Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 – Movie Review! You hear it first, here!

Get ready – we’re coming for you!

Dear Twilighters -

So here’s something exciting: we get to be one of the first people to bring you a review of Breaking Dawn Pt. 2! Nope, not the movie critics, not the BIG TV outlets, not MTV, not E! But little ‘ol us… and the other fan-run sites and blogs!!

So, I want to really break it down for you but I also don’t want to give ANY spoilers away cause you have to go see it Thursday/Friday at midnight. YOU HAVE TO! So I will keep my REAL REAAAAAL review for after the 16th. BUT in the meantime, let’s chat…

We are dumped directly into the Twilight action post vampire c-section/imprinting/open red eyes and we’re immediately back in the thick of things with the new vampire Bella. After many scenes of Bella learning about jumping small rivers, scaling sheer cliff faces and yes, arm-wrestling Emmett we FIIIINALLY get to the action.

Get Ready For:
-All the scenes Michael Sheen/Aro steals (every one he’s in). And yes, Beller is in fact, ALIVE!
-The wall to wall music (TURN IT DOWN, Music Editor!)
-The new vamps looking various shades of crazypants to awesome (Do we expect anything less at this point?).
-Some migrating hairlines. (WIGS!!!).
-Rob. (Duh).
-Taylor (fulfills his last contractual gratuitous, totally unnecessary, yet awesome (who are we kidding?) shirt removal scene).
-Bella finally coming full circle. (single tear).

Spoiler: He loses!

And for those wondering… yes, there is Edward/Bella vampire sex. But in a very tasteful, Sade-type-music-playing-in-the-background, angles-that-leave-out-just-enough, Stephenie-Meyer-is -the-mom-of-three-boys-kind-of-way. You’ll still feel a little uncomfortable watching it with your Grandma but hey, at least it’s not an ordinary scene from Game of Thrones (hmmmm Kit Harrington…). So don’t get too excited about any “Fade to Sad” moments.

The first family

Guys, you know when we wrote that post called “Accept It Now” where we reminded people that the film won’t always follow the book version of the storyline EXACTLY to a tee? You know, the cupboards may not be yellow and Bella may jump on a motorcycle with Jacob, in front of Edward? Well, it’s time to reread that post because BD 2 does NOT follow the written word exxxxactly. BUUUUTTTT guys, don’t leave just yet! Here take my hand, squeeze it hard but DO NOT run out of the theater screaming, it’s going to be alright. IN FACT, it’s going to be AWWWWEEESOME! I promise. Your head will be spinning. And because I love you, and because I don’t want to be sued, I won’t tell you any more. I will tell you, however, that you should bring tissues and a friend’s (preferably a Twilight buddy’s) hand to hold. My last piece of advice is, after you read this and after you watch all of our premiere coverage (cause it’ll be GOOD), you need to get off the interwebs and avoid all the spoilers you can. You want to enjoy this and not know what’s about to happen. Trust me.

We’ll see you back here after the 16th for the FULL, REAL review of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two.

Accept it Now!
Moon

18 Commented


Ye Rustic Inn and Denim Cut Offs and Public Reconciliation

Yes, those are icicle Christmas lights! Klassy!

Dear Rob and Kristen,

So we’re 30 days out from the last movie and you two decided to get back together. Sure you’re not even living together which pretty much tells us everything we need to know about this reunion. I do want to say, however, that I appreciate that you choose Ye Rustic Inn for your first (totally not staged) reunion in public for so many reasons.

First off Ye Rustic is about a block from my first apt in LA and was the site of so many dumb crazy nights. Second the Rustic is a dirty greasy shit hole with a loud ass juke box and gross carpet and old dudes. I appreciate that you chose this dump to show the world your rekindled love because really what could better represent your relationship at this point them a greasy dump? Yup, nothing.

Palace of love!

I spent about 2 minutes wondering if you ordered a basket of their wings and if you got beer or a crappy mixed drink. And is Kristen 21 yet? When did that happen and how did I forget? Also Did you sit in one of those circular booths and feed quarters into the joke box so that the entire AC/DC discography would play? And then later did you stumble across the street to play darts at (the equally fabulous shit hole) The Drawing Room and complete the journey from sober paparazzi outing to totally shit faced illusion of love?

I’m only sad I wasn’t there to see the looks on the faces of the regulars as they sat on their bar stools and gave you the side eye. But I’m glad you included a famous local dive in your tour de love you’ve had over the last few days. I’m sure they’re gonna get a ton of business in a few weeks! BMC (before Mini Cooper) you guys were hardly seen out together so many times in one week but not now! But I guess with 30 days left… ain’t no time to lose!

Forgot something?

Also lunch out the next day? You two are working this public reconciliation thing hard! Nice try yall! Oh and KStew? Button your freaking pants up. It might have been hot the past few days here in LA, but this isn’t MTV Spring Break 1995 and you don’t have one of those sun/dolphin tattoos circling your belly button. Thanks.

Off to get some wings!
Moon

24 Commented


Who wants to run… we mean WATCH a Twilight Marathon?!

Did I win Rob?!

Dear LTT-ers and Twihards alike -

When I texted UC with the news that there would be a HUGE Twilight Marathon the day of the release and she texted me back “rUnk!” I should have known she probably was wine glass high in some Shiraz and wouldn’t get that Summit will be releasing ALL the Twilight movies into the theaters including never before seen footage (!!!) leading up to the midnight release of Breaking Dawn Pt2 but rather she’d read my text and think we’d be running a REAL marathon in November with the rest of the fandom. Well folks, that’s EXACTLY what happened. No joke. UC thought I texted to tell her we’d be throwing on some busted converse, our “Twilighters DO IT better” shirts, Volturi cloaks (what else do you run in?), Bella’s walking cast, and tie Edward’s oatmeal seater around our waists (in case it gets cold) to run the streets with a bunch of Twilight fans. Well, thank God that’s not the case. We’d much rather sit in the dark for 5 hours stuffing popcorn in our mouth holes while yelling out “They’re NOT bears!” than run around LA. In fact we’d much rather this movie marathon turn into a Rock Horror Picture Show version of Twilight but maybe we’ll just have to put that on ourselves. I will be Bella and UC will be the creepy guy in Forks with a motorcycle. We’ll make an usher be Edward. It’s more fun that way.

So after the wine haze cleared we came up with this list of reasons why we’re glad it’s not a REAL marathon and after that you can find more information on the FILM marathon.

You can run in these, right?

1. We’d have to partcipiate. Right?
2. Running with Twilight parafalia or an Edward cut out strapped to your back would be pretty difficult
3. Does Etsy even sell Breaking Dawn running shoes? I’ve only ever seen high-tops like these
4. The starting place would be downtown at the Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 Camp site and the end place would be the gates of Rob’s (now up for sale) home and that’s up hill like almost the whole way and we’re totally not in shape.
5. We’re pretty sure this wouldn’t be officially sanctioned by the city of Los Angeles so the streets wouldn’t be closed and we don’t want to be run over by KStew in a Mini Cooper on her way to “the gym” (file that joke under: NEVER LETTING IT GO)
6. Instead of water hydration stations they’d be featuring a speciality Twilight cocktail at stopping points and as much as we love drinking “Bella’s Blood” at parties it may not be so great at mile 18.4
7. Werewolf costumes do NOT breathe. we’d probably pass out in a ball of fake fur and polyester in front of the Olive Garden (the obligatory sponsor) mile marker.

Hey ladies – I’m just here to inspire you!

8. Kellan running shirtless through the crowd passing out encouraging bible verses or passages from the Purpose Driven Life would be more distracting than helpful
9. If Jackson can run faster than us while pushing his baby in a stroller we’d probably just give up and go home. And by “home” we mean the Bella’s Blood hydration station

See you at the starting line… or the theaters. Whatever.
Moon & UC
.
The real info:
The marathon will take place on Thursday, November 15, 2012, at theaters across North America (US and Canada).  The marathon will allow fans to see all 4 previous movies in the Saga back-to-back, leading into 10pm screenings of BREAKING DAWN – PART 2, all for one price.

Prices will vary and be set by the theaters, and locations & showtimes for the marathon will be available at the same time that showtimes are available for individual performances of BREAKING DAWN – PART 2.  Marathon ticket holders will be treated to exclusive interstitial content played in between the films, and a special event-only lanyard.

8 Commented


“Ever seen a girls tongue?” And other amazing Twilight Lip Reads!

Enjoy this video of bad lip reads from Twilight and try not to think about how you were home watching all the back episodes of Real Housewives on your DVR yesterday and not at work right now.

Happy day back from Labor Day…. boooo. Yiiiiiikes.
Moon

Big thanks to Kristin for sending this to me. You’re still the best!

23 Commented


We got your Twilight Gossip right here!

Dear LTTErs,

We know you come to us for the latest & greatest Twilight news and we haven’t delivered that in like… umm probably a year and 1/2 so we have a lot to get caught up on. Let’s not waste time. In the latest Twilight news;

Taylor Lautner joins Twitter
as @ActualTaylor and I don’t believe it for ONE second because he’s currently following 0 people and you KNOW the Real Taylor will be following @OliveGarden a second after he signs up. Plus his picture is too press-y and less karate-choppy. Another sign this is NOT the actual Taylor. [Update: Summit has informed us that this is 100% for sure NOT Taylor's Twitter. He actually runs @olivegarden.*]

Edward Cullen wears a Turtleneck
We read it in the books and now we’re going to see it on the screen Ladies & Unicorns. It’s not white. And it’s not a sleeveless button-down but it is a turtleneck. Also I think I just dressed Edward even worse than Stephenie (no offense) did: A white turtleneck sleeveless button down shirt? Yuck

Edward Cullen is full on “Dad’s on Winter Vacation” in this scene

Ashley Greene willing to take Kristen’s Place come press time
According to a fabulous gossip piece by the very best at gossip Lainey Gossip, Ashley is cozying up to SOMEONE at Page 6 who is printing all sorts of nice things about her for no reason at all, even after her latest film tanked (Down to a 2% on Rotten Tomatoes- I think that’s worse than the Kellan Lutz- Mandy Moore debacle that OMG I COMPLETELY FORGOT MOON & I WATCHED THAT LATE ONE NIGHT WHEN I VISITED HER LAST. What a horrific movie) and supposedly this “source” talking to Page 6 is actually Ashley hoping that the news travels to Summit that she is willing to “stand in” in big press situations when it might be awkward to reunite ROBSTEN on stage. How selfless of her!

Work it girrrrl

Kellan Lutz thinks someone is going to remember him after Twilight
And therefore he was rolling around in a Lamborghini this past weekend in LA. He joked to TMZ “I finally got my Twilight check” which supposedly net him 1.25 mil for Breaking Dawn. Kellan Lutz can afford a Lamborghini? I don’t think so: Let’s throw in another mil for the other 3 movies for good measure (although that’s probably generous) plus the $2000 he made for that Mandy Moore movie, a couple hundeys here and there for the blow jobs he gives his pals checks his grandma sends him in the mail and the stipend his church gives him for leading a Bible Study ($50/month) and he’s made about 2.25 million (that doesn’t add up, don’t try). According to the google that Lamborghini starts at $350,000 which is 14% of what Kellan is worth assuming he never spent a dime. Somebody thinks he’s going to continue/start-to get big pay days so he can make his Lamborghini payment every month. Somebody is relying on the Prayer of Jabez a little too much…

Okay that’s all I have in Twilight gossip.

Oh and ROBSTEN is still apparently not #RobstenisUnbroken (double negative there, y’all)

Always happy to provide the gossip,
UnintendedChoice

*Taylor Lautner does NOT run @olivegarden (he wishes) nor is @actualtaylor his real account

29 Commented


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