What we were actually thinking during our Stephenie Meyer Interview

Dear LTTers,

You’ve learned that Stephenie actually reads LTT; you’ve seen our EPIC picture of the LEGHITCH with the creator of the LEGHITCH; you’ve heard about Midnight Sun- the book we hope she loses the manuscript for so no one has to read that piece of crap; you’ve heard us hint that there’s much more to share. We thought we were already pretty generous, but apparently sharing 3 pieces of our 4 hour conversation wasn’t enough for you all. Sheesh. So demanding.

Anyway, this week we had a chance to listen to some of the audio we took *sniff* 4 weeks ago today, and let me tell you: Re-listening to this stuff was pretty awesome. While it was only 4 weeks ago, so much has happened in both of our lives that it seems like it was FOREVER ago. So getting to hear Stephenie’s voice again nice & loud and clear (because Moon had the microphone all up in her personal space- she was basically sitting on her lap she was so close to her) was a great reminder of the amazing experience & how blessed we still feel for getting picked to be a part of the day!

Aww! The whole gang

Sappiness over. Let’s get real. Here’s what was really going through our heads during the interview:

Leg hitch, Hunt, Imprint

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UC: I’m offended
Moon: ME too
UC: WHY does Stephenie immediately think we’d ask something that might make her blush? As if!

Moon: Which one is Fred again?
UC: He’s not Xavier! I know that…! Is he “The red head?”
Moon: No.. that’s Edward…Ohhh he’s the one who smells
UC: hahahaha (I totally read his “gift” as a smell thing- sorry Steph)

Vampires aren’t Stephenie’s “thing”

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UC: Did Stephenie imply she and Michael Sheen were talking about how Stephen King is lovely?
Moon: Yeah I think so…. Do you think she knows?
UC: About the awful things he said about her!? Of course she knows. My grandma even knows! She cut out a newspaper clipping and mailed it to me when she read about that!
Moon: And yet.. she still called him lovely…
UC: Stephenie Meyer 1, Stephen King, 0

Oh heeeyyyyy Stephenie likes Xavier too

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UC: So it’s official.. Cathy Hardi never got Stephenie high by telling her it was an herbal sleep aid?
Moon: I was so sure it happened at least once
UC: We’re still convinced though that Stephenie had a few sips of the Ultimate Cougarita (the drink named after Cathy at TGIFridays, in case you’ve forgotten) because Cathy told her it was a special virgin cocktail made especially for her?
Moon: Oh for SURE that happened. Cathy wasn’t going to try to sneak into Rob’s room without a partner!

More tidbits and maybe a picture or two, after the jump! Continue…

94 Commented


Team Jacob, almost

Things we have in common: Pale, Brown hair & eyes, F*cking Rob Pattinson- oh wait.. nm...

Dear Bella,

I first read about you long before I had a friend to talk about you with, an actress to put a face to your name or a vision of you as a sub or slutty secretary. And I liked you. I related to you- minus the hot vampire boyfriend part. It was to my surprise when I finally got a friend to read about you, that she wasn’t impressed. Not necessarily with the saga- she liked it enough, but she thought you were…. ANNOYING! And WINEY! And unfair to Edward & Jacob. Okay, I can agree with the last part, especially in Eclipse, but I never really had much to complain about you prior to that.

Turns out, a LOT of people really think you went too far with Jacob in Eclipse. Of course those are the people who are 100% Team Edward. There are also those who think you didn’t go far ENOUGH with Jacob. Those people are crazy and we all agree should be locked up (except for Stephenie Meyer, who we’re 97.6% convinced IS Team Jacob. We need her to stay around to never ever finish Midnight Sun or write about Jashley)  I, on the other hand, am also 100% Team Edward, and sure I wasn’t happy about the way you strung Jake along, but on the mountain, after the tent scene, when you beg Jake not to leave and then ask him to KISS you- I’ll admit, I was cheering you on in my head. Of course IMMEDIATELY afterward I felt regret, disgust & guilt, but in the moment I was there with you- urging you on, hoping you slipped a little tongue in, grabbed a hold of his hair and pushed yourself up against him a little harder. I know, I’m a little ashamed of myself.

well.. almost...

So it shouldn’t surprise you that on Tuesday evening when I got to see you and Jacob in PERSON on the big screen, my reaction mirrored the one I had in the book. As the moment drew near, I felt the build in my stomach, the shortening of my breath, the beginnings of a cold sweat running down my back. When you demanded Jacob not leave, a smile crept onto my face. It was at that moment when I was distracted by a movement to my left. Moon, in the seat next to me, COVERED her face with her hand. She spread her fingers slightly so she could view the screen, but her stance was one of fear. We must’ve looked ridiculous with my giddy smile and slight bounce in the seat & Moon’s fear of what we both knew was coming. And then it happened. You asked Jacob to kiss you. And he did. Sloppily, too fast, heads moved too much and I’m not sure I saw the french kiss of my imagination, but it happened. And I yelled with joy along with Team Jacob. And when it was over, I felt the utter shame & humiliation.

I think I understand you. I think I understand your plight. You love them both. I love you with them both. I’d love myself with them both even more, especially if it were at the same time, but that’s for someone to write about and send to me secretly so I can keep it stashed in my secret fan fiction drawer next to my bed. Jacob is perfect for you. Jacob understands you. Jacob would be amazing for your future. But Edward is your soulmate. You and Edward are made for each other. You and Edward fit. (Plus imprinting on a child is weird enough. Let’s not add in Jacob imprinting on a child he MADE with YOU!)

DO IT DO IT! (Even though Bella looks like a wolf here....)

So when Jacob sauntered over to you and brought your face close to his and lowered his lips down on yours, I was chanting “Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!” along with the 12 Team Jacob members in the theater. I knew the consequences of the choice I was making (name that quote) but I yelled it anyway. Well, quietly. Cuz I think Moon had a knife in her purse she would have used on me had I vocalized what was in my head.

So you should know you’re not alone. There are those who feel you chose wrong & should have gone with Jacob, but they are crazy people who sleep with wolf stuffed animals. Then there are those who whole-heartedly knew Edward was the best for you from the beginning, and there is a special place in heaven for them with personal mansions filled with rooms specifically for pillow biting, headboard breaking & egg cooking in the nude. And then there are those like me- who hugged a stuffed animal wolf for like 3 seconds once and had a good time doing it, but then threw it in a blender, turned in into cotton & made some sexy lingerie from it which was promptly removed before breaking headboards, biting pillows & showing Jacob how it’s done with Edward, the only one for you!

So you & I considered the other guy for like a half a second, but we chose right! I got your back, Bella!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So… were you like Team Moon covering your face in horror of what was to come? Or are you joining Team UC where you got excited for a split second for the kiss with the boy that almost was the one?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

181 Commented


Oh heyyyy: We just saw Eclipse!

Sorry all- Eclipse is out- All spoilers ahead!!!

Dear Eclipse,

Oh heyyyy!!!

Where do we start? Do we discuss the hits versus the misses of the movie? Do we talk about all the cheesy one-liners we already know we’re going to be saying for the next year and ½ until we get some new content? Do we talk about how the only thing going through our heads every time HE came on screen was “Oh heyyyyy”

How about we talk about how we want to set up a stool, pull David Slade up on it and give him a huge hug.

Let’s talk about how we love Howard Shore for including the Sia & Metric songs throughout his score.

Let’s be proud we can show our non Twi friends this movie because it actually seems like a “real” movie.

(Let’s squee for a second over the new Harry Potter trailer and also get a little freaked out about how much they gave away!)

Let’s discuss how we got the MOTHER EFFING LEG HITCH!!!

Let’s apologize to Edward for liking the Jacob & Bella kiss a litttttle bit too much

Let’s get Jake some blotting tissues for that last scene when he looks like he’s dying of yellow fever.

For that "fresh off the Jersey Shore" look

Let’s put a call into L.A. Looks, and after thanking them for sponsoring Twilight with their donations of tubs of hair gel, ask them to move some of the allotted product for Taylor & pass it on to Rob to fix his floppy bangs.

Let’s close our eyes and picture OURSELVES as Bella in a world where the guy on the bed is so hot that the gold brocade bedding he’s laying on doesn’t even matter.

Let’s be grateful that most of the Bella/Edward getting-it-on scenes didn’t make us feel like we were watching Robsten preparing for an evening of licking cheese-whiz off each other

Let’s talk about when we can burn down the jewelry store that created Bella’s engagement ring.

Let’s “lay” with Charlie in the Biblical sense because I’m pretty sure he hasn’t gotten any since Renee left.

Let’s call up our local zoo & find out when “pet a wild wolf day” is- because those pups are CUTE! (Or we could just head back down Sunset Blvd where Moon, Mr. Choice & I saw a REAL LIFE WOLF crossing the street last night! It’s a sign. Rob loves me, obviously!)

Let’s get excited for illegal clips to surface online so we can watch Edward get all turned on and imagine we’re Bella but with good hair & a 2 karat solitary diamond ring. HELLO!

Let’s take a second and pout that no one yelled “FREE FRED,” and in fact, no chubby red-headed vampire was spotted at all.

Let’s be momentarily bummed that we didn’t get to see the scene where Alice & Jasper meet in Philadelphia but then swoon over the scene where they share a quick kiss during battle practice.

And let’s be grateful we just realized it’s 7:30 am on the east coast and you’ll all be expected a new letter live in 1/2 hour!

Oh heyyyyy:


UnintendedChoice

What did YOU THINK!????? Gah- we have so much to say. We recorded our convo with @paleochicksdigs & Mr. Choice on our ride home. I can’t wait to see it again because it all went so fast!!!! Sorry if you haven’t seen it yet- today is a day of mucho mucho spoilers!!!!

Source for pics of man who makes us say “Oh heyyyy”

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

296 Commented


Managing my Eclipse Expectations

Dear Eclipse,

Today I looked over at my custom-made Rob Pattinson calendar (this picture with the days of the month scribbled on it) and nearly had a heart-attack. YOU ARE RELEASED IN THE THEATERS A WEEK FROM TODAY!? What!? When did that happen? Last thing I remember you were still being filmed & our #LegHitch 2010 trip was 13 months away and @JanetRigs already had a color-coded spreadsheet & her hotel booked and restaurant reservations for the night of your release. Seven days from this very moment I will have seen you!? I need to slow down a second and manage my expectations because right now they are out of control.

We know a ton of people who have already seen the movie. We have heard specific details about what we’ve dubbed the “Leg-Hitch” scene While I know more details than I’d like I still haven’t had 100% confirmation that Edward’s ‘hand curved around my elbow, moving slowly down my arm, across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my hip and down my leg, around my knee. He paused there, his hand curling around my calf. He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip.’ But he better. That’s all I’m saying. Or else, David Slade. OR ELSE. Plus Stephenie talked Eclipse details when we interviewed her last week (Sorry- not allowed to repeat them until AFTER the movie is released) and while she’d occasionally say “SPOILER” and nod for us & the gals from TwilightSeriesTheories to cover our ears, I was still thinking about how the words “jorts” came out of her mouth when we first met and forgot where my ears were. So needless to say, I’ve heard a LOT about this movie. And most everything I’ve heard has been good. Like “This is the best movie out of the three BY FAR” good and “There are no cheesy lines” good. But let’s start with that because after being a Twi-lover for so long, my expectations have changed and:

There better be cheesy lines

You remember how much I wanted Chris Weitz to incorporate a character like Buttcrack Santa in New Moon? I even created Tequila Tomas for him. It would have been so simple- plus Forks could use that diversity- all that green grass & gardens but no experienced gardener? Tragedy. But whatever, Chris… you didn’t listen to me. And New Moon was lacking that random character that made us (and Stephenie) really confused. However, what New Moon wasn’t lacking was cheesy lines. I’d even say that the lines we came away with from New Moon stuck more than in Twilight. I mean, “They’re NOT Bears” “FACEPUNCH” and “Let’s DO This!?” How many times a day do YOU say them? I say them at least 12 times, plus @Brookelockart still consistantly texts me an audio clip of “They’re Not Bears” randomly late at night.

Let’s Do This:

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I have HIGH expectations of what Eclipse might bring. I’m envisioning Edward whispering “Leg Hitch Me” to Bella in school the first day back after he almost gives in on the bed. And then Bella faints in the middle of Geometry class, which is a shame because she was about to win the golden triangle for being the biggest math nerd!

Then wouldn’t it be awesome if, as Bree runs to the clearing from the forest she’s screaming FREE FRED at the top of her lungs!? Who cares that it doesn’t make any sense. Since when do Twilight jokes make sense? Anyone remember Buttcrack Santa’s “little bottles?” Right..

And I feel like New Moon played ‘just the tip’ with Quil Clout Lay. IT was only said ONCE? What is Jacob? A pansy? Tell that girl you love her ALL.THE.TIME, dude. How do you think Edward got her? By riding dirt bikes & wearing jorts? NO. I’d like the tent scene to be full of moments where the camera pans to Jacob, brushing a strand of wig-covered mullet hair from Bella’s forehead, whispering “Quil Clout Lay. No seriously, I really “Quil Clout Lay” you”

Man, I’m good. I should really make movies

What's that, Aunt Susie? A thing-a-ma-bob from the future?

I’d like Bella to get a cell phone

And I don’t mean a Native American boy, in wolf form, trailing her around all day long. I mean like something nice- maybe a Nokia, or a Motorola100. Hey, I’d even be happy if for one day they let Kristen borrow Rob’s Jitterbug phone for a scene, just so they can prove that the Twilight saga is, in fact, set in present day and not the early 90s like one would think by the extraordinary amount of flannel worn by the characters.

A wolf needs to utter the term “jorts”

And if that doesn’t happen then I want my money back. Or I at least want to be reimbursed for the cost of the puffy paint I used to write “THESE ARE COMMEMORATIVE JORTS TO CELEBRATE THE TERM BEING USED IN ECLIPSE” and perhaps something extra for my husband who was pretty pissed when I cut up his fav pair of jeans..

I’d really like someone to “BING” something

Click that

Remember how, in the book, Edward leaves Bella to talk to Jasper & see if it’s safe for him to stay out of the fight? Maybe he can’t find Jasper, so, being the 109 year old he is, he turns on his trusty Compaq and loads up BING.com and BINGS “Can vampires and werewolves win a fight against Newborns if I sit out and instead cock-block my girlfriend and all of those watching my story?” I really want this to happen so that I make fun of Summit for being the type of company that would so obtrusively throw BING into one of their movies. Burger King crowns, check, BING, check check, Bubble wrap from UPS, triple check (Hey you KNOW it could happen!)

GAH there is so much I want: The Leg Hitch; the leg hitch to turn into full on getting it on; for there to be no 12 year olds in my theater so I can enjoy the getting it on; For my belly to have room for a whole bucket of popcorn at 12 am; for the tent scene to be as tension-filled, awkward and AMAZING as it was in the book and therefore is in my head.. I haven’t been managing my expectations, guys. Stephenie said so herself the tent scene turned out BEAUTIFULLY and she’s so happy with it. What if she just said that because she’s Stephenie & she has to? What if Taylor’s voice cracks & he sounds like he’s 14 and Kristen’s wig was so bad that day they just take it off & rock the scene with the full-blown mullet or Rob’s white make-up gets all smudgy? If there’s anything I’ve learned while loving this saga is that we must have realistic expectations.

When discussing this topic for New Moon, I had some pretty brilliant things to say. I’m going to say those things again- this time relating them to Eclipse:

Let’s not go into Eclipse on opening night thinking it’s going to be like Schindler’s List. If we accept that it will more likely mirror Bring it On Again, it might be easier to love if it’s a major dud. Accept it NOW. They will NOT cover EVERY detail in the book. They have 200 minutes to bring a 25 chapter book to life. Plus they have to backtrack and include some details that Twilight & New Moon left out (like why in the world t he wolves are always shirtless. THAT’S WHERE THEY CAN SAY JORTS!) They will leave out details you feel are important and they will add details IN that you think are stupid. ACCEPT it now!

There will be things that will be cheesy. It’s Newborn Vampires, CGI and WOLVES- Big, non-existent computerized wolves. And They’re NOT Bears, so they will not look real. Cuz wolves like that don’t really exist. Accept IT now! Rob will occasionally sound British. He can’t help it. He’s British. Accept it! Kristen will stutter & blink. She learned that in when she was 13 and in Panic Room when the director yelled “Look scared” and she said “How?” and he responded “Stutter & blink!” Colors will be different. The order of events will be different. Characters will be different. Characters will be ADDED. ACCEPT it NOW! You WILL be cock-blocked like in the book. Edward and Bella don’t get it on. Rob won’t be getting naked. There fight scenes to “bring in a male audience” will be more graphic than in the book. Someone will come in costume with an Edward Manilow attached to their hip (like it’s the “Leg Hitch”), and little girls will be in the theater with their “Team Jacob” t-shirts and you will judge their mothers for allowing them to come despite their age. ACCEPT IT NOW.

Once YOU accept this and once I accept this, we will all be able to enjoy Eclipse- whether cheesy, wonderful, funny, REALLY good or completely horrible. So, LET’S DO THIS together!

Quil Clout Lay,
UnintendedChoice

So where are you? High expectations? Reasonable? What do YOU except to see from Eclipse?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

209 Commented


Breaking down my Twilight memories

Dear Twilight,

Wow… you have really changed my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting this week since it’s our anniversary week, and I’ve been thinking back to a year ago at the start of it all. Moon & I are extremely bummed that we can’t locate that very first chat we had on 12/8/08 when we decided to start the blogs, but in my searching for that first conversation, I’ve come across a gem. Way back on 11/25/2008, Moon was going through her first read of the Twilight saga, and I was SO excited to finally have a friend to discuss the series with! I laughed re-reading this conversation, realizing how far we’ve come, how much we’ve changed and yet, how little has really changed! I’m gonna stop talking about it and instead, I’m gonna break down one of the first conversations Moon & I ever had about Twilight… vanity fair style!

My “Break down” is italicized between the lines of conversation and it’s green. Green is (what?) GOOD

Someday will cover our faces with that ribbon...

Losing Moon’s virginity

UC: oh miss Moon HI! did you read my blog yet? My review on Twilight the movie? because I forgot you didn’t finish book 3… *spoiler alert*
Book 3? Really UC? No one calls it that. It’s Eclipse
Moon: Thats where I just clicked on! About to read it!
UC: NOOO Stop! Until you finish the series…. I don’t want to give it away!!!
Moon: But I’m halfway through Eclipse? Don’t read it?
UC: Don’t- just because I give away my favorite part!! A part you’ll love
It involves the guy who runs around in jorts warming up the heart-breaker in a tent while the cold one looks on!
Moon: Oh man! I can’t wait. I didn’t read any last nite because I wanted to save it for the plane tonight!!
What? Moon? Is that you? The one who has been tempted to read my blog posts before they post in the morning and has been known to sneak in fanfic at opportune times- like during work or while at church? You WAITED for Eclipse!?
UC: oh yay! Good Idea
You sound 12, UC, saying “Yay” like that. Plus that’s not a good idea
UC: I forgot how good Eclipse was! I think I might read the last 1/2 again before I start Breaking Dawn :) I’m such a loser/really awesome
The phrase you’re looking for is “That’s Normal”
Moon: TOTALLY awesome.
Welcome to the 80s
Moon: yea I’m LOVING Eclipse- might be favorite
It stays your favorite
Moon: Then I’ll probably get Breaking Dawn this week sometime
You’ll try, but every store will be out of it. So you’ll look hopelessly for a week

The one where we prophecize

UC: How long will you be at home with your parents? Until Sunday?
Moon: Monday I come back- decided to make a vacay out of it
UC: nice!!
Moon: stalk stephenie meyer
UC: Oh yay! She lives there, I forgot!
Oh UC… next thing you’ll tell me you don’t know Rob Pattinson’s middle name.
Moon: It’s so sad but I’m so hoping for some odd reason I see her
That hope never dies
Moon: I’ve regressed to age 14 and I’m ok with it
That’s (still) Normal
UC: haha I would want to see her too! And I know what you mean I’m seriously going crazy. I’m only listening to the soundtrack and I keep repeating songs
You’ll do that for another 6 months. You’ll never play that Perry Ferrell song you thought you’d learn to like ever again
Moon: Dude the soundtrack is killing me
Dude- Just wait until New Moon’s soundtrack. You’ll wanna kill yourself
UC: So my review of the movie is VERY similar to yours (I didn’t read yours until after I wrote mine) Except.. I added my opinions of seeing it a 2nd time which was PERFECT because I loved it even more
Moon: yea I’m thinking I need to see it again away from little girls
UC: Yes. it was SO different
Moon: I think I’ll be able to focus on it and not wonder what’s next and stop worrying about the cheesy special FX and enjoy
You won’t stop worrying about the cheesy FX because they don’t stop being cheesy
UC: right- I def. wasn’t focused first time around. [My husband] Mr. Choice didn’t think it was cheesy at all (the diamonds)
The what? Diamonds? Do you mean the sparkles? Oh UC….
UC: he said if it was anything more, he thinks it would’ve been cheesy.
He’s wrong. It was cheesy
UC: I could’ve used some more sparkle myself. Spoiler alert for my review. He LOVED it
Moon: Every dude or person who didn’t read the books really liked it
Is every ‘dude or person” you know a family member of Catherine Hardwicke? [side note: this was during the phase when Moon called every guy a dude]
UC: I know!
Moon: so I think it’s just the diehards who are trying to reconcile the whole thing to whatever they imagined
UC: He said it’s a shame it’s the teen demographic because it’s not going to get the credit and attention it deserves for being a really kick-a movie
Hahahaha UC print that out and remind Mr. Choice DAILY that he once said that. He won’t believe you….
Moon: EXACTLY! So many people are like that’s a YA novel. I’m like SO WHAT?!
Preach it
Moon: If they got a different director and some kick ass CGI/FX this could contend with the summer blockbusters- it’s supernatural
Preeeacch it!
UC: and the actors were soo good!
Uh… who do you mean? Jessica and Mike? And sometimes Rob?
Moon: It could be put it in there with Batman and stuff
Uh, what? Continue…

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