Twilight is like a piece of fine art… no really, it is

(Guess what!? We’re STILL Gone Fishin’! So today, Alice_NaA puts on her Tweed and some Angela glasses and lectures us on some Twilight fine art! Enjoy!!)

Dear LTT-ers,

Don’t we all secretly want to blend the Edward Cullen vinyl wall sticker, shower curtain and other sophisticated twinfluences into a gracious background for elegant living? No we don’t, but I don’t have any other fake excuse for the all the silly crap I make in my free time. Unfortunately our home is the reflection of our soul, and I’m not sure Edward would consider ours worth protecting if we act on these primal urges. That’s why I threw some real historical masterpieces into the “Twilightizer,” so we can secretly enjoy our common guilty pleasure, while sedating the inner intellectual in us and no-one under 10 will notice the difference.

I take no responsibility for the following cultural barbarianism.* I just copy/pasted from Wikipedia committed myself to the magnanimous task of consulting one a wide range of media offerings to gather the least boring most significant information.

We’ll start our journey in ancient Greece, 490 to 450 BCE. The early Classic style marks the breakdown of the canonical forms of archaic art and the transition to the greatly expanded vocabulary and expression of the classical moment of the late 5th century. Whatever that may mean. The Discobolus of Myron (aka discus thrower) is a famous lost Greek bronze original, now only known through numerous Roman copies. The moment captured in the statue is an example of rhythmos, harmony and balance. Naturally, as always in Greek athletics, the Discobolus is completely nude (Er, what am I doing in this century again?). His pose is said to be unnatural to a human, and today considered a rather inefficient way to throw the discus. But we all know that that wouldn’t be a problem for our Edward.

16th century Italian polymath, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician and writer, Leonardo da Vinci, has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance man, a man whose unquenchable curiosity was equaled only by his powers of invention. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived. And I’m starting to think he wrote his wiki page himself. He’s also the dude who painted the Mona Lisa

In the 14th century, in a little town not far from where I a live, a boy called Jan van Eyck was born. At an older age he starts working as a painter for some rich fellow, who holds his art in extraordinarily high regard. He also made some extra cash by freelancing in his off time, what else is there to do in the era without the interwebs anyway. His work differs from renaissancal stuff by e.g. Leonardo Da vinci (we know him already!) and Michelangelo, by virtue of its willingness to forgo classical idealization in favor of the faithful observation of nature, resulting in remarquably detailed landscapes interiors and atmospherical effects. Also the women of his time really like to pluck their foreheads and bedding, tablecloth and curtains were considered multifunctional items, you can’t google this.. His most famous work is the ‘Adoration of the Mystic Lamb’, which I’ve already seen twice, as it is conveniently located in a cathedral in Flandres. I show you one of his other famous works, The Arnolfini Portrait. Pay attention to the little doggie ;).

Follow the cut for a whole lot more epic artwork
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New Moon: Are you ready for us?

UCandMoonReuinited

Noreen & Bunny: Reunited

Dear New Moon,

It’s almost time. I can’t believe it. This time next week I’ll be writing to you from the comfort of Moon’s bed. That’s right, I, UnintendedChoice aka Bunny aka my real, real name, will be arriving in Los Angeles in just a mere 4 days to spend SIX blessed days with my friend Moon. We have a FULL itinerary and don’t worry, it revolves completely around you. Here are a few things we have planned:

  • Bon fire on the beach- but not your traditional fire in a hole while you sit around and tell scary stories. No. We’re decorating this beach like a reservation and all going to wear traditional Quileute costumes- No Vamps Allowed! Moon is whipping up her replica of Harry Clearwater’s famous fish fry & we’re gonna fry up anything we can find. Seaweed? Check. Marshmellows? Check. Little baby minnos that I accidentally step on when I go feel the temperature of the water? Check. We plan to invite the Wolfpack to join us and know we can get them to come with the promise of “Hot lesbians on a beach.” (We’ll just leave out the fake part)
  • Hijack various food trucks around LA and retro fit them with stalking capabilities. We’ll then lure Rob in with Korean tacos and kidnap him. What happens next is all just private, intimate details. Fine. We’ll squeal. Go to fanfiction.net and pick your favorite story. That’s what we’ll be doing. Don’t worry if you all pick different favorites. We’ll get to them all. That’s right. We’re going to act out every single Twilight fanfiction available. Plus, we’re throwing in a bonus 7th Heaven FanFic marathon. Have you always wondered whatever happened to Mary? Wonder no more. Rob & I are going to show you.. with our bodies…
  • Bunny_Noreen_French_maids

    Bunny & Noreen: Just poor maids at Chateau Marmont

    Hang out at Chateau Marmont for as long as it takes to find Rob & Kristen and then sneak up on them (posed as maids of course) in attempt to catch them mid-kiss on camera. Cuz that shizz is gonna make someone rich. And selling pics of those crazy kids getting into cabs doesn’t pay people. And we have a reputation to uphold. We have fish fry to make, matching fake lesbian La Perla lingerie to buy and the salary we get as fake lesbian fake french maids at the Chateau Marmont is not making anyone rich. So we’re determined that we’ll be the ones to sell that coveted picture (plus it would make a really great Christmas present for Calliope our resident Robsten-shipper). Rob & Kristen- I hear there’s a bonus if we catch you with tongue (seriously- I saw a sign in my local Post Office that said “Wanted. Without or without Tongue: Picture of Robsten kissing. With Tongue $10,000 Bonus”, so… can you help some poor french maids out?  S’il vous plait?

  • Glamour Shots- We’ve asked a photographer friend to take our “Glamour Shots” for whenever Steph Meyer e-mails us and asks for our picture to put in HER header
Big Gulp

Uh oh. Big Daddy Lautner has some competition...

  • Not first on the priority list, but we’re willing to ‘take one for the team’ if it means getting close to the REAL stars. Yes- That means we might have to shack up, one night, with the likes of Eric Yorkie (I do a mean impression of a feminine guy), Marty the 100 Monkey’s Bananager or, gulp, Big Daddy Lautner. We have plenty of vodka ready, just in case we have to choose any of those 3 options- we actually have it disguised IN Big Gulp cups- ya know, to entice Big Daddy (don’t worry, his will be the REAL thing.. ours will just be filled to the brim with 72 ounces of straight grey goose) You can do anything for the team when you have alcohol poisoning!
  • Show up to the premiere theater to interview fans who have been waiting in line for 4 days with questions like “What do you say to the fans who think they are the most dedicated but haven’t been standing in line for the past 4 days, stinking up the entire area around them?” and encouragement like, “Okay, now show us your best impression of Bella- go ahead- grab that mildly retarded looking guy over there- yes. Now be Bella & Retarded Edward. You might win…. a prize!” (Or an entire post dedicated to you as the 2nd hand embarrassing mascot of the year)
  • Hold a Bible Study (on a Wednesday, of course) with Kellan. We’ll invite Nikki Reed over to pray about her situation with Paris Latsis. What situation? Just the one where she’s dating him and the inevitable health problems that are soon to show up down south. We’ll gather for a laying of hands. And Kellan will probably get confused and inappropriately touch us (not that we’ll complain…)

Can’t wait to see you!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What did I miss!? (besides actually watching New Moon!)

So maybe I exaggerated some of the things on our itinerary, but they are somewhat true. We are going to hit up some Korean taco trucks, we are having a BBQ on the beach. We WILL show up to the premiere to have some laughs and I wouldn’t be surprised if, from time to time, I crave a diet coke in one of those Big Gulp cups. Does ANY of that sound appealing to you? Are YOU going to be in LA or do you live close by? A big group of LTT/LTR gals is getting together for lots of good times. E-mail us if you want to know what’s going down!

The Forum LTR Twitter

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Letters to Twilight: Mid-year Progress report

LTT/LTR Mid year progress report

LTT/LTR Mid year progress report

Dear Faithful Readers and Newbies-

Before we break to celebrate this fair country’s independence day tomorrow, we must first look at where we’ve come from. And by we, of course I mean us here at Letters to Twilight, not the United States. It’s time to check in on the state of our of New Year’s Resolutions! Remember when we promised to do stuff back on January 1st in the name of this blog? For those of you who are new to these fair blogs, UC and I made resolutions that we’re striving to keep and now that we’re halfway through the year of 2009 we felt it was time to reassess our promises and goals. Cause like any good accountability partner we want to be fully transparent with our successes and our stumbling blocks.

So how did we do? Will we be rewarded with special hugs from Kellan, Jackson & Justin Chong? Let’s see…


welcomesign

Freaks coming to a town near you!

In 2009 we promised to…

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town.

Reality: We’re still waiting for the city of Forks to sent us a hand engraved invitation to visit them along with keys to the city, renaming First Beach after us (UC and Moon Memorial Beach or Letters to a Beach would work) and finally for the Quilieute tribe to name us honorary members and give us native names. Since this hasn’t happened yet we’re going to put this in the lose category and look for a new travel agent.

UC/Moon: 0          People who want us to fail: 1

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon… are you listening Summit Entertainment marketing dept?! You need us, we’re professionals! Seriously, email us.

Reality: Well, since the premiere isn’t till November 20, 2009 we still have time to make this happen. Are you listening SUMMIT?! We’re ready, willing and able (that’s what she said) to provide our “services” on the red carpet! But to our credit, we have live tweeted/blogged or attended various events including the Oscars, the DVD release, AND live blogged the MTV Movie Awards with our pals for over 50,000 people!

UC/Moon: .5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

100monkeysny

you call this music?! why yes, I'll torture myself for your reading pleasure!

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make.

Reality: Not ONLY did we do this we even organized groups of people to see Jackson and the 100 Monkeys live! And while there, dirty-danced with the Bananager! To add to that we’ve also organized and seen Sam Bradley concerts as well and have Bobby Long shows coming up so BOOYAH! In fact, I think we deserve and extra point for this one and we’ll get it because we make the rules!

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

(tie ball game!)

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)

Reality: Stephenie Meyer stopped talking our phone calls after we called her as Rob Pattinson’s assistants and asked her if he dazzled her. Frequently. Apparently, we do not. Much to her chagrin.

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

5. Make Kristen Stewart aka Sour Puss smile at least 3-4 times by our hilarious commentaries.

As a matter of fact, I think Kristen Stewart has smiled more times in the last 7 months since we’ve been around then she has in her entire life.

We threw the best online Birthday Party a 19 yr old could ask for
The BFF James look alike fell in love with her and created Haiku’s in her honor
We uncovered her not so secret life partner
We role played her working relationships with both Emile Hirsch AND Rob Pattinson

UC/Moon: 2.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

6. Bring you even more shirtless pictures of Kellan while making inappropriate comparisons between him and that hot guy from your youth group who was nice to everyone.

Reality: We provide the shirtless Kellan pictures like it’s our job! Case closed!

UC/Moon: 3.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

premier

Us, New Moon premiere!

7. Start to v-log occasionally (UnintendedChoice might even perform a hit like “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar” live on video)

Reality: Yes, indeed we have embarrassed ourselves via video in the name of this blog multiple times and plan to continue doing so, as long as cameras exist as well as our stupid ideas!

Mini Edwards Meadow
DVD Release
Kiss Me!

alicehottopic

More girls! More Alice!

UC/Moon: 4.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

8. Actually start featuring more Twilight girls on this site! We love you Ashley Greene and Alice and Anna Kendrick and Angela and sometimes Kristen Stewart! Enough with these boys, girl power!

Reality: We’ve pledged our life long love, bff-ness and asked Ashley to be our lesbian life partner, as well as Christian Serratos, Anna Kendrick, Elizabeth Reaser, Rachelle Lafevre. Seriously girls, we LOVE you.

UC/Moon: 5.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

Well, look at that! Our LTT mid-year review says UC/Moon are ahead of the people who want us to fail (you know like the hater that one time called us losers and asked how many bowls of ice cream we eat a day. ‘sniff) We always have some areas to work on, of course- the two main being the New Moon premiere & convincing Stephenie to finish Midnight Sun- but we have a plan. It’s simple. We’ll just go to the New Moon premiere & convince her to finish it. Done and done!

Justin Chong here we come,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisdown

Since it’s a holiday weekend in the US, you won’t see us around much- we’ll check in from time to time to approve new comments, but don’t fret if your comment seems to have gotten lost- we’ll get it up there, it just might take a lil’ bit! Enjoy your holiday!

Play in The Forum (if UC remembers to start the new thread in Rob’s flat- she’s on her own this weekend- yikes!)

See how well we’ve kept our LTR resolutions over at LettersToRob


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