New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown


(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)

bellwaitwhat

Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon:
ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?!
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut
Continue…

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Unicorns: Where've ya been?

Rob-icorn

Rob-icorn

Dear Unicorns,

Oh where oh where have you been? Are you in unicorn land poking all the hottest female unicorns with your horn? It’s been so long since we’ve come across one of you reading Twilight to your son on a plane or wearing an Edward Cullen T-shirt to the gym. We miss you. Come back & visit us. Be like these guys:

Not Proper Twitiquette (but possibly okay during a Unicorn Drought)

A few weeks ago, I was at the local grocery chain, doing my weekly shopping. On my way out the door, I crossed paths with what I could only describe as a walking cry for help. A middle-aged, nerdy, rather-greasy man walked into the store, displaying his Twi-love for all to see. He wore a black Edward t-shirt, complete with quote, “What if I’m the bad guy?” His wife, walking in beside him, strangely had no Twi-gear on (unless she also keeps her Edward pin affixed to her bra). As you discussed, THIS is not proper Twitiquette. -Ldawg

Jacob’s into cars n’ stuff

Onto my Unicorn-in-Training story. After many months of plotting, I was finally able to convince my hub to just give the first book a try. Oh, it took many discussions on the merits of a teen, vampire romance as a metaphor for first love, forbidden fruit, all the rest. And a promise of some…erm…reward at the end if he finished it.

So, it was slow-going at first, but to my surprise, he actually seemed to be enjoying it; to the point when at night if I tried to talk to him in bed he told me, “honey, I need to read a bit.” Wow! Occasionally I’d get questions like, “What is Bella’s problem? One day she’s mooning over Edward, the next she’s pissed at him!” I even got, “Are they going to do more with Jacob in the others books? I really like how he’s into cars and stuff.”

When he finished the book, we had a truly meaningful discussion on it, and although he told me not to get my hopes up, he said he’s actually interested to see what happens next! Am I a lucky gal or what?! -Ldawg

Read more after the jump Continue…

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Jacob & Bella: It's On

Dear Twihards,

I know that when you saw this picture today you said, “oh UC & Moon have got to Break that Down Vanity Fair style.” Duh. Of course we did.  And welcome Kristin, our fab forum mod & viagra spammer killer to today’s Breaking it down:

jakeandbella

Moon: OH. MY. GOD
UC
: what!? is this your first time seeing this picture?
Moon
: this pic!! no AGAIN. it’s my second time. It’s like almost a little much
Kristin
: it was my first time.
Moon
: VIRGIN- Relax! Breathe! Do what feels right, Kristin

Kristin: well he looks pissed
UC
: Well, he has a hard on
Kristin
: and she looks half dead
UC
: and he can’t do ANYTHING about it. And in her defense…. she is half dead…
Kristin
: and he totally has blue balls.
Moon
: Omg- I’m just staring
Kristin
: he’s like. “damnit Bella, I wanted to have to rip your shirt off and administer CPR!”
Moon
: like how’d they make a near drowning SEXY?

UC: I e-mailed The Quad earlier today and said this, “Can we speculate what’s going on during this image? cuz I don’t believe the book described a scene quite this sexy when Jake saves Bells, so what do we think? Took a lil’ shower together? Jacob is too tall to scrub his feet so Bella helped him out?’ Cuz it def seems a little more ‘sexytime in the shower’ than ‘i just saved your life from a vampire standing over you while you were drowning in the cold water’
UC
: EastFriend responded “He had his 1st wet dream about her, forcing him to take a cold shower. Bella stepped in to wash his back.
Or…
They were getting their Gene Kelly on. Just singin’ & dancin’ in the rain. Then Bella slipped & fell, of course, so Jake had to rescue her. It was a poignant moment, hence the serious expressions on their faces.
See? I can be dirty & clean! It’s a gift. Seeing both the sexy & pure sides of the same situation. ”

Kristin: Bella looks kind of “whaa just happened”- very damsel in distress. Makes me want to punch her. just a little.
Moon
: DO THAT NOW. DO HIM. Edward left your ass. DO IT
Moon
: dude bella & Edward are on WAY more than “a break”
Kristin
: she can blame it on the “near death experience” !
Moon
: he has to forgive you
Kristin
: I always have sex after I almost die.
Moon
: oh ‘oops he saved me and his tongue ended up in my mouth. ‘ OOPS. All i can imagine is a drops of water coming off his hair and hitting her
UC
: her ears look big
Moon
: such a hot visual
UC
: so do his muscles
Moon
: his nose looks big- look at his MOOBS

Kristen gets real honest after the jump Continue…

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New Moon Nudity

Dear guy who I had to look up on imdb because I forget your name Jamie Campbell Bower,

Welcome to the Twilight world- where you make a joke like “just took a dump on Rob Pattinson’s face” over Twitter and twihards all over the world take you seriously and call in UNICEF to intervene in what they think is a humanitarian crisis. OR You say this in an interview:

and end up getting all media & news reports to start discussing the “nudity” in New Moon surely giving Stephenie Meyer a heart attack that her ‘save it for marriage’ textbook called the Twilight saga is causing a scandal big enough to rival Nikki Reed’s sad attempt to prove to the world she is over Rob Pattinson by hooking up with the nastiest Greek shipping heir billionaire she could find. Then busy directors like Chris Weitz up to their eyeballs in post-production woes like editing 200 hours of half-naked guys on film have to waste their time and make a statement about the joke just so crazy fans will calm down, moms will agree that their 12 year olds can see the movie again and will reluctantly cancel their plans to show up at the movie theater with 12 of their closest friends in the sluttiest JC Penny has to offer with a wad of one dollar bills to throw at the movie screen. And you get forced (I’m assuming by Summit, who we love to blame) to tweet this:

jamienaked

Just an FYI, us “normal” fans can take a joke. We never thought it was true and we promise to never be offended at the thought of naked Robert Pattinson. However… I am really disappointed that it was all a joke, and here are my reasons why:

Peter-Facinelli-peter-facinelli-5262983-500-648

Peetah

Kellan-Lutz

Kellan

JacksonRathbone

Jax

alex-meraz-2

Alex

taylor_lautner240

Legal in Georgia

Big Daddy

Big Daddy

Rob

Rob

Maybe we’ll have better luck in Eclipse?
Love,
UnintendedChoice

Phew- It’s a hot cast. That’s what made me decide to post this. And the additions to Eclipse are hot too. Which new hottie is your fav!?

Follow that guy from New Moon Jamie Campbell Bower on twitter!

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The Forum
Moon gets sappy on Rob over at LTR

pics found on Starpulse.com and fanpop.com and google images

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Twilight museum of art (and crap)

Dear Fans of LTT and Fans of art,

We spend so much time making fun of things on LTT that I bet most people think Moon & I are the meanest people in real life. We’re not usually. I thought it was time to celebrate some of the beautiful things that come out of the fandom. Cuz there are some. I’m being serious. Don’t think that I’m gonna pretend like they’re great & then show you the most second-hand embarrassing art EVER that surely would star in the “Second-Hand Embarrassing Art Museum” in Manhattan (that doesn’t exist… yet)

Let’s stroll together through the Twilight Museum of Art….

Twilight___New_Moon_by_ember_snow

This scene found on google images beautifully depicts the theme of racism throughout the Twilight Saga. Wait. Were you aware of those themes? That instead of being a story of girl stuck between vampire & werewolf it’s really a story of a girl choosing between those paler than her or darker than her? Me neither. Okay, so maybe that’s not what the artist was trying to say, but isn’t art in the eye of the beholder? That’s what I saw here, but I still think it’s beautiful!

Alice_by_RinianAlice, drawn by Rinian, looks as cute as I had pictured her while reading the series. I wish I could be best friends with a cartoon character

eclipse___Tied_Up_by_shirohatoLOVE this picture of Bella and the two different colored ribbons representing the choice she has to make. Also love that she seems like a ballerina because, I don’t know about you, but I could’ve used less of a klutzy Bella.  By shirohato

Rosalie__s_Unhappy_Ending_by_Eclipse_AwayThis is my favorite piece that I’m sharing with you on our journey through the Twilight museum of art. The artist explained that this is a representation of Rosalie’s unhappy ending. If you look closely you’ll see her ghost in the picture, too. I have goosebumps. Found here on deviant art

bellaedwardThere is so much Bella & Edward art out there. Mostly because there are so many great pictures of Robert & Kristen together- so people just use their pictures as inspiration. While often times they can be good (although mostly they’re not), I love this because it’s the artist’s vision of Edward & Bella. Plus added with the quote from New Moon (appropriate placed- not inked in an armpit or doodled on the back of a minivan) it’s incredibly powerful! Found here

See! Wasn’t that fun!? To take a walk through the Twilight art gallery and, maybe laugh a little less, but instead be inspired!? And Look at me! I am being so nice today. Come on- you have to admit it, you like nice UC….

Fine… it’s hard for me too.. I’ll cave… after the jump, enjoy the good stuff…. Continue…

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