Dear Forks,

I heard the news! No- not that you’ve realized no year will ever be as good as 2008, but the news that you want to create a Twilight museum! I guess you must still be looking for our phone number because you’d neverstart a museum without our suggestions for what should be in it, right? Of course not. Well, off the top of my head:

May this be in wax lest we never forget

• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s privacy pre-2009
• That weed pipe Kristen was caught smoking on that stoop
• The notebook with the song lyrics & chords from the Cullen family after-hours jam sessions from Twilight filming
• An Olive Garden take-out container with a fork used by Big Daddy
• The bed sheets where Rob & Kristen first made out (they might cost you and arm & a leg– Cathi’s been trying for the highest bidder for years)
• Michael Oregano
• The spray can from Rob’s airbrushed abs in New Moon
• The old blackberry Moon used to take an illicit Robsten photo with
• A mock Buttcrack Santa grave site
• Taylor’s tears from the Swiftner break-up
• Evidence from an Ashley-Jackson hook up session
• Rob Pattinson’s copy of Midnight Sun that he accidentally left sitting around which went missing 4 years ago

They'll be there

But it gets better— not only are you creating a museum but you’re holding a 3 day 2012 Stephene Meyer Day event (GREAT marketing, btw… with a 3 day Stephenie Meyer DAY event, how COULD she say no!?) including a Twilight-themed festival. And the main event will be a nighttime reenactment of the wedding!!! I can see it now- a bunch of badly dressed goth kids dressed as Bella & Edward sneaking off to do it in the Forks woods. And.. omg– you’re working on securing THE Twilight Film Props collection from Collector John Henson. THERE IS A TWILIGHT FILM PROPS COLLECTOR?? As if this could get any better.

OH BUT IT CAN.

The Target demographic for the museum is…. yep- Woman, aged 30+!!!! After all our years of complaining that NO ONE, the media- the movie studios, the merch makers, gets that the most DEDICATED Twilight fans are us old folks (I mean YOU old folks, I’m holding on to my 20s for one more year thank you very much!!) YOU GET IT! The town of Forks KNOWS it! And I have to assume that’s because they notice that the only people checking into their Bed & Breakfasts are groups of giggly grown women, with the occasional sad, sad man trailing far behind.

But I have to admit. This whole time…. as I’m making fun of you & your new museum & your attempt to bring Stephenie Meyer back to your sleepy town (You did realize I was making fun of you, right?)… who am I kidding? I actually want to visit you.

I want to sit here

Yes, I want to visit your museum & add my ticket stub to my scrapbook

I want to rent a beat up red truck & drive to La push.

I want to sleep in the “Cottage” room at the local bed & breakfast. I want to eat at Bella Italia after running away from some dodgey fellas. I want the mushroom ravioli. Even though I’m sure it’s frozen 10 minutes before it’s served onto my plate.

I want to take my macbook to “The Lodge” and order a big juicy hunk of deer meat only to remember seconds later I’m a vegetarian.

I’d want to pose near Carlisle’s parking spot at the hospital & visit the police station. I’d grab the sherif & buy him a Vitamin R.

And I want to find a big ass tree and make Moon jump on my back for an epic “Spider Monkey” picture.

I AM your target demographic. And I’m coming for you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Would you go to Forks to see the Twilight Museum? If not for the museum… do you still want to o to Forks? Come on! Admit it.. While totally cheesy & done a gazillion times..It would be fun…..!

You may have noticed we’re not posting as regularly. IT’S SO HARD!!! Posting when there is nothing to post about it like…. well, impossible sometimes as you’ve noticed. Don’t worry- we’re not leaving you for good. So don’t expect that announcement anytime soon. We can’t quit you quite yet. But we are going to only post when we have stuff that inspires us (no forcing it) and also some nights we’re well intentioned but real life gets in the way. We have like.. real jobs now. It’s weird. But HEY— we know YOU still have so much to say to Twilight.. so please put those thoughts down on paper & email it to us, won’t you!? XO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

We received the following from LTT friend TheVenom the other day:

Dear LTT,

In light of the recent scandal that has erupted due to confusion over the Sheila post (people are throwing chairs, offering free but questionable psychoanalysis services (i.e. “losers off yourselves!”) etc.), I thought it might be funny/helpful/lame to write a fake newbie personality quiz to minimize confusion for new folks and help them maybe but probably not blend in a little more easily.

Disclaimer: I am not an authority on this subject. This is based on my own newbie observations, which could be totally wrong of course, and on the fact I actually read the FAQs first. I’m a dork that way.

The first (and only) question is:

1. Would you describe yourself as a…. (choose one)

a. Weird, Twi-hard commenter over at E-online
b. Celebrity stalker “loser”
c. Bully
d. Just a person who likes to read funny shit
e. Other:______________

Results:
If you answered….

a. Caution: You may not like it here very much & it’s possible you will seem weird and mean. You also may not get the jokes. You will probably freak out because of this and needlessly judge others. People will notice. It will be funny. You will not think so.

b. You may claim to have insider knowledge about gossip that debunks fun, innocent speculation but nobody will buy it, because these are seasoned pros. Your math skills will be questioned. Fake T-shirts will be created in your honor. (they’re fake right?) You might seem a little crazy and people might bag on you in a super nice way. Lurkers will laugh at this! (Also see results for a)

c. You might need help. Cyber bullying is a real issue these days. Nip it in the bud. Go take a free iTunes class in psychology since you’re so serious about shit and smarter than everyone else. Or just pay the money for therapy. Come back when you’re feeling better. They might let you. There is hope.

d. You’re normal, probably, but that will always be subjective because you are here. You will have thumbs ups and downs. Sometimes you will feel like an ass, but at least you have a sense of humor so you won’t care either way. You’ll like it here.

e. Other- Results vary based on expert opinions of Moon, UC and non-newbies. Lurk awhile and you’ll figure out who they are. They are to be revered. Give them a chance before the hate, and you’ll laugh so hard you’ll pee a little, which is totally a good thing. Try it!

I loved this start to the “Newbie Quiz” from TheVenom & have a few to add:

2. Have you heard of “Sarcasm?”

a. Yes- but it confuses me
b. No
c. Yes. I’m a fan
d. Yes & I’m a frequent user

If you answered:

a. Then we’re REALLY gonna confuse you
b. You’re going to hate it here
c. Welcome
d. You’re our people. Submit us a letter of your own!

3. Do you take the teenage love story about Vampires who sparkle in the sunlight & can impregnante their wives so seriously that you’ll hate on anyone who might criticize, poke fun of it or its fans? 

a. Yes
b. I don’t know anyone like that
c. No- I make fun of it all the time, yet I love it so much. Is this normal?

If you answered:

a. You’re gonna hate it here
b. Welcome to LTT. We ARE those people
c. That’s Normal. So normal. You’re home now hunny. You can relax

4. Do you think famous people who get paid millions of dollars to be in the public eye should never have their personal lives discussed?

a. No
b. Yes
c. Just don’t criticize (insert name of person you love)

If you answered:

a. LTTs gonna feel like home
b. You’re gonna hate it here
c. (Name of person you love) probably hates (insert name of of someone hated by person you love) and we’ll definitely discuss that, so you’ll be happy. But then the next day we’ll probably discuss (name of person you love) and piss you off for a minute. Sorry.

5. Finish the sentence: It’s more fun to:

a. Speculate or fantasize about what MIGHT actually be (or never EVER be, depending on the day)
b. Only discuss truth & facts

If you answered:

a. How does creating a “Character” for your favorite Twilight actor sound along with a favorite restaurant, girlfriend (we could even write a song for the two of them) and altogether “new” (but, let’s be honest, pretty accurate) personality sound? Good? You’ll like it hre!
b. You’re gonna hate it here.

6. When you leave a comment to hurt someone, you’d expect the response to be:

a. Something mean back, perferably to be called a bad word for a female body part
b. The responder to try to start a debate or argument
c. Something confusing (is that sarcasm?) that sounds like it agrees with you but also maybe doesn’t? And maybe makes fun of your spelling.
d. Total and complete agreement

If you answered:

a. This could happen on LTT, if you’re offended another newbie
b. This might happen at LTT, although it’s hard to debate with an LTTer who has been around for awhile
c. This is likely the response of a seasoned LTTer, or, if you’re lucky, UC or Moon decided to join the “there’s a newbie who doesn’t get it gone crazy in the comments” fun for a few minutes that day.
d. This means you got one of your friends to comment too! Look at you!

So newbies, how did you do? Does it seem like LTT is going to be a place to call home? Or did you end up with mostly “You’re gonna hate it heres?” Sound off in the comments & old LTTers (Can I call you Old LTT Hags?) what did I miss!?

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Did you remember we have FAQs? I forgot & re-read them last night (and even added a few new lines) HILARIOUS. All that crap STILL makes me laugh. Read the LTT FAQs now!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Make sure you get the "Special Edition" cuz I hear there's a Robsten Sex Tape in the extras

Dear Twilight,

In celebration of the Breaking Dawn Part 1 DVD release tonight I thought we’d do something we haven’t done since New Moon or Twilight. (Sorry Eclipse, we forgot you) A Twilight Drinking Game.

Yes, it’s that time again. Time to stand in line outside in the freezing cold at the Target at midnight, waiting, not for a 72″ TV on sale for $29.99, but for a DVD that you could just get at 9 am the next morning (because there is no way Target is gonna run out of DVDs.) It’s time to gather your Twi-girlfriends together, kick the kids & the men out of the house, grab the special Twilight cups you keep just for this occasion (Red Solo Cups. (“I fill you up.”)) and make those snacks you call “Twilight Bites” that are really just an excuse to make double fudge chocolate brownies. It’s that one night a year you can let your girlfriends into that room you have permanently decorated as the Cullen’s House but let them think you hired a decorator just for the DVD party. You can take your Life-sized Jacob & Edward cardboard cut outs into the living space of your home instead of where they are safely packed away (on the floor on your side of the bed.. shhh don’t tell the mister) And yes, you can play “pin the (insert whatever you want) on Edward’s (insert preferred PG, PG-13 or R rated body part)”

But it wouldn’t be a Twilight party without a drinking game to go along with the DVD. So I give you:

Letters to Twilight’s The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1 Drinking Game

First

- Take a drink if you can say the proper title to the latest Twilight movie without stumbling.

Now Start the Movie
- Take a drink every time you wish Charlie was your dad
- Take a drink when you erase that first thought & wish you could get it on with Charlie

- Take a drink every time you get that gooey feeling inside when Edward is on screen & you want to scream or shriek like you’re in the theater at midnight
- Do a shot with every toast at the wedding. Double shot when Anna Kendrick speaks
- Do a shot every time you hear a song from an earlier film
- With every inappropriate smile that Bella gives Jake, drink!

- Drink every time something makes you think of LTT (so basically every Robsten scene)
- During the Edward & Bella scenes (so basically the whole movie) drink whenever you think of a Robsten joke you or someone on LTT once made. Double fist if it’s about the bear-skin rug
- Drink if you find yourself humming “Breathe me”
- Take a BIG gulp the minute you realize you’re watching the scene where Jumping Rob was birthed
- Drink every time you miss Buttcrack Santa
- Every time you think, “Oh They practiced that!” Drink!

- Do a shot every time you get feel icky about imprinting
- As Rosalie gets scarier as the film progresses, drink. Extra points if you sing the song Nikki Reed’s husband sang at the end of American Idol (wait, did he win AI?)

-Close your eyes, hold your ears and CHUG the bottle when Bella’s back breaks, she goes down & gets torn apart. You won’t survive that scene sober
-Drink every time you want to cry because it’s so emotional & beautiful & Bella & Edward are having much better sex than you are. Or because the saga is almost over. (By now you should be drinking out of the bottle because you’re crying so hard because we’ve gotten you so drunk up to this point)

Think of Me

-Do a shot in Chris Hansen’s honor the EXACT minute Jacob imprints
- Drink if you or someone in your group says “WHERE IS THE CHRISTINA PERRY SONG?”
- BONUS Throw a drink in the face of whoever says “I KNEW it would end like this”

Yay!! Now you’re good & drunk! Eat more brownies! Make out with Cardboard cut out Edward! Make Cardboard Jacob kiss Cardboard Edward! Write some Robsten Fan Fic! Whatever!! You’re having Fun!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Wanna Reminisce? Twilight Drinking Game & New Moon Drinking Game

So who is excited? Are you going to one of the Target midnight release parties? I’ll be away from Philly visiting my sister in Pittsburgh so I doubt I’ll make it to one, but I’ll be thinking of you all. Please tweet me the amazing things you see at your release party!   Oh Yeah- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR LAUTNER (Tomorrow) You were MUCH more fun when you were underage and/or seen out at Olive Garden more often.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

I totally love your music Jackson, I swear. Now do me

Dear Twilighters,

I have found our saviour… the HOPE of our fandom.

Yes, it’s Sheila Hafsadi. And no, I don’t know how to pronounce her last name either. But the face of HOPE she is. No longer is it Barack Obama, but Sheila Hafsadi we can put our future and dreams into. Why, you ask? Because she did what everyone thought was seemingly impossible: hook a Twicast member for life. I know we all thought it was impossible but Sheila’s here to remind us that yes it’s possible. Anyone can go to a 100 Monkeys Concert (though not advised), meet Jackson, get him trashed, jump in the backseat of your Ford Focus with him, get hot and heavy and “oh of course you’re totally on birth control,” get crazy, watch Jackson stumble out of the Focus, then drive off towards the CVS for the pregnancy test you’ll need next month. A month later after it’s confirmed, call him up, drop the hammer, and presto you’re on Summit’s private jet to the European leg of the Breaking Dawn press tour with the girl from Thirteen and that dude from American Idol. I mean really, Sheila makes it all sound so simple, I feel stupid we didn’t think of it first. Only with a less catfish-y cast member. This is what happens when you don’t teach abstinence and birth control at that backwoods “theater” school Jackson went to. BIG MISTAKE!

You guys should totally record a song together. Worked for us!

Now that Sheila’s proven anyone can do it we have a few concerns, first of all if this is only Jackson’s first confirmed child what about the rest of the z list cast? Any cast member’s who’s attended a Twicon in the past could potentially have like 50 illegitimate children out there. So as a precautionary measure we’d think all Twicon giftbags and backstage should be well stocked with condoms otherwise the newly hopeful fandom may get some ideas about the backseats of their Ford Focus’s.

.
It’s kind of amazing Jackson’s dodged a bullet this long, here’s hoping Mike Welch is “safe” at the next three day Breast Cancer Walk.

Here’s to the new hope in the fandom! We salute you, Sheila! Here, here! *starts chanting* YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

(perfect for printing, hanging and taking tips from)

Wrap it up kids!
Moon and UC

REALLY Jackson?! 4months along?! Anyone? This has to be a happy “surprise” and not planned, right? ANYONE?! And what about Jackson’s Texas living, conservy parents??? Poor Mrs. Rathbone.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Your Hostesses for the evening...

Dear LTT-ers,

Hello and welcome to the beautiful WordPress Auditorium here on this lovely day in the interwebs! Today is the day we’ve been waiting all never year for! The ballots have been collected and counted by the accounting firm of UC and Moon pop a bottle of your finest Boone’s Farm champagne and throw on your finest borrowed dress (this IS Hollywood) because today is the day we find out who won the LTT awards!

The finest minds in the fandom have come together to bring you the very best of last year. As a reminder all winners are chosen by SECRET ballot but you can thank the academy (random people we like in the fandom) below. Now without further adieu I present you… THE LTT AWARDS!!!

*cue UC and Moon doing a musical number which sounds an awful lot like the Twi Musical number we posted last week*

Let’s get to the awards shall we? I hope you’ve filled out your home ballots and are keeping score with your friends.. Let’s Do This!

The LTT Awards! Awarding excellence and epic fail in the Twilight fandom! 

1. Award for achievement in bending the truth so far even they don’t know what’s a lie anymore
…and the winner is… Any person who has seen Robert Pattinson at any location with any woman ever.

.

2. Best actor/actress in a fake relationship
and the winner is… Kiowa Gordon and “music”

. 

3. Weirdest guest at the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 Premiere
…and the winner is Jackson Rathbone’s Suit. Our eyes have still not recovered though we hope he’ll one day teach us the finer points of applying Guyliner.

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4. Best leather jacket of Taylor Lautner’s
…and the winner is… ALL OF THEM!

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5.  Best gray suit of Taylor Lautner’s
…and the winner is… what do you know, ALL OF THEM!

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6. Best Twi cast member’s Dad

7.  Award to the fandom that will take away the spotlight and crazy from Twilight in 2012
…and the winner is… by a landslide… congrats Hunger Games!!! We happily give you this burden crown to bear! Good luck to Joshifer and Jenniam! Though until we see one of the cast members’ faces tattooed on some chick’s back, they have nothing on the twi fandom.

. 

8. Robert Pattinson’s worst hair of 2011
…and the winner is… Comic Con sideways toupee hairdo! Proving Rob could show up looking like hell from a 4 day bender, eye brow-less and wearing a trash bag and we’d still be turned on.

. 

9. Best Twilight related Tweeter
… and the winner is… No one since Billy Burke stopped drunk tweeting.

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10. Best non cast/official Tweeter
…and the winner is… *cue the In Memorium piece to @DelaneyG84*

. 

11. Biggest Fandom Drama of 2011
…and the winner is… A TIE between SQID aka E.L. James ”publishing” and possibly getting a Hollywood deal for her crackfic. This time next year, we expect to see her accusing Stephenie Meyer of copyright infringement. Premiere Camping drama and Robert Pattinson seen with anyone besides Kristen.


.
12. Biggest thing Nikki Reed did this year that annoyed the Robsten-er’s/Krisbians?
…and the winner is…  EVERYTHING! Her breathing, joining Twitter, getting married, looking genuinely happy, her “story” in Seventeen, releasing that song, her existing in the same universe.

.

13. The most likely to implode post Twilight
… and the winner is… Kiowa Gordon and Bronson Pelletier

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14. The best usage of their 15 minutes of fame
…and the winner is… Kellan Lutz!! Between charity, tweeting, landing an undies ad, showing us his bulge with no shame, telling his mom to get a breast exam, dating a CW star and planning board games nights with Ashley, Kellan did it all! Not to mention he looked good and acted like a human being to fans whilst doing it! BRAVO!

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15. Twilight related person/cast member/etc. who used their short amount of fame time the BEST way
…and the winner is…by another landslide THE ENTIRE WOLFPACK! For good and not so good reasons There are several members who have used it for good. Booboo, Chaske, and Tinsel have all done significant charity work and tried to be role models. Boo Boo Stewart. He’s on TMZ every other day, but acting totally normal. He’s good at “running into the paps” to get his face out there but isn’t incredibly annoying about it. Then there are some other wolf pack members who show up to Twicons with boring answers to questions and take photos with fans while sticking their tongue out and acting moronic.

. 

16. Best music related Twilight endeavor
…and the winner is… The Belgium ladies musical, everything else is NO CONTEST. Yes, Alice and Bella Not an Addikt for the MAJOR WIN. We don’t even care that it was technically 2012 when it came out it’s about Breaking Dawn Pt 1 so there.

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17. The LTT Icarus Award – The nominee that soars closest to the sun, only to fall the farthest. The actor/musician/commenter/blogger/Tweeter/author/Twi legend that fails so miserably, it has to be recognized
… Taylor Lautner in Abduction

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and because it HAS to be handed out, the retroactive Icarus Awards goes to The Dallas Twicon!

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18. The most anticipated Twilight related event/moment in 2012
…and the winner is… The lavish wedding or bitter break up of Robsten

WE KID WE KID! Of course it’s Breaking Dawn Part 2: The End WAH WAAAAAH WAAAHH!!! NOOO!!!

. 

Congratulations to all the winners and better luck next time to the losers. We’re already running over time so we’re gonna throw it to you commenters for the final say. Until next year…

Moon and UC

You all deserve one of these!

Super big thanks to our secret voters who’s answers are all anonymous and credited to no one!
@einfach_mich, The Obird, Janetrigs, Bella and Alice Not an Addikt, Jenny Jerkface, JodieO, Brooke Lockart, The Lex, Lori and Laura, E at Twilightish, Twilight Examiner, Twilight Poison, and a few that wish to remain even more anonymous! You’re all awesome and hilarious and brave and we can’t wait for 2012 and another round of awards!
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Business Time after the jump!

HELP A SISTER OUT (Literally)

UC’s 2nd youngest sister, Rachael is currently in Costa Rica working for a non profit called Abriendo Mentes. She’s not exactly sure what she’s doing but she knows she goes to the beach daily, catches tarantulas in tupperware containers & occasionally teaches English to kids and then tweets & blogs & runs social media for the organization (We’re so proud!)

For the next week there is a GREAT online store called Fresh Words Market with really cool products & prints giving 50% of each sale directly to Abriendo Mentes. If you need a gift- for you or someone you love or maybe even hate- buy it from this store because #1 they have great stuff and #2 it will help a great cause & #3 UC’s sister will be really happy with us. And UC is kinda afraid she’s gonna send her that tarantula through the mail if we don’t get her some sales.

Shop Fresh Words Market for a Great Cause!