Dares for Stephenie Meyer

I’m too busy, LTT

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

In keeping with our refusal to admit you’re too busy being a producer on the set of a hit film for the next 6 months to read LTT every day like you used to, we’d like to continue to pretend we have any influence over your life at all. Cool? Cool.

We just want you to pretend like we don’t know you once admitted to reading LTT and we’ll all act normal. We’ll just continue making you laugh, making fun of something you poured your heart into (that we love almost as much as you do) and we won’t try to influence you at all to get the Breaking Dawn we want. (PUT RAY-BANS ON ROB) It’s more important for you to stay focused on Isle Esme right now so that we all get the most perfect Honeymoon possible (MAKE THE SEX SCENE LIKE THE NOTEBOOK). And then once you’re back in Louisiana on set, focusing on how not to creep the audience out with a half-vampire baby chewing its way out of Kristen’s tummy (PUT EDWARD BACK IN THE CAFETERIA) There are no subliminal messages here. There’s nothing were trying to say in between the lines. We’re offering nothing more than encouragement from the LTT family. (MAKE THE WOLFPACK CALL THEM ‘JORTS’)

But just in case you are bored on set or looking for something to do with your assistant with the cool sweater, Meghan, we’ve come up with a list of activities to pass the time- or maybe we can call them dares. You MADE these actors’ careers- the least you can do is have a little fun with them!

We dare you one day to wear a knot in your tee-shirt for a full day of shooting. Never even look twice when Kristen glares at you for stealing her style. Around lunchtime, on the day he’s visiting the set, ask Big Daddy if the local Olive Garden offers take out & if he knows their number by heart.

We dare you to call Rob, Ron at least 3 times one day. And don’t even be afraid to use the LTT water bottle we gave you back in June. How about next week you work “Tweed serious” into a conversation with Bill Condon. And sigh & shake your head every time you see the girl playing Renesemee, while muttering “Not a newborn child. How hard is it to get a newborn around here?”

We dare you to bring out the Mormon Bible & try to convert Kellan. Or ask him to be accountability partners. Try to see if he wants to start a Wednesday AM Bible Study by the breakfast trailer. I’m sure there’s another gaffer on set who reads the Good Word. Or if you’re really feeling daring, tell Jackson you really dig the 100 Monkeys. Ask about their upcoming album. And try to keep a straight face. Or ask Jackson if he’s heard that catering is serving catfish on Thursday night for dinner.

We dare you to say to Ashley Greene, “You’re dating Joe Jonas, right? But he has a purity ring…*blank stare.* And one day when you’re around Taylor Lautner, we dare you to put on headphones and sing outlaid to “Back to December” by Taylor Swift off key & really loudly.

And on the day the wolfpack is due to shoot their first scene, show up wearing jorts & name one of the pups “The Situation.” Give no explanation. Just start calling him “Sitch” and ask him if he’s found out if any of the new girl hires are DTF.

And while you’re shooting Isle Esme, how about for one day, we dare you to refer to Rob & Kristen as one person: Robsten. For example: “What time is Robsten due to set?” or “Robsten- they’re ready for you!” or “Robsten, I really feel like you need a little more passion in this scene” and “Robsten, you should shake the bed more.”

And while you’re way too busy to be reading LTT patiently waiting for the next LTT to be posted, try not to laugh when you see the wolfpack run around in their shorts, think of a fish with whiskers when you see Jackson on set, get at least one Taylor Swift song stuck in your head every time you’re around Taylor Lautner or crave endless breadsticks when Taylor’s family is around. We dare you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice (and Brookelockart who helped out tremendously with the dares!)

6 months filming is a LONG time! What other stuff should we dare Stephenie Meyer to do while on set!?

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160 Commented


In the mind of UC

Dear LTTers,

Today’s Monday post is quite scattered because that’s how I roll these days. My mind is everywhere. Work is SO busy (for you newbies- blogging about vampires unfortunately does not pay the bills, so I have a full-time job of making people want to buy hot tubs); I’ve been spending what moments I can catching up with friends I have neglected unintentionally over the last 6 months; getting acquainted with the city of Philadelphia into which I recently moved & am falling in love with; helping my husband start a business which so far pays nothing but requires the attention of a high-paying job; figuring out how to pay the bills while one of us has a no-paying job & occasionally trying to sleep. Plus my cats are mad at me at acting out. Seriously- cats act out? Apparently.

Anyway, with all of that on my mind, I feel so out of the Twi-loop. So I hopped over to one of my favorite sites: TwiCrack Addict- to find out what has been going on and… well, I guess there hasn’t been much of a “loop” to be out of. Aren’t all the cast members IN New Orleans? How is there NOTHING going on?

Not to mention I miss my partner. The best part (and what makes the stress worth it part) of blogging for the past (almost) two years is: Moon. You know- this girl:

Whether it’s talking about life outside of Twilight, laughing about things that made us fall in love with the saga in the first place or just chatting about new music, friends in common & people that drive us BOTH nuts, Moon is my Twi-soul mate. And she’s been equally as busy as I have been- plus she’s been away for the past few days with her family- so my Twi-mojo seems to have gone with her. Or it’s locked up in a hotel or conference room or sound stage where the Twilight cast members are! Anyway, what little news I DID find is this:

Reneeessemmeee:

This girl is FREAKIN’ adorable:

Although 8 years older than Renesemee should be, I trust Bill Condon & Stephenie Meyer. I mean, I think. I mean….. damn.. time to start praying & fasting for Breaking Dawn……

Also she’s wayyyy to young to be posing like this:

Ashley Greene- stay away from this child. You are not the influence say, Nikki Reed should be- I mean.. Kristen Stewart.. no wait…. umm…… How about she hangs out with Taylor & Selena Gomez? Boo Boo Stewart? Is there a “I’m keeping it in my pants” Twilight cast members club? She should go there. And to Chuck E. Cheese with Big Daddy. You know he’s been begging Taylor to introduce them so he can ask her if they can go on a “Big Daddy & adopted daughter date.” Ever since last year, Taylor is no longer interested in going…. Also Chris Hansen is bound to be there watching to make sure no funny business goes on- and I miss the guy!

Eclipse DVD:

So the DVD is coming out soon, huh? December 4th to be exact (yep, had to look that one up. My how times have changed! I WENT to a Twilight DVD release party. Not so much this time around…)

It got me thinking about my Twilight DVD & how i have no idea where it is. And- quite possibly going to blow your mind alert- I can’t even remember if I ever bought New Moon on DVD. SHOCK! I probably did, but I honestly have no idea. Is that weird? Am I alone here? I’ve talked about those two movies SO much that it’s just hard for me to want to break them out and pop them in the DVD player. I think it’ll have to be a few years away from all of “This” before I want to watch them again.

Cathy Hardi:

Always the fashion icon:

She writes our jokes FOR us! She’s trying to class it up at this event- this isn’t the time to slam down the Ultimate Cougarita. No- she’s hoping for a Martini to take her name tonight- maybe just something called “The Cathy” or “The Hardi.” Berry-flavored, of course. What else could those tights mean?

Sigh, Dear Twilight saga cast, crew, books, movies, Big Daddy: Give us something good this week, I’m begging you. Get me out of this Twi-slump!

XO,
UnintendedChoice

Do you feel like you’re in a Twi-slump? Do you love Cathy’s combat boots + berry tights combo? How adorable is I-forget-her-real-name Renesmee? Do you miss Big Daddy as much as I do?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store


113 Commented


Breaking Down Renesmee, porcelain dolls and our twifan card

Dear Breaking Dawn film makers,

There’s been tons of rumors about the new movie with most of them about who will be cast as Reneesme Carlie Cullen. Oh yea full name, who’s the twifan now?! But anyway it’s a big thing to cast, I mean this is the spawn of Edward and Bella, the fruit of their… ahem… love, the final WTF moment of the saga so it better be good. There’s a lot riding on this, so when news of one of the rumored girls testing for Renesmee started heating up UC and I knew it was time to break it down…

The one where we think Renesmee is pint sized

The spawn of Edward & Bella???

Moon: ok some renessssmeeeee….. so tons of gossip out there about who will be cast as renesme some actors daughter and now a 9 yr old with huge eyes. so what do you think? initial thoughts
UC: initial thoughts is maybe I’m the ONLy one who ended BDawn thinking renesmee looked no more than 3- MAYBE 4 max
Moon: yea i thought she was small like toddler/4-5 age but talked like an adult or acted older
UC: and i’m interested to see how Kristen acts the part in the script that says “Bella’s eyes grow wide as she realizes the child that burst from her abdomen 3 months earlier is now ready for the 3rd grade & loves to eat spaghettios” think she can pull it off? Is there a stutter for that (da dum ching)

Yea, I pretty much imagined Renesmee as the Samantha the American Girl Doll (hat and all)

Moon: i even had this weird image of her in like victorian type clothes like a porcelain doll, with a little hat and curls on the back of Bella and Jacob
UC: ME too.. and curly hair
Moon: like the idea doesnt really even compute. but theyre saying they’re going to use some benjamin buttons shit to use the face of the girl on a toddlers body
UC: right.. WHY? why not just use a toddler? they act on those Oscar Meyer Weiner commercials
Moon: well it’s hard for a toddler to act older i think thats the reasoning behind it like they need an older child who can interact in an older way but the look of a little kid
UC: yeah, I get it. But I WANT YELLOW KITCHEN CUPBOARDS DAMNIT
Moon: HAHAHAA dont we all. “accept it now!”

The one where we lose our fancard
Moon: all i can think about is rob and kristen interacting with this girl like WHAT is that gonna be like??
UC: I cannot IMAGINE!!!! i can’t remember- are there many scenes with the 3 of them? Can Stephenie write one in quick- family hunting trip? NO jacob? just the 3~?
Moon: yea the whole happy little family in the cottage and before the whole witness scene wait didnt they have a family hunting trip isnt that what irina sees?
UC: ohhh yes! I can’t remember is Jake is around the corner

REVOKED!

Moon: cue our twifan card being taken away from stephenie herself
UC: I mean… IMAGINE that for a second Cute 9 year old, blood on her chin Rob…. blood on his chin. and his shirt Kristen chomping down on a deer i mean… it wasn’t that ridiculous when I READ it but that’s RIDICULOUS!
Moon: right how is all this going to look?! have we not learned to TRUST yet?! i mean we worried about taylor and Kristen in NM we worried about the leg hitch and they’ve taken care of us but id be lying if i wasnt worried A LOT about BD
UC: A LOT
Moon: the birth, the baby, the hunting
UC: the sex- I mean….. what if we have a ton of nonstens in our theater? Do you think we’ll be safe? should we hire bodyguards?
Moon: dude we get that they’re together, we also dont care and we also get that theyre ACTORS i hope and i dont hope it’s awkward as hale
UC: i know…. b/c if it is, it’s because they’re thinking “omg this is awkward cuz we do this in real life- rob just broke the headboard LAST NIGHT- but that’s b/c it was Ikea and I got it when I was 10″ he and TomStu were jumping on the bed You know what I hope?
Moon: what do you hope?

BOOBS


The one where we love kids
UC
: I hope that when we watch it… we see Bella & Edward- just as we imagined them when we read BD for the first time I hope I forget it’s Rob & Kristen because as fun as being “involved” in their stars lives is (without their knowledge moohahaha – creeper) it’s quite possibly ruined the characters for me Can we really look at Edward & not think “He eat Hot Pockets”? Can we see Mike Newton & not think “Boobs?” And briging it back to Renessmee- can I see her on screen & not think “bitch is too old” Also… can I call a 9 year old a “bitch?” Cause I don’t think I can…
Moon: you called a 9 yr old a bitch…….. welcome to LTT world slut! heeeeey!!!!!!
UC: haha, we love jokes about kids.
Moon: ps but seriously, how in the HALE do you spell renesmee?!

So film makers can you see what we’re worried about and what we’re counting down the days till BD for? So make it good, we’re already regrouping our prayer chain to begin “praying and fasting for Breaking Dawn” again. Just so you know…

Renessme/Reneeseme/Renesmee/Renneesmee?
Themoonisdown

PS we dont hate kids, so don’t even try it.

So what will it be? WHO will it be and what did YOU think Renesmee looked like when you first read Breaking Dawn??

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1 Commented


The latest & the greatest Twilight news brought to you by LTT

Dear Twilighters, Twihards & LTTers,

Have you felt out of the loop? Summer has been busy, Eclipse left the theater long ago (did it? I have no idea) and Robsten drama is sooooo yesterday’s news no one even cares to talk about them anymore. Well, to my surprise, when I did a little research for today’s letter, I found that, in fact, there is stuff still going on in the fandom. And some of it isn’t boring! Let’s jump right to it:

Ashley Greene films movie called L.O.L. in Paris with Miley Cyrus

I guess this film is about 2 girls who start a sexy girl “Happy Hands” club. I mean what else could it mean when Ashley Greene makes jazz hands while showing off the top of her bra? In other news, Ashley Greene is making awesome career choices. L.O.L.? Miley Cyrus? Seriously? Maybe she just signed on because it’s in Paris & she really wanted an almond croissant. I could understand that.

Rami Malek is cast as Benjamin in Breaking Dawn

And we all scramble to dust off our Breaking Dawn books to remember who in the H Benjamin is so we could sound intelligent when discussing the latest Twi-news around the dinner table. Can’t remember who borrowed your BD book (seriously. who has mine?) I’ll help you out: Benjamin is from the Egyptian coven & is the vampire with the ability to influence the elements: fire, water, earth & air. Oh yeah… him! That’s what I said when I first found out who he was. I was in a sarcastic tone because seriously. I barely remember him. I guess it’s time to re-read Breaking Dawn (seriously!? WHO HAS MY BOOK!?)

Upon further research from the Twilight Saga Wiki, it looks like Ben was created by Amun who is extremely overprotective of him and terrified of the idea of him joining another coven. Sounds like Amun wants Ben for a lover if you ask me. But it turns out Ben already has a lover: Tia. Tia, of course, means “Aunt” in Spanish. So Ben’s lover is his aunt, and Amun, his creator wants him in the Biblical sense. Things get freaky over there across the Nile!

And a BONUS: If you look past the fact that he kinda resembles a younger Brendan Fraser, Rami he is pretty cute too! Whoo hoo! More man meat to drool over in this fandom!

The Twidom tries to kill me

Be still my British flag waving heart

PopSugar: Gossip Girl’s hot! We all love it.

Ed Westwick: Maybe if I had vampire teeth.

PopSugar: Maybe you need to play a vampire with that other hot Brit.

Ed Westwick: We should play brothers. Me and Rob Pattinson should play brothers.

PopSugar: In Breaking Dawn?

Ed Westwick: Is that the next one? I’ll put the call in. Let’s do it.

And I start begging Stephenie Meyer to “suddenly” remember that Edward Cullen had a brother who was “saved” from Spanish influenza by another vampire family so Ed Westwick could be in this role & my British fantasies could come true. Well, I guess I need to also have her introduce me to the two Brits and leave me alone with them in a hotel room for a couple hours. Fingers crossed.

An adorable little girl is rumored to be up for the role of Renesemee

Question on Renesmee application this parent got right: “Does your child have an inappropriate relationship with a boy” Check.

And then we start praying even HARDER. The demon-baby spawn of Bella & Edward not only chews her way out of Bella’s womb, is imprinted on by a grown man, but is a child old enough to attend Kindergarten!? HOW DO THEY THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK? RENESEMEE WILL NOT MAKE ANY FRIENDS IN SCHOOL. SHE WILL BE THE WEIRD LITTLE GIRL WHO TOUCHES THE OTHER KIDS FACES & HAS NO DESIRE TO PLAY WITH DOLLS BUT REALLY REALLY LIKES JOHNNY JR.S DOG THAT HE BRINGS FOR SHOW-AND-TELL. LIKE CREEPILY LOVES IT. SHE ACTUALLY LETS HIM OFF HIS LEASH DURING RECESS & RIDES HIM AROUND THE PLAYGROUND. THEN ANOTHER DOG- OR SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A DOG- SHOWS UP AND GETS UPSET. A DOG FIGHT ENSUES. THE WEIRD KINDERGARTNER CHEERS ON THE SECOND DOG. HE WINS. JOHNNY JUNIOR WATCHES HIS BELOVED COCKER-SPANIEL, POOCHIE, GET EATEN ALIVE BY A BIGGER DOG. AND RENESMEE IS THE YOUNGEST GIRL TO BE THROWN INTO JUVENILE DETENTION. THIS IS A PROBLEM. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SCREAMING. BUT IT FEELS APPROPRIATE.

That’s all your Twilight news, brought to you by LTT, always a reliable source!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to Breaking Dawn Movie for always having the best news (and lots of good pictures too!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

171 Commented


New Moon rumor patrol

Dear New Moon,

So the movie has been our for a week and 1/2 now and you’ve made a gazillion dollars, and there are rumors floating around EVERYWHERE. I thought I’d take a little time today, dig into the news and gossip, contact my sources and really do some research into the stories out there to help us determine what to believe or not. Enjoy!

1. Women everywhere have forgotten about their vintage green washer & dryer and have taken up hand washing their clothes in a bucket of cold, sudsy water, and Wal-mart has suddenly tripled inventory on the old fashioned washboard (formally found in the craft department to be used as decoration) as demand increases due to all the women recently inspired to manually scrub out the stains in their clothing:

True- thanks to Taylor Lautner’s washboard abs. He now gets a royalty check every time Wal-mart sells an old-fashioned washboard.

2. Chris Weitz has agreed to do Breaking Dawn and make it into two films

False or True or… this is still a rumor: Chris is concerned that he set the bar pretty high this time with the yellow pants and isn’t sure if he has another color of slacks to top them when it comes time for Breaking Dawn promotion. He has a cranberry pair that his mom sent him for Thanksgiving (they have a stitching of a turkey along the top) but are they good enough? It’s really a lot to consider. PLUS, two more movies to film? He’s really concerned that Robsten can’t stick it out that long. And nothing would be worse than the world’s precious star couple breaking up the night before Rob is supposed to bite pillows and tear apart headboards. So if he agrees to it and if he finds the perfect pair of pants, he will probably recast Bella. He’ll cast me. He doens’t know it yet, but he will. I sent him a pair of bedazzled, neon blue “UC & Moon” pants last week. He’ll get them any day now and he’ll be convinced. Feathers all over my naked body, here I come!

Continue…

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