Interview With The Were/Shifter Part 1 : La Push Edition

Dear Twilight,

Call us matchmakers, call us comedians, call us heroes, call us all of the above, we’ll take whatever you call us (as long as it’s not “Krisbian” ba-dum-ching), but our favorite “role” on LTT is one of enabler- that’s right, even though you wrote a letter for LTT submission back in May or June and haven’t heard back from us yet (because that’s how far behind we are on emails- Summer emailing #fail), we LOVE when you catch the LTT letter-writing spirit & send us the goods. We love that you’ve wasted as much time as we have doing “normal” things like stalking obscure members of the Twilight cast, watching countless fan-made videos & laughing your ass off at 2nd embarrassing people, things and events. And we love when you meet an LTT BFF, start up a blog & share your amazingness with everyone here.

That’s exactly what LTT friends Stacey & Stacey (who met on LTT) did. Today, on Stacey vs. Stacey, they delve into a rarely discussed topic- Jacob & his furry friends:

Vampires, vampires, vampires. It’s like the Supe version of the Brady Bunch. Instead of Marcia and Jan, it’s Edward and Jacob or Bill and Alcide. I can just hear Jacob say, “Edward, Edward, Edward!” Stomps his feet and goes off to pout. These poor puppies get absolutely no play, well a little bit but not like the vamps. So we, the Staceys thought to ourselves, hey let’s help these boys out and give them a say. Taking a page from Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire, we will be doing (fake) sit downs with the boys in two parts. First for our LTT friends, we will dive deep (very deep) into the Quilute Wolf pack. Part 2 on [our blog] Talksupe will focus on our furry friends featured on True Blood and Vampire Diaries. These are our transcribed notes: Location 1: Picnic Area. La Push Beach, Forks, Washington

EastCoast Stacey (aka EC): Brrr…it’s chilly out here.
WestCoast Stacey
(Snowwhitedrifted aka SWD): No wonder Bella is always in flannel.
EC: Where the hell are your shirts? It’s like 40 degrees out here * background grumbles *
I get that you’re hot, but seriously it’s just polite to put on clothes when women are around.

SWD: No kidding, hey I think I see “Twin Peaks”. *snickers*
EC: First question, it doesn’t seem to hurt you when you phase. How does it feel?
Jacob: Did you bring food?
EC: Umm…no…Let me check in my bag. Half a bag of Skittles, some Altoids…oh, a Ziploc bag full of GOLDFISH crackers. There you go boys.

SWD: *thinks* that’s such the mom purse snack selection

EC: Hi Leah. *Leah walks off briskly with snacks* Where is she going with the Goldfish?

Paul: Stealing them. Girl, you better bring those back.

EC: Wait…why isn’t Leah wearing a shirt either? Is this a nudist colony?

SWD: Like I said above…
EC: Alright…back to my question. Is this phasing thing actually painless? I watch George on BBC America’s BEING HUMAN and it looks like it hurts! (Honestly, check it out people! The British do it best!)

Jacob: That’s a British Show. I hate British guys. They’re skinny, pale, dress like girls, steal your women… Nope, haven’t seen it. I like watching SPEED and ESPN.
SWD: *says under breath* … and of course the NatGeo channel.
EC: Jacob, I need to ask you about this imprint thing.

*Embry and Jared giggle *
EC: Oh. Hi there, Jared. How you doin’?
Sam: No. If you remember, we signed a contract that you would not ask about Bella’s baby. That question is off the table.
EC: Are you a lawyer, now?

SWD: It’s cool, Stace, J.Jenks gave us the go ahead.

EC: Fine. Good try, Sam. Just calm down. We know what happens when wolf out inappropriately. You know…Emily. I have Charlie’s number on speed dial. Quil? You and the two-year old? Claire?
Quil: Umm…Yeah.
EC: If it was my daughter, I would have a baseball bat with your name on it.
SWD: no kidding.. or scissors.. snip snip.

Quil: I can see that. Do you ladies have boyfriends?
EC: What? We’re both married, to men who wear shirts.

SWD: I make mine wear a black tee so he looks like… nevermind.
EC: Somedays, I make mine wear his gray peacoat. I tell him it makes him look preppy, but really he looks like Ed…
Jacob: Seriously?!? * growls *
Quil: Well Claire and I will be married in sixteen years. I need some companionship. You two are MILFS, and I can tell you like the pecs. *wiggles them*, I’m a vir…never mind.
SWD: I don’t teach.

*Embry and Jared giggle *
EC: Hi Jared! * throws Skittle on the ground * Could you bend over and pick up for me?
Seth: Guys I’ve got to go. My mom just texted me. I have to cut the ribbon to the new Fish Fry on Route 55. Can somebody take me? *scuffs foot sadly* ….or I could hitch hike.
Paul: Hitch hike.

EC: Never mind we’ll take him. Mean puppies.

SWD: I have a carseat.

Love,

EastCoast & WestCoast: Staceys

Even though it still takes us forever to respond, we STILL love your letter submissions! Keep sending them in! And make sure to check out the Stacey’s Talk Supe especially in the next few days so you don’t miss Part TWO of the interview!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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The VILF deconstructed by Stacey and Stacey

(Today Stacey – Snowwhitedrifted or West Coast (WC) and Stacey East Coast (EC) take on the VILF’s we’d love to marry, hit it or just stare at and why they’re so alluring. – moon)

Goose and Maverick the Edward and Jasper of the 80s

Dear VILFS of Twilight (and other series),

In the eighties it was surfers and beach volleyball players. In the nineties it was athletes and firemen. The new millennium, however, boasts vampires as the most coveted object of desire for the female gender. Vampire sex appeal is at an all time high. I think this is partially due to the monster success of Twilight as well as some other factors.

EC Stacey: Wait. Are we getting serious here? The tweed kind of serious. Let me throw on these Kate Spade glasses. Alice approved, ya’ll. Hold on wearing an old David Letterman tee-shirt and Yoga pants, must change into designer…never mind. At least I got the glasses. Okay, Stacey (SWD) commence with your thoughts.

WC Stacey/ SWD: Many people claim that the vampire-ness of Twilight is insignificant and it’s totally a love story. Sure, the Cullens are like the passivist emo-hippies of the vamp world, but they still kick ass, nonetheless.

EC Stacey: Ha ha! I want them to wear tie dyed clothes and beads. Actually, do you think Carlisle and Esme got so sad after the Eclipse fight scene that they wanted to cry, but can’t. So they went back to Casa Carlisle and got all emo listening to Morrisey? Whoops! Got off track. Sexy vampire boys, yay!

Rob and Moz - My wildest fantasies realized! Thanks Fablife!

WC Stacey/ SWD: Morrisey, for the WIN, ha ha ha! I wouldn’t have liked it as much without the vampire aspect. You see, I have been a VILF shipper since I was a kid (duh, the Count (ECStacey: Grover, definitely Grover. Monster. Grr.) was my favorite Seasame Street character), so it was no wonder that Edward (and Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, James, hell even Aro) glamoured the pants off of me. I think this is true for a lot of women. When we break down the characteristics of a vampire, it’s no wonder we offer our necks (ok, and lady bits) willingly.

EC Stacey: Let me get this straight, Aro? I love the Michael Sheen, as much as everybody in the whole world. But Aro? If you said Alec, maybe. Even a creeptastic girl crush on Jane. I want to see that bottle of wine you are drinking. As expected, wine goggles. SWD: OK, note to self, wine in a box enhances wine goggles. If I were drinking “Bitch” wine maybe I’d go fake lesbian for Alice

What Rob's cheek bone structure looks like

WC Stacey/ SWD: Lets start with the fact that Vampires are HOT, well cold actually, but in the looks department they are always stunning. I think every actor born with incredible checkbones signs a deal with the devil to one day play a vampire. Seriously, you could grate cheese on Robs cheekbones (*note to someone, please make that as dirty as possible in the comments).

EC Stacey: Ahh…Rob’s cheekbones… Back on track. I don’t want to leave out the wolves/shifters for you wolfpackers. This might be hard to believe my friends, due to the fact I have a Sophie’s Choice type of love for both Twilight’s Edward and Vampire Diaries Damon. (And yes, I voted for BOTH of them in EW’s Sexy Beast poll. Don’t you judge me.) Originally, I loved the wolf. Seth Green’s OZ on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my first true supe love. I even married his younger twin. Of course, he’s an accountant and not a rocking guitar player, but I can pretend. SWD: I married Fletch, he has no powers. Also, have you seen Alcide and Sam on True Blood? Nice. Twilight? Jacob’s a buff baby. Okay, Paul’s hot.

WC Stacey/ SWD: So yes, Vampires and Werewolves are beautiful. See exhibit A: (slide show mildly NSFW, mostly because it’s both hands embarrassing)


(moon note – the fact you made this kills me. LOVE and 1:50!)

Follow the cut for the rest of the deconstruction and to find out why we really like the bad boy VILFS
Continue…

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New Moon: The Hits and the Misses, Moon’s review part 1

The claw is in the details

Dear New Moon, LTT-ers and anyone ever in the world involved with this,

After seeing New Moon for the third time (obviously I’m not a true fan as my viewing number is not in the teens at this point) I think I can safely start to review the film with a discerning eye. I’m finally past the freak out/totally in awe/blinded by the abs stage and ready to give this a whirl and put my thoughts on virtual paper.

I think the key phrase for New Moon is: “The devil’s in the details” and Chris Weitz must have made a deal with the devil, like Rob did, because he nails it. From the very first shot of Bella waking up next to the tattered copy of Romeo and Juliet with the cover that looks an awful lot like Voltera, I knew we were in for a great ride courtesy of someone who “got it.”

While on the whole I think New Moon is light years ahead of Twilight in terms of the overall product and as my brother (in the industry and knows a thing or two) says Twilight looks like “student film” where they cut a lot of corners by being lazy instead of creative whereas New Moon is actually a total product with a vision and a pay off. New Moon is definitely not without it’s faults, and you know us here at LTT we love a good fumble (Buttcrack Santa, Spider Monkey?) so…

Let’s examine some of the hits and misses of New Moon the movie…

This scene kills me EVERY time

Hit
Jacob/Taylor Lautner
This guy actually showed up and ACTED! He had emotions, they were complex and interesting. He emoted with his face and body and didn’t rely solely on blinking, stuttering or squinting to show how much pain you’re feeling to even be near your “la tua cantante.” Did I really just use that phrase? Apparently so. Just imagine it said in Aro/Micheal Sheen’s creepo voice. Not only did he emote well he made the audience laugh. Of the three times I’ve seen it men in the audience seem to react the best to Jacob, laughing at his jokes and generally just relating. My favorite line of his? “Don’t get me upset, this will get very ugly!” Bra-freakin-vo Taylor Lautner! Big Daddy, take this kid out for a McRib but hurry they’re only back for a limited time!
c

Let’s see who can run the slowest and dazzle the mostest!! AND GO!

Miss
Future Bella as a vampire/Edward sequence
The slow-mo running, the khaki Anne of Avonlea outfits, the SLOW MOTION running?! Cheese with a capitol C. I get the reason behind the slow-mo which is better than Cathi’s half assed special effects way of making them run super fast but all 3 times I’ve seen it (yes, including opening night) people laughed.

More hits and misses more biker gangs more LSD trips more awesomeness after the cut!

Continue…

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(Un)Motivated by Twilight Round 2

Dear everyone who is so freakin’ glad it’s Friday,

I had an EPIC post planned for today. Seriously. You would have laughed till you cried, cried till you laughed and when you finally caught your breath, you would’ve told everyone you know that “UnintendedChoice is my hero- I wanna be like her when I grow up.” Yes. It was that good. But alas, yesterday (the day on which I planned to pen this EPIC post) I woke up with cramps, everything made me cry because of those cramps so I would run to the bathroom at work to have some alone time with my tears. And then in the middle of watching myself sob in the mirror, I’d start to laugh. Because I saw 2 colorful strings hanging outside of pants and trailing behind me. Yes. They were the decorative strings from the bathing suit bottoms I was wearing as underwear and walked around with hanging outside of my jeans for 1/2 the day. And after my laughter, I started to cry again because knowing I was wearing my bathing suit as underwear meant I had to spend my entire weekend doing 6 weeks worth of laundry.

Yeah, my week was like that over and over every day. So I knew the EPIC post would have to wait. So what do I talk about? Should I mention the hilarious tidbit of news 1,000 people emailed us about Buttcrack Santa? Nah. I’ll make you wait for that. How bout I swoon over Jashley’s new photoshoot where they’re kissing? Hmm. I’m gonna keep that for myself.  Did Kristen say anything recently to offend the lesbian community? Probably but… I need to laugh. You need to laugh. So I reached into my treasure chest and was motivated to post a second-round of Motivational Posters because they are just what this Friday needs!


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New Moon expectations

Deepest Loss

Deepest Loss- THIS is why I can't wait for this film

Dear young teachable ones,

Do you remember your first time? You had already fallen in love. You had already been through a lot together, and then the unexpected happens. And your heart is ripped out and you don’t want to go on. You want to close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep- someone waking you when the pain has passed. New Moon is like that for everyone. I know we can each name a friend or two who has thrown the book across the room and refused to continue to read. If you were one of those people who got your entire group of friends to read the book, you know this especially well. Friends loved you after Twilight and wondered why you kept that book from them for so long. And then by the time they got to New Moon, they replaced their gratefulness with anger. But that, too, passes. And eventually you and your friends read New Moon again and appreciate all the things about the book that you missed the first time (like chapters 3-17).

New Moon is such a powerful book filled with that emotion of deepest loss that so many can relate to. This is why I cannot wait for the movie. Plus it has Rob. And the wolfpack. Shirtless. Plus Rob shirtless. And Taylor. And Rob. And was directed by Chris Weitz, DILF of the year. Plus Alice is dressed better. And Jasper has that awful wig that will provide countless jokes for months to come. And Rob. Shirtless. All those things plus an awesome story? All that to say, I cannot wait.

JortPack

Fine, I also can't wait for the Jort-pack

But I have to be honest. I’m concerned that in the upcoming weeks as the press starts to have private viewings and then when we see the film on November 20th, some of us are going to be disappointed. There has been so much hype surrounding this movie that it’s been built up in our minds to be so far and beyond what Twilight was. That’s not a hard feat because, as we’ve said before, Twilight blew, but I think the bar has been set SO HIGH for New Moon that if anything is off slightly from what is expected, fans are going to come after Chris Weitz by the hundreds. I know Moon said he carries that man-bag around with him, but I don’t know if he can load it with enough rocks to ward off a mob of angry, cock-blocked Twihards. But despite this, despite if it flops at the box office (right…) and if it gets reviews worse than “From Justin to Kelly,” I think I’ll still love it. I think we can ALL still love it. And I think it’s all about managing our expectations.

Let’s not go into New Moon on opening night thinking it’s going to be like Schindler’s List. If we accept that it will more likely mirror Bring it On Again, it might be easier to love if it’s a major dud. Accept it NOW. They will NOT cover EVERY detail in the book. They have 200 minutes to bring a 25 chapter book to life. Plus they have to backtrack and include some details Twilight left out (Cathy Hardi is sipping her Ultimate Pina Colada at TGIFridays saying “suckaassss” right now) They will leave out details you feel are important and they will add details IN that you think are stupid. ACCEPT it now!

Rob Pattinson Shirtless

Okay, THIS might also be a reason why I can't wait for this film

There will be things that will be cheesy. It’s CGI and WOLVES. Big, non-existent computerized wolves. They will not look real. Cuz wolves like that don’t really exist. Accept IT now! Rob will occasionally sound British. He can’t help it. He’s British. Accept it! Kristen will stutter & blink. She learned that in when she was 13 and in Panic Room when the director yelled “Look scared” and she said “How?” and he responded “Stutter & blink!” Colors will be different. The order of events will be different. Characters will be different. Characters will be ADDED (Please God let there be a New Moon equivalent of Buttcrack Santa (Tequila Tomas is a viable option)) ACCEPT it NOW! You WILL be cock-blocked like in the book. Edward and Bella don’t get it on. Rob won’t be getting naked. There will be fight scenes to “bring in a male audience” that weren’t present in the book. Someone will wear their New Moon burger king crown to the movie theater blocking your view, and little girls will be in the theater with their “Team Jacob” t-shirts and you will judge their mothers for allowing them to come despite their age. ACCEPT IT NOW.

New Moon is a book that plays out differently in each of our minds. And it’s being brought to the big screen from the minds of just a handful of people. We are different. They are different. They visualize things we never would and don’t visualize things we do (Rob naked). If we focus on what WE want then we WILL be disappointed. Let’s just remember it’s a book we love and we get to see it play out BEFORE our very eyes! And Rob will make us swoon. Does anything else really matter?

Love your friendly neighborhood expectation manager,
UnintendedChoice

Seriously, I went into Twilight having ZERRROOOO expectations. I actually expected it to suck. And I came out loving it, even though it blew. I want that to happen so badly with New Moon!

What expectations do you need to get rid of in order to fully enjoy New Moon?

Moon has a theory on LTR
Talk it out further on The Forum
Deepest Loss painting from one of my fav artists, Adrienne Trafford

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