Twilosophy: Is any guy ever an “Edward?” or are they all “Jacobs?”

Dear LTT-ers and Twilosophy majors,

For the last few years since we’ve started LTT and LTR and since reading the books, podcasting with the guys and whatnot I’ve had this thought roaming around my twi-addled brain but never felt ready to tackle it… then recently both Chris Weitz and Stephenie Meyer spoke about the very thing I had been wondering… are there really any “Edwards” out there or are they all actually “Jacobs?”

Recently, a Christ Weitz follower tweeted him asking if he was Team Jacob or Team Edward and this was his response:

This guy's a "jacob?" *swoon*

I am a Jacob. So that has to be my team, by default. Except really, honestly, I’m team Bella.
@chrisweitz
.

First I loved him more because he self identifies as a “Jacob” but it got me to thinking since most guys I know have said they’re a “Jacob” and most ladies say they married a “Jacob” IS ANYONE ever an Edward? Has any guy self identified as an “Edward?” And has anyone every really gotten their “Edward?” An “Edward” being the seemingly unattainable, hot, sorta-pretty-much perfect guy who you think would never give you the time of day.

Yup, definitely a Jacob

After being in this “world” for many years I would say that a majority of married Twilight lovers would say they married their “Jacob.” Many of our fellow bloggers and even Stephenie herself has said this. She mentioned that marrying Pancho was like marrying her Jacob.  Stephenie also had this to say about Rob and Taylor in her recent interview with USA Today…

On working with Pattinson and Lautner: “Rob is more like Jacob than Edward. He’s goofy, he’s funny, he doesn’t take much seriously. But he can turn Edward on like that (she snaps her fingers) when he needs to be Edward. Taylor’s who we hang out with most. He’s a lot like fun, happy Jacob.” – Stephenie Meyer in USA Today

Wait, this guys a Jacob??

It’s ok, Rob/Edward fans, you can peel yourself off the floor now and let’s come to terms with the fact that Rob is not and never was Edward. Not that UC and I ever thought that because we’ve pretty much pegged him as a super nerd from day one yet it keeps bringing up the question: If these guys are all “Jacobs” then are all men out there really Jacobs? Or can some of them beEdwards and then become Jacobs?

Furthermore (oh big transitional words!) if most guys end up being Jacobs than what does that say about the Twilight story and Bella and Edward’s relationship? Is it really the stuff of fantasy because there are no “Edwards” in real life? And if that’s true have we finally found the reason why Twilight is so popular, because it’s a fantasy in every sense of the word?

That's a whole lotta Jacobs right there

So do I have an Edward to look forward to or should I just stop ignoring the Jacobs of my life and realize that though he may not sparkle he’s pretty darn fabulous and he might also be able to fix that weird squeaky sound my cars been making.

Here’s to the Jacobs!
Themoonisdown

Thoughts? Who’s married/dated/engaged to their Jacob? Do you think any guy is every REALLY an Edward? Are all men Jacobs at the end of the day?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

140 Commented


Jacob & Renesmee: I just can’t imagine it

I realize that reading this NOW after the big MAJOR SPOILER BREAKING DAWN LEAKAGE OF STILLS OF BASICALLY THE ENTIRE TWO MOVIES is pretty anticlimactic, but I wrote this Wednesday night & I’m currently on a plane to Florida, so there was no time for an update. But laugh with me that I considered THIS a spoiler as of Wednesday! Xo

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Today’s letter is brought to you by a MAJOR SPOILER ALERT. Well, I think. I could have actually imagined that I heard this little Breaking Dawn rumor. I’m not SEEKING out info. If I come across it, I sometimes read it, but I’m not opposed to being completely surprised with this movie. Just because… I can’t imagine how it’s not going to be so freaking’ creepy. Like when I imagine Breaking Dawn, I picture this Halloween costume:

So I try to not to go there, ya know? Anyway, back to my SPOILER ALERT. I remember hearing that they “Cast” the older Renesmee. And, as a result, speculation was swirling that there would be a “grown up” scene between Jacob & Renesemee. Aww sweet. Less ick factor, right?

Right?

Jake needs a Do-over

That’s where I have a problem. IS that less “ick factor?” Let’s say, for example, that Taylor gets his day in the sun. Or Jacob does, rather. They both need to get some- doesn’t matter who. Taylor needs to prove to the world he CAN kiss without major head-bobbing motions like with Jake’s big moment with Bella, but….. with Reneseme? Renesmee who we see as a baby one minute, a child then next & then flash forward to a scene where she is potentially kissing her big bro-protector-turned-lover Jacob Black? Umm… ick. Right?

Team Jacob deserves this, I get it. There is a HUGE portion of the Twilight fandom on Taylor’s side & they’d LOVE to see him with a little tonsil hockey action with anyone (Suggestion: Maybe Jake & Leah sip a few too many Mike’s Hard Lemonades down at La Push one night? Give Team Jacob a little french-kiss action there? Just a thought) But what if there is a Jake & Nessie scene that is…. HOT? Maybe Alice is seeing the future or something (creepy, Alice…has life with Jasper really gotten that stale?) but then we go back to the present, where Renesemee is a CHILD? I can’t wrap my head around this….!

I know I should probably trust the movie makes on this one, but, of course I don’t.

During my first read of Breaking Dawn, Jake & Nessie never creeped me out. I didn’t like that a kid was introduced.. I wanted Bella & Edward love making 24/7 without the distraction of a mouth to feed a deer to, but I never really thought about the creepiness till I met you all & your aversion to the creepiness effed with me! But NOW it’s all i think about… WHAT WILL THIS BE LIKE!?

Think on this for a few minutes with me. The following is cute:

Aww! It's like Jake's a 24/7 petting zoo

Only thing creepy about this is Bella creeping in the corner (Reminds me of Creepy Eddie in the van. Remember him?)

Everyone needs a fluffy friend to comfort them

and my own personal favorite:

 

Jake, Nessie & Seth

All appropriate, right? Weird, sure. But we’ve known that Jacob imprints on Renesmee now for like 3 years. We need to get over this. It’s time to move on. We get that he’s not creeping on a kid. It’s just a weird thing that doesn’t actually happen in real life.

But THEN…. this:

 

Jake & Nessie of Green Gables

"This is how your mom liked to be held too!"

Ick

Am I right to be worried?

Don’t creep me out,
UnintendedChoice

So…. WHAT do you think? How is this gonna go down? Am I overreacting? Will it be all cool? Will we be able to look at little McKenzie Foy the same way again if the flash-forward scene happens like is rumored? (PS: I found the link where I think I read the spoiler)

*UPDATE – this seems ironic now that we’ve sen them together (allegedly). This is a reminder PLEASE DO NOT LINK OR POST ANY OF THE LEAKED IMAGES. We like our limbs and our money. THANKS!*

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

88 Commented


Only Taylor Should’ve Played Jacob: Guess the wolf’s outta the bag

One thing I love about LTT-friend Team Seth is that she doesn’t “get” Rob Pattinson. She reminds me that the fandom is SO varied and not everyone thinks every single Twilight actor is God’s gift to the us & the world! Today she leads us in an appreciation of Taylor Lautner:

Taylor's got committment

Dear Taylor,

First off, major high five! Second, I know that we here on LTT sometimes, oftentimes, make fun of you for silly things like meat patties and catching grapes while doing back flips, but honestly we’re all behind you. It’s a matter of you being underage when we first got to know you, then you were smoking hot and we all felt dirty, like when your friend’s little brother turns 17 and it’s suddenly like “Wow, where did he come from?” Like Jeremy in Vampire Diaries, except that Bonnie isn’t over 18. Anyway, you can understand that I’m sure. Chris Hansen is creepy, you know. Plus, I know that we tend to talk more about your dad and how much we want to have sit downs with him over bread sticks and unlimited soup and salad lunch, and we don’t really want you there. I know that’s a little rude. But we stood by you through Swiftner! We accepted you after seeing Shark Boy and Lava Girl with our 7 year olds. And on a personal note, I HATE the Red Wings, but I’m willing to accept that you’re a fan due to where you’re from. That’s fine. I get it, really I do. (Go Canucks!)

But, I want to just get down to it and say, you’re the only one of the trilogy who really put your all into the role. And bravo for that! I’m so tired of people defending Rob for his mediocre efforts at becoming Sparta. This is Sparta. But you nailed it! You put in the effort. You ate meat patties and put in the gym time to get an 12-pak washboard ab set. You bulked up. You tried, and you kept it up. You respect C-Dubs’ wishes and followed through. Which is a truly classy and professional thing to do. You wore jorts in British Columbia other than in July heat waves. With rain pouring down on you. You committed. Rob did NOT commit. And I’m done, I am so done with these women who say that he has a Spartacus body in New Moon. He does not. He actually looks totally creepy. Like wtforks is this?

Sure there’s no pot belly, nor does he look like a topless Billy Burke (sorry, Billy, still love you!) But he’s gray and completely lacking pectorals and arm muscles. Seriously, where are his pecs? He looks like a fourteen year old! And I’m not knocking on Rob’s hotness, just his lack of commitment to the role.

No one's gonna argue about THIS

Sure, call him the HHH, ladies. Do what you must. I’ll agree, this is hot, and of course his NM shirtless moment is EONS ahead of this (shudder!). But the role commitment is just not there. Not like you, Taylor. And since there’s an entire site dedicated to letters to Rob and his hobo chic awesomeness (or whatever), I want you to know that you and your efforts are appreciated.

I know you’re not doubting your mad skills given the amount of big girl panties that have been thrown in your face. But honestly, Taylor, I think you’re the only one who nailed it. You ARE Jacob. I can’t imagine anyone but you as Jake… maybe put you on stilts, but other than that…and that’s just a technicality. And you and I both know that I’m not Team Jacob, that I don’t think Jacob and Bella should be together, and that I don’t lust after you in bed at night (that’s reserved for David Tennant and Ian Smolderholder).

"I want to thank Disney... for teaching me to smile & speak like a robot..."

But I respect you. Maybe you’re not “world’s best actor”, but that’s fine. You’re young and Disney channel groomed, and having worked at Disney myself for a few years, I know what that’s about. I get it. I understand your overtly PC and vague responses, your extremely bright smile, and your uncomfortableness with answering questions in a creative way. I totally understand, because I’ve been through that training too. It’s fine. And I don’t care if you come out in a year or so, or if you’re actually straight. I just don’t care, because you nailed it as Jacob. And I really think here on LTT we overlook that.

Not only did you commit physically to the role, you also worked with the ebb and flow of Jacob’s emotions. You made the switch when the wig came off. Jacob transformed from a sweet little Native American boy into a man. A man who wouldn’t accept that Bella didn’t appreciate him or recognize her feelings for him. That she was too caught up in her memory of Mr. Gray Marble Sparklepeen who LEFT HER for no real reason (that he happened to mention at the time) to even take notice of the fact that she was more or less gonna make out with you like 20 different times. Kind of ridiculous, right? Anyway, you as an actor took that energy, that longing to be human again and that werewolf rage, and you made it real. Believable. I applaud you. So, when we discussed who should’ve played Bella, I felt we ought to mention the fact that only YOU should’ve played Jacob.

Just friends

But I’ll close with this, Taylor. If you can pull off the relationship I envisioned between Jake and Nessie when reading the books, which was quite tasteful and sweet, then I think you might deserve a Best Supporting for that, and NOT at the MTV Awards, but at some real awards show. If anyone is trained and ready to field all the underage sexy times interview questions involving the supposed toddler love, it’s you, Taylor. You’ll laugh, look down, then back up with a serious face and say something along the lines of,

“Well, actually Jacob’s just imprinted on her. Imprinting doesn’t mean you have romantic feelings for the person, just that you understand her exact needs. It’s kind of like an intuition. So, if Renesme, say, wants to play My Little Ponies, Jacob will anticipate this need. It’s nothing romantic, it’s like he’s her awesome babysitter who totally gets her. As she grows up and her needs change, he will anticipate this too. So ultimately they will most likely end up together, but that’s in the far future.”

Then interviewer will then ask, “So, Edward might be Jacob’s father-in-law, is that going to be weird given the past between you guys?” and you will say, “No, I mean, isn’t that what every father wants for his daughter–a husband who will treat her exceptionally well and always love her and provide her with what she wants?” I have full faith in you, kid. So, keep on keepin’ on! And just think, your meat patty days are quickly coming to a close!

With high regards,

Team Seth

What do you think? Is Taylor going to do us proud with his portrayal of Jacob? Will Chris Hansen be on stand-by, waiting for his moment to knock on Taylor’s trailer door?

Contest Update: Moon & I haven’t had time to talk ALL WEEKEND LONG so we haven’t picked a winner from last week’s contest yet! We will pick shortly & announce the winner soon! THANKS to everyone who has entered. The entries we’ve read so far are amazing & it’s hard to choose a favorite!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

198 Commented


Getting excited about Breaking Dawn Part 1

Dear Breaking Dawn Part 1,

I don’t know about you but the news err non-news-stalker-pics-wigger-kids coming out of Vancouver this week got me REALLY excited for Breaking Dawn. If only we didn’t have to wait until November to see the finished project. But oh well. We’ll take what we can get.

We got this letter a week or so ago from SJ discussing what she was looking forward to in BD Part 1 & it got me even MORE excited about the movie!

I’m Excited

  1. Rob’s career make or break scene: can he pull off being the most seductive vampire ever whilst wearing water shoes?
  2. Taylor’s voodoo power: forget kung-fu, is his voodoo strong enough to convince the world a teenage shapeshifter imprinting on a newborn baby is not creepy (may also be seen as career make or break time).
  3. The pale ‘strange one’ and the chick who hates dancing and parties unobtrusively getting down with the locals at carnival time then prancing up the beach between the pumpkin lanterns.
  4. Kristen enduring parading Summit Wardrobe Department‘s idea of Stephenie Meyer’s idea of Alice’s idea of stylin’. And will they reuse blue art smock for a maternity top?
  5. Jennifer Love Hewitt wetting her pants on the red carpet. But that’s just me being petty and mean (Taylor hatin’ beetch!)
  6. You should really use a condom

    Will there be a condom/Condon reference somewhere in wedding or Isle of Esme, or just ANYWHERE? I am praying for an outtake of Bill popping up in the ocean next to Rob & Kristen saying ‘I really do think I’m needed in this scene, move over Kristen’. And then me yelling ‘for the love of god move over Kristen!’

  7. Charlie’s ‘stache. Jasper’s hair. Carlisle’s accent. Esme achieving full camouflage with the backdrop in every scene she appears in.
  8. Merchandise – Isle of Esme jigsaw, maracas, water shoes? Team Edward/Jacob wedding garter. Isle of Esme sarongs. Pregnancy test kits.
  9. Edward attempting to pimp out Jacob to Bella so she can have a ‘normal’ pregnancy (although maybe not normal by LTT standards). Or is it Bella being pimped out to Jacob? I’m not really up to speed on the Pimp’s code of conduct but it does seem that it would be a win situation for all of them. Anyway, cannot wait to see how Rob delivers those lines. It may just be the first time I feel sorry for him.

All this and it’s only February! Are we halfway there yet?

xxx Sj.

Hey Rob.. in Isle Esme ... you should do that move I taught you on my bed back in 2008...

I know, SJ. I know! It’s SO far away, yet hopefully the time will FLY! Because I have to add the following things I am so excited about for BD Part 1:

  1. Watching a Catherine Hardwicke interview where she discusses how the Isle Esme sex scene(s) were “just as passionate as the moment Robsten was created my unmade bed in Venice Beach.”
  2. A NEW SOUNDTRACK to listen to (nothing funny here- you know we’re serious around here about music!
  3. Watching Bella tell her high school friends she’s getting married. And then making the brilliant awkward lines that Yorkie & Mike are sure to say after they hear the news our new mantras.
  4. Seeing if Taylor breaks into giggles anytime sex is mentioned, suggested or insinuated

Oh November… can’t you be HERE already!!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What (Serious or non-serious!) things are you excited for for Breaking Dawn Part 1!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

187 Commented


Breaking down THE bed picture- you know, the underwhelming one….

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Moon & I started breaking dawn THE BED picture, and then ended up just creeping each other out. Hope you enjoy!

OMG OMG OMG I’M UNDERWHELMED

UC: OMG OMG OMG OMG… did you see it? The most over-hyped underwhelming picture of Edward & Bella in BED of the year!?
Moon: why yes, yes i did- i tweeted it out like an hr later. and then sat around and watched the crazy descend
UC: way to be on TOP of it (ahem) on top like Edward. Missionary style what whatttt!!
Moon: Bella’s first time
UC: Question: when you thought about yourself as Bella, doing it with Edward for the first time, because you know you did, how did you envision it? Missionary? I know you save your doggy style fantasizing for your Jake fantasies..
Moon: doesn’t Stephenie describe it as missionary in the book?? Cause he doesn’t want to crush her?
UC: does she GET that descriptive? Oh yes… the crushing….
Moon: ps the fact we’re breaking down the position is disturbing for any family members or friends reading
UC: sorry to all of them. but it’s SERIOUS, and we discuss SERIOUS things
Moon: and YET you’d think if he didn’t want to crush her it’d be the other way around
UC: also isn’t missionary best for baby-making? ? and since they make a baby (SPOILER ALERT)… or is that a myth
I will google it: Ah- Informative

“You may have heard that positions that deposit the sperm closest to the cervix — such as the missionary position (man on top) — are more promising than other positions. But there are no studies to back this up.”

thank you babycenter.com. but getting back to our fantasies.. I’m trying to think……
Moon: so wrong. isn’t everything about sex made up? it seems….
UC: I think so.
Moon: i mean if urban dictionary hasn’t heard of it than it can’t be true

Less Sex than on CSI

UC: right. So there’s that… Edward’s on top.. Big surprise. Are we jaded & t hat’s why we weren’t overwhelmed like it seemed the entirety of twitter was by this?
Moon: well i mean i guess i was underwhelmed cause its like we already know this happens, right? We’ve all read the books. they do it.
UC: right…. i know… i think we’ve built it up more in our minds… and at the end of the day… it’s just sex. And it’s going to be less sex than we generally see on an episode of CSI (believe me, I watched like 12 in the last few days i’ve been sick)
Moon: Or maybe we’re underwhelmed because it wasn’t on a bear skin rug. And even if its really Edward and Bella, Kristen and Rob should insist on any LOVE MAKING being on an animal hide
UC: I KNOW- it should be in their contracts. It should be wolf skin- just to stick it a little to Jacob
Moon: the fireplace is negotiable. The rug, NOT. It should be on a white wolf skin- the rarest of all! Suck it jacob!!
UC: have fun waiting 18 years for the zygote growing inside of me to grow up so you can get it on with her
Moon: HHAHAHA
UC: I just became Bella there.. in case you couldn’t tell
Moon: poor jacob. his life is the epitome of a “true love waits” campaign
UC: haha So true.. he’ll have to ask Kellan for tips
Moon: maybe kellan has given taylor pointers on how this works best
UC: jinx

The one where Faith Hill did it first

Moon: ALSO maybe it’s not ZOMG for us because it’s something thats pretty straightforward and less something we don’t know how it will turn out- like maybe if it was from the transformation or birth or something with Renesmee it’d be diff
UC: right…. they do it… it’s a glowing sunlit morning…. the sheets are beige….
Moon: I’d even say the feathers were better because it left so much to the imagination
UC: I’m thinking of another sex scene where you see a lot of beige translucent sheets….Wait..i’m pretty sure it’s Faith Hill’s video for “Breathe” but it might be from a movie…
Moon: and PS this is clearly from the same shoot with the feathers. give us something NEW!
UC: that’s how the scene always played out in my mind… and the hand with feathers, and now this, is proving even more to me that it will be that.. we’ll see the back of Edward- with Bella’s hand clasping at his skin…. maybe he’ll turn her on top for a second… a translucent beige sheet (or canopy from the bed) will fall and we’ll just see their outline.. and then up close shots of their mouths… all to a really kick ass song…like how the Sia song fit during the leg hitch scene
Moon: exactly. It will be all very tastefully and not crazy intense
UC: you’re right. no surprise.
Moon: cause this is a family film, and it will NOT be some crazy s&m, fan fic scenario. So everyone should ACCEPT it now
UC: ACCEPT IT NOW!
Moon: save the crazy shiz for after Bella’s is an indestructible vampire. She’d be more down for whips once he can’t kill her accidentally
UC: What this scene WILL be is great fodder for Robsten video makers. So we have that to look forward to!!
Moon: Dude bill condon already turned it sepia for them!! they’re half way there! All they need is an awkward song from celine dion and clips from a soft core porn and its done!

More after the jump! Continue…

198 Commented


Previous Entries Next Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by