Storytime with UC & the 100Monkeys

Dear 100Monkeys,

I have a story to share with you today. That’s all.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Once upon a time in the city of Philadelphia, UC arrives to 2nd street and is walking away from the parking garage towards Triumph Brewery. Suddenly 4 sweaty boys with guitars on their backs come RUNNING from another street. It is the 100Monkeys. Someone yells “Jackson!” and UC cringes with 2nd-hand embarassment and quickly looks away, afraid someone will think she is a crazy Twilight fan.  Instead of going to the club to meet her friend, UC proceeds to follow the 100Monkeys, just as any good blogger in desperate need of content would do. But they continue on past the Triumph Brewery and, alas, UC is hungry and running a few minutes late.

The first east coast LTT/LTR dinner is a success and a few drinks later, everyone proceeds to The Kyber to see what other 2nd-hand embarrassing moments await them.

Soon after arriving, UC points out the Bella Tattoo, which we learned on Sunday was tattooed so that Rob would decide to love her for eternity.

bellatattoo

Frustrated with the lack of Twilight T-shirts in her vicinity, UC decides to take a walk with JustGotWicked. Ah ha! There they spy the Monkey-aholics in the front of the line. They’re sure to provide 2nd-hand embarrassing moments! They did not dissapoint. Exhibit 1: Home-made canvas Team100Monkey bags:

team100monkeys

Continuing on down the line, Monkeyhats are spotted!

monkeyhats

Some guy who apparently is in the 2nd opening band approaches them & they decide to snap a snot with him. Just cause. It’ll make him feel famous. Instead of a broke guy in an awful band.

2ndbandandus

Do you spy my tounge? I do

 

and look! A huge Stuffed Monkey!

girlwithhugemonkey

UC decides all this work is tiring and needs a break with Calli & Amourpsu for some shots

Find out what happens after the shots (Here’s a teaser- UC falls down the bar’s stairs) after the jump

Continue…

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Birthday Wishes for Robert Pattinson from the Twilight crew

Dear Rob,

Yes. We realize there is an entire site dedicated to you (LetterstoRob, holla) but today is ALL about YOU! It is your birthday, afterall! So happy birthday from us, UC & Moon. We’re just popping in here quickly to tell you we collected birthday wishes or gifts from your favorite castmates from The Twilight Saga. And boy are they awesome! We hope you enjoy them!

Love,
UC & Moon

PS don’t forget to check out the party at the forum in YOUR honor and the very special edition of Letters to Rob!

this could be YOU rob! (click to enlarge! trust!)

this could be YOU rob! (click to enlarge! trust!)

Jackson Rathbone
For your birthday, you get to spend some time in the Banana suit that randomly travels around with my band, 100Monkeys. Don’t question the reason for the banana. Just jump in the suit and have a good time. Oh, and try not to sweat too much. That thing is a bitch to wash so we haven’t done it, ever. But don’t worry- we bought it only slightly used and it’s been around since ’92, so it’s good quality. Happy birthday, banana man!

Kellan Lutz

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

Today, Rob, I am burdened with prayer for you. I committ, as your accountability partner, to spend at least one hour in constant prayer for you today. I will pray for a variety things such as your inability to get over Kristen, your smoking habit, for your protection from the Pattinson Pants & Pattinson Tattoo ladies and that you will find the strength to do the necessary exercises to obtain a 6 pack such as mine. I’d also love to go clubbing with you later, if you’re up for it. I met some smokin’ hot ladies in Hollywood last night that I bet we can witness to, ifyouknowwhatimsaying (wink wink!). Prayin’ that it’s a kick-ass birthday, man!

Eat your heart out Rob!

Eat your heart out Rob!

Ashley Greene

Rob, it’s clear to me that you need another $103 LNA zip-up hoodie so I’m gonna take you to Kitson to get one! It’s on me.. No, no no, I don’t want you paying. Oh fine, you can contribute your budgeted amount for a hoodie. What’s that $40 or $50..? Oh… three dollars? Are you kidding me? Robbie, I think they charge more than that to walk in the door at Kitson…. Oh well, Happy Birthday anyway you cheap-ass friend. Oh and seriously you like THOSE girls more than me?? Hummmppphh. Maybe I should get you a brain and a pair of eyeballs for your birthday instead of a hoodie.
XO

Hair hair haaaair, long beautiful hair!

Hair hair haaaair, long beautiful hair!

Rachelle Lefevre

Hey Rob, as we all know one of the main things you’re known for is your hair. I mean remember all the hoopla in December when you cut it off? Or all the questions on the Twilight press junket about your hair and how you never wash it and how it has a life of it’s own? Yea, well we all remember it very well cause we were asked non stop about it. Thanks. So for your birthday I’m going to give you free hair tips since mine is so faboo. I’m also going to teach you how to wash it every few days so people will stop asking that question! I’ll also introduce you to this awesome dry shampoo that you spray into your hair to soak up the grease. It’s a gift

Forget those little girls Rob... grrrr!

Forget those little girls Rob... grrrr!

from God himself. And then I’ll let you let me scratch your head and massage your hair follicles to encourage growth. What? You’ve never heard of that? Just go with it babe. Trust me.

Elizabeth Reaser

Rob, I saw how you were looking at me during the Vanity Fair photoshoot. You couldn’t keep your eyes off me, if I do say so myself. So for your birthday I’m going to teach you the ways of a real mature woman! Forget these GIRLS… I’ll show you ALL the tricks you’ll ever need and then leave you wanting more you’ll be prepared for your future girlfriends.

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!!

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!! (click to enlarge)

Taylor Lautner

Hey man, it’s a big day for you and I know you have to juggle a lot what with you “being” Edward and all the crazy fans who follow you to your hotel and trying to put off the fact that everyone thinks you and Kristen are bumping uglies. Let me give you a pointer: get with a Disney girl and walk around with umbrellas and hug in the rain. Everyone will be too blinded by the cuteness to ever care or think to care about you two doing da nasty. TRUST.

Oh and Selena told me to tell you she’ll let you know what happens at the end of this season of Wizards of Waverly Place if you’ll autograph her Edward body glitter container.

Some Enchanted Evening. Prom: 1990never

Some Enchanted Evening. Prom: 1990never

Stephenie Meyer

Rob for your birthday I want to rewrite Breaking Dawn so that Bella chooses Jacob and you Edward realizes his mistake and he actually marries Ms. Stephenie Meyer Cope, the older more mature woman in Twilight and you take her off to Isle Esme. I’m also going to rewrite the part where you Edward takes my Ms. Cope’s hand and pulls her DEEPER into the water… to read more like my actual NC-17 dream that I had about how the honeymoon REALLY went down. So if you’ll fly down to Phoenix this weekend we can just run through a couple positions ideas I’ve come up with and see what works and what doesn’t. You’ll glower and I’ll show my chagrin and it’ll be awesome! This is really going to be AVN Oscar Awards worthy! I can’t wait!!!

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Another Jackson post… yet again

Dear Jacksper-

Since we didn’t get to rock out with you and that thing you call a band this week (Thanks for canceling by the way, whatever it’s not like UC and I are together every Tuesday my dear but anycrap…) We’re apparently going to OD on posts about you instead. See what you do to us? Please see us through this phase!

One of the great and sometimes embarrassing things about being a loud n proud Twilight fan is that people will send you links to everything Twi-related. Mostly it’s crap we’ve seen before, I mean we do run a Twilight/Rob blog after all, but still this means sometimes you get some real goodies that fall between the cracks. Like this little gem to the left here…

With all the hoopla surrounding Team Wolves and big reveal and Rob going into hiding and other crap we somehow missed this cuteness from Vancouver. And ain’t nothing like a little Jacksper and Ashley real life action. Cause this shiz is too cute for words. It’s like seeing Alice and Jasper in real life just out gettin’ coffee, ya know just another day in the neighborhood.

First off, tell Ashley since we’re now BFF’s to please share her boots, not the handbag. Kthanx.

Secondly, Jack ( hope you don’t mind if I call you Jack cause that’s what I’ve named your folder on my computer) this is re-donk-ulously adorable. Like in that you-look-like-a-high-school-crush-of-mine kinda way. Not so much the hat but the smile and the dimples. I just wanna poke my finger in one of them. Oh and the hair! Don’t cover it up! Have I ever told you about my curly hair fetish? People who know me well know I call it “the curly hair factor.” Chances are if you have curly or wavy hair I will be stupidly in love with you for no reason. Curly hair boys can do no wrong in my book. Now don’t use that to your advantage or tell Rob he needs to get a perm, cause his hair is wavy and perfs.

Ok, now that you know that will you please come back to LA and play with your ridiculous band so UC and I can rock out to some curly hair.

XO
Themoonisdown

PS ray bans, always the ray bans PLEASE!

PPS if you love us and you love Rob please vote for us at the Dazzle Awards! We’re up against some stiff competition and we’re currently in 4th place but I BELIEVE!!! We can do this people. IN OUR TIME! Now get over there and scroll down to best rob fansite and choose wisely!

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Resolutions we promise to keep longer than a week

Dear Fellow Twilighters-

So it’s that time of year where people are looking back and getting nostalgic and making resolutions they will inevitably break in the new year… so we thought, what the heck? Let’s join in on the fun and write our twi-solutions! Seriously, we’re not going to stop with the twi-words.

welcomesign

Freaks coming to a town near you!

In 2009 we promise to…

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town.

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon… are you listening Summit Entertainment marketing dept?! You need us, we’re professionals! Seriously, email us.

100monkeysny

you call this music?! why yes, I'll torture myself for your reading pleasure!

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make.

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)

5. Make Kristen Stewart aka Sour Puss smile at least 3-4 times by our hilarious commentaries.

6. Bring you even more shirtless pictures of Kellan while making inappropriate comparisons between him and that hot guy from your youth group who was nice to everyone.

premier

Us, New Moon premiere!

7. Start to v-log occasionally (UnintendedChoice might even perform a hit like “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar” live on video)

alicehottopic

More girls! More Alice!

8. Actually start featuring more Twilight girls on this site! We love you Ashley Greene and Alice and Anna Kendrick and Angela and sometimes Kristen Stewart! Enough with these boys, girl power!

9. Keep bringing you all the best in Rob letters and mild obsessions over at LetterstoRob.com

In 2009 we promise NOT to:

1. Bore you with any more news/links of Rob Pattinson’s 2 week old haircut. Time to find something NEW to post about mainstream media! You are boring us. Try finding him playing that guitar he took back to London with him. Now THAT would be newsworthy! DUH!!

2. We promise to KEEP our promise to NEVER call Robert Pattinson: BOB. ever.

3. Not to leave you alone in your OCD- Obsessive Cullen Disorder… we’re in this together people!

Lastly, our most important resolution and promise for 2009 is:

To meet Rob Pattinson and have him fall madly in love with us.

robert_pattinson-peoples-sexiest

Feel the love in 2009!


simple enough…

XO and all the best in ’09!
-Us, themoonisdown and unintendedchoice

Do you have any twi-solutions?

19 Commented


Blood, guts and social messages

Dear Jackson-

How did you keep a straight face while being interviewed by THIS GUY? I mean the site is called Bloody Disgusting and the interviewer guy calls himself “Spooky Dan.” You looked like you were about to lose it from .14-.22 but you reigned it in and started getting all philosophical about Horror movies. You talked about social messages being ‘imbued’ in the subtext and racial tension being part of  “Night of the Living Dead.” WTF! Apparently we need to hire you to help us write our “Twil-sophy’ letters on here. Geez, smarty! Also you from 330-350, CUTE ALERT. Oh and there’s 100 Monkeys talk… guess there’s an ALBUM in the works. Imagine that. yea, just imagine.

If you wanna get creeped by Spooky Dan but soothed by cute Jackson watch the on-set video above and check out the movie Dread, which I guess Jackson was on the set of for this interview and will be acting in at some point.

Love your GUTS,
Me

PS oh god, I just found out Spooky Dan lives in Hollywood. Save me!

More from Bloody Disgusting
Tip: Twilight Series Theories

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