The Hale’s (or the Cullen’s) do Southern Europe

Dear LTT-ers,

Seriously, this European tour has been like the best thing Summit has ever done… I mean besides financing and making the films… and bringing us Robert Pattinson… and Butt Crack Santa and that film 50/50 but BESIDES that this tour has been the best thing to happen to Twilight. We’ve gotten mid 90s goatee Rob, not so blind items, swirly boob dresses, pictures from late nights at bars and all kinds of good stuff. And now we get Nikki and Jackson in southern Europe bringing us all the best of the b-list Cullen (or Hale as it were) siblings! I can’t lie, I’d even listen to a song by 100 Monkeys right now, I’m so excited at the prospect of this. Ok, maybe not that.
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Jackson: Nikki, you are looking smoking hot tonight and I’m not saying that just because my six shooter is smoking in my holster
Nikki: I know, I’ve had to fight off some girl called “Moon” who kept trying to steal my shoes and dress. Crazy bitch. So what the HALE is up with your outfit?
Jackson: I was super lucky that Rome had a Wild West Costume Rental Shop to replace the clothes the airline lost. I can’t imagine walking down the carpet in something John Wayne wouldn’t approve of. Amazing, right?
Nikki: Amazing’s probably not the word I’d use…
Jackson: Yea, more sexy totally.
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So my guesses for what Nikki Reed’s tattoo says are: “I Got There First,” “Original Nonsten,” and “My dad’s old girlfriend was the director of the 1st movie, I was the one to get him cast.” Ok, so that last one probably isn’t it. But ya know. Close enough.
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Sadly, it looks as though Jackson’s partial facial paralysis is back. He really should look into getting that checked out. Oh and YEEEfreakingHAW.
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..

How many snakes and Saloon owners had to die in order for Jackson to wear clothes in Italy and Madrid? Where is Peta on this guy?

During the Rome Q&A we got this gem:

Rathbone recalled, “I remember the first time we met, we were at the airport heading to the film’s set. I had my beloved guitar and the agent at check-in did not want me to carry it on the plane, but for me it was really important. Nikki was there and convinced them let me carry it aboard [the aircraft]. From day one, Nikki was on my side.”

Looking at Jackson during the tender and heartfelt moment, Nikki said, “You are wonderful,” to which Jackson replied, “You are a beautiful person.”

Nikki didn’t have the heart to tell him she regretted that decision after she asked him to play her a few songs from his “cool, new band he just started with some of his smoking buddies.” Memories guys, that’s all we’re gonna have left in a year.

So thank you Breaking Dawn press tour and Summit for putting this on. This is helping make the next 19ish days whiz by! And really next time can we put a limit on Jackson’s snake skin items to one? Thanks.

Ciao and Adios and stuff,
Themoonisdown

Are we loving the folks they’re sending out to do this press tour? Have any of our readers seen the cast at these events or out and about?

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Twilight stuff happens while you’re busy having fun!

Wedgie's happened while I was gone

Dear LTT,

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

• Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual).
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• The maker of everyone’s Prom dress in the 90s, Alfred Angelo, is creating a replica Bella’s wedding dress that will actually be sold in real stores. I think the bigger news here is someone willing to wear a REPLICA BELLA’S WEDDING DRESS has found someone to marry her! WTF?
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G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!

• Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations.
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• Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk.
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• In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*
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Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

• Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back.
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• While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at  Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality.
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• Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card.
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• You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

• AWKWARD!
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Oh Rupert! LA loves you too

• Do you think he tips off the paparazzi that he’ll be working out on Venice Beach shirtless or does God just love us that much?

• Sadly, this is what we call a “small penis required car.”

And with that… I think I may be caught up minus UC and I breaking down those new stills they released from Breaking Dawn Pt 1: Planned Parenthood Was Right! (The real tag line).

So happy to be back and I have some Twilight stories to share from Kenya another day.

Love to you all and mucho love-o to UC for holding down the fort while I was gone.

It’s Moon Bitches,
Themoonisdown

I know a ton of crap happend while I was gone that can’t be fit on BDmovie.org so what did I miss? Besides you guys, duh!

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100 Commented

Stop the presses: some mini letters to some Twilight people

Land of no cameras!

Dear Baton Rouge,

OMG stop the presses and hand me my heart meds because apparently there IS one person in Baton Rouge with a camera!!!!! I know this is shocking for you all too since no one’s seen an outsider since the town was established hundreds of years ago and so of course new fangeled technology like a camera must be frightening. But come here, I’ll hold you while we get over our surprise and shock and fear.

Sure it may be Jackson Rathbone with a fan near a See’s Candy Store but STILL it is SOMETHING! This gives me hope for your city and that maybe this little fan moment is a turning point. Maybe Jackson and his weird hat and Jasper-esque jacket (you are not on set Jacky!) broke down the walls for everyone to start snapping those shutters and maybe we’ll just be in a deluge of pictures till they leave… Or maybe I’m entranced by Jackson’s awkward facial expression in this picture and Vancouver and their paps will wipe the floor with your silly town.

xoxo,
Moon

PS I still love you Baton Rouge, but hire some girl scouts with cameras or out of work mall Santas to take some pictures.

Who's ready for some premarrital counseling?!

Dear Kellan,

OK, SOMEONE call up Beyonce cause someone put a ring on it! Fess up Kellan, was it AnnaLynn? Was she tired of dodging in and out of that shady no-tell motel in Studio City or did you finally throw the ultimatum down: If she didn’t watch the entire McGee & Me series with you, it was done-zo, am I right?

No? It’s for a new film you’re in? Damn….
xoxo,
Moon

Dear Nikki and Kristen,

WAIT HOLD THE PHONE, someone grab my meds (again) are the fake lesbians back on?!!!!

You, Nikki Reed were quoted in something called Zink, talking about going to a party…
“I went with Kristen [Stewart, her Twilight co-star], who happens to be, like, my best friend now…”

BFF's again, forever, whatever

Wait, squeeze me one second. Happens to be your best friend now? Operative word being “NOW.” Did we bury the hatchet ladies? Is this why the Fake Lesbian section in the LTT merch store mysteriously sold out? I gotta say I’m happy for you gals and for the fodder you HOPEFULLY will give us: sharing clothes, fights over ugly Nike’s, hand-in-hand jaunts through Vancouver, shopping trips where Taylor holds you purses while you’re in the dressing room! Or will it be smoothies and working out like you and Elizabeth Reaser in Vancouver during Eclipse filming, now? And this brings up another question, “What about Elizabeth?!” This is a bittersweet happiness. I am glad you two love birds are back together again.

xoxo,
Moon

As you can see there’s been some surprising news in the Twidom. What’s the best? A actual picture from Baton Rouge, Kellan with a ring or the FL’s back together again or whatever they are…

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71 Commented

What (should have) happened in the Twilight world in 2010

Dear Twilight,

Since it’s that time of year when we start to wrap up 2010 and think about 2011, I was thinking about recapping the past year of Twilight. But then I thought to myself, “Wow… how incredibly boring, UC. Anyone who is a reader of LTT knows exactly what happened in the world of Twilight in 2010 and exactly when it happened (and probably what they were wearing at the time).” So I thought, why don’t I recap what should have happened in 2010? We’re all about the fanatical fantasy here at LTT, so why stop now? I give you: Twilight in 2010: What should have happened!

The 100 Monkeys broke up. As a result the Goodwill received an onslaught of “Monkey bags,” and past concert goers stopped fleeing to their Doctors complaining of ‘bleeding ears”

Kellan came out of the closet. Then went to Christian Gay camp & learned how to resist the urge. Then was caught at the Eco-lodge with a man. Coincidentally it was his counselor from Christian Gay camp.

Be still my Swiftner loving heart

Swiftner became a bigger celeb couple than Robsten. A Karate video was produced to a country music soundtrack, selling more than Justin Bieber’s latest album. A pre-teen war ensued. A lot of Jonas Brothers sleeping bags were destroyed. I think. Do tweens still like the JoBros?

BigDaddy realized that the Olive Garden is much better when UC & Moon are there to share his breadsticks. TWSS.

Midnight Sun was finished and as a result, for a full 12 hours, not a woman over the age of 10 was seen in public.

The media & public realized Robsten are a really boring couple (Is it “Robsten are?” or “Robsten is”? Is this in the dictionary somewhere? “How do you properly formulate a sentence using the plural form of Robsten?” Does anyone know? Do you think Summit knows? Do you think they have a guy in their office just to grammatically correct all the “Robsten” sentences they write? Most importantly, how does the CEO address Robsten when he makes photo-shopped manips of the two of them to send to his wife on humpday?

“TwiPorn” and “RobPorn” went back to their original meanings: Pictures of Twilight male characters doing chores around the house. Much more boring, much more safe for work, plus you feel better about yourself after seeing Peter Fach vacuuming instead of opening an email attachment to see Kellan holding a huge scholong with the caption “Bite this.”

Catherine Hardwicke made a movie that looked nothing like Twilight

These pants will be EVERYWHERE this spring

Chris Weitz showed up in public again to introduce his men’s fashion line called “DILF,” featuring a limited edition mustard-colored pant

Rob’s head was not photo-shopped onto the bodies of any men who also do gay porn.

Stephenie called Pancho “Nacho” in public. Coincidentally they were eating Mexican at the time.

Someone finally admitted visiting Forks is actually kinda boring.

Ashley Greene hooked up with Ian Somerhalder reminding us that what she does best is sleep with men we could never get and bringing more pretty into our lives & giving us (more) excuses to write about Ian.

I mean, is it just me or was 2010 a pretty boring year for the cast? We had a little Swiftner. I think Nikki Reed probably slept with a douche bag. Kellan hooked up with Anna-Lynne again. Jackson fell in love with me, the Twilight Superfan, in Philadelphia & Boo-Boo Stewart’s voice dropped 3 whole notes, but I think that’s it. No one even cares about Ashley & Joe Jonas. Catherine barely tried to remind us that she created Robsten. For as much shit as he talked on Twi before he got the Eclipse directing gig, David Slade turned out to be really boring. Solomon Trimble’s life is kinda too sad to even make fun of anymore, and Chris Hansen and Boo-Boo Stewart jokes just aren’t as funny as they were with Taylor Lautner. Come on Twilight in 2011, you BETTER give us SOMETHING good!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What did I miss? What else (should have) happened in the world of Twilight in 2010!?

Oh- We don’t want to forget to tell you, starting January 3rd the Biggest Loser challenge on the Forum (renamed “Resolutionary Challenge 2011″) is kicking off: Make sure you join everyone if you’re looking for fun, encouragement & healthy living in 2011!!! Resolutionary Challenge 2011

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53 Commented

Twilight Rumors

Not a rumor- a dream

Dear Gossip hounds,

A few weeks back I got a frantic IM chat from a friend saying BREAKING NEWS: The Twilight saga ends on 11/16/2012. My immediate thought was, “Breaking? Didn’t that break months ago?” And as I thought more about it…. I don’t know. I definitely knew the Twilight Saga was wrapping in November of 2012- or maybe that was a rumor I heard once. Orrrr maybe someone in the know told me. Maybe Stephenie Meyer wrote it on a slip of paper & passed it to us under the table at the interview and we were like, “Seriously? We ask you for the Robsten audition tape so we can burn it and you give us this?” or maybe I actually didn’t know that date and just assumed that to be the case? Because that’s what Harry Potter did (and Summit realizes they should copy them since they’re kinda successful) or I’m just way too involved in this fandom that I have a sense about these kind of things. I get a tingly feeling & just know the Twi-future. Call me Alice.

Then I got to thinking- I don’t know what’s real, rumor or secretive anymore. I mean, IS it public knowledge that Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas are together? Or is that just still a rumor circulating among the gossip rags? And is it actually true or do I just want it to be true- a former Disney star with a purity ring giving it up to an up-and-coming star too beautiful to be already desperate enough to date someone born in the 90s (who just yesterday turned old enough to legally knock back a few shots before she shows him what’s underneath that painted on bathing suit)  And don’t even get me started on all the rumors we’ve been told about different Twi cast members being gay. (Some obvious, some not so obvious, some that we spent an entire weekend laughing over until we decided it couldn’t be true- or wait, could it!? Sorry- mums the word!) I mean unless it’s Rob- does anyone honestly really care? Well, maybe we’d care if we found out Taylor was too… because that would make so much sense.

So I started thinking about all the rumors I’ve heard over the past almost 2 years and I came up with quite a list…. mostly about Robsten… and people Ashley may or may not have slept with… Did I miss anything?

• 

  Why would you cheat on me? Do I look special or something?

  Rob & Nikki are together

• Rob & Kristen are hooking up behind Oregano’s back
• Kristen & Nikki are more than friends (I started that one, thank you very much)
• Nikki sold out Rob & Kristen
• Kristen is pregnant
• Ashley’s hooked up with Kellan
• Ashley’s hooked up with Jackson
• Ashley’s dating Jared from Kings of Leon (and assumingly has hooked up with him)
• Rob & Kristen are together
• Rob & Kristen are no longer together
• Rob & Kristen- BACK ON
• No one likes Nikki Reed
• Jackson hooks up with anyone & everyone
• Rob & Kristen like to hold hands
• Kellan is sticking his tongue down that Anna girl’s throat
• Taylor is with Taylor Swift
• Taylor is gay
• Justin Chon is gay
• David Slade is gay
• People still don’t like Nikki Reed. And possibly don’t like Elizabeth Reeser either
  

  Why don't people like me!?

• Peter & Jennie are swingers
• Twi (male) cast member in Vancouver put ad in Craig’s list for Asian male companionship
• Big Daddy Lautner wears a fat suit (he’s actually really in shape)
• Chris Hansen likes little boys
• Nikki Reed started a blog so that people like her
• A cat will play Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2
• Buttcrack Santa: What does he really do with those little bottles?
• UnintendedChoice to replace Kristen Stewart as Bella in Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 (for this rumor to be true the Edward Cullen played by a cat is not true)
• Rob & Kristen open mouth kiss before heading into house parties where dirty men’s sweatpants are considered appropriate attire.

Okay so maybe I took some creative liberties on a few rumors… but most of them I’ve honestly heard at one time or another… So all that to say, this is what I have to say about the BREAKING NEWS about Breaking Dawn Part 2 that I may or may not have already known:

“Holy Shit. I seriously have to talk about this every day for another effing 2 and 1/2 years?”

Hold me,

UnintendedChoice

Beg all you want, some rumors stay with me- but seriously… what have you heard that came true or was proved wrong? Any good rumors circulating out there right now? Was there an immaculate conception of the Robsten baby by the open mouth house party kiss? Fingers crossed!

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70 Commented