(Un)Motivated by Twilight

overdue

Click to see how bad I am at my job

Dear Twilight,

It’s no secret that I’m completely unmotivated at work. I can prove it. See this task list from my Outlook inbox? Yep- two of those reports are 32 weeks overdue. Yep. I’ve been hitting “snooze” on those report alerts every 5 minutes since March.

I blame you.

Okay to be fair, I’m only unmotivated at work. And when it comes to cleaning my house. And talking to my real life friends. And finding an amazing present & party idea for my husband’s 30th birthday next week. Ugh. Twilight… stop it! You’re ruining everything!

Although… IllegalWolfLover just sent us these Motivational posters she made. I think it’s just what I’m looking for. These will REALLY motivate me towards being a better worker, better cleaner, better wife & better friend. I’m printing them out and hanging them all over my office.  (I know, I know. You think I’m crazy. Like that picture of Ashley Greene is going motivate me to do anything but write my husband a letter saying, “Sorry. The time has come to confess. I no longer like boys.”) Do these motivate YOU to do anything other than doodle “22 days” and hearts all around “Swiftner” on your progress report due in 20 minutes?


poster26838831

poster83002775

poster30574579

poster39428871

poster95660811

What do you think? Am I gonna get any work done today? Or ever again?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

THANKS IllegalWolfLover for these awesome motivational posters! I hope everyone prints out at least one & covers their fanfic binder with it! And if you have any motivational poster ideas, send them in!

Discuss how unmotivated you are at The Forum
Find out where Rob has been over on LTR

212 Commented


The IMportant questions about Twilight

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We recent shared some of the letters we receive from LTT/LTR readers, and they’re pretty crazy. I can’t even begin to imagine what the letters you receive are like. Okay, maybe I can. For example, we received THIS letter from “skipped elementary school grammar class in NY” that was addressed to YOU the other day. (here are a few excerpts)

You see I feel kind of cheated where Jacob BLack’s roll is concern.  I no this makes no sense to you. In Breaking Dawn you did write that Jacob and Renesmee was imprinted on each other. But then you add Nahual to the mix. I so cherish the moment you wrote that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. Because I really, really felt his pain for his love for Bella. At the end of the book I felt kind of cheated. All your fans got to see Bella and Edward love story ending in a fairy tale ending. But I didn’t feel that way about Jacob. See Renesmee is still a little girl. So Jacob only see her as a child he loves and has to protect. WHAT ABOUT THEIR LOVE STORY. But I have mixed feeling because you add NAhual in the picture and now I think Jacob might not find his shoreline after all. Maybe he never finds his love and his holes never get filled. POOR JACOB. So please if you don’t mind do you think in the near future you would write a book on Jacob and add Leah to that too, how she too found her love or a better life.

This brings me to today’s topic: The important questions about Twilight.

Didn't you used to be sorta a dude?

Didn't you used to sorta be a dude?

1. Whatever happened to Leah? The girl who skipped grammar class in elementary school brings up a good point. What about Leah? What’s HER story? I feel as though she was really cheated as a character. She lost Sam; she turns into a smelly dog at will; she runs around with a pack of boys and can’t get mani/pedis with the girls on the weekends. Where is HER happy ending? At least turn her into a lesbian citing her abhorrence of men since Sam hurt her so badly. It would explain how she can fit in with the boys so easily. Plus she could end up with Eric Yorkie after he undergoes a sex change operation.

Not all the e-mails we get are for you, Rob or from crazy people. Larissa sent us one recently that brings us to question #2

2. Do Vampires masturbate? Larissa says:

Well I stumbled upon your website and absolutely love it…its nice to know that i am not the only twisted twilighter in the world…but my obsessive thoughts over the question ” Do vampires masturbate” seriously has me worried …i cannot get the mental image of Emmet rubbing one out and Edward indulged in his thoughts out of my head…this makes me a very sick sad person and im ok with that

You’re not sick, Larissa. You’re normal. Let’s say it all together people: “That’s Normal.” I asked around to my peeps to see what they thought. I heard a chorus of resounding “Yes of COURSE he masturbates.” And I have to agree. If he’s able to get it up an’ at ‘em enough to produce a child/half-puppy/half-leech, he’s definitely jerkin’ the gherkin from time to time. And this brings up the very important question, Stephenie: who did he think of before Bella came into his life? Does the Vampire world have their own porn scene & he keeps a copy of Turn of the century sluts stored in his piano bench?

It's leftover mountain lion, but we'll tell her it's chicken. Capiche?

"It's leftover mountain lion, but we'll tell her it's chicken. Capiche?"

3. What is Carlisle chopping in the kitchen in Twilight the movie? Seriously. This has bothered me for almost an entire year. It has kept me up at night. I even asked the question on WikiAnswers (my favorite place for very accurate answers to questions. Did you see how spot on they are with questions about Rob?) And someone said it’s chorizo. HOW DO THEY KNOW THIS!? I thought we were friends, Steph. Or did you stop reading LTT when you saw Moon posted that guy who came on a chat with LTT girls and stripped? I told her you wouldn’t be fooled in thinking that was Rob. I wish you could tell me whether it’s chorizo or salami that Carlisle is cutting. This is very important

BobbyGee, skip the following question:

You heard right. I want THIS down THERE

You heard right. I want THIS down THERE

4. What about the body hair? You know that when Alice, Rose & Esme were changed, the times were different. It wasn’t seen as inappropriate for a woman to sport a big bush (yeah, I mean what I just said). Okay, if the woman was walking down the street, maybe that would be inappropriate, but in private, under the undergarments, bushes were a-okay. But that’s not exactly the style anymore. So what do they do? I can’t imagine trendy Alice & perfect Rosalie would let it grow all wild & crazy. If they shave or wax, doesn’t it grow back? Does it even go away when they try to get rid of it? Maybe, if they have to live with it, they just dress it up. I have a friend who goes orange for Halloween. What’s Emmett’s favorite color? Does Rose surprise him from time to time? Does Alice sport an “Army Green” in honor of Jasper? You know what would REALLY be cool? If they all got the Cullen Crest dyed down there. That’s commitment to family.

BobbyGee you may proceed:

I know you get asked a lot of questions, all the time, Steph, but these questions are really weighing on me. Does Edward stick out his tongue when around his brother and say “nah na na na nah nah” because HIS wife’s hair “down there” is hip with the times? What type of Italian meat did Carlisle get to cut in his kitchen for the first time? What pornographic magazines are out for the men in the Cullen family to enjoy when their wives are out getting their Cullen Crest’s redyed? And what about poor, poor Leah? Where’s her fairy tale ending?

Inquiring minds NEED to know,
UnintendedChoice

What other REALLY IMPORTANT, burning questions do you have about Twilight? Share them in the comments!

And check out my favorite kind of email we receive after the jump! Continue…

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All the Twilight news that’s fit to print – Unicorns and lots of BooBoo’s

Dear LTT-ers,

There comes a time every few weeks or so that we have to do a news dump because there’s simply too much news and not enough letters in the day. So here’s all the news we think you should know about but couldn’t cover.

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!
Themoonisdown

  • Our BFF Ashley Greene gets a Twitter and proceeds to lull us to sleep with tweets of her sleeping habits and stories of buying dog food. There’s something to be said about keeping the mystery, isn’t there? Love you BFF!
  • Dude, Xavier did you forget what I told you to say if Jackson invited you to a 100 Monkeys show!? Did he not think you were deaf or sick with food poisoning? In other news, HIGH FIVE for going with Ashley, maybe you’ll be the lucky SOB to finally figure out she’s a hot piece, while the rest of that numbnuts cast wonders why they don’t have a girlfriend, or why theirs smells of grease.
  • Both Melissa Rosenberg and Justin Chon dish that Eclipse will be a much “darker” film. No really? This is the book in that saga that contains the story of Jasper’s shady past, killing innumerable people, the turning and training of a newborn vampire army, the rape of Rosalie at the hands of her fiance, and fight training all culminating in arguably the saga’s most satisfying moment of conflict: the battle. So “dark,” you say? NO DUH!
Jacob hungry! Me want filet-o-fish!

Jacob hungry! Me want filet-o-fish!

  • New Moon Action figures go on sale at Hot Topic. Is it just us or does Jacob look a little “special” in the face?
  • Little Jacky is photographed with a boo-boo (not the kid playing Seth) Tuesday. No one knows whether it was his hand, his head or that terrible wig that was injured. I’m hoping he broke his hand after punching out the wig department after he saw his reflection in the mirror. Jackson Rathbone-r: kicking ass and NOT taking names!
  • Little BooBoo Stewart gets his first tattoo! Awww, they grow up so fast, don’t they? How friggin cute is this kid?!

Follow the cut for more news, shirtless Kellan and Jackson the Unicorn!
Continue…

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New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown


(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)

bellwaitwhat

Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon:
ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?!
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut
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Our top ten favorite moments in Twilight, the movie

Dear LTT/LTR-ers and Twihards, lovers and haters of this site,

Today is another big day in the life of us here at LTT. Yes, you might have guessed it but today marks our TEN MONTH anniversary. Now not to get all high school relationship on you but we think blogging solid for ten months is a big deal. Countless hours, love, conversations, text messages, good ideas, really bad ideas (trust me, there are tons), blood sweat and tears have gone into these ten months so UC and I want to celebrate this week. In honor of our ten month anniversary we are going to be bringing you a new top ten list every day this week to celebrate and look towards the next ten!

So to kick off our top tens I’m gonna start us off with Top Ten Favorite Twilight Movie Moments! All the little things, the good and the sometimes cheesy things that we loved and couldn’t imagine living without. All the moments that we wanted to see make it in, the ones we didn’t know and the ones that made us fall in love with the story all over again… here they are

10. The Cullen’s enter the Cafeteria

The set up for the whole movie: who are those kids and why are they different and most importantly WHO IS THAT BOY? Why yes, it’s only the hottest boy to ever grace the United States public school system, that’s who. And he just happens to be a Vampire. Ok wait, she’ll learn that later… let’s not get ahead of ourselves now!

09. Animal Attack

Oh Carlisle you kill us with the delivery of that line coupled with the totally obvious stare down you give Edward. Yup, it was totally an animal that killed Buttcrack Santa and not some crazy psycho nomadic vampire that’s going to develop some weirdo fascination with Bella and stop at nothing to kill her. Yup, totes an animal.

Wanna find out what else made our top ten list of favorite Twilight Movie Moments? Follow the cut…
Continue…

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