
UC: dang- they are the new couple in Christendom. Like Bill & Gloria Gaither or Amy Grant & Vince Gill… or
Moon: Joshua Harris and his lady friend
UC: I know one thing WWJD: Not AnnaLynne is pretty dang clear.
Moon: The day Kellan dumps her and tells MTV they were “unequally yoked” we’ll know he really reads LTT

Love,
UC & Moon

While Kellan’s namedropping Jesus both shocks & pleases us, we did want to point out that “Love is Louder” is a great idea & we encourage you to check it out. Plus Vinny from The Jersey Shore does a video, and he’s our favorite.

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Kellan visits the Holy Land

"wild child" visits Israel

Dear Kellan-

Does Anna Lynn McCord understand the irony between calling you a “wild child” and saying you’re on a trip to Israel in the same interview? Because I do, and I love it. I really really reeeeeeallly hope some day I can confirm all these crazies ideas I have about you being some wild and crazy party kid but down home good ol Christian boy who goes on mission trips, loves his momma and does mammogram videos with her. Because shiz like this only makes me wish for it harder.

Of the few news items I read about twi people today, this interview were AnnaLynn mentions you going to Israel was the only one that made me laugh. You, on a tour of Israel, or as my grandparents like to call it: The Holy Land! All I can picture is you getting baptized in the Jordan river by Jackson Rathbone, then taking a float in the Dead Sea in your Calvin manties, after a drunken night of trying to turn water into wine you run to the beach telling your tour group you’re going to show that Peter dummy how that whole ‘walking on water’ thing works. Spoiler alert: you make more splashing sounds then a drowning victim.

So really the only answer as to why you could be in Israel is because you must be on a goodwill tour of the middle east because I can’t think about you on a tour of the Holy Land without laughing really hard. It’s good though since you’re now into giving back and charity and such because if anyone can bring peace to the middle east, it’s you with some Calvin Kleins under your caftan.

Kellan is my Shepherd, I shall not want,
Themoonisdown

So I guess the VMA’s happened last night. But if the trinity wasn’t there to make it awkward or present a clip from their home videos from their summer vacay them I’m not interested. Anything I missed? But really, why is Kellan in Israel? Ideas?

Thanks EclipseMovie.org via GossipCop

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Twilight Rumors

Not a rumor- a dream

Dear Gossip hounds,

A few weeks back I got a frantic IM chat from a friend saying BREAKING NEWS: The Twilight saga ends on 11/16/2012. My immediate thought was, “Breaking? Didn’t that break months ago?” And as I thought more about it…. I don’t know. I definitely knew the Twilight Saga was wrapping in November of 2012- or maybe that was a rumor I heard once. Orrrr maybe someone in the know told me. Maybe Stephenie Meyer wrote it on a slip of paper & passed it to us under the table at the interview and we were like, “Seriously? We ask you for the Robsten audition tape so we can burn it and you give us this?” or maybe I actually didn’t know that date and just assumed that to be the case? Because that’s what Harry Potter did (and Summit realizes they should copy them since they’re kinda successful) or I’m just way too involved in this fandom that I have a sense about these kind of things. I get a tingly feeling & just know the Twi-future. Call me Alice.

Then I got to thinking- I don’t know what’s real, rumor or secretive anymore. I mean, IS it public knowledge that Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas are together? Or is that just still a rumor circulating among the gossip rags? And is it actually true or do I just want it to be true- a former Disney star with a purity ring giving it up to an up-and-coming star too beautiful to be already desperate enough to date someone born in the 90s (who just yesterday turned old enough to legally knock back a few shots before she shows him what’s underneath that painted on bathing suit)  And don’t even get me started on all the rumors we’ve been told about different Twi cast members being gay. (Some obvious, some not so obvious, some that we spent an entire weekend laughing over until we decided it couldn’t be true- or wait, could it!? Sorry- mums the word!) I mean unless it’s Rob- does anyone honestly really care? Well, maybe we’d care if we found out Taylor was too… because that would make so much sense.

So I started thinking about all the rumors I’ve heard over the past almost 2 years and I came up with quite a list…. mostly about Robsten… and people Ashley may or may not have slept with… Did I miss anything?

  • Why would you cheat on me? Do I look special or something?

    Rob & Nikki are together

  • Rob & Kristen are hooking up behind Oregano’s back
  • Kristen & Nikki are more than friends (I started that one, thank you very much)
  • Nikki sold out Rob & Kristen
  • Kristen is pregnant
  • Ashley’s hooked up with Kellan
  • Ashley’s hooked up with Jackson
  • Ashley’s dating Jared from Kings of Leon (and assumingly has hooked up with him)
  • Rob & Kristen are together
  • Rob & Kristen are no longer together
  • Rob & Kristen- BACK ON
  • No one likes Nikki Reed
  • Jackson hooks up with anyone & everyone
  • Rob & Kristen like to hold hands
  • Kellan is sticking his tongue down that Anna girl’s throat
  • Taylor is with Taylor Swift
  • Taylor is gay
  • Justin Chon is gay
  • David Slade is gay
  • People still don’t like Nikki Reed. And possibly don’t like Elizabeth Reeser either

    Why don't people like me!?

  • Peter & Jennie are swingers
  • Twi (male) cast member in Vancouver put ad in Craig’s list for Asian male companionship
  • Big Daddy Lautner wears a fat suit (he’s actually really in shape)
  • Chris Hansen likes little boys
  • Nikki Reed started a blog so that people like her
  • A cat will play Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2
  • Buttcrack Santa: What does he really do with those little bottles?
  • UnintendedChoice to replace Kristen Stewart as Bella in Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 (for this rumor to be true the Edward Cullen played by a cat is not true)
  • Rob & Kristen open mouth kiss before heading into house parties where dirty men’s sweatpants are considered appropriate attire.

Okay so maybe I took some creative liberties on a few rumors… but most of them I’ve honestly heard at one time or another… So all that to say, this is what I have to say about the BREAKING NEWS about Breaking Dawn Part 2 that I may or may not have already known:

“Holy Shit. I seriously have to talk about this every day for another effing 2 and 1/2 years?”

Hold me,

UnintendedChoice

Beg all you want, some rumors stay with me- but seriously… what have you heard that came true or was proved wrong? Any good rumors circulating out there right now? Was there an immaculate conception of the Robsten baby by the open mouth house party kiss? Fingers crossed!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

70 Commented


There’s an (Twilight) app for that!

(Today Freya gets all tech-y on us and talks about her iphone and Twilight… there’s a post for that! xo, moon)

none of the above!

Dear Twilight:

I’m a total iPhone fangirl. I’ve had my 3GS for over a year now, and I am an app whore. I love the fact that iPhone advertises that “there’s an app for that.” Because it’s so true. And as we recently discovered (and UC discussed on Letters to Rob), there’s even an app for stalking Rob! So you can conveniently know where Rob is two days after he appears there. And so you can also get incensed and start your “Respect Rob” campaign afresh (or whip out your jazzhands and “Disrespect Rob Nice and Slow” with me).

Anywhoodle, it got me thinking about what kind of apps the rest of the Twilight cast might have, if they were so popular. What kind of things are being slaved over by the application developers of the world RIGHT NOW? Without further ado, here are some of my ideas. (If you decide to develop these, bitches, I want a cut!)

  • Justin Chon’s Disco Double Pack!
    In an excellent value for your money, the people behind Justin Chon, AKA “Gaysian Eric”, are offering two applications for the price of one, both marketed to the ladies. The first app is The Gaysiandar. Most women have to rely on their intuition to figure out if a guy is on her side of the fence, or on the other side. This app, which mysteriously uses the landscape and portrait orientation function to identify another kind of orientation, is to help those clueless girls out, and to save them the heartache of falling for just another fabulous face.
    The companion app is entitled “How to Hag”. For all you aspiring hags out there, you, too, can walk in the footsteps of Angela…ummm…anyone who wants to have a gay boyfriend. Some tips include “don’t be too attractive; if you are, cover it with nerdish glasses” and “be slightly taller than your gay boyfriend, so if you’re ever tempted to kiss him, it will be extremely awkward.” Words to live by, ladies.

    There's an app for that

  • Kristen Stewart’s Bitchface!
    A photo editing app, this one will slap a mildly uncomfortable grimace or a wryly sardonic raised eyebrow on the faces of your family and friends. Imagine the hilarity of showing off your family reunion photos, with everyone from Aunt Gladys to cousin Earl to Granny Marie with matching bitchfaces! Or the fun of sending a sexy bitchface photo to your Stew-lovin’ boyfriend or husband! You can also buy bonus effects from the app store, such as “awkward feet” and “flipping the bird.” You can also buy the “Copstache” effect for an additional .99 cents. Fun for the whole family!
  • Kellan Lutz’s Protein Calculator and Modeling Tips
    How much protein is in a ziplock bag of hard-boiled eggs? Kellan Lutz knows! And now he’s bringing those secrets to you! Just type in the name of the food you’re going to eat and the calculator lets you know how much protein is in your meal! This app also offers tips on how to look your best at a photoshoot (“Take off your shirt, but not if you’re flabby,” “Oil up your muscles, maybe even with real crude oil,” “carry a manly prop, like an axe or a wrench” “use a sock”). Kellan’s voice offers encouraging phrases when you fall behind on protein consumption. Hear him say “You can do it!” “No, really dude, you can do it!” “For real, you’re awesome, and can do it!”
    (Side note: I think my gay boyfriend has already downloaded this app. But he uses the encouraging phrases for “recreational” use, if you know what I mean.)

    There's an app for this

  • Dress Me Up Taylor Lautner
    In the style of virtual paper dolls, you can dress Taylor up, or dress him down! With a plethora of black suits and skinny ties, he’s ready for a premiere, night on the town, a press junket, an awards show, or just a quiet night at home. Also included: track pants, basketball shorts, karate outfit, and a variety of pop and Disney stars for accessories.
  • Nikki Reed’s Does the Carpet Match the Drapes?
    Well, we all know the eyebrows didn’t match the hair. In this fun matching game, make Nikki’s sartorial selections for her! Match curly red with long straight blonde. Black and bald? Or bald and black? You make the call! Points for the most attractive coiffure, both north and south, will win you bragging rights with your friends!
  • Michael Sheen’s Intimidating Evil Laugh
    Much like the vuvuzela app, this app doesn’t do much. It just repeats Michael Sheen’s amazing New Moon laugh over and over again. Frighten pets, annoy your friends!
  • Xavier Samuel is Hot
    This app offers a daily photo of Xavier Samuel to remind us of his hotness. That’s all. Do you really need more?

    There's an app to remind you!

  • Solomon Trimble was in Twilight
    This app synchs with your calendar. Once a day, every day, at a randomly chosen time, an alert will pop up to remind you that once upon a time, Solomon Trimble was in Twilight. Seriously. He was an original Wolfpack member. And don’t you forget it!
  • Buttcrack Santa Sings the Blues
    Since he couldn’t get an album deal, Buttcrack Santa now does a podcast. Accompanied only by his lonely blues guitar, he sings his original tunes with such catchy names as Animal Attack!, Hot Girls Suck (Your Blood, Not Anything Good), and Don’t Rock the Boat (There are Vampires Inside).
  • Dakota Fanning Countdown Clock (AKA “The New Legal In Georgia”)
    Most Twi-related crap is marketed for the females; this one is for the gentlemen. As advertised, this app will count down until February 23, 2012. The Runaways was very confusing for some gentlemen, thanks to Dakota and Kristen and their kissing, so in case a reminder is needed, this app is here to help!

Be watching your App Store for these and other fabulous Twilight releases, coming soon! Remember: TWILIGHT: There’s an app for that!

Love,
Freya

There’s an app for how awesome our vacation letter writers are! Make sure you’re following them and show your love!

What app would Big Daddy have? How about David Slade? What kind of app do WE here at LTT/LTR need?

And don’t forget to participate in While Moon was Gone!

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