A sincere (about 97%) letter to Taylor Lautner

Dear Taylor,

Can I do a thing we never do with you? No no no not take you down to Chris Hansen’s office & turn ourselves in. I mean talk to you girl to man for a sec without bringing up Olive Garden [except to say that Mr. Choice went there last week because he was wooed by their “two entrees for $12.95″ special and was pretty disappointed to learn that the Tuscan Training every chef goes through is actually a conference room rented in a strip mall off a highway in Italy that a regional manager gets to go to every 5 years.] And I won’t even bring up Big Daddy Lautner (but where ARE you Daniel?)

Remember when you looked like this?

and sounded like Kermit the frog when you said “Scary Story?”

Well….. something changed. You almost lost your job. And then you fought to earn your place. Armed with little baggies of meat

And did you ever.

The awkward kid with the boy voice & karate-chop moves turned into a ripped man with terribly guido-esque gelled hair. (Who seems to still hold on to those Karate Chop moves…)

But it was a start. After the baggies of body enhancing drugs meat did their thing & you solidified your role as THE Jacob Black, you continued to blossom.

You started drinking more water without your shirt:

And now you wear shirts with polarizing messages:

(pretty sure that’s photoshopped FYI)

And you landed the cover of GQ

Probably the first virgin ever to do so

You could’ve looked like this:

But instead you look like this:

 

TAYLOR WITH A WOLF! I GET IT!

You know you’ve made it when you are the butt of everyone’s joke:

And someone carves the fat version of you into a pumpkin:

What I’m trying to say is, Taylor: I’m glad you ate those baggies of meat-roids. I’m glad you fought for your right to be dumped by the girl you love and fall in love with her half-human child when it was still a baby. I’m glad you mentioned liking the Olive Garden one time so that we could make it out to be the only place you ever eat (it is, right?) And I’m glad your dad could beat up any Edward-Cullen sized guy who tried to steal the girl you love in real life. All while eating the entire stock of his local McDonald’s breakfast menu. You did it. You ARE Jacob Black. And I’m not sure I ever told you I thought so. I’m not sure I ever really admitted it until now.

Warm fuzzies forever,
UnintendedChoice

Something I learned while doing research for something other than pictures of Taylor & Olive Garden is that there are Jacob & Bella Fan Vids:

Try not to cry during this one kids.. and cry over the emotion, not just his terrible DEP-gel filled hair:

When did you realize Taylor WAS Jacob Black?

Thanks to our pals at Adventures in Twilighting for finding that fat Taylor pumpkin! Hilarious

10 Commented


New Faces Friday: MacKenzie Foy

YO YO YO LTT,

You thought we forgot to feature MacKenzie Foy for New Faces Friday, didn’t you? Well, we didn’t.

But we already featured her interview back in July, so hop on over to that old post to read our sit-down with MacKenzie the adorable: LTT and friends interview MacKenzie Foy.

Guys do you know what is almost live? That’s Normal. That’s right- we didn’t forget about that either (We have more lives these days than we used to so we’re behind on most except for drooling over Damon on Vampire Diaries. Well, UC, that is) But seriously: GET EXCITED. We are. That’s Normal will officially launch 11/1.

Oh and try not to be creeped out by this. You’re welcome:

Love,

UC

1 Commented


Ye Rustic Inn and Denim Cut Offs and Public Reconciliation

Yes, those are icicle Christmas lights! Klassy!

Dear Rob and Kristen,

So we’re 30 days out from the last movie and you two decided to get back together. Sure you’re not even living together which pretty much tells us everything we need to know about this reunion. I do want to say, however, that I appreciate that you choose Ye Rustic Inn for your first (totally not staged) reunion in public for so many reasons.

First off Ye Rustic is about a block from my first apt in LA and was the site of so many dumb crazy nights. Second the Rustic is a dirty greasy shit hole with a loud ass juke box and gross carpet and old dudes. I appreciate that you chose this dump to show the world your rekindled love because really what could better represent your relationship at this point them a greasy dump? Yup, nothing.

Palace of love!

I spent about 2 minutes wondering if you ordered a basket of their wings and if you got beer or a crappy mixed drink. And is Kristen 21 yet? When did that happen and how did I forget? Also Did you sit in one of those circular booths and feed quarters into the joke box so that the entire AC/DC discography would play? And then later did you stumble across the street to play darts at (the equally fabulous shit hole) The Drawing Room and complete the journey from sober paparazzi outing to totally shit faced illusion of love?

I’m only sad I wasn’t there to see the looks on the faces of the regulars as they sat on their bar stools and gave you the side eye. But I’m glad you included a famous local dive in your tour de love you’ve had over the last few days. I’m sure they’re gonna get a ton of business in a few weeks! BMC (before Mini Cooper) you guys were hardly seen out together so many times in one week but not now! But I guess with 30 days left… ain’t no time to lose!

Forgot something?

Also lunch out the next day? You two are working this public reconciliation thing hard! Nice try yall! Oh and KStew? Button your freaking pants up. It might have been hot the past few days here in LA, but this isn’t MTV Spring Break 1995 and you don’t have one of those sun/dolphin tattoos circling your belly button. Thanks.

Off to get some wings!
Moon

24 Commented


Twilight News: So much, so little time (And by that we mean there are 4 new things)

Dear LTTers,

Did you see the BIG TWILIGHT NEWS?

Moon & I were together in Philadephia this weekend:

This could be an ad for Toms

(apologies to @brookelockart for cutting you out!)

We had such a fun weekend exploring all the sites & eating all the food in Philadelphia. ALL of it. And we BARELY talked about Twilight! I mean, we discussed our excitement for our LAST (sniff) LTT party (11/11/2012 Downtown LA location TBD) and Mr. Choice gave us another 1/2 hour to discuss Team Jacob vs. Team Edward (we’re still undecided) oh and DUH we watched Twilight late one night because… WHY NOT!? But other than that we discussed our excitement for That’s Normal (TN- officially launching SOON) and vikings.

And turns out we missed a TON of Twilight news:

WE HAVE CAMPERS

Camping Registration began & closed without any major hitches. Now you are to spend 24-7 in prayer until you get the e-mail confirmation that YOU’RE IN! Start collecting all the Twilight paraphernalia you can to decorate your campsite because you’re ALMOST THERE. (and hey if you’re an LTTer and WILL be camping, you better represent! we want to see pictures and the most 2nd-hand embarrassing stuff EVER!)

ROBSTEN IS FOREVER

GUYS: Even though we heard ROBSTEN was official WEEKS ago it’s just NOW that they are OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL because of a photo that ET gotwhich proves that they are TOTALLY a thing and NOT just doing it for the press. I MEAN They are TOTALLY in LOVE. SO MUCH love I keep CAPSING and unCAPsing STUFF because I CAN’T believe THIS is a THING that WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT.

Bear-skin rugs are also forever

ALSO DO YOU THINK THEY HAD TO GET A NEW BEAR-SKIN RUG SINCE ROB THREW OUT THE FIRST ONE AFTER KRISTEN DID PUBLIC GRINDING WITH THAT DUDE?

NIKKI REED BLOGS

We totallllly missed this blog-story that Nikki Reed shared a few weeks back about how she & her husband performed “Their song” which I assume is the song on the BD2 soundtrack in front of no one in Hawaii. Story here. Am I the only one who thinks this is SUPER awkward?

ASHLEY GREEN LOVES HAVING THE SEX

Ashley Green recently told Marie Claire:

“You go on a couple of dates, and then someone ships off to do a movie. It’s not like you’re going to fly out and see them, because it’s not serious enough for that.”

Which our LTT code reader reads as “I love to have one night stands with super hot rich older guys”

Check out the article on Marie Claire and watch the video below. I have to say…. she looks pretty hot. PLUS she likes to cook with butternut squash which means we’re basically fake lesbians. The butternut squash is my favorite of all the phallic vegetables. (side note: Since I JUST watched Twilight this weekend I can confirm that homegirl has lost TON of weight she did not need to lose)

Oh– the most fascinating thing I learned from this article was, “The studio [Summit] is rumored to have put a gag order on all the Twilight stars [regarding gossip about ROBSTEN]” Oh REALLLY???

Any bets on WHO will break that gag order first? Have they gagged Cathy Hardi… ’cause they’re gonna need to…..

I MISS MOON ALREADY,

UnintendedChoice

Did you sign up to camp? Are you excited? Who is in for the LTT partayyy?

23 Commented


New Faces Friday: Erik Odom

Dear Erik Odom,
You know we love you. Even though we were fake-mean to you that one time.

And it feels strange introducing you as a New Face. Weren’t you in Breaking Dawn Part 1? You seem to have been around for forever. I’m just gonna change the name real quick to “Old New Faces Friday.” ALSO I have to confess the ONLY thing(s) I remember about Peter are things I read that one time I read Twilight fan fiction (I only read one ever!) and that’s pretty embarrassing:

Here are the first 2 questions with Erik Odom, Twilight Examiner has the rest so hop on over there:

Q: When you walked into Comic-Con [at the end of the Breaking Dawn – Part 2 cast panel], you got some of the biggest shouts out of all the newcomers. How did that feel?

Erik: It was unbelievable. The only thing I could say it compared to was the Part 1 premiere when I walked down the red carpet. It’s just, you try to prepare yourself for it as much as you can, you know maybe the response will be big but maybe it won’t, you try to be ready for
everything … but when it hits you, your knees buckle. I mean my knees buckled. It’s one of the craziest, craziest things. But the fanbase has always been so enthusiastic, so passionate. And I think part of it has always been a combination of people loving the character Peter and just also being on Twitter and being on Facebook and having fans reach out, just trying to interact as much as possible and including the fans as much as you can, you know. Because the fans are what make the fandom what it is.

Q: People love Peter, but they also love Peter with Charlotte. Their relationship’s really special, and I know that that’s something we hope to see on-screen, and I was wondering how far in advance did you meet Valorie [Curry], and you know make it into a rhythm with her and feel like you could portray that on-screen?

Erik: What was great about Valorie, even more so than a lot of the other vampires who I met once we went to Louisiana together, I actually – I didn’t know her personally, but we had a lot of mutual friends in Los Angeles – so through the small world of Facebook, we were able to link up after the whole casting announcement came up, and we actually grabbed lunch before we even started filming, before we left. So, we went to a place in L.A., sat down for about two hours, and after the initial twenty minutes of ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m a part of this; Oh my God I can’t believe I’m a part of this!’ After twenty minutes of us geeking out together about how cool it was, we really dug in and talked about Peter and Charlotte’s relationship and their relationship to the other vampires. You know, because the covens are such an interesting thing, they call the nomads a coven but really it’s Peter and Charlotte versus the world. You know, so we talked about really diving into the relationship, back to Maria [in Eclipse] and back to the newborn army and their relationship with Alice and Jasper, and it was just nice that by the time we got to Louisiana together, we already had the seeds of this relationship planted, you know? It was really nice. I love Valorie.

Read the rest over at The Twilight Examiner!

<3,

UC

GUYS MOON IS IN PHILADELPHIA VISITING ME!!

Add Comments


Previous Entries Next Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by