A healthy debate: Kristen Stewart's Acting

Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.

Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,

Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?

Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it

The beginning

Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s.  I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.

KristenAdamBrody

Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....

And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)

New Moon

I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:

Click for awesomeness

So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“) Continue…

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Twilosophy: I am NOT the number 1 Twilight fan!

Dear Twilight and fellow LTT-ers,

Recently a girl I sorta know found out about the blogs and asked me “so you’re like the number one Twilight fan, huh?!” and I wholeheartedly and vehemently said NO! No I am NOT the number one Twilight fan cause in my mind number one fan is some crazy lunatic with Twilight tattoos, owns the entire line of tshirts from Hot Topic, sleeps on the sidewalk for days on end…  number one fan brings to mind visions of that show, FANatic on MTV and how some crazy person deemed an artist’s number one fan went apeshit when they met SugarRay or Britney Spears and that’s about the farthest thing from what I’d do if I ever REALLY met any of these people in real life. In reality I’d pretty much look the other way while hoping they didn’t think I was staring at them. Far from having a fangirl freak out or even acknowledging that I know who they are and NEVER ever in a million years mentioning that I write a blog about them or the books every day.

Yup, number one fan, that's me!

But just because I’m not those things that make me think #1 fan does that make me any less of one? Maybe I really am a number 1 fan. I run this blog, I’ve been to more than my fair share of Twilight related events, heck I have business cards in my handbag with this blog’s URL on it… somehow in my mind this does not equate number one fan but to the outside world, aka the rest of the population, who only know Twilight as that thing “the kids are into” I probably look like the biggest fan that ever lived.

I shudder to think!

So what does it all mean? Follow the cut to see what I come up with…
Continue…

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The critics weigh in: Did New Moon suck or not?

*Spoilers all throughout, again. And seriously if you’re reading LTT but haven’t seen the movie yet you better have a GOOD reason. Swine Flu? Rob knocked on your door and said he’d be with you but only if you promised never to see one of his films? So if you haven’t seen the movie, best you skip on by. If you have, pull up your pencil & notepad, it’s time for a major New Moon-losophy:

EdwardNewMoon

I'm about to dissappear so that Chris Hansen can keep his career busy for the next few months

Dear LTTers,

Okay- Be honest, how many more times did you see New Moon? So far the record I know of at LTT is @Brookelockart who saw it three times. I’ve only seen it once, and I’m pretty miserable about it. But I promised my best friends I’d see it with them on Tuesday, so I guess I can wait until then.  In the meantime I’ve been thinking about New Moon a lot. I’d think that was weird except by now I know to just say “That’s Normal.” So at brunch today after I talked my husband’s ear off about what a great job I thought Taylor did and how I didn’t miss Rob at all but then loved him when he returned, I took the “I’m only listening to you now so that I don’t have to hear about it later, plus I know the more accepting I am of this the more guilty you’ll feel that we spent the whole time talking about you therefore you’ll be more giving in the bedroom” gaze on his face as totally normal, as well.

Since I finished re-reading New Moon on my plane ride home from Los Angeles and I can’t see the movie until Tuesday, I’ve been doing a bit of reading online to pass the time and get my New Moon fill. First I started with fan reviews.  They were basically the same- filled with “OH MY GAWD Taylor’s abs” and “I think I might switch teams” and “I’m most DEFINITELY not leaving Team Edward but dayyyummmmm can I stare at Jacob’s abs one more time?” Not to forget “Cathy Hardi you suck” and “MARRY  ME CHRIS WEITZ” sprinkled with a little “Kristen now that Nikki is out of the picture can WE be fake lesbians” and “THE ENDING.. AHHH” and “I can’t wait for JUNE!” (Does that basically sum up all the feelings?) But the critic reviews were a different story.

I stayed away from critic reviews before I saw the movie. I wasn’t going to, but then I remembered how I read a review last year before seeing Twilight that suggested that Cathy Hardi’s close up shots of Rob & Kristen’s faces were because they couldn’t portray the connection Edward & Bella were supposed to have well enough. I could never get that out of my head, and I think about it every time I see the movie (and tend to agree). So this time I stayed away from the reviews so I could form my own opinions. Obviously, I loved the movie and I’m looking forward to seeing what my 2nd-10th viewings show me (My husband said if I see it more than 10 times he’ll put me in an institution)

Read all about the reviews after the jump Continue…

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New Moon expectations

Deepest Loss

Deepest Loss- THIS is why I can't wait for this film

Dear young teachable ones,

Do you remember your first time? You had already fallen in love. You had already been through a lot together, and then the unexpected happens. And your heart is ripped out and you don’t want to go on. You want to close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep- someone waking you when the pain has passed. New Moon is like that for everyone. I know we can each name a friend or two who has thrown the book across the room and refused to continue to read. If you were one of those people who got your entire group of friends to read the book, you know this especially well. Friends loved you after Twilight and wondered why you kept that book from them for so long. And then by the time they got to New Moon, they replaced their gratefulness with anger. But that, too, passes. And eventually you and your friends read New Moon again and appreciate all the things about the book that you missed the first time (like chapters 3-17).

New Moon is such a powerful book filled with that emotion of deepest loss that so many can relate to. This is why I cannot wait for the movie. Plus it has Rob. And the wolfpack. Shirtless. Plus Rob shirtless. And Taylor. And Rob. And was directed by Chris Weitz, DILF of the year. Plus Alice is dressed better. And Jasper has that awful wig that will provide countless jokes for months to come. And Rob. Shirtless. All those things plus an awesome story? All that to say, I cannot wait.

JortPack

Fine, I also can't wait for the Jort-pack

But I have to be honest. I’m concerned that in the upcoming weeks as the press starts to have private viewings and then when we see the film on November 20th, some of us are going to be disappointed. There has been so much hype surrounding this movie that it’s been built up in our minds to be so far and beyond what Twilight was. That’s not a hard feat because, as we’ve said before, Twilight blew, but I think the bar has been set SO HIGH for New Moon that if anything is off slightly from what is expected, fans are going to come after Chris Weitz by the hundreds. I know Moon said he carries that man-bag around with him, but I don’t know if he can load it with enough rocks to ward off a mob of angry, cock-blocked Twihards. But despite this, despite if it flops at the box office (right…) and if it gets reviews worse than “From Justin to Kelly,” I think I’ll still love it. I think we can ALL still love it. And I think it’s all about managing our expectations.

Let’s not go into New Moon on opening night thinking it’s going to be like Schindler’s List. If we accept that it will more likely mirror Bring it On Again, it might be easier to love if it’s a major dud. Accept it NOW. They will NOT cover EVERY detail in the book. They have 200 minutes to bring a 25 chapter book to life. Plus they have to backtrack and include some details Twilight left out (Cathy Hardi is sipping her Ultimate Pina Colada at TGIFridays saying “suckaassss” right now) They will leave out details you feel are important and they will add details IN that you think are stupid. ACCEPT it now!

Rob Pattinson Shirtless

Okay, THIS might also be a reason why I can't wait for this film

There will be things that will be cheesy. It’s CGI and WOLVES. Big, non-existent computerized wolves. They will not look real. Cuz wolves like that don’t really exist. Accept IT now! Rob will occasionally sound British. He can’t help it. He’s British. Accept it! Kristen will stutter & blink. She learned that in when she was 13 and in Panic Room when the director yelled “Look scared” and she said “How?” and he responded “Stutter & blink!” Colors will be different. The order of events will be different. Characters will be different. Characters will be ADDED (Please God let there be a New Moon equivalent of Buttcrack Santa (Tequila Tomas is a viable option)) ACCEPT it NOW! You WILL be cock-blocked like in the book. Edward and Bella don’t get it on. Rob won’t be getting naked. There will be fight scenes to “bring in a male audience” that weren’t present in the book. Someone will wear their New Moon burger king crown to the movie theater blocking your view, and little girls will be in the theater with their “Team Jacob” t-shirts and you will judge their mothers for allowing them to come despite their age. ACCEPT IT NOW.

New Moon is a book that plays out differently in each of our minds. And it’s being brought to the big screen from the minds of just a handful of people. We are different. They are different. They visualize things we never would and don’t visualize things we do (Rob naked). If we focus on what WE want then we WILL be disappointed. Let’s just remember it’s a book we love and we get to see it play out BEFORE our very eyes! And Rob will make us swoon. Does anything else really matter?

Love your friendly neighborhood expectation manager,
UnintendedChoice

Seriously, I went into Twilight having ZERRROOOO expectations. I actually expected it to suck. And I came out loving it, even though it blew. I want that to happen so badly with New Moon!

What expectations do you need to get rid of in order to fully enjoy New Moon?

Moon has a theory on LTR
Talk it out further on The Forum
Deepest Loss painting from one of my fav artists, Adrienne Trafford

273 Commented


Twilight bloggers: Assuming the alter ego

bunnynorrenDear LTTers,

I’m going to escort you into the private conversations of the real UC & Moon. Yes! Today you can listen in on the girls behind UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown. But you need to know our real names. That’s right. We’re going to tell you our actual, in real-life, what our parents gave us, what our birth certificates say, names: theMoonisDown is Noreen. And I, UnintendedChoice, am really called Bunny (It’s a nickname. My real name is much more embarrassing) Okay, onto eavesdropping on the REAL UC & Moon:

Moon: So I have this blogger retreat idea where we can get together with our blogger friends and bitch and complain about the hard life of a blogger and then not blog for a whole weekend. We can watch some twi crap, get happy, read some books and play Twilight FanFiction “Scene-It” It will take place in the back room of Sprinkles Cupcakes.
UC: yes! An amazing idea. OMG! I just saw your latest tweet. You’re ON IT today!
Moon: I feel like I have to “BE ON” at all times if you’re away. I feel that way when I’m at an “event” with commenters. Do you feel that?! I feel this pressure to “BE FUNNY”
UC: yes! I feel like a character though, ya know? Do you feel that way? Like Moon is an alter-ego?
Moon: Yea, of course
UC: just totally crazy version of yourself
Moon: I just turn on Moon
UC: right. I have my UC self… (ps I know what else can turn on Moon (ahem))
Moon: Moon is just a way amped version of myself (you mean like running into the father’s of attractive under-age actors in the drive thru line at Mickey-D’s?)
UC: and I feel like when I come out the week of the premiere, we’ll need to be Moon & UC for an entire week. Can we handle it? Bunny doesn’t read fan fic, but UC does. UC dresses hotter than Bunny. She wears Marc Jacobs. She’s richer
Moon: MOON knows EVERYTHING all the videos, all the pics, whats hot. Noreen has not seen HALF the news in weeks
UC: UC would totes do Rob behind a dumpster. Bunny would get too embarrassed to say hi
Moon: AMEN Moon would hump him AT an event WHILE Sam Bradley was singing. Noreen would probably cry in the bathroom stall
UC: UC talks twi & rob all the time with her friends. Bunny’s friends don’t know she runs a mildly successful blog
Moon: Noreen really does talk about it in her ‘real’ life.
UC: I turn UC off on the weekends. She’s gone
Moon: Half of Noreen’s friends now ask HER about Twilight because word got out
UC: Bunny is not funny.. not creative.. and also doesn’t care about the Twilight saga or a 23 year old boy!
Moon: My friends approach me like I’m a drug dealer and use super cryptic terms
UC: UGH- they just asked (no FORCED) me to come into work on Saturday. How effed up is that? (that was UC saying ‘eff” Bunny would’ve said “Fuck”)
Moon: I just a sickening sweet email to someone I can’t stand. Just because she could potentially donate something for a give away. But that was Moon. Moon just uses people for the benefit of the blog.
UC: Moon is mean. Noreen would never do that. UC is a bitch too.

Read more after the hop (I called it a “hop” since now you know my name is Bunny) Continue…

370 Commented


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