Breaking Dawn Part I: The Musical

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Dear LTTers,

We have these friends Alice & Bella Not an Addikt (You remember them from their defunct website. RIP) who live in Belgium. They’re normal 20-somethings- ya know, speak 4 languages (or is 5?), in PhD programs (I think Alice is done hers actually. And Bella was “too busy” defending her dissertation last week to get this video done for us) are gorgeous, friendly, bring me macaroons when they visit me in New York on hot Spring days and are about to BLOW YOUR FREAKIN’ MINDS with what they did for us at LTT.

Yes, Bella & Alice are bringing us Breaking Dawn Part 1: The Musical complete with original lyrics set to Broadway favorites. Stop what you’re doing. Put down that contract you’re combing through at your boring desk job. Drop that kid. Pull that car over on the side of the road (seriously, don’t read LTT while driving) and Watch This Now:

We know. We cried too! Feed the wolves? Don’t cry for me Jacob Black? Who is that rediculously brilliant & funny? Is this a sign we should retire from LTT & give our Belgian friends the reigns!?

Hear from Alice & Bella themselves after the jump! Continue…

93 Commented

Questions for Stephenie – Vampire Sex

I'm sure glad we soundproofed this place... didn't we?

Dear Stephenie,

So last week when we broke down the new stills from Breaking Dawn Pt 1 (yea, that’s a really long name) we got to thinking seriously about some stuff and really there’s no one else who can answer this better than you can… So to refresh your memory here is the extended conversation that led to our questions…

Moon: DUDE can you imagine living in that house??? this brings up a LOT of questions!!
UC: NO… SO many questions
is it time for another round of “Dear Stephenie: we have a couple questions”
Moon: i mean they have vampiric hearing… so did they soundproof each room? or are they that old they just don’t care. like when your grandpa farts and could care less cause he’s 90

Sure, call us prudes, but do you really want your FAMILY hearing every little noise you make in the throes of passion? Or even working out? “What’s that I hear Jasper?” “Oh, it’s just Rosalie on the treadmill…” or IS IT? So did they soundproof the rooms, are they are on opposite sides of the house? Why don’t they all have their own little cottages like Edward and Bella get?

Shhh, no one will ever hear this

Can you imagine the real estate listing if they ever decided to sell that place? “This beautiful 5 bedroom 4 bath comes complete with it’s own cottage on the acreage, modern architecture, brand new gourmet kitchen (perfect for cooking Italiano), 10 car garage and oddly enough each room is completely soundproofed! It’s the darndest thing!”

This also begs the question WHY in the world did Bella want to be human for this? I mean besides the obvious “being human” and whatever wouldn’t she be HELLA scared of what he could do? And then if that’s the case she should definitely want to be a vampire for that… cause um ya know!

Kinda makes me want to be a vampire… so tell us, in your mind did you even go here Stephenie, or are we just the creeps with too much time on our hands?

We want to know!

PS bed-breaking sex her first time… is that really safe? For her… ya know.

So tell us, what do YOU guys think? Would you be embarrassed or who cares? What burning questions do you have for SMeyer?

Images from, TwilightPoison

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84 Commented

Questions for Stephenie about Breaking Dawn

Warning: You’re gonna want to pick up Breaking Dawn again after this next letter

Dear Stephenie and LTT readers,

Today’s letter is going to be one in which I let you in on a poorly-kept secret around the “Plane” household. I have read the Twilight saga WAY too many times. No such thing, you might think, right? Well, wait until you see all the questions I have for Stephenie in the unlikely event that I’m ever lucky enough to meet her. I keep hoping to somehow wrangle that meeting somehow, someday…but I somehow doubt it’ll happen…so I’ll drive all of you crazy with my questions instead:

Questions I Had After Reading the Initial Saga (Approximately 5,000 Times):

What do you MEAN there are wolves?

How, at the end of Breaking Dawn, do Aro and the rest of the Volturi not know about the Quileute werewolves until they see them at the conflict? At the end of New Moon, Alice touched hands with Aro and he read all her thoughts. Bella had told Alice about Jacob, their friendship, and his genetic inheritance. So wouldn’t Aro already know about them when the Volturi head into clearing to face off with the Cullens ?

I loved Jacob’s narration for part 2 of BD. And I was glad to get back to Bella’s so I could experience her conversion. However, why wasn’t there a part 4 of BD? When the Volturi threat came, I think you should have switched perspectives again and written that whole episode from Edward’s point of view. Because, you know, we all love him and want to be in his head. Plus, knowing what everyone was thinking (and not just Bella) during that last battle would have been great. Also, I would have loved to see through his eyes his transformation from eternal pessimist to optimist. But would that have ruined possible future plot lines?

How can Jacob, Sam, Quil, and Embry not ask their parents about Embry’s heritage? Seriously, if I thought my father had cheated on my mother, I’d have to ask…even if I didn’t want to know.

Yeah! What about ME? We could get married on a FRIDAY

Would one of the Quileute werewolves have imprinted on Rebecca Black if she’d been around? If so, who? And if she were to show up, already married, and imprinting happened, how would that play out?

If Jasper is basically a part of the Cullen family because of Alice, and the “vegetarian” lifestyle wasn’t really his first choice, what would he choose if the Cullens weren’t around and he and Alice weren’t with them? Would the emotional climate of the humans he killed be enough to finally turn him or would he be happy enough once he had Alice that it wouldn’t matter?

Edward doesn't want ME?

Was Tanya a bit like Rosalie in that she wanted Edward simply because he didn’t want her? Or were her feelings for him potentially serious? Would she have fallen for him if he’d returned her affection? I mean, this is Edward.

What is Jane’s deal with Aro? If it weren’t for Chelsea, would she stay with the Volturi? Is it just Chelsea that binds her to Aro? She seems to be so infatuated with Aro that she worships him (in a rather sick way) and that makes me wonder whether it’s all Chelsea or not… but she’d be a rather terrifying loose cannon, so I think she’s better off with Aro.

If Renesmee has the mental abilities of someone much older than either her actual age or her physical-looking age, what does she make of the strange imprinting thing? Is she developed enough to think it’s creepy that this 16-year-old guy is head-over-heels for a baby?

I LOVE Leah, and really, really want to read book half-narrated by her…and hope that in it, she and Nessie become friends, she finds love, and stays sarcastic. Promise one thing, though, please? Please don’t make Leah imprint on Jake and Nessie’s super-human, one quarter human, one quarter vamp, and half werewolf son, ok? And for that matter, promise she won’t imprint on Sam and Emily’s son either. Please? Because that would be too contrived…and just plain icky.

Are you reeling from the amount of minutiae my head is capable of dredging up? Shocked anyone would spend this much time obsessing over details of a fantasy world? Annoyed that you now have MORE nagging questions? I think it’s only fair that you now riddle me (well, us) with yours. What do you want to know?

And Stephenie, you know you want to guest-post and answer all these questions, don’t you? Please!
The Plane Friend

Um, didn’t you forget the most important question of ALL, Plane Friend? HOW did all of this get by Charlie, the police officer, with NO QUESTIONS ASKED? I get it- Jake shifted (wait.. is that what we call it in Twi?) in front of him & it creeped him out so he decided to let it slide, but WHAT? COME ON!? It’ll be interesting to see if that’s believable on screen!!!

What questions do YOU have about Breaking Dawn?

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82 Commented

Breaking Down the Breaking Dawn Trailer

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Well THIS came out last night. And before the official reveal it leaked & Moon & I got a chance to break it down, vanity fair style:

Outside of the US- this worked last I checked: Trailer on You Tube

Beller Getting Married

UC: okay wanna start talking where the commercial for Louboutins starts?
so that first scene – Aro is getting the news that a baby was made- NOT an invite, right??
Moon: they’re not stupid they want a big gift- those volturi have lots of money. you KNOW they sent along a “registered at bed bath and beyond card” in their invite
UC: and also “babies R Us” “just in case”
or do you think Bella really wanted Aro to give her away” “Who gives this woman to be wed to this man” Aro: “Her mother & I give BELLER away”
Moon: BELLER is getting married
UC: BELLER getting married!
Moon: BELLER is engaged!
Moon: So excited for beller
UC: haha

All by Myself

He's gonna need another beer for this news

Moon: dude poor ol charlie
UC: Seriously- Alone AGAIN… Singing “All BY MYSELF!”
oon: love the vitamin r next to him. its like you might wanna sit down for this one. AND you’re gonna need some alchy
UC: I mean- he’ll be a gramps soon- and in the dark as to why his granddaughter grows a weeks worth every few hours,

I'm gonna be a grandma!! I need to find shorter shorts!

Moon: Charlie is missing harry. harry would have seen right through these shenanigans
UC: Then we get Renee- looking her trashy florida self in her jorts. too short for a woman her age… about to become a grandma
Moon: i think renee and cathi hardi were pals in another life. they had bunco nights and girls night at fridays- this scene was actually shot at cathi’s venice beach house

Don’t you DARE use paper that hasn’t been recycled

Moon: so do we think jake is mad they used card stock instead of vellum for the invite? or that they didn’t opt for the recycled ones?

how COULD they kill a tree for their wedding?

UC: yep- SO mad…. it deserved a shirt rip off
Moon: totally. “I’m SO mad they didn’t use the english “honour” instead of “honor” that i must rip this shirt off and go instruct them on proper spelling for invites” Also can i just say the invite is a little plain
UC: right..where was Alice? was there a sale at Barneys the day these were ordered?
Moon: this is alice we’re talking. I’m expecting something at least on the level of the bridal shower invite in Bridesmaids
UC: Target’s card section has better invite templates
Moon: i want to see a butterfly released when i open the Beller and edward wedding invite AT LEAST
UC: AT LEAST- wolf-shaped confetti- just to stick it to him a little (Edward’s idea)
Moon: i could have printed something better from from the microsoft publishing templates section. “You are cordially invited….” to spend your own money seeing this movie 58 times. Love, Summit Entertainment
UC: SO nice of them
Moon: you are cordially invited to… sleep outside for a week on a sidewalk in los angeles to catch a glimpse of mike welches hair at the premioere of this movie

UC: and i love how Billy is about to roll out of control- in the rain, off the ramp… face dive into the mud
Moon: I’m just glad billy is getting some air time, butI wish they gave him a guitar before he inevitably eats it in the mud
UC: maybe he’ll sing at the wedding. one can hope or at least at Charlie & Sue Clearwater’s wedding
Moon: the sabers and cougars can only hope
UC: which I hope is the premise of the inevitable SIXTH twilight movie a year or so after the last one comes out. No one else will have to be in it- they’ll all be out of contract
Moon: summit BETTER give us the love story of sue and charlie
UC: so they’ll have to bring Solomon Trimble back…
Moon: directed of course by Cathi with a screenplay written based on her sue and charlie fanfic
UC: yeah and she’ll cameo as a friend of Sue’s
Moon: “love ain’t nothing but a number or age or whaterer”

Cedric Diggory Getting Married

Try to pretend this doesn't look just like Cedric

Moon: omg Cedric diggory is gettting married
UC: i love it…… CEDRIC DIGGORY getting married TOTALLY
Moon: can we love on Wyck and steph on the brides side of the wedding???!!!
i guess they’re more family of beller than cederic diggory. maybe jk rolling’s on cedric’s side
UC: well, Steph IS the original beller
Moon: seth’s behind wyck and steph. tells him where he stands! who’s the dude on cedric’s side in the blue hoodie? Didn’t get the memo about this being a wedding??
Moon: do you think mr Molina (mr. banner) was invited? i mean he should be credited with setting them up. he made them lab partners.
UC: I hope so
Moon: maybe he gets to make a toast….
UC: He SAW the ‘jizz in my pants” face in person
Moon: something about going from the golden onion to a golden wedding band
UC: that would be beautiful. Here’s hoping
Moon: after the jizz in the pants face he KNEW it was something special
UC: it wasn’t your typical ‘jizz in your pants” face that his 16 year old students normally make!

Eat your heart out boys

UC: so Beller looks HOT- I mean beautiful or whatever a bride should be. I think they might have fake lashes on her- very pretty look for a blushing virgin bride
Moon: oh dude do they not show the dress???!!!
UC: ohh they don’t!
Moon: gotta wait for the big reveal in the theaters???
UC: yes- they should…. i mean.. unless we’re gonna laugh or .. maybe ESPECIALLY if we’re gonna laugh. We need something to laugh at .. always!
Moon: i really hope it’s old timey and NO spoilers people who saw the leaked pics!
Moon: also who’s the pastor?
UC: i dunno! have they been going to church all this time?
Moon: i thought emmett would get ordained online by the universal church and marry them. FAIL
UC: that would have been so special. missed opportunity
Moon: tell a bad sex joke before the vows

Moon: I love that in the Rio scene Beller and edward and standing still while everyone is dancing in the street
cause we KNOW rob and kstew have zero rhythm
Moon: and robsteners PLEASE don’t comment about their rhythm in the bedroom. GROSS
UC: duh #robstendreams
Moon: oh dang theres a shot of them getting it on by a waterfall
Moon: omg I’m totally not ashamed to say i went back to the headboard part & re-watched it. i mean come on
UC: it’s so hard core.. i mean… the sound- was kinda like when the curtain tore.. in the temple.. that might be sacrilegious to say.. but it kinda had a religious look to it… on my first look:

Try to tell me this wasn't in the Bible

Moon: it definitely did. the shit hits the fan. LITERALLY- like this headboard is hitting the fan and the curtains
UC: his back- the muscles.. i felt like… it was Biblical… Samson or something is that weird?
Moon: no
UC: kinda weird…. but.. no seriously–
Moon: bella is defs a Delilah
UC: we’re getting all spiritual up in here. Okay i just watched the Biblical Samson scene again.. .kinda dramatic..
Moon: yea I’m pretty sure thats thunder
UC: i mean.. yes… it’s important… it’s 2nd best to the leg hitch (i’m all about the simple things) but that was a LITTLE over the top
Moon: and the folks at planned parenthood are crying the exact millisecond rensemee was conceived
UC: a bolt of lightening hit at the exact moment the sperm hit the egg
The Sun was hidden by the moon- There was an eclipse. And a thunder strike…and the folks at MTV excited- Bella can be the newest hero on Teen Mom
Moon: exactly. edward and bella season 3 of teen mom only without the trailer park and and kid with pink rubber glasses
UC: hopefully Renesmee doesn’t have those. time will tell.
UC: Back it up a bit- to FURTHER solidify my point above about the spirituality- they show that famous Rio statue….foreshadowing something- i dunno what…. but definitely comes full circle with the thunder bolt- breaking of the headboard- samson & Delilah religious scene
Moon: i just want to hear bill condons directing rob on tearing apart the headboard while the choir sings
UC: yes- The 100 Monkeys were on set that day providing the soundtrack to the love making and headboard breaking
Moon: it was actually jackson singing on set. he made up an impromptu song about losing your vcard to a vampire
UC: they made it a rap “break that board- break it good” inspired by a poem sent to him by a 100 monkeys fan the week before
Moon: everyone got really pissed after they had to listen to it 10 times in a row. the Brasilian crew revolted- even in a diff language 100 monkeys is horrible

I'm so fat

Moon: Do we even care that charlie bewley throws that girl across the room for no reason?
UC: NO! Let’s just go to the preggers part
Moon: I love that she touches her NON EXISTENT stomach
UC: yep… PuH LEESE. like.. at least eat a 1/2 bag of cheetos so we can SORTA believe it
Moon: thats more the buritto you ate in rio last night than it is a baby. Or she didn’t do enough street dancing at the fake carnivale to work it off
UC: right…. gotta get on top next time so you actually have to do something- that’ll disappear in no time
Moon: and edward looks like OH SHIT that cant be mine right???!! when did she have a quickie with newton in the stock room??!!
UC: he’s like “oh… i did read in “how to make love to a virginal human” that the sound of thunder would roar if my seed would implant… but I didn’t think that applied to me”
Moon: I mean if they don’t know for sure… if theres even a shadow of a doubt that they can conceive shouldn’t Carlilse be telling everyone to wrap that shit up?!! I mean COME ON!!!!!! it still baffles me
UC: RIGHT I mean… of all the things to baffle us… that probably doesn’t have to be #1 on the list .
Moon: its a mortal no-no for us to have a vampire baby but hey let’s see what happens
UC: like…. really renee? You just let your 18 year old daughter her married? that SHOULD worry us more…
Moon: They should roll a PSA after this about “safe sex”
UC: that would be awesome
Moon: and the mtv should have a commercial for a special season of teen mom since that’s basically how the trailer ends- Fade to Black- aka FADE TO NEW SEASON OF TEEN MOM starring Edward Cullen & Bella Swan.

And there you have it! We saw the trailer, We loved it, we fangirled & got excited for November 18th which STILL feels so far away!

What did you think!?


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237 Commented

Getting excited about Breaking Dawn Part 1

Dear Breaking Dawn Part 1,

I don’t know about you but the news err non-news-stalker-pics-wigger-kids coming out of Vancouver this week got me REALLY excited for Breaking Dawn. If only we didn’t have to wait until November to see the finished project. But oh well. We’ll take what we can get.

We got this letter a week or so ago from SJ discussing what she was looking forward to in BD Part 1 & it got me even MORE excited about the movie!

I’m Excited

  1. Rob’s career make or break scene: can he pull off being the most seductive vampire ever whilst wearing water shoes?
  2. Taylor’s voodoo power: forget kung-fu, is his voodoo strong enough to convince the world a teenage shapeshifter imprinting on a newborn baby is not creepy (may also be seen as career make or break time).
  3. The pale ‘strange one’ and the chick who hates dancing and parties unobtrusively getting down with the locals at carnival time then prancing up the beach between the pumpkin lanterns.
  4. Kristen enduring parading Summit Wardrobe Department‘s idea of Stephenie Meyer’s idea of Alice’s idea of stylin’. And will they reuse blue art smock for a maternity top?
  5. Jennifer Love Hewitt wetting her pants on the red carpet. But that’s just me being petty and mean (Taylor hatin’ beetch!)
  6. You should really use a condom

    Will there be a condom/Condon reference somewhere in wedding or Isle of Esme, or just ANYWHERE? I am praying for an outtake of Bill popping up in the ocean next to Rob & Kristen saying ‘I really do think I’m needed in this scene, move over Kristen’. And then me yelling ‘for the love of god move over Kristen!’

  7. Charlie’s ‘stache. Jasper’s hair. Carlisle’s accent. Esme achieving full camouflage with the backdrop in every scene she appears in.
  8. Merchandise – Isle of Esme jigsaw, maracas, water shoes? Team Edward/Jacob wedding garter. Isle of Esme sarongs. Pregnancy test kits.
  9. Edward attempting to pimp out Jacob to Bella so she can have a ‘normal’ pregnancy (although maybe not normal by LTT standards). Or is it Bella being pimped out to Jacob? I’m not really up to speed on the Pimp’s code of conduct but it does seem that it would be a win situation for all of them. Anyway, cannot wait to see how Rob delivers those lines. It may just be the first time I feel sorry for him.

All this and it’s only February! Are we halfway there yet?

xxx Sj.

Hey Rob.. in Isle Esme ... you should do that move I taught you on my bed back in 2008...

I know, SJ. I know! It’s SO far away, yet hopefully the time will FLY! Because I have to add the following things I am so excited about for BD Part 1:

  1. Watching a Catherine Hardwicke interview where she discusses how the Isle Esme sex scene(s) were “just as passionate as the moment Robsten was created my unmade bed in Venice Beach.”
  2. A NEW SOUNDTRACK to listen to (nothing funny here- you know we’re serious around here about music!
  3. Watching Bella tell her high school friends she’s getting married. And then making the brilliant awkward lines that Yorkie & Mike are sure to say after they hear the news our new mantras.
  4. Seeing if Taylor breaks into giggles anytime sex is mentioned, suggested or insinuated

Oh November… can’t you be HERE already!!


What (Serious or non-serious!) things are you excited for for Breaking Dawn Part 1!?

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187 Commented

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