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Dear Twilighters, Twihards & LTTers,

Have you felt out of the loop? Summer has been busy, Eclipse left the theater long ago (did it? I have no idea) and Robsten drama is sooooo yesterday’s news no one even cares to talk about them anymore. Well, to my surprise, when I did a little research for today’s letter, I found that, in fact, there is stuff still going on in the fandom. And some of it isn’t boring! Let’s jump right to it:

Ashley Greene films movie called L.O.L. in Paris with Miley Cyrus

I guess this film is about 2 girls who start a sexy girl “Happy Hands” club. I mean what else could it mean when Ashley Greene makes jazz hands while showing off the top of her bra? In other news, Ashley Greene is making awesome career choices. L.O.L.? Miley Cyrus? Seriously? Maybe she just signed on because it’s in Paris & she really wanted an almond croissant. I could understand that.

Rami Malek is cast as Benjamin in Breaking Dawn

And we all scramble to dust off our Breaking Dawn books to remember who in the H Benjamin is so we could sound intelligent when discussing the latest Twi-news around the dinner table. Can’t remember who borrowed your BD book (seriously. who has mine?) I’ll help you out: Benjamin is from the Egyptian coven & is the vampire with the ability to influence the elements: fire, water, earth & air. Oh yeah… him! That’s what I said when I first found out who he was. I was in a sarcastic tone because seriously. I barely remember him. I guess it’s time to re-read Breaking Dawn (seriously!? WHO HAS MY BOOK!?)

Upon further research from the Twilight Saga Wiki, it looks like Ben was created by Amun who is extremely overprotective of him and terrified of the idea of him joining another coven. Sounds like Amun wants Ben for a lover if you ask me. But it turns out Ben already has a lover: Tia. Tia, of course, means “Aunt” in Spanish. So Ben’s lover is his aunt, and Amun, his creator wants him in the Biblical sense. Things get freaky over there across the Nile!

And a BONUS: If you look past the fact that he kinda resembles a younger Brendan Fraser, Rami he is pretty cute too! Whoo hoo! More man meat to drool over in this fandom!

The Twidom tries to kill me

Be still my British flag waving heart

PopSugar: Gossip Girl’s hot! We all love it.

Ed Westwick: Maybe if I had vampire teeth.

PopSugar: Maybe you need to play a vampire with that other hot Brit.

Ed Westwick: We should play brothers. Me and Rob Pattinson should play brothers.

PopSugar: In Breaking Dawn?

Ed Westwick: Is that the next one? I’ll put the call in. Let’s do it.

And I start begging Stephenie Meyer to “suddenly” remember that Edward Cullen had a brother who was “saved” from Spanish influenza by another vampire family so Ed Westwick could be in this role & my British fantasies could come true. Well, I guess I need to also have her introduce me to the two Brits and leave me alone with them in a hotel room for a couple hours. Fingers crossed.

An adorable little girl is rumored to be up for the role of Renesemee

Question on Renesmee application this parent got right: “Does your child have an inappropriate relationship with a boy” Check.

And then we start praying even HARDER. The demon-baby spawn of Bella & Edward not only chews her way out of Bella’s womb, is imprinted on by a grown man, but is a child old enough to attend Kindergarten!? HOW DO THEY THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK? RENESEMEE WILL NOT MAKE ANY FRIENDS IN SCHOOL. SHE WILL BE THE WEIRD LITTLE GIRL WHO TOUCHES THE OTHER KIDS FACES & HAS NO DESIRE TO PLAY WITH DOLLS BUT REALLY REALLY LIKES JOHNNY JR.S DOG THAT HE BRINGS FOR SHOW-AND-TELL. LIKE CREEPILY LOVES IT. SHE ACTUALLY LETS HIM OFF HIS LEASH DURING RECESS & RIDES HIM AROUND THE PLAYGROUND. THEN ANOTHER DOG- OR SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A DOG- SHOWS UP AND GETS UPSET. A DOG FIGHT ENSUES. THE WEIRD KINDERGARTNER CHEERS ON THE SECOND DOG. HE WINS. JOHNNY JUNIOR WATCHES HIS BELOVED COCKER-SPANIEL, POOCHIE, GET EATEN ALIVE BY A BIGGER DOG. AND RENESMEE IS THE YOUNGEST GIRL TO BE THROWN INTO JUVENILE DETENTION. THIS IS A PROBLEM. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SCREAMING. BUT IT FEELS APPROPRIATE.

That’s all your Twilight news, brought to you by LTT, always a reliable source!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to Breaking Dawn Movie for always having the best news (and lots of good pictures too!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

171 Commented


From here to Breaking Dawn, the timeline

*Stay tuned for a VERY IMPORTANT note from UC and Moon at the end of this post*

Dear Breaking Dawn (uno and dos),

You are quite a ways off, especially in our ADD, RIGHT NOW, twitter update, I knew it before you did, always connected obsessed world. So what are we do do for the next 2 PLUS years?!!!?!! That’s a lot of time! Houses are built, babies are conceived AND born, people meet and break up. What will happen in the world of Twilight over the next two years?

I’ve come up with a timeline for what I think the next two years in the Twilight fandom will look like…

September 2010 – Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas elope to Las Vegas and make “Ashoe” official

October 2010- Sales on Loquat costumes on regrEtsy go through the roof

November 2010 – Breaking Dawn begins filming in Vancouver and Louisiana. Louisiana considers renaming their sta Twilousiana because of the jump in tourism courtesy of crazy Twihards. They reconsider after the crazy Twihards test their police and emergency services to their limits in an effort to keep the cast somewhat safe.

December 2010 – Moon and UC celebrate 2 years of blogging about Twilight and Robert Pattinson

-100 Monkeys, Sam Brady (typo and it stays!), Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Kiowa Gordan and his band Touche, Tinsel Korey and Mike Welch on vocals and Sage come together in whatever town Breaking Dawn is filming in for a special Christmas benefit concert. Before the cops bust in and arrest them for noise complaints they all gather on stage and sing “We are the Rob.”

January 2011 – Moon and UC sue 100 Monkeys, Sam Bradley, Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Kiowa Gordan and his band Touche, Tinsel Korey, Mike Welch and Sage for stealing their hit song “We are the Rob.”

MMMMmmmm doughnuts!!

- Robsten breaks up, on set, over an argument about a flannel shirt and a jelly doughnut
- Robsten reunites 3 days later over a French Cruller in craft services

Follow the cut for the rest of the timeline and to read our VERY IMPORTANT note
Continue…

151 Commented


LTT Mailbag – The Crazies email us (again)

MAIL CALL!!!

Dear LTT-ers, Twilight cast members, characters and Stephenie Meyer,

Of course you guys know that we’re NOT you and we don’t answer emails written to characters or Rob (unless we’re bored and intern Rob needs busy work) but we definitely read them, pass them back and forth and then post them here for all of us to enjoy. You can’t get the crazy in your inbox and NOT share with your pals!

Dear Stephenie,

This letter is for you personally… I am a fan but I’m not obsessed with it… I just want to know why you didn’t have more go on with bella and jacob… I think it would have be better if you had edward leave for a reason and bella went to jacob… they go off to college to get away from it all and then….. edward make an appearance… bella think she’s thinks she is seeing things and doesn’t think to much… but than she starts seeing him more and more… then……………… jacob and edward start battling for bella because she can no longer choose between them… that book should have been between the thrid and fouth… Also in the fourth one you shouldn’t make jacob fall in love with a baby… I’m just saying this because people on my rez even agree with me

Love,
Britbrit

Dear Britbrit,

I’m glad you’re not one of “those fans.” You know, the kind that writes a letter to a random blog thinking it’s me, thinking I’m just looking for new story lines for my completed saga that doesn’t fit into the original story AT ALL. I’m thankful you’re not that kind of fan. Thanks for the ideas, I’ll consider them.

Oh and tell your rez to suck it. I like the baby.

Love and kisses,
SMeyer (not really)

hey catherine hardwicke

i was just wondering if you would consider reading a series for me and maybe start making the movies. i know its probably a really kinda dumb thing to do but i really like this book and i thinkk you could do some amazing stuff with it! it is called the house of night series and the books are called marked betrayed chosen untamed hunted and tempted. and i was also wondering if you took these books and made them in to movies if i could play a part in them i have always wanted to be an actress and maybe even some charicters from the twilight saga movies i think taylor lautner would be good in it and same with nikki reed and ashley greene! so i was just wondering if you would at least consider it thanx so much i really do want you to read the book i think you would enjoy them thanx. please reply back!!

tasyna

Dear Tasyna,

What about US?!

Love,
Robert and Kristen

PS Catherine Hardwicke wasn’t available to answer this email as it conflicted with her pre-scheduled ribbon cutting ceremony at the Anaheim TGIFridays. She sends her regards. We think.

I have this question for Kristen. Where did you go for acting classes? I have been thinking of starting up acting, but I don’t know where to start.

Peace,
Anna
92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Dear Anna,

Why the Kristen Stewart School of Acting, of course! I created my own method. It’s like breathing. You should try it.

Love,
Kristen

PS 92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Oh you crazies, you never fail to make our day… or at least make the 2 minutes it takes for us to read these missives of whackadoo. Please never stop and we’ll never stop NOT replying to you.

xoxo,
Moon

Who wants to volunteer to be our LTT intern to read all this mail? Should we make Rob the intern come over here and answer this mail as well? Are you one of “those fans?” And what about that Abercrombie line, are kids still wearing that stuff? I wore some of that in high school!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

57 Commented


Open weekend post: Hosted by the unscripted Twilight actors

Dear Twilight actors,

Once Breaking Dawns 1&2 are out and a few years have passed and Summit re-releases the DVD’s into some huge boxed set can we get some extra special features. One I pray for is the outtake from when Rob pulled his groin trying to lift Kristen off the ground in Twilight and how about you make a few others up like a special featurette on Rob’s American accent couch teaching him how to say “Nachos” and “sidewalk.” Can it come with extras like a ziplock baggy of air captured in Catherine Hardwicke’s bedroom where the audition took place and how about have Kellan write an Emmett fanfic since he seems to have really thought about the backstory for Emmett that we know NOTHING about. And then as the extra extra special feature release the tapes of the Volturi doing their scenes nude. We all know Jamie Campbell Bower was telling the truth when he said they were nude for New Moon.

Stop lying and give us what we want! I’ll be more willing to fork out a couple hundred bucks in 5 years for the DVD’s I already own if these are the special features. Think about it!

Nachos!
Themoonisdown

What special features do you want on a box set of the Twilight saga?

HELP UC OUT WITH A SPECIAL FEATURE WHILE MOON IS AWAY! (Yes I just yelled!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

29 Commented


The Twilight cast visits Belgium. Wait where?

I asked LTT friends Alice & Bella from funny, snarky site NotanAddikt (RIP!) to take meticulous notes when Twilight descended upon Belgium. Yes, that’s right- the land of the waffles, beer and monks got a Twilight actor more famous than Philadelphia did (Sorry Jackson & wolf that came with him) Here is their tale:

Dear Summit,

We don’t know who bribed you into sending Ashley Greene and Xavier Samuel to Belgium, of all places, for the Eclipse premiere, but we sure are greatful. We don’t usually get many US celebrities around here in Belgium. We may be home to the capital of Europe, the best chocolate in the world and a different brand of beer for every day of the year, but the closest we usually get to Hollywood celebrities is when they jet by on their way from London to Paris. We’re not a particularly proud or easily offended nation, so we shrug and turn to YouTube for our Tinseltown fixes. But holy canoly, heavenly forces gathered, planets aligned and Sauron himself must have sent a recommendation letter for Belgium to you, because here they were!

After some resistance from Alice (“I don’t want to go stand between throngs of shrieking teens to see celebrities! I’m better than that!” – she’s such a Bella sometimes) we finally decided to brave the rabid Belgian twihards and purchased tickets for the three-movie marathon in Antwerp that Ashley and Xavier and three-thousand Belgian and Dutch twiteens would attend. (It was the spotting of crazies that finally did Alice in.) We were told that Ash and Xavier would arrive at 7pm, but were recommended to come around 4pm to make sure we got good spots and enjoyed the animation beforehand. Here’s how our day went down…

4:00pm: Alice and Bella are happily shopping in downtown Antwerp.

5:30pm: Alice and Bella are still happily shopping in downtown Antwerp…

6:00pm: Alice and Bella have a long debate about whether to just go for a quick dessert at Wagamama where they had lunch, whether to get another dinner (gotta get that protein in there!), or whether to get their lazy post-menstrual asses to the theatre and just survive on an XL bucket of popcorn and chips.

We obviously had the red mullet special

6:30pm: After half an hour of debating what to do – in which they could have easily had the dang dessert (white chocolate cheese cake with raspberry coulis, y’all) – they realize that it’s just an ordinary weekday for all other normal Belgians, and they’ll be stuck in traffic on the way to the theatre and will likely miss the arrival of Ashley and Xavier (and let’s face it, movie snacks are also deliciously good in all their crappiness).

6:35pm: Alice and Bella hit themselves and each other over the head for their stupidity, while rushing through the supermarket to get big bottles of water to avoid forking out a fortune for expensive tiny diet cokes in the theatre to compensate the excessive salt intake in the near future.

6:45pm: Alice and Bella are stuck in traffic.

Of course an Eclipse poster had to whisk by on a bus to remind us of what we were about to miss

6:50pm: Alice and Bella realize they have never been to the theater in Antwerp, and hence don’t exactly know where it is. Bella works up the balls to ask a bald guy in a convertible where the theatre is at the red light. Bald guy flirts with Alice and Bella. Alice and Bella get directions and take off with screeching tires.

Does Belgium throw an Eclipse event to rival the US!? Find out after the jump! Continue…

103 Commented


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