Twilight Museum coming to Forks?

Dear Forks,

I heard the news! No- not that you’ve realized no year will ever be as good as 2008, but the news that you want to create a Twilight museum! I guess you must still be looking for our phone number because you’d neverstart a museum without our suggestions for what should be in it, right? Of course not. Well, off the top of my head:

May this be in wax lest we never forget

  • Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s privacy pre-2009
  • That weed pipe Kristen was caught smoking on that stoop
  • The notebook with the song lyrics & chords from the Cullen family after-hours jam sessions from Twilight filming
  • An Olive Garden take-out container with a fork used by Big Daddy
  • The bed sheets where Rob & Kristen first made out (they might cost you and arm & a leg– Cathi’s been trying for the highest bidder for years)
  • Michael Oregano
  • The spray can from Rob’s airbrushed abs in New Moon
  • The old blackberry Moon used to take an illicit Robsten photo with
  • A mock Buttcrack Santa grave site
  • Taylor’s tears from the Swiftner break-up
  • Evidence from an Ashley-Jackson hook up session
  • Rob Pattinson’s copy of Midnight Sun that he accidentally left sitting around which went missing 4 years ago

They'll be there

But it gets better— not only are you creating a museum but you’re holding a 3 day 2012 Stephene Meyer Day event (GREAT marketing, btw… with a 3 day Stephenie Meyer DAY event, how COULD she say no!?) including a Twilight-themed festival. And the main event will be a nighttime reenactment of the wedding!!! I can see it now- a bunch of badly dressed goth kids dressed as Bella & Edward sneaking off to do it in the Forks woods. And.. omg– you’re working on securing THE Twilight Film Props collection from Collector John Henson. THERE IS A TWILIGHT FILM PROPS COLLECTOR?? As if this could get any better.

OH BUT IT CAN.

The Target demographic for the museum is…. yep- Woman, aged 30+!!!! After all our years of complaining that NO ONE, the media- the movie studios, the merch makers, gets that the most DEDICATED Twilight fans are us old folks (I mean YOU old folks, I’m holding on to my 20s for one more year thank you very much!!) YOU GET IT! The town of Forks KNOWS it! And I have to assume that’s because they notice that the only people checking into their Bed & Breakfasts are groups of giggly grown women, with the occasional sad, sad man trailing far behind.

But I have to admit. This whole time…. as I’m making fun of you & your new museum & your attempt to bring Stephenie Meyer back to your sleepy town (You did realize I was making fun of you, right?)… who am I kidding? I actually want to visit you.

I want to sit here

Yes, I want to visit your museum & add my ticket stub to my scrapbook

I want to rent a beat up red truck & drive to La push.

I want to sleep in the “Cottage” room at the local bed & breakfast. I want to eat at Bella Italia after running away from some dodgey fellas. I want the mushroom ravioli. Even though I’m sure it’s frozen 10 minutes before it’s served onto my plate.

I want to take my macbook to “The Lodge” and order a big juicy hunk of deer meat only to remember seconds later I’m a vegetarian.

I’d want to pose near Carlisle’s parking spot at the hospital & visit the police station. I’d grab the sherif & buy him a Vitamin R.

And I want to find a big ass tree and make Moon jump on my back for an epic “Spider Monkey” picture.

I AM your target demographic. And I’m coming for you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Would you go to Forks to see the Twilight Museum? If not for the museum… do you still want to o to Forks? Come on! Admit it.. While totally cheesy & done a gazillion times..It would be fun…..!

You may have noticed we’re not posting as regularly. IT’S SO HARD!!! Posting when there is nothing to post about it like…. well, impossible sometimes as you’ve noticed. Don’t worry- we’re not leaving you for good. So don’t expect that announcement anytime soon. We can’t quit you quite yet. But we are going to only post when we have stuff that inspires us (no forcing it) and also some nights we’re well intentioned but real life gets in the way. We have like.. real jobs now. It’s weird. But HEY— we know YOU still have so much to say to Twilight.. so please put those thoughts down on paper & email it to us, won’t you!? XO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

131 Commented


Sheila Hafiwhatever – Hope of the fandom

I totally love your music Jackson, I swear. Now do me

Dear Twilighters,

I have found our saviour… the HOPE of our fandom.

Yes, it’s Sheila Hafsadi. And no, I don’t know how to pronounce her last name either. But the face of HOPE she is. No longer is it Barack Obama, but Sheila Hafsadi we can put our future and dreams into. Why, you ask? Because she did what everyone thought was seemingly impossible: hook a Twicast member for life. I know we all thought it was impossible but Sheila’s here to remind us that yes it’s possible. Anyone can go to a 100 Monkeys Concert (though not advised), meet Jackson, get him trashed, jump in the backseat of your Ford Focus with him, get hot and heavy and “oh of course you’re totally on birth control,” get crazy, watch Jackson stumble out of the Focus, then drive off towards the CVS for the pregnancy test you’ll need next month. A month later after it’s confirmed, call him up, drop the hammer, and presto you’re on Summit’s private jet to the European leg of the Breaking Dawn press tour with the girl from Thirteen and that dude from American Idol. I mean really, Sheila makes it all sound so simple, I feel stupid we didn’t think of it first. Only with a less catfish-y cast member. This is what happens when you don’t teach abstinence and birth control at that backwoods “theater” school Jackson went to. BIG MISTAKE!

You guys should totally record a song together. Worked for us!

Now that Sheila’s proven anyone can do it we have a few concerns, first of all if this is only Jackson’s first confirmed child what about the rest of the z list cast? Any cast member’s who’s attended a Twicon in the past could potentially have like 50 illegitimate children out there. So as a precautionary measure we’d think all Twicon giftbags and backstage should be well stocked with condoms otherwise the newly hopeful fandom may get some ideas about the backseats of their Ford Focus’s.

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It’s kind of amazing Jackson’s dodged a bullet this long, here’s hoping Mike Welch is “safe” at the next three day Breast Cancer Walk.

Here’s to the new hope in the fandom! We salute you, Sheila! Here, here! *starts chanting* YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!


(perfect for printing, hanging and taking tips from)

Wrap it up kids!
Moon and UC

REALLY Jackson?! 4months along?! Anyone? This has to be a happy “surprise” and not planned, right? ANYONE?! And what about Jackson’s Texas living, conservy parents??? Poor Mrs. Rathbone.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

234 Commented


And the winners are…

Your Hostesses for the evening...

Dear LTT-ers,

Hello and welcome to the beautiful WordPress Auditorium here on this lovely day in the interwebs! Today is the day we’ve been waiting all never year for! The ballots have been collected and counted by the accounting firm of UC and Moon pop a bottle of your finest Boone’s Farm champagne and throw on your finest borrowed dress (this IS Hollywood) because today is the day we find out who won the LTT awards!

The finest minds in the fandom have come together to bring you the very best of last year. As a reminder all winners are chosen by SECRET ballot but you can thank the academy (random people we like in the fandom) below. Now without further adieu I present you… THE LTT AWARDS!!!

*cue UC and Moon doing a musical number which sounds an awful lot like the Twi Musical number we posted last week*

Let’s get to the awards shall we? I hope you’ve filled out your home ballots and are keeping score with your friends.. Let’s Do This!

The LTT Awards! Awarding excellence and epic fail in the Twilight fandom! 

1. Award for achievement in bending the truth so far even they don’t know what’s a lie anymore
…and the winner is… Any person who has seen Robert Pattinson at any location with any woman ever.

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2. Best actor/actress in a fake relationship
and the winner is… Kiowa Gordon and “music”

3. Weirdest guest at the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 Premiere
…and the winner is Jackson Rathbone’s Suit. Our eyes have still not recovered though we hope he’ll one day teach us the finer points of applying Guyliner.

4. Best leather jacket of Taylor Lautner’s
…and the winner is… ALL OF THEM!

5.  Best gray suit of Taylor Lautner’s
…and the winner is… what do you know, ALL OF THEM!

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6. Best Twi cast member’s Dad

7.  Award to the fandom that will take away the spotlight and crazy from Twilight in 2012
…and the winner is… by a landslide… congrats Hunger Games!!! We happily give you this burden crown to bear! Good luck to Joshifer and Jenniam! Though until we see one of the cast members’ faces tattooed on some chick’s back, they have nothing on the twi fandom.

8. Robert Pattinson’s worst hair of 2011
…and the winner is… Comic Con sideways toupee hairdo! Proving Rob could show up looking like hell from a 4 day bender, eye brow-less and wearing a trash bag and we’d still be turned on.

9. Best Twilight related Tweeter
… and the winner is… No one since Billy Burke stopped drunk tweeting.

10. Best non cast/official Tweeter
…and the winner is… *cue the In Memorium piece to @DelaneyG84*

11. Biggest Fandom Drama of 2011
…and the winner is… A TIE between SQID aka E.L. James “publishing” and possibly getting a Hollywood deal for her crackfic. This time next year, we expect to see her accusing Stephenie Meyer of copyright infringement. Premiere Camping drama and Robert Pattinson seen with anyone besides Kristen.


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12. Biggest thing Nikki Reed did this year that annoyed the Robsten-er’s/Krisbians?
…and the winner is…  EVERYTHING! Her breathing, joining Twitter, getting married, looking genuinely happy, her “story” in Seventeen, releasing that song, her existing in the same universe.

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13. The most likely to implode post Twilight
… and the winner is… Kiowa Gordon and Bronson Pelletier

14. The best usage of their 15 minutes of fame
…and the winner is… Kellan Lutz!! Between charity, tweeting, landing an undies ad, showing us his bulge with no shame, telling his mom to get a breast exam, dating a CW star and planning board games nights with Ashley, Kellan did it all! Not to mention he looked good and acted like a human being to fans whilst doing it! BRAVO!

15. Twilight related person/cast member/etc. who used their short amount of fame time the BEST way
…and the winner is…by another landslide THE ENTIRE WOLFPACK! For good and not so good reasons There are several members who have used it for good. Booboo, Chaske, and Tinsel have all done significant charity work and tried to be role models. Boo Boo Stewart. He’s on TMZ every other day, but acting totally normal. He’s good at “running into the paps” to get his face out there but isn’t incredibly annoying about it. Then there are some other wolf pack members who show up to Twicons with boring answers to questions and take photos with fans while sticking their tongue out and acting moronic.

16. Best music related Twilight endeavor
…and the winner is… The Belgium ladies musical, everything else is NO CONTEST. Yes, Alice and Bella Not an Addikt for the MAJOR WIN. We don’t even care that it was technically 2012 when it came out it’s about Breaking Dawn Pt 1 so there.

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17. The LTT Icarus Award – The nominee that soars closest to the sun, only to fall the farthest. The actor/musician/commenter/blogger/Tweeter/author/Twi legend that fails so miserably, it has to be recognized
Taylor Lautner in Abduction

and because it HAS to be handed out, the retroactive Icarus Awards goes to The Dallas Twicon!

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18. The most anticipated Twilight related event/moment in 2012
…and the winner is… The lavish wedding or bitter break up of Robsten

WE KID WE KID! Of course it’s Breaking Dawn Part 2: The End WAH WAAAAAH WAAAHH!!! NOOO!!!

Congratulations to all the winners and better luck next time to the losers. We’re already running over time so we’re gonna throw it to you commenters for the final say. Until next year…

Moon and UC

You all deserve one of these!

Super big thanks to our secret voters who’s answers are all anonymous and credited to no one!
@einfach_mich, The Obird, Janetrigs, Bella and Alice Not an Addikt, Jenny Jerkface, JodieO, Brooke Lockart, The Lex, Lori and Laura, E at Twilightish, Twilight Examiner, Twilight Poison, and a few that wish to remain even more anonymous! You’re all awesome and hilarious and brave and we can’t wait for 2012 and another round of awards!
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

Business Time after the jump!
Continue…

36 Commented

Posted in: LTT, Twilight
Tags: , , , , ,

And the LTT Award categories are…

And the winner of the LTT goes to...

Dear Twilighters,

It’s that time of the year… the time when we all become arm chair fashion experts, movie and music critics and people who love to give even more airtime to the self absorbed. YES, it’s awards season in Hollywood and since nothing can escape from judgement here at LTT I think it’s time we gave even more praise and attention to our favorite people and books by creating the Letters to Twilight Awards. The LTT’s if you will.

 

LTT Award Categories
- Award for achievement in bending the truth so far even they don’t know what’s a lie anymore

- Best actor/actress in a fake relationship

- Weirdest guest at the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 Premiere

- Best leather jacket of Taylor Lautner’s

- Best gray suit of Taylor Lautner’s

- Best Twi cast member’s Dad

- Award to the fandom that will take away the spotlight and crazy from Twilight in 2012

- Robert Pattinson’s worst hair of 2011

- Best Twilight related Tweeter

- Best non cast/official Tweeter

- Biggest Fandom Drama of 2011

- Biggest thing Nikki Reed did this year that annoyed the Robsten-er’s/Krisbians?

- The most likely to implode post Twilight

- The best usage of their 15 minutes of fame

- Twilight related person/cast member/etc. who used their short amount of fame time the BEST way

- Best music related Twilight endeavor

- The LTT Icarus Award – The nominee that soars closest to the sun, only to fall the farthest. The actor/musician/commenter/blogger/Tweeter/author/Twi legend that fails so miserably, it has to be recognized

- The most anticipated Twilight related event/moment in 2012

Winner of ALL the awards... of our hearts

The ballots have been mailed to all the top bloggers, tweeters, commenters, and personalities in the Twilight fandom. We will be furiously tallying and counting each ballot and write in this week and will host the LTT awards and winners at our very classy and glamourous awards ceremony on Friday!

Good luck to all the as yet named nominees AND winners!

Moon & UC

Who would you nominate? Who should be the winner but won’t? Any made up category we missed?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

20 Commented

Posted in: LTT, Twilight
Tags: , , ,

Breaking Dawn Part I: The Musical

As a reminder- there are auto-playing video ads on LTT. I know. We’re so annoying. Mute them & they’ll stay muted for life. Hit the volume button- two in the side bar. Two (or 3 I forget) down below.

Dear LTTers,

We have these friends Alice & Bella Not an Addikt (You remember them from their defunct website. RIP) who live in Belgium. They’re normal 20-somethings- ya know, speak 4 languages (or is 5?), in PhD programs (I think Alice is done hers actually. And Bella was “too busy” defending her dissertation last week to get this video done for us) are gorgeous, friendly, bring me macaroons when they visit me in New York on hot Spring days and are about to BLOW YOUR FREAKIN’ MINDS with what they did for us at LTT.

Yes, Bella & Alice are bringing us Breaking Dawn Part 1: The Musical complete with original lyrics set to Broadway favorites. Stop what you’re doing. Put down that contract you’re combing through at your boring desk job. Drop that kid. Pull that car over on the side of the road (seriously, don’t read LTT while driving) and Watch This Now:

We know. We cried too! Feed the wolves? Don’t cry for me Jacob Black? Who is that rediculously brilliant & funny? Is this a sign we should retire from LTT & give our Belgian friends the reigns!?

Hear from Alice & Bella themselves after the jump! Continue…

93 Commented


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