Breaking down THE bed picture- you know, the underwhelming one….

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Moon & I started breaking dawn THE BED picture, and then ended up just creeping each other out. Hope you enjoy!

OMG OMG OMG I’M UNDERWHELMED

UC: OMG OMG OMG OMG… did you see it? The most over-hyped underwhelming picture of Edward & Bella in BED of the year!?
Moon: why yes, yes i did- i tweeted it out like an hr later. and then sat around and watched the crazy descend
UC: way to be on TOP of it (ahem) on top like Edward. Missionary style what whatttt!!
Moon: Bella’s first time
UC: Question: when you thought about yourself as Bella, doing it with Edward for the first time, because you know you did, how did you envision it? Missionary? I know you save your doggy style fantasizing for your Jake fantasies..
Moon: doesn’t Stephenie describe it as missionary in the book?? Cause he doesn’t want to crush her?
UC: does she GET that descriptive? Oh yes… the crushing….
Moon: ps the fact we’re breaking down the position is disturbing for any family members or friends reading
UC: sorry to all of them. but it’s SERIOUS, and we discuss SERIOUS things
Moon: and YET you’d think if he didn’t want to crush her it’d be the other way around
UC: also isn’t missionary best for baby-making? ? and since they make a baby (SPOILER ALERT)… or is that a myth
I will google it: Ah- Informative

“You may have heard that positions that deposit the sperm closest to the cervix — such as the missionary position (man on top) — are more promising than other positions. But there are no studies to back this up.”

thank you babycenter.com. but getting back to our fantasies.. I’m trying to think……
Moon: so wrong. isn’t everything about sex made up? it seems….
UC: I think so.
Moon: i mean if urban dictionary hasn’t heard of it than it can’t be true

Less Sex than on CSI

UC: right. So there’s that… Edward’s on top.. Big surprise. Are we jaded & t hat’s why we weren’t overwhelmed like it seemed the entirety of twitter was by this?
Moon: well i mean i guess i was underwhelmed cause its like we already know this happens, right? We’ve all read the books. they do it.
UC: right…. i know… i think we’ve built it up more in our minds… and at the end of the day… it’s just sex. And it’s going to be less sex than we generally see on an episode of CSI (believe me, I watched like 12 in the last few days i’ve been sick)
Moon: Or maybe we’re underwhelmed because it wasn’t on a bear skin rug. And even if its really Edward and Bella, Kristen and Rob should insist on any LOVE MAKING being on an animal hide
UC: I KNOW- it should be in their contracts. It should be wolf skin- just to stick it a little to Jacob
Moon: the fireplace is negotiable. The rug, NOT. It should be on a white wolf skin- the rarest of all! Suck it jacob!!
UC: have fun waiting 18 years for the zygote growing inside of me to grow up so you can get it on with her
Moon: HHAHAHA
UC: I just became Bella there.. in case you couldn’t tell
Moon: poor jacob. his life is the epitome of a “true love waits” campaign
UC: haha So true.. he’ll have to ask Kellan for tips
Moon: maybe kellan has given taylor pointers on how this works best
UC: jinx

The one where Faith Hill did it first

Moon: ALSO maybe it’s not ZOMG for us because it’s something thats pretty straightforward and less something we don’t know how it will turn out- like maybe if it was from the transformation or birth or something with Renesmee it’d be diff
UC: right…. they do it… it’s a glowing sunlit morning…. the sheets are beige….
Moon: I’d even say the feathers were better because it left so much to the imagination
UC: I’m thinking of another sex scene where you see a lot of beige translucent sheets….Wait..i’m pretty sure it’s Faith Hill’s video for “Breathe” but it might be from a movie…
Moon: and PS this is clearly from the same shoot with the feathers. give us something NEW!
UC: that’s how the scene always played out in my mind… and the hand with feathers, and now this, is proving even more to me that it will be that.. we’ll see the back of Edward- with Bella’s hand clasping at his skin…. maybe he’ll turn her on top for a second… a translucent beige sheet (or canopy from the bed) will fall and we’ll just see their outline.. and then up close shots of their mouths… all to a really kick ass song…like how the Sia song fit during the leg hitch scene
Moon: exactly. It will be all very tastefully and not crazy intense
UC: you’re right. no surprise.
Moon: cause this is a family film, and it will NOT be some crazy s&m, fan fic scenario. So everyone should ACCEPT it now
UC: ACCEPT IT NOW!
Moon: save the crazy shiz for after Bella’s is an indestructible vampire. She’d be more down for whips once he can’t kill her accidentally
UC: What this scene WILL be is great fodder for Robsten video makers. So we have that to look forward to!!
Moon: Dude bill condon already turned it sepia for them!! they’re half way there! All they need is an awkward song from celine dion and clips from a soft core porn and its done!

More after the jump! Continue…

198 Commented


Eclipse The Movie: Then & Now

Dear Eclipse DVD consumers,

So….Eclipse? Did you watch it? I am well-aware that Eclipse didn’t release this weekend everywhere in the world and that just sucks. Seriously, move to America. Not only do you not have Thanksgiving & you have to like soccer but you don’t even get movies at the same time we do! Not-Cool-rest of the world! (No really, stay in your country. I’m sure it’s great, I WISH more people liked soccer, and I’d really like to visit you in your country).

Anyway, I watched Eclipse at 9 pm Saturday night with @Brookelockart & pals. Let me set the scene: Fishtown Pennsylvania: I park under a bridge, think I’m gonna die but survive my 2 block walk to Brooke’s new house. I almost catch my scarf on fire making my world-famous stove-top popcorn, then I almost kill us with heart attacks using an entire ocean-filled with salt on my world-famous popcorn. Oops. But the time comes and we pop in the DVD (after figuring out how to use the DVD & watching Comcast On Demand Eclipse Extras in HD where Edward looks more like a dying ghost instead of a hot vampire because his make-up is so white). We watch the first 15 mintues. Then stop & re-start the first 15 minutes because some more people decided to join (semi-Twi virgins, which was HILARIOUS to experience with)

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t much looking forward to the movie. I don’t really know why- I just don’t think I was in a Twi-mood. But as soon as the drum kick sounded & the line “An innocent child in new orleans” sung by the Black Keys came through the TV speakers, I remembered…. and got the butterflies inside. It was interesting that I didn’t think about the 2nd time I saw the movie with my Philly Twi pals- no… it was the first Eclipse experience. I remember sitting next to Moon, squeezing her hand in anticipation.. and that first “Oh heyyyyyy” Moon said when Riley appeared on screen. Dang I forgot how hot that kid was but Oh Heyyyyy, Xavier, still!

(Oh, yes: You’re welcome)

But let’s recap what Moon & I thought about Eclipse almost 6 months ago when we penned you a letter at 4:30 am and see if our thoughts still stick. I just re-read Oh heyyyy we just saw Eclipse” and had a big chuckle. Which generally means it’s only funny to me! But overall, I thought or said out loud some of the exact same thoughts Saturday Night without remembering I had said them before. Here I thought I was being original when it turns out I was just ripping off myself from 6 months ago:

Original Thought: “Let’s talk about how we love Howard Shore for including the Sia & Metric songs throughout his score.”

Yes. I still love that. I haven’t listened to the Eclipse soundtrack for awhile (but New Moon has been playing daily in my office again!) so it all seemed new to me again! And when Edward was working Bella up only to let her down BIG TIME, I remembered the Sia song that was building up in the background- and then during the Leg hitch it explodes into beautifulness (the explosion is music beautifulness, much to Bella’s dismay) At which point I leaned over to Brookelockart and whispered “You know what? Edward could just go down on her & it would be fine. Win Win” Then we had a conversation entirely too inappropriate to share.

And DUDE where are all the Twilight fans with way too much time on their hands ripping these legit Eclipse scenes to You Tube for our viewing pleasure this weekend? Sorry for this crappy quality of an illegal video:

The score has always been lacking in my mind- Mr. Choice (a music composer himself) has always been a bit confused as to what exactly happened there- because we’re pretty sure that’s not the original score Howard Shore wrote- but the use of Metric & Sia throughout the entire theme is beautiful.

Original thoughtLet’s apologize to Edward for liking the Jacob & Bella kiss a litttttle bit too much”

Hmmmm….. I remember thinking even then that Taycob needs to calm down the head movements, but it was WAY distracting this time. I know for awhile there it seemed like I was riding the “Team Jacob” line, and I’m not sure where my head was, but I’m definitely back on Edward’s side. So I think I was just too pissed to enjoy Bella’s lucky day- with two boys who want her. PLUS the Twi-virgins we were with (who were ALL ABOUT Jacob- evidenced by the “oh shitttttss” that were moaned every time he appeared with his shirt off) REALLY couldn’t stand Bella’s wishy-washy-ness. Maybe it’s been so long since I’ve read the books & gotten so annoyed with Bella that I forgot. But I was reminded during that scene. And was thinking too strongly that “Bella’s a Bitch” to enjoy the kiss.

Original ThoughtLet’s get Jake some blotting tissues for that last scene when he looks like he’s dying of yellow fever.”

Dude! I already used that Yellow Fever joke!? I seriously thought the same thing Saturday night and planned to use it again today. I get it- he’s in pain- he’s sick- but dudeeeee. At least let Bella wipe him down a bit. I felt like I was looking at “The Situation” after he fell asleep in the tanning bed & stayed in for an hour or two too long (new joke- boom)

Original Thought
“Let’s put a call into L.A. Looks, and after thanking them for sponsoring Twilight with their donations of tubs of hair gel, ask them to move some of the allotted product for Taylor & pass it on to Rob to fix his floppy bangs.”

Move over L.A. Looks

I was getting a D.E.P. vibe Saturday night. And I think I was so happy to see Rob for an extended period of time without a big bushy beard & maintained sideburns (sorta) that I didn’t mind the floppy bangs! I’ll take what I can get!

Original ThoughtLet’s close our eyes and picture OURSELVES as Bella in a world where the guy on the bed is so hot that the gold brocade bedding he’s laying on doesn’t even matter.”

I mean…. can gold brocade ever not really matter? If Chuck Bass, Damon Salvatore & Edward Cullen wanted to have a foursome, but the condition was that it had to be on gold brocade bedding, I’d really try to convince them to pull out that air mattress they keep in the closet at the Salvatore mansion for when unexpected Vamp visitors swing by. Or see if we can borrow Rob Pattinson’s Hot Pocket Fort.

Original Thought “Let’s be grateful that most of the Bella/Edward getting-it-on scenes didn’t make us feel like we were watching Robsten preparing for an evening of licking cheese-whiz off each other”

I know! I mean, I’d say that none of the scenes made me feel that way this time. And I was worried- I mean, we’ve had Moantreal since Eclipse came out. But I got no Robsteny-vibes. I still think the Bella/Edward dialogue is semi-awkward with these long, drawn-out pauses in the beginning, but it picks up as it goes on.

Original thought
“Let’s talk about when we can burn down the jewelry store that created Bella’s engagement ring.”

THIS! Why have we not planned an LTT arson-day yet? I think one of the Twi-virgins’ exact words were “What the hell is that thing?
We don’t know, Twi virgin. It’s either a cheese grater for when they make “Italiano” or is a rock powerful enough to kill all the Cullen men with one blow. The jury is still out on that one.

And there is no original thought to accompany this one but JORTS!. I think it’s because I know that Stephenie mentions it in the commentary that I was looking out for how often they are worn, but DANG! They are EVERYWHERE. I like to think LTT can take some credit for that since we “Have much love for Jorts” or however Stephenie phrased it in the commentary (again- DUDE with the Twilight fans with a lot of extra time! Where is your screen shot transcription of the entire commentary!?) But sadly, no, we did not come up with the term. We have to thank the hipster neighborhoods both Moon & I reside in in Philadelphia & Los Angeles and the rednecks from which the hipsters stole their jorts-look.

All-in-all, my thoughts didn’t change much from my original viewing back in June. But I enjoyed this time around much more than expected. My only complaint is that they still weren’t able to figure out a way to keep Riley alive. Who cares about book to movie continuity? We want Xavier Samuel to stare at!!

Oh heyyyyy,
UnintnededChoice

What did you think? Did you watch the movie with some pals this weekend? Did you love it more or less than when you saw it months ago? Any new thoughts come to mind? Any new ah-ha moments or lines that were funny THIS time around!??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

125 Commented


Influencing Stephenie: Bella’s Wedding Dress

Dear Stephenie Meyer

Last night I got home from being away for over a week. I spent a lot of time in the hospital and funeral home and cars so you can imagine what I was there for and how out of the loop I am. I didn’t know exactly how out of the loop until I was talking to my roomie last night and she asked me if I heard about you, Stephenie Meyer and THE wedding dress. And I was like WHHHAAAAATT?? Clearly, I really was out of the Twilight loop because I had NO clue what she was talking about and that hasn’t happened since like 2008. So she filled me in and told me that you would be the one choosing the wedding dress Bella would wear in the movie. And I thought well, duh… you should be, I mean this is your story and your Bella and you’re a producer after all.

That got me thinking though, what will this dress look like? From the description in Breaking Dawn it seems like some sort of ruffled, high neck, Victorian affair and not so modern. BUUUTTT with this being the movie I don’t see some Laura Ingles Wilder style dress translating well on the screen so I was hoping we could come up with a few options AND that also got us to thinking that if you occasionally, at your own admission, stop by this fair blog we thought we might be able to throw in a few ideas here and there.

Of course this got us scheming thinking (it was a lot of thinking) even more that since you’re a producer and can throw in ideas why not play with their minds a bit and see who’s REALLY committed to your vision and characterizations in Twilight. We all know Bella is kinda dowdy and not very flashy and Edward is a conservative guy so they probably wouldn’t be down for dresses like this…


This number is totally reusable on the Isle Esme honeymoon! After all the Krisbians do love Kristens legs and this is perfect showcase for them. Totally Bella! Nothing says Bella Swan getting married like a white satin romper!


Tell everyone that Bella and Edward are a couple that are being featured on MTV’s teen mom and because Edward is such a stand up, traditional guy he wants to marry Bella before Renesemee pops out so this will be the dress she wears before they are forced into a life of mediocrity, drama and being on the same channel as those sluts from Jersey.


Ok, so maybe Bella and Edward believe that sex can wait till marriage so what about trying to convince Kristen that Bella would really wear this cause she’s a woman of the world, she’s from Phoenix.

Seriously, Stephenie please please please start pranking the cast by suggesting stuff like these slutty wedding dresses or maybe tell Rob you were a huge fan of the extensions Cathi Hardi had Edward in before they settled on the bouffant hairdo. Then see if the cast tries to stick up to you and defend their characters. If Kristen doesn’t insist on a floor length khaki wedding dress with a train and royal blue (something blue!) top than you need to regulate!

But in all seriousness if Bella’s dress doesn’t turn out something like InStyle’s Twilight wedding dresses, forinstance this Monique Lhullier dress than we’re over!

Ok… ok we won’t be over but ya know… just don’t do the satin romper.
Themoonisdown

So what other topics should we start “influencing” Stephenie on? What’s your idea for Bella’s wedding dress?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

120 Commented


The time we met Stephenie Meyer & STILL had stuff to share!

Dear LTTers,

Today in the world of “The Stephenie Meyer Interview that keeps giving, giving and giving” we delve into the details she spills about Eclipse re-shoots, hear her “pet” name for Rob, listen as she calls me [UC] “brave” about something I did when she probably really wanted to tell me she’s “2nd-hand embarrassed,” find out a little about Moon’s romantic past, hear the correct pronunciation of “Twilosophy” and… well, why don’t you just take a listen & see what else we have planned:

Stephenie gets violent
Psst you can hear Jodi her agent & Meghan her assistant here too!

SM StupidHelicopters by letterstotwilight

Let’s talk about Meghan for a second (who was the one you heard speak the most next to Stephenie) How much fun would it be to be her? She gets to hang out with Rob Stephenie and make up stories about Twilight characters & helicopters. It’s like writing LTT but getting paid. And MUCH more glamorous. Plus she gets to eat catered movie food. Dear Stephenie, can I have Meghan’s job? Love, me

And did you catch when Stephenie said this: “[It's so] rough on the kids who are trying so hard” Kids!? IS THAT what she’s calling Rob these days? I gotcha, Stephenie!… We can all play it off like the hottest guy to come on the scene in a LONG time is a “kid.” I guess we can call Xavier that too! *wink.

Stephenie’s Battlefield & Eclipse Re-shoot Rumors
We wanted to ask Stephenie this: “Summit makes really dumb decisions like 99.7% of the time. How do you deal with it? Do you want to scream & tell them you’re taking your books somewhere else? How much do you hate them on a scale of 1-10. Do you blame everything in your life- like when you lock yourself out of the house- on Summit like we do?” but figured she wouldn’t answer that… so… we went about it a little nicer:

SM PickingBattles by letterstotwilight

I’d like to see Stephenie “throw a fit.” Does she quickly heat up a vat of fish fry & throw it into the face of the executive at Summit? Maybe she writes a novella following the Volturi on a weekend trip to LA where they break into the offices at Summit & feed on the execs causing her fit. Perhaps she threatens to steal Robsten’s bear skin rug where they make all their magical love so that they’re so distraught they can’t even act out their latest scene. Or maybe I’m thinking too deeply about this & it’s much more simple: she gets the fever and phases into a wolf…

And how about around 2:03 when she says about Jacob & Bella in the tent, “I would have had [them] more enveloping than it was” PROOF- TEAM JACOB. We KNEW it!

The case for Virgins
Twifans starts a great conversation about the virginity talk in Eclipse & it naturally progresses into a talk about Twilight & religion:

SM virginsandreligion by letterstotwilight

Did you catch this one around 2:05?

Stephenie “Guess what these conversations really DO happen”
Moon “YEAH!!!!”

Sounds like someone has a little experience being cock-blocked by an old fashioned guy, huh Moon??

And how about when I chime in & say, “Bella wants it” I cringe listening back to that… I say that at little too convincingly right? I’m like, “No, believe me! If I want it this badly from a book character, I promise you the book character that actually gets to be with him REALLY REALLY WANTS IT.” Seriously, UC, as if Stephenie, the creator of the want of the virginal vampire, didn’t know. HA!

And Yes- you heard that right After the part where Stephenie says she enjoyed something I wrote (This letter about Twilight and Religion, at 2:24 she says, “So I’m saying it right!” She’s proud of herself for pronouncing “Twilosophy” right all this time. Has it hit you yet that Stephenie actually reads LTT? Yeah.. me neither.

Gah somedays I love to be reminded of how amazing this day in the life of UC & Moon was!

Xo,
UnintendedChoice

Have you read ALL the “Meeting Stephenie” recaps? They’re pretty awesome.. Like.. I’ll probably get them printed in a book because this was a pretty amazing moment for both of our lives! If you want a major Cullen Smile, just re-read everything- or for the first time if you missed some: Interviewing Stephenie Meyer

BIG LTT Thanks to:
Samuel from Twifans who did a TON of audio editing. HE RULES!!!!

Legal Stuff:
All photographs are owned by Stephenie Meyer and there may be no copying or other exploitation of such photographs without the express prior written permission of Stephenie Meyer, c/o Jodi Reamer jreamer@writershouse.com
All Photos: Julie Adamson

HELP ME OUT after the jump! Continue…

52 Commented


What do you mean Renee isn’t the model parent?

Dear LTTers,

Let me tell you a quick story before today’s real letter. Once upon a time UC was a college student at a small Christian Liberal arts school in Indiana. One night she boarded a plane to Philadelphia from Indianapolis and was seated with a fellow classmate whom she had never met before. They hit it off & promised to stay in touch. I believe there was maybe a hello from across the Dining Commons once they returned to school, but soon UC transferred to a different school and all promises were forgotten. Flash forward many years… UC graduated, UC got married, UC adopted 2 cats, UC fell for this thing called Twilight and this is where we pick up the story:

AmanDUH wishes she had this for her Wal-mart trips

One day after a lively discussion of Twilight & Religion and after tweeting the tales of wearing one’s Christian Twilight T-shirt to Wal-mart, UC received an email from someone claiming she attending that very same small Christian school in Indiana. They exchanged pleasantries via email, discussed their love for the local ice cream shop near campus & tried to find out if they had any friends in common. Then the LTT reader mentioned something she called “random.” She remembered sitting next to a girl on a plane with the same name as UC on a flight to Philadelphia. Were that girl & UC perhaps one in the same? A lightbulb went off in UC’s head- she pictured this LTT reader EXACTLY and all the promises they made to keep in touch after that one fateful plane ride. And the rest is history. One small, seemingly unimportant moment back in 2002 was revisited and two lost acquaintances were joined together- all because of Twilight, Letters TO Twilight and probably also a little bit because of Buttcrack Santa (Gah- I miss him).

There IS a point to my, I mean UC, sharing this more than it’s just a fun story about UC’s past…. ThePlaneFriend (as I just now named her) is a writer- a very GOOD writer & in fact has an incredible true life story I’m just betting you’ll see in book form some day (no- she wasn’t Cathy Hardi’s 2nd choice for Bella- good guess though). But for now she’s been writing us LTTs- and good ones. So today for the first time ever and much to the surprise of the 19 & 20 year olds we were when we met years ago- ThePlaneFriend writes her first LTT to someone I’m not sure we’ve EVER written to!

Dear Renee,

As a fellow mom, let’s level.

In Twilight, I generally thought you were a pretty normal parent—with one glaring exception. It was what? At least 2003, your only daughter was moving in with her dad and you couldn’t cough up enough for a cell phone? Really? (I know you were a teacher and a single parent and all, but I feel like your budget might stretch far enough for a pay-as-you-go phone or something—especially when you were managing to find the money to trot all over the country to join Phil for his baseball games).

I was totally with you for getting annoyed with Bella when she didn’t contact you right after arriving in Forks. My daughter better always call as soon as she arrives someplace—although I plan to lock her up forever after hearing about those insane wolf pack kids from a few posts ago—so she might not ever be going anywhere to have an opportunity to disobey that rule.

I even understand how you’d be a little creeped out by the fantastically gorgeous Edward who won’t leave your daughter’s hospital room once she’s injured. I’m not sure I’d be rooting for my 17-year-old to be overly-involved with a boy that intense. But then again, he’s Edward, so it might be hard for any of us moms to remember that we’re married and not try to steal him away, who knows?

So my real question is, by the middle of New Moon, what happens to you?

Your daughter has been catatonic over this boy leaving her and you’re still just sending her emails that sound like journal entries? C’mon! You still can’t call her?

Then, as we head into Eclipse, Edward is back, you see how he’s possibly even more intense about Bella, and your only comment to your daughter is that you feel like you’re missing some secret in their relationship? You don’t even ask her if she’s doing him or not? (I won’t have to ask this question of my daughter as she will not be mangling pillows/gouging out headboards with anyone but her husband, and maybe not even then). If you do think she’s at it with him, wouldn’t you want to check to make sure she’s being safe so that she doesn’t have a baby right out of high school like you did? Although, as a side note, I’m pretty sure latex wouldn’t hold up against vampire venom, so maybe we can let that one slide.

And I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t even get me started on your behavior in Breaking Dawn. You can’t be pried away from wedding decorations to hang with your kid? Please! Once she’s married, and supposedly has some crazy rare disease, you wait until a few weeks after she’s mending to call (or do you want to claim that Jasper and Alice’s powers suddenly heightened and—from a looong distance—they were able to calm down your mood and control your future decisions? Oh, wait, you don’t know they’re vamps. That excuse won’t work).

I have to say, you’re a very strange sort of mother. I don’t care how young you were when you had Bella…or how much you’re enjoying reclaiming your lost years as a wild newlywed with Phil. In my opinion, you have a lot to answer for. Charlie is clearly the better parent.

A Concerned Mom

Oh Burrrnnnnnnnnnn!!!!

I sure hope they pick me. I get kind of lonely by myself…

So what do you think? In the big debate of Charlie vs Renee (which maybe we had once long ago) Who wins? The Hair-brained mother, whose movie portrayal was clearly mirrored after Cathy Hardi? Or the born-again-virgin who knows how to rock a copstache’ like no other?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

143 Commented


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