Dares for Stephenie Meyer

I’m too busy, LTT

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

In keeping with our refusal to admit you’re too busy being a producer on the set of a hit film for the next 6 months to read LTT every day like you used to, we’d like to continue to pretend we have any influence over your life at all. Cool? Cool.

We just want you to pretend like we don’t know you once admitted to reading LTT and we’ll all act normal. We’ll just continue making you laugh, making fun of something you poured your heart into (that we love almost as much as you do) and we won’t try to influence you at all to get the Breaking Dawn we want. (PUT RAY-BANS ON ROB) It’s more important for you to stay focused on Isle Esme right now so that we all get the most perfect Honeymoon possible (MAKE THE SEX SCENE LIKE THE NOTEBOOK). And then once you’re back in Louisiana on set, focusing on how not to creep the audience out with a half-vampire baby chewing its way out of Kristen’s tummy (PUT EDWARD BACK IN THE CAFETERIA) There are no subliminal messages here. There’s nothing were trying to say in between the lines. We’re offering nothing more than encouragement from the LTT family. (MAKE THE WOLFPACK CALL THEM ‘JORTS’)

But just in case you are bored on set or looking for something to do with your assistant with the cool sweater, Meghan, we’ve come up with a list of activities to pass the time- or maybe we can call them dares. You MADE these actors’ careers- the least you can do is have a little fun with them!

We dare you one day to wear a knot in your tee-shirt for a full day of shooting. Never even look twice when Kristen glares at you for stealing her style. Around lunchtime, on the day he’s visiting the set, ask Big Daddy if the local Olive Garden offers take out & if he knows their number by heart.

We dare you to call Rob, Ron at least 3 times one day. And don’t even be afraid to use the LTT water bottle we gave you back in June. How about next week you work “Tweed serious” into a conversation with Bill Condon. And sigh & shake your head every time you see the girl playing Renesemee, while muttering “Not a newborn child. How hard is it to get a newborn around here?”

We dare you to bring out the Mormon Bible & try to convert Kellan. Or ask him to be accountability partners. Try to see if he wants to start a Wednesday AM Bible Study by the breakfast trailer. I’m sure there’s another gaffer on set who reads the Good Word. Or if you’re really feeling daring, tell Jackson you really dig the 100 Monkeys. Ask about their upcoming album. And try to keep a straight face. Or ask Jackson if he’s heard that catering is serving catfish on Thursday night for dinner.

We dare you to say to Ashley Greene, “You’re dating Joe Jonas, right? But he has a purity ring…*blank stare.* And one day when you’re around Taylor Lautner, we dare you to put on headphones and sing outlaid to “Back to December” by Taylor Swift off key & really loudly.

And on the day the wolfpack is due to shoot their first scene, show up wearing jorts & name one of the pups “The Situation.” Give no explanation. Just start calling him “Sitch” and ask him if he’s found out if any of the new girl hires are DTF.

And while you’re shooting Isle Esme, how about for one day, we dare you to refer to Rob & Kristen as one person: Robsten. For example: “What time is Robsten due to set?” or “Robsten- they’re ready for you!” or “Robsten, I really feel like you need a little more passion in this scene” and “Robsten, you should shake the bed more.”

And while you’re way too busy to be reading LTT patiently waiting for the next LTT to be posted, try not to laugh when you see the wolfpack run around in their shorts, think of a fish with whiskers when you see Jackson on set, get at least one Taylor Swift song stuck in your head every time you’re around Taylor Lautner or crave endless breadsticks when Taylor’s family is around. We dare you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice (and Brookelockart who helped out tremendously with the dares!)

6 months filming is a LONG time! What other stuff should we dare Stephenie Meyer to do while on set!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

160 Commented


In the mind of UC

Dear LTTers,

Today’s Monday post is quite scattered because that’s how I roll these days. My mind is everywhere. Work is SO busy (for you newbies- blogging about vampires unfortunately does not pay the bills, so I have a full-time job of making people want to buy hot tubs); I’ve been spending what moments I can catching up with friends I have neglected unintentionally over the last 6 months; getting acquainted with the city of Philadelphia into which I recently moved & am falling in love with; helping my husband start a business which so far pays nothing but requires the attention of a high-paying job; figuring out how to pay the bills while one of us has a no-paying job & occasionally trying to sleep. Plus my cats are mad at me at acting out. Seriously- cats act out? Apparently.

Anyway, with all of that on my mind, I feel so out of the Twi-loop. So I hopped over to one of my favorite sites: TwiCrack Addict- to find out what has been going on and… well, I guess there hasn’t been much of a “loop” to be out of. Aren’t all the cast members IN New Orleans? How is there NOTHING going on?

Not to mention I miss my partner. The best part (and what makes the stress worth it part) of blogging for the past (almost) two years is: Moon. You know- this girl:

Whether it’s talking about life outside of Twilight, laughing about things that made us fall in love with the saga in the first place or just chatting about new music, friends in common & people that drive us BOTH nuts, Moon is my Twi-soul mate. And she’s been equally as busy as I have been- plus she’s been away for the past few days with her family- so my Twi-mojo seems to have gone with her. Or it’s locked up in a hotel or conference room or sound stage where the Twilight cast members are! Anyway, what little news I DID find is this:

Reneeessemmeee:

This girl is FREAKIN’ adorable:

Although 8 years older than Renesemee should be, I trust Bill Condon & Stephenie Meyer. I mean, I think. I mean….. damn.. time to start praying & fasting for Breaking Dawn……

Also she’s wayyyy to young to be posing like this:

Ashley Greene- stay away from this child. You are not the influence say, Nikki Reed should be- I mean.. Kristen Stewart.. no wait…. umm…… How about she hangs out with Taylor & Selena Gomez? Boo Boo Stewart? Is there a “I’m keeping it in my pants” Twilight cast members club? She should go there. And to Chuck E. Cheese with Big Daddy. You know he’s been begging Taylor to introduce them so he can ask her if they can go on a “Big Daddy & adopted daughter date.” Ever since last year, Taylor is no longer interested in going…. Also Chris Hansen is bound to be there watching to make sure no funny business goes on- and I miss the guy!

Eclipse DVD:

So the DVD is coming out soon, huh? December 4th to be exact (yep, had to look that one up. My how times have changed! I WENT to a Twilight DVD release party. Not so much this time around…)

It got me thinking about my Twilight DVD & how i have no idea where it is. And- quite possibly going to blow your mind alert- I can’t even remember if I ever bought New Moon on DVD. SHOCK! I probably did, but I honestly have no idea. Is that weird? Am I alone here? I’ve talked about those two movies SO much that it’s just hard for me to want to break them out and pop them in the DVD player. I think it’ll have to be a few years away from all of “This” before I want to watch them again.

Cathy Hardi:

Always the fashion icon:

She writes our jokes FOR us! She’s trying to class it up at this event- this isn’t the time to slam down the Ultimate Cougarita. No- she’s hoping for a Martini to take her name tonight- maybe just something called “The Cathy” or “The Hardi.” Berry-flavored, of course. What else could those tights mean?

Sigh, Dear Twilight saga cast, crew, books, movies, Big Daddy: Give us something good this week, I’m begging you. Get me out of this Twi-slump!

XO,
UnintendedChoice

Do you feel like you’re in a Twi-slump? Do you love Cathy’s combat boots + berry tights combo? How adorable is I-forget-her-real-name Renesmee? Do you miss Big Daddy as much as I do?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store


113 Commented


Twilight 101: Twilight (the book)

Dear Twilight,

I get a lot of people whom I refer to as “civilians” ask me what you are. “What’s this Twilight thing about?” they say.  Seems like a simple enough question, right? But I’d say it’s isn’t so simple. How do you even begin to explain the intricacies and the idiosyncrasies and the “holy crow’s?” With this new series I aim to explain Twilight to beginners and give your fans an easier way to share their love of all things sparkly vampires and the humans they love.

And with that I get you the first installment in Twilight 101: Twilight (the book)

Dear Twilight Newbie-

You may know this as that book with the apple on the cover that made grown women go crazy, your wife disappear for hours on end, your internet bill surge and teens declare sides in the Team Edward vs Team Jacob war that will play out over the following 3 books and subsequent films. Or you may know it as that mega Times best seller than spawned major block buster movies. Or you may know it as that book with the sprarkly vampires. But what’s this book REALLY about? I’m here to share…

Bella, the stumbling accident-prone mousey girl from Phoenix, Arizona moves to Forks, Washington to live with her Dad (coincidentally the town’s Police Chief) because her absentee Mom has married a stud minor league baseball player she met after a spring training game at a TGIFridays and now wants to travel the farm league circuit with him to glamorous places like: Jacksonville, Florida. So Bella takes the hint and moves in with dear, old oblivious Dad: Charlie. Then hijinks ensue. Thinking she’s doomed to live a deary, boring life in Forks, Bella is surprised to find herself the talk of the high school from the nerds to the jocks. But being a girl Bella isn’t interested in safe, boring people who are interested in HER. She can only think about the mysterious boy from biology class and his weird adoptive yet not related beautiful  siblings who oddly enough never go to school on sunny days. But never mind the underlying danger… everything about him draws HER in!

So who are these people you ask…

The Humans-

Stop trying to make fetch happen!

Bella and her school friends and unintended (heh) suitors make up the majority of the sleepy and oblivious unsuspecting town. They include school heartthrob Mike Newton whom Bella describes as a golden retriever and whom mostly reminds us of a Jonas Brother with blond hair or Kirk Cameron AFTER he found Jesus. Pretty much the guy no girl with Daria-like tendencies would want to go out with. In a million-gabillion years. Then there are the girlfriends like Angela. Pretty much that sweet girl who was nice to everyone and befriended the new girl even when she was the flavor of the week who stole all the boys from the girls who has put in hard time. Then we have the “Mean Girls…” Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, who combined are essentially the Regina George of Forks High School to Bella’s Cady Heron. These are the bitches who could be your best friend or worst enemy depending on the day.

The Vampires-

Just your typical neighbor in the Pacific Northwest

These aren’t your Grandma’s traditional vamps or your Anne Rice vamps or your bodice ripping (we wish) vamps. The Cullen family are the Brady Bunch of the Stephenie Meyer vampire world. Sure, they have their dark and tortured pasts but they’ve given all that up in exchange for a few years in rainy weather towns surviving on, what they refer to as, “a vegetarian diet.” Meaning they don’t take a little sip from humans anymore. They hunt down animals and make a bloody mary cocktail that will last them a few weeks, thus making it easier to sit through their 2394294th time as a high schooler. Monotonous you say? Why, yes. Yes it is. And that’s where we find out sparkly protagonist, Edward when he first encounters Bella in Biology class. And barely able to control himself runs out of class to save her and himself and not to mention the 30 other kids in the class from certain death. But of course like a typical dude, Edward is taken by the new girl just as much as Bella, being a total girl is intrigued and pissed off by the mysterious boy. And as they say the rest is history.

Like I said these aren’t your typical vampires, Stephenie Meyer has given her vamps all kinds of special characteristics that set them apart and leave her readers with difficult situations like trying to explain to a vampire lover or even a regular dude why vampires sparkle. And yes, they do sparkle. Why? well who really knows other than it’s a plot device used to differentiate them in the sunlight instead of bursting into flames in like old school vamps. Rather these guys look more like a diamonte choker from the Joan Collins for QVS jewelry collection in the sun.

They also have special powers: mind reading, mood altering, future telling, extreme sexiness and the ability to ‘glower’ at a moments notice. They also appear to have super human control over sexual temptation because there’s enough tension in this book it leaves the Twimoms (we’ll cover them eventually) and the tweens quivering (ew) for years. You wanna know why girls disappeared into their rooms for days on end reading these books? THAT is your answer. That sweet, delicious tension. And his name is Edward Cullen.

See, I told you so!

Notable Quotables-

  • “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” – THE Twilight quote. Suitable for Etsy crafts, regrettable tattoos and quoting to your resigned boyfriend
  • “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him..” – Teaching teens and grown ups alike the word “irrevocable”
  • “You are exactly my brand of heroin” – Stephenie Meyer’s pro-drug PSA. High Schoolers need more excuses to think up new and exciting non-traditional drugs. A hit of your girlfriends blood? Why not!
  • “Holy Crow” – aka OHHHH SSSHHHEEEEETTT!

Follow the cut for more on the villians, the conflict and some business time
Continue…

137 Commented


Twilosophy: Eclipse vs. New Moon

TwilosophyDear Twilosophy class,

Remember Eclipse? That movie that came out in June? And then was re-released this weekend to “celebrate” Bella’s birthday- aka Summit was disappointed with their box office results because they expected to blow New Moon out of the water and they didn’t? Oh yeah….. That movie.

I’ve been thinking about Eclipse a lot lately. Well, since I heard about the re-released in theaters for Bella’s birthday. I considered going to see it again. By “considered” I mean I laid in bed with my phone right after reading the news in my email & thought, “Maybe I should go” before falling back to sleep, never considering it again.

There’s been some talk around town (aka this 1 blog I read) about why Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2 are releasing a year apart. And I think it’s pretty obvious: There was a year between Twilight & New Moon. And New Moon kicked ASSSSSSSSSS money-wise. When Eclipse came out 7 months later? The opening weekend was down almost HALF (and kids were out of school!) and while it hasn’t been out as long as New Moon, it hasn’t grossed as much. And it probably should have grossed more seeing as the popularity of the saga has only grown. Not that $672,498,560 world-wide gross is a bad thing. I mean I’d take that if I had to.

But the lack of Eclipse “success” makes me feel either worse or better about what I’m about to confess.  I am part of the reason for Eclipse not doing as well as New Moon. Yes, dear LTT readers, I only saw Eclipse two times. I feel bad because because of me, they lost $42.00 ($10.50 x 4). My waist is happy because I consumed 2,520 less calories in the form of popcorn (630 x 4- that’s for real. for a SMALL. I looked it up. BLOG RESEARCH RULES!) But I also feel good because it wasn’t just me who saw Eclipse less. Obviously due to the smaller numbers, the fandom overall did too.

I got thinking about why I didn’t see Eclipse 4 times like I did Twilight and 6 times like I did New Moon. This is what I came up with:

My Kung Fu isn't as strong as I let you think...

Harry Clearwater’s Kung Fu really isn’t that strong

And what I mean is…. the jokes weren’t as funny. Sure, sure – that’s a good thing for Mel Mel Rosenburg who finally wrote a semi not 2nd-hand embarrassing script, but it’s a sad thing for my funny bone- and for yours. I mean- you know what I’m talking about. How many times can we make Mike Newton fat jokes & talk about Charlie Swan’s obvious new-found virginity? If I make one more crack about the eyebrows in this film I think someone might murder me.

There’s such a thing as too much Rob

GASP! I know! I said it. And I don’t really mean it. I could never have too much of that Motha Truckn’ Brit, but it is possible that the Twilight saga, the actors & the story were just too overexposed. Despite the fact that we HATE waiting for the next installment in our beloved story, maybe not waiting as long means we’re not as engaged. We went from New Moon filming to Remember Me filming to movies about Mullets & lesbians to Eclipse filming to NEW MOON then LET DOWN after New Moon then Bel Ami, whatever teen drama/chick flick Taylor filmed once or twice and then ANTICIPATION of Eclipse then finally, ECLIPSE!

The Leg Hitch really wasn’t that good

But when I re-read Eclipse & read that scene, it’s good once again. Why? Because in the book it’s the Bella & Edward of my mind- before I knew who the actors playing them were. And, well, if I’m honest, I’m Bella. And Edward is leg hitching ME. When I watch the scene in the movie, it’s so glaringly obvious that Rob Pattinson aka Edward Cullen is not Leg Hitching ME. Sadface.

You call this boring!?

The minute Tay-Tay turned 18, he got boring

It’s not funny to joke about Chris Hansen anymore- unless we talk about Boo-Boo Stewart and that’s just BLEH. I wish Taylor was forever 17! He was so much more interesting then. At least not be legally allowed to like him gave me a reason to try. And now that I could jump his bones all I want if I had a desire (bleh), I have no interest. So love triangle between Edward, Bella & Taylor Lautner? No thanks.

That’s all I can come up with. And I know I’m not alone. Moon is worse than me- she saw Eclipse 1 and 3/4 times (missed the first bit of her second showing!) and obviously someone else hasn’t seen Eclipse as much as they did New Moon since the box office numbers don’t lie. What is it!? Why is a movie that was so obviously better made, and not to mention my favorite book, so much less desirable than the others?

Andddd Discuss!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

105 Commented


Stephenie Meyer on a Twilight Sequel & Fangirling

Dear LTTers,

Jimmy Jillikers! Have we got something special for YOU today!

I have no idea why I used my cheeseball voice, but I was totally in the mood.

Jumping right into what Fridays are for: To bombard you EVEN MORE about our interview with Stephenie Meyer. Yes, my friends, we aren’t done yet. In fact, these clips from today are some of my favorites!

Stephenie Breaks Down Breaking Dawn

And you thought the way we butcher Twilight by adding new characters with Mexican accents, making crude remarks about a wolf & a baby, being pretty descriptive about the things we really want to do to Edward Cullen and asking the really important questions (like what really happens with Bella gets her period) was bad- just wait until you hear what Stephenie really wanted to release because of the crazy demands of the fans for the end of her series:

SM BreakingDown by letterstotwilight

Haters get back! Stephenie’s the TRUE person “disrespecting” the saga! (But we’ll keep claim on our role of disrespecting Rob, nice and slowwwwww…..)

Fangirl

That’s right, we might fangirl over Rob & Taylor (I totally just wrote “Jacob” oops) who are famous because of characters she created, but Stephenie can fangirl too! In fact…. she might call herself “2nd-hand embarrassing.” However, since I’m friends with the girl who got a picture with Rob and I myself have worn a Christian Twilight Tshirt to Wal-mart, I think we can let the creator of Twilight’s fangirl moments slide:

SM FanGirl by letterstotwilight

(Sidenote: around :15 or :16, don’t you think you’re about to hear her say she wants to see Joshua Jackson naked? Yeah…. me too!)

The Twilight SEQUEL

Yes. We threatened to photoshop Stephenie’s skirt into a pair of jorts if she didn’t answer us on the who/what/when/where/how’s of a sequel/novella/continuation of the story we love sooooo much…. and instead of telling us “Yes, I’ll write you a personal story of Edward plus you, UC, then Edward plus you, Moon” like we really wanted, she let us in on why she created Nessie (cause she wanted that baby name and therefore the nickname to go viral, giving her much to laugh about as she “tricked” moms-to-be with a fake cute name) and tells a cute story about when she went to the theater to see New Moon. Yep: Stephenie is just like you & me! She goes into movie theaters. Also has dreams where Edward Cullen is created. That’s normal:

SM Sequel by letterstotwilight

Don’t have time to listen to all the audio today? You fail at LTT fanship, but we understand. Listen to just one clip- I pulled out the New Moon story from the above audio just for you!

SM NewMoon by letterstotwilight

I love FRIDAYS!!!!!!!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: In my spare time blogging much less this week, I purchased & finished MockingJay- the 3rd book in the Hunger Game series. We talked about HG with Stephenie a bit before the tapes were turned on- she’s a major fan (and quoted on the back of the book!) and was counting the days until she got to crack it open (she said she probably wouldn’t get it until a week before it’s release) So, UC approves, Moon will approve (she just finished Water for Elephants, give her a break), and Stephenie approves- you should read it too!

Read, listen & see more from our interview with Stephenie!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

90 Commented


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