Stuff that STILL shocks me about Twilight fandom

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday when I was hitting my midday wall and looking for something to distract me (so around 10:30 am), I got a chat message from my friend sending me a conversation HER friend sent her that she was currently having with a sometimes boyfriend. About Twilight. Confused? Just wait until you read the names I gave them:

Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: I’m reading that TwiMoms blog. Someone is saying “Oh my Jacob” like “Oh my God” Also, one woman’s signature is “Owner of one of Esmee’s tears” Okay, I’ve figured more of this out, if you have even a molecule of interest in hearing the explanation
Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: yes
Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: Best I can tell, a lot of these women have signatures that say they’re the “owner” or something. From things like Esme’s tears, to weird, abstract things like “Charlie and Renee’s divorce” or “Bella being absurd” One woman is owner of Carlisle’s Hippocratic Oath, Elizabeth Mason’s deathbed, and “The fire that is Bella’s raw throat after her cliff-diving near-death experience.”

[My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: was it sad that i knew it was Masen not Mason?
UC: No, That's Normal. He also butchered the spelling of Esme's name. But I'll let it slide]

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend Someone is the owner of “Edward’s anguish and resolve when he believes that Bella committed suicide”

UC: this is so embarrassing
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: like, you think stupid shiny volvos and stuff are embarrassing. please.
UC: WHY is he reading Twimoms!?
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me
: She doesn’t know. killing time maybe? good place for it
UC: seriously

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: That woman is also the owner of “Carlisle’s amazement at Elizabeth Masen’s astute inference in her dying wish” Though this woman ALSO owns “Bella clinging to the side-mirror of her truck to avoid landing on her tush in the ice” you’ll love that one

UC: hahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahaha. this is blowing my mind

This shocked even me. Just when I think I have seen EVERYTHING in the Twilight fandom, I find out that there are people with names on forums so complicated from obscure, minute details from a book I clearly have never read that thoroughly. I thought naming myself “UnintendedChoice” was weird- it IS a line from Muse song, you know (I bet Stephenie knew that!).

Are there woman on a forum thread about the movie actors with names like “That one time Rob looked at Kristen & we knew Robsten was real” or “Back to December and that time when I could believe in the love of Swiftner?” Are there owners of “The Lautner family “preferred customer card” from the Olive Garden?” Does someone claim to own “The catfish farm where Jackson was born?” How about the “owner of the box where Dakota Fanning’s virginity is being held?” Has anyone thought of that? I think it’s time for a name change! Clearly I’m not crazy enough about Twilight!

Love,

Owner of “That one moment when Edward was like “Oh F*ck” after he realized he knock-ed up Bella and was probably gonna have a kid with a name no one could ever spell” (otherwise known as unintendedChoice)

What name do YOU wish you had thought of? Be like a Twimom & pick a new one (just for today though, ok? That’s just weird…)

I HATE MOON

REMINDER ABOUT THE WORST NEWS EVER ABOUT MOON GOING TO AFRICA FROM JULY 28-AUGUST 17 FML: If you have something burning you’ve been DYING to “talk” to Twilight about, please e-mail us a letter at letterstotwilight@gmail.com! You can include pics if you want (links or attachments are best) or I’ll find appropriate ones for you! The more emails we get, the more posts there will be while Moon is gone. I’m going away towards the end of Moon’s trip, so LTT will either have the occasional letter from me, bitching about how much I miss Moon, letters from YOU, or nothing but a “Gone Fishin’” sign, which would probably make the owner of “I wish they’d make a movie about the life of Jasper & Alice” sad. Don’t make that person any sadder than she already is sad.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

170 Commented


Kicking it old Twilight Old School: Pieces of Flair

Kickin' It Old School TwilightDear Twilight,

If you know me, and I think by now you do, you know that sometimes I like to start a blog “series” that I never remember to do for a second time. Today is one of those days. Except that I hope to remember to write a letter like this again because I had a lot of fun crafting this one. We’re gonna KICK IT OLD SCHOOl, TWILIGHT-STYLE & bring back a topic, discussion or something fun from Twilight in the past. Today’s topic: Pieces of Flair.

You know you had them- You thought it was cool. You just saw the movie. Or you just finished the books & you wanted to share with the world via your Facebook page that You were on TEAM EDWARD (or You were one of the proud
“WOLF GIRLS”) and so what better way to do it? Pieces of Flair- yep, useless small “Buttons” you can barely read that you post on your Facebook wall, but then disappear 30 seconds later, never to be found again, but give you a good 15 seconds of pure joy & laughter before they’re gone.

I did it. Moon did it. And we spent an embarrassingly amount of time looking up Twilight flair, laughing at it (and even creating some Flair of our own)

I completely forgot about this “Old School” Twilight activity- mostly because they disappeared from my wall & I had no idea where they went- until we got this email from LTT reader & friend allryans about the beginning of her Twi-obsession:

Twilight bookwormNov 08
TheBFF: I just got your Pieces of Flair…hilarious.
Me: The Bookworms Against Twilight one? Yes, I’m sure [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] won’t understand.
TheBFF: My favorite is the Narnia one.
Me: “I just read Twilight and now I can’t get into Narnia – Susan Pevensie” HA
TheBFF: “I just read Twilight, so Voldemort wins. – Harry Potter”
Me: Those are the best.
TheBFF: I cannot bring myself to read those books.
Me: Ugh, anything that [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] likes that much has to be complete shit. Her favorite song is Jessie’s Girl.

March 22, 2009
Me: [Good guy friend] told me he rented Twilight and LIKED it. I’m removing him from Facebook.
TheBFF: Deserved.

March 28, 2009
TheBFF: You’re going to kill me. My sister rented Twilight tonight.
Me: Don’t do it.
TheBFF: She wants to watch it.
Me: You’re dead to me.

…. three hours later …

TheBFF: It really wasn’t that bad.
Me: And the sparkles?
TheBFF: THAT was bad. But I like vampire movies. So it was good for me.
Me: DEFRIEND

April 7, 2009
Me: I have a confession to make, and you may never be my friend after this.
TheBFF: Doubtful.
Me: I have just spent the past 10 hours READING TWILIGHT (and I’m going back for more).
TheBFF: I do not believe you.
Me: I’m serious. [My husband] rented it this weekend, and I caved and watched it with him. Then when he went to work yesterday, I WATCHED IT AGAIN.
Me: THEN I went to WalMart and bought the book (and the dvd). OMG.
Me: I even went to WalMart so my regular bookstore lady wouldn’t see me buying it, and I could hide it under a box of Capri-Suns.
TheBFF: YOU ARE [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] !!
Me: I hate myself.
Me: But God help me, I love Edward.

A week later, I was gorging on Rob interviews and lurking on LTT.
I still hate [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] though. Idiot. – allryans

Amazing. Do you know what else is amazing? I have 55 pieces of Useless Flair on Facebook – 35 of them are somehow related to Twilight. Yes, 63%. Yes I’m 27 years old. Yes, I am so very proud!!!!

Take a quick look at the amazingness that is my Twilight Flair:

How 2nd-hand embarrassed of me are you that all of those have been (hidden somewhere) on Facebook attached to ME for the past 2+ years?

And in case you’re wondering what the 411 is on new Facebook Flair (since I last added some), here is a sampling:

Oh & don’t worry- I sent Moon some great Robsten flair yesterday too, for old times sake!

of COURSE we made LTT flair long ago!

Long live Twilight flair (of course I didn’t delete a SINGLE piece!)

XO,
UnintendedChoice

Do you have embarrassing “old school” Twilight flair or other images on your Facebook (or worse- MYSPACE) page!? Send us links!!! (PS: hate the new Facebook image layout? Hit F5 to view the old style (fn F5 on a mac!) and then right click, copy image link to link in comments!) Also like us on Facebook. DUH!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

148 Commented


Crazytimes Wednesdays

Crazy Fan

Almost as Crazy as this fan

Dear Twilight,

You know what we haven’t done in awhile? Shared stories, letters, songs & poems from crazy fans. You thought we stopped getting them, didn’t you? Ohhh no- we still get them. We still keep them. Our “Crazies” folder is STILL over-flowing. And today we have some REALLY good ones to share with you:

Crazy Tune:

Kicking us off is a song written for Breaking Dawn. I’d make up a tune & sing it for you all, but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna save that for a bet with Moon that I know I’m going to win- like naming 20 “outfits” Rob Pattinson has worn in the past year & where each item was purchased- and let her sing it when she loses:

Imprinted Love
It’s something I didn’t plan
it’s something I didn’t plan
I told you it’s part of the werewolf gang
I thought you were the only one to see

You’re the one I wanted
not the one I loved
when I saw her I knew she’s the one
went to search for her when she was near
It’s something I feared

Imprinted love on the one I thought who would kill you
imprinted love on the one who held me near
no matter how many times we said goodbye
imprinted love on Renesmee the half mortal and immortal

I didn’t knew she was the one who kept me near
when you wanted me to disappear
The one who stole my heart like Edward stole yours
I’m sorry if you’re mad but like I told you before

Imprinted love is not something you can control
imprinted love is not something you can choose
or change it’s for the one that will take care of your heart
imprinted love on Renesmee the half mortal and immortal

I taught you were my love and my life
but I was wrong
He is your love, your imprinted one
just like Renesmee is my imprinted love

For now I’ll be her brother
the one who protects her, then her friend
whom she can trust and love
maybe one day she’ll learn to love me as I love her

Bella I’ll always be there for you
I’ll always love you just like a son loves his mom
I don’t want anything els than to be your friend
but my true love for Renesmee will always win
imprinted love

Then there’s:
The Girl on Team Edward with “a homeless friend”

Maybe this guy is the crazy fan

Just like all of the fans of the twilight cast My desire is to truly be able to contact them to let them know how we feel about our favorite actor or actress. And to thank Stephenie Meyer, for taking the time to write the novel that sparked life into all our lives. Both women and men. I happen to be Team Edward. My desire is to see him in person. I’ve been tempted to catch the plane, come out there and share the ground with my homeless friend just for the opportunity to see him, walk the runway or visit on the outside of a site where he is working. Hoping to catch sight of him. Sometimes the urge is so great I’ve called my friend to tell her im on my way. I don’t think I would enjoy sleeping outside in the elements But if I knew that I could see him , I would take the chance. I have little hope now that my friend have lost the car she was sleeping in. I was counting on furnishing the gas and she would at least drive me around. I watched when fans put up their tents and envied them, wishing I was there. My children
and grandchildren are embrassed when I talk about Edward and my desire to see him in person. To hear his voice, see his gorgeous hair. But I would be satisfied just to get a e-mail from him. I tried to get to Chicago, when he was there its closer to my home. But I got sick. He was on the Oprah show. I sent him a birthday card to the show . Hope he got it. hope he e-mail me back, I will be waiting.

The kids who never learned celebrities don’t care about you

Hi this is pat and I would like to invite taylor lautner to my sweet fifteen im only twelve so im only gonna need two more years and its going to be in puerto rico and I hope too see him in and come enjoy the party hope to see him.please come taylor.

And the one we totally can’t understand

Did she write this letter?

I am a way ovr obsesses fan (according 2 my friends) but I dont think u can evr b 2 obssesive i mean twilight is amazing and when ppl say they dont like ik theyre just lieing 2 get attention cuz its impossible not 2 luv my favorite book waz breaking dawn but it waz hard 2 coose cuz theyre all amazing i am constantly rereading them over and ovr and my parents r always like stop readin them and read somethin else but i just cant the background on my desktop and laptop r both twilight saga pics and quotes i cant imagine a world w/o twilight i wish it waz real it would b so kwl none of my friends r rly tht into them so i nvr have any1 2 tlk 2 nout them i have so much twilight merchandise and evrythin and read book related 2 twilight 2 like bedazzled, twilight and history, etc. theyre rly interesting and i would give them a try since ur a die-hard twilight fan i am members of a lot of fan fourm/blogs/websites and its great 2 knw tht there r others like me i lu the idea of ur website and think it is rly kwl
thanks so much 4 the websie,
G

And after the jump, PLEASE don’t miss the most Epic Crazy story of all time!! Continue…

105 Commented


RESPECT AmanDUH

Dear Friends,

I have a Cullen Frown for you today:

AmanDUH has removed her videos off YouTube.

Give yourself a minute. Yes. It’s true. We will no longer have her versions of Decode or her own vampire-themed creations or her reenactment of Twilight to bring us daily Cullen Smiles. My dissapointment is beyond words….

People all around the globe twitter are in an uproar over the news with laments, words of encouragement and expressions of their dissapointment

AmanDUH…thank you for being the queen of 2nd hand embarrassing!! That.Is.All

“it’s a sad day for the youtube world”

Maybe she’ll move on to do really disturbing fan fiction?

I’m just here lamenting over the fact that AmanDUH doesn’t want to share her “gift” with us any longer

why? WHY would she delete what the world was MEANT to see?! Who will I turn to when I am seeking out a girl in a 1993 striped shirt from kmart to sing to me about twilight?

Um… the world is safe once again?

I am guessing AmanDUH stopped publishing her great works because the response was overwhelming. She was starting to get as much attention as the actors themselves….yeah, thats probably it. I mean, I am suprised at the number of fan letters I myself sent her.

I don’t think I’ve ever watched AmanDUH’s videos before. But I can tell from the still of the video that once was that I’d rather walk in on them having sex then see them reenact Twilight (and that’s saying a lot because it looks like that dude has never had sex, and if there’s one thing I hate to watch, it’s awkward first times. )

Why AmanDUH? WHY!?

Thankfully, AmanDUH left us a (kinda long) video explaining why, where she discusses the haters (we are not included. Because we don’t hate. We love) & shows the mean comments & a message she received from someone saying they would kill her for making such bad music. WHO WOULD WANT TO KILL AMANDUH?

Elektra said:

I just thought she was in on the joke, making herself look goofy. I didn’t know she was taking it so seriously And there’s no real reason for anybody to say they’d like to kill her or her family or anything like that- that was uncalled for. We loved her!

Uncalled for. I’m MAD. So I call for RESPECT. RESPECT for AmanDUH, RESPECT for her art, RESPECT her for her ability to provide us with countless hours of laughter. No one brings us a Cullen Smile like AmanDUH

amanduh

Moon: AmanDUH I will miss your drawn-on tear drop tattoo, your belly dancing & bathroom sets. You are a rising star that shined too brightly for us to realize until you were gone.

UC: AmanDUH- I’m so sad to see you go. There is no one else who brings tears to my eyes because of laughter like you do. You are a STAR to me. A star of 2nd-hand embarrassing sure, but a star none the less. I will miss you and remember you fondly, always.

Love & respect,

UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

PS: AmanDUH has a private site here so if someone wants to pose as a real fan & get ‘inside’ so we can still have access to her videos, that’d be great

What will YOU miss about AmanDUH?

Try to cheer up on LTR
or maybe you’ll find your smile on The Forum

*MTV Movie Awards – Moon will be live tweeting/blogging/whatevering the MTV Movie Awards tomorrow night from her very own viewing party at the Moon McMansion in Los Angeles with a bunch of crazy Twi Hards (ok friends who might read LTT and love Twi)! We hope you’ll join us from wherever you are as we SQUEE our way through the New Moon Trailer and video for Meet Me on the Equinox. Follow us! See ya there!*

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Twilight museum of art (and crap)

Dear Fans of LTT and Fans of art,

We spend so much time making fun of things on LTT that I bet most people think Moon & I are the meanest people in real life. We’re not usually. I thought it was time to celebrate some of the beautiful things that come out of the fandom. Cuz there are some. I’m being serious. Don’t think that I’m gonna pretend like they’re great & then show you the most second-hand embarrassing art EVER that surely would star in the “Second-Hand Embarrassing Art Museum” in Manhattan (that doesn’t exist… yet)

Let’s stroll together through the Twilight Museum of Art….

Twilight___New_Moon_by_ember_snow

This scene found on google images beautifully depicts the theme of racism throughout the Twilight Saga. Wait. Were you aware of those themes? That instead of being a story of girl stuck between vampire & werewolf it’s really a story of a girl choosing between those paler than her or darker than her? Me neither. Okay, so maybe that’s not what the artist was trying to say, but isn’t art in the eye of the beholder? That’s what I saw here, but I still think it’s beautiful!

Alice_by_RinianAlice, drawn by Rinian, looks as cute as I had pictured her while reading the series. I wish I could be best friends with a cartoon character

eclipse___Tied_Up_by_shirohatoLOVE this picture of Bella and the two different colored ribbons representing the choice she has to make. Also love that she seems like a ballerina because, I don’t know about you, but I could’ve used less of a klutzy Bella.  By shirohato

Rosalie__s_Unhappy_Ending_by_Eclipse_AwayThis is my favorite piece that I’m sharing with you on our journey through the Twilight museum of art. The artist explained that this is a representation of Rosalie’s unhappy ending. If you look closely you’ll see her ghost in the picture, too. I have goosebumps. Found here on deviant art

bellaedwardThere is so much Bella & Edward art out there. Mostly because there are so many great pictures of Robert & Kristen together- so people just use their pictures as inspiration. While often times they can be good (although mostly they’re not), I love this because it’s the artist’s vision of Edward & Bella. Plus added with the quote from New Moon (appropriate placed- not inked in an armpit or doodled on the back of a minivan) it’s incredibly powerful! Found here

See! Wasn’t that fun!? To take a walk through the Twilight art gallery and, maybe laugh a little less, but instead be inspired!? And Look at me! I am being so nice today. Come on- you have to admit it, you like nice UC….

Fine… it’s hard for me too.. I’ll cave… after the jump, enjoy the good stuff…. Continue…

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