Well when you put it that way…

Dear Twilight,

We love you. A lot. Like A-LOT A-LOT. You know this and we’ve accepted your idiosyncrasies and your quirks and like any good, mature relationship, they only make us love you more. Especially when the movie versions add in totally dumb ones. (shhhh those are our favorites!) But as you know people like to make fun of you and even though we try sometimes it’s hard to explain why you’re so great when people like to focus on the absurd. But they do make great videos. Like this…

“Jacob” kinda has that alpaca look about him, no?

David Slade blew the roof off Eclipse and made even some of the crazy stuff seem totally plausible so what about Breaking Dawn? We KNOW Bill Condon’s got his work cut out for him. Renesmee, births, cottages by the creek, yada yada yada I wonder if he got the cliff’s notes version like this…

Weeeellll when you put it like that…

Plasma TV and AWESOME DVD collection. Maybe these folks should write the script? They know the important stuff.

Oh Twilight, we still love you! Even besides your incessant talk of glowering and Bella’s pregnant foods being eggs and cups of blood instead of ice cream and pickles. We wouldn’t trade you for anything, for realz.

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day to all the folks in the states. Yes, another holiday where we grill stuff and hang out in pools and what not trying to hold on to the last bit of summer. So enjoy your day off and we’ll see you back here this week!

Special Thanks to Mandy and Bea for sending us the videos!Have an idea and want to write a letter while we’re grilling today? Saw a video, a picture, or a news story we need to see? Send it in! DO IT!

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32 Commented

LTT Mailbag – The Crazies email us (again)


Dear LTT-ers, Twilight cast members, characters and Stephenie Meyer,

Of course you guys know that we’re NOT you and we don’t answer emails written to characters or Rob (unless we’re bored and intern Rob needs busy work) but we definitely read them, pass them back and forth and then post them here for all of us to enjoy. You can’t get the crazy in your inbox and NOT share with your pals!

Dear Stephenie,

This letter is for you personally… I am a fan but I’m not obsessed with it… I just want to know why you didn’t have more go on with bella and jacob… I think it would have be better if you had edward leave for a reason and bella went to jacob… they go off to college to get away from it all and then….. edward make an appearance… bella think she’s thinks she is seeing things and doesn’t think to much… but than she starts seeing him more and more… then……………… jacob and edward start battling for bella because she can no longer choose between them… that book should have been between the thrid and fouth… Also in the fourth one you shouldn’t make jacob fall in love with a baby… I’m just saying this because people on my rez even agree with me


Dear Britbrit,

I’m glad you’re not one of “those fans.” You know, the kind that writes a letter to a random blog thinking it’s me, thinking I’m just looking for new story lines for my completed saga that doesn’t fit into the original story AT ALL. I’m thankful you’re not that kind of fan. Thanks for the ideas, I’ll consider them.

Oh and tell your rez to suck it. I like the baby.

Love and kisses,
SMeyer (not really)

hey catherine hardwicke

i was just wondering if you would consider reading a series for me and maybe start making the movies. i know its probably a really kinda dumb thing to do but i really like this book and i thinkk you could do some amazing stuff with it! it is called the house of night series and the books are called marked betrayed chosen untamed hunted and tempted. and i was also wondering if you took these books and made them in to movies if i could play a part in them i have always wanted to be an actress and maybe even some charicters from the twilight saga movies i think taylor lautner would be good in it and same with nikki reed and ashley greene! so i was just wondering if you would at least consider it thanx so much i really do want you to read the book i think you would enjoy them thanx. please reply back!!


Dear Tasyna,

What about US?!

Robert and Kristen

PS Catherine Hardwicke wasn’t available to answer this email as it conflicted with her pre-scheduled ribbon cutting ceremony at the Anaheim TGIFridays. She sends her regards. We think.

I have this question for Kristen. Where did you go for acting classes? I have been thinking of starting up acting, but I don’t know where to start.

92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Dear Anna,

Why the Kristen Stewart School of Acting, of course! I created my own method. It’s like breathing. You should try it.


PS 92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Oh you crazies, you never fail to make our day… or at least make the 2 minutes it takes for us to read these missives of whackadoo. Please never stop and we’ll never stop NOT replying to you.


Who wants to volunteer to be our LTT intern to read all this mail? Should we make Rob the intern come over here and answer this mail as well? Are you one of “those fans?” And what about that Abercrombie line, are kids still wearing that stuff? I wore some of that in high school!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

57 Commented

Twilight is like a piece of fine art… no really, it is

(Guess what!? We’re STILL Gone Fishin’! So today, Alice_NaA puts on her Tweed and some Angela glasses and lectures us on some Twilight fine art! Enjoy!!)

Dear LTT-ers,

Don’t we all secretly want to blend the Edward Cullen vinyl wall sticker, shower curtain and other sophisticated twinfluences into a gracious background for elegant living? No we don’t, but I don’t have any other fake excuse for the all the silly crap I make in my free time. Unfortunately our home is the reflection of our soul, and I’m not sure Edward would consider ours worth protecting if we act on these primal urges. That’s why I threw some real historical masterpieces into the “Twilightizer,” so we can secretly enjoy our common guilty pleasure, while sedating the inner intellectual in us and no-one under 10 will notice the difference.

I take no responsibility for the following cultural barbarianism.* I just copy/pasted from Wikipedia committed myself to the magnanimous task of consulting one a wide range of media offerings to gather the least boring most significant information.

We’ll start our journey in ancient Greece, 490 to 450 BCE. The early Classic style marks the breakdown of the canonical forms of archaic art and the transition to the greatly expanded vocabulary and expression of the classical moment of the late 5th century. Whatever that may mean. The Discobolus of Myron (aka discus thrower) is a famous lost Greek bronze original, now only known through numerous Roman copies. The moment captured in the statue is an example of rhythmos, harmony and balance. Naturally, as always in Greek athletics, the Discobolus is completely nude (Er, what am I doing in this century again?). His pose is said to be unnatural to a human, and today considered a rather inefficient way to throw the discus. But we all know that that wouldn’t be a problem for our Edward.

16th century Italian polymath, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician and writer, Leonardo da Vinci, has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance man, a man whose unquenchable curiosity was equaled only by his powers of invention. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived. And I’m starting to think he wrote his wiki page himself. He’s also the dude who painted the Mona Lisa

In the 14th century, in a little town not far from where I a live, a boy called Jan van Eyck was born. At an older age he starts working as a painter for some rich fellow, who holds his art in extraordinarily high regard. He also made some extra cash by freelancing in his off time, what else is there to do in the era without the interwebs anyway. His work differs from renaissancal stuff by e.g. Leonardo Da vinci (we know him already!) and Michelangelo, by virtue of its willingness to forgo classical idealization in favor of the faithful observation of nature, resulting in remarquably detailed landscapes interiors and atmospherical effects. Also the women of his time really like to pluck their foreheads and bedding, tablecloth and curtains were considered multifunctional items, you can’t google this.. His most famous work is the ‘Adoration of the Mystic Lamb’, which I’ve already seen twice, as it is conveniently located in a cathedral in Flandres. I show you one of his other famous works, The Arnolfini Portrait. Pay attention to the little doggie ;).

Follow the cut for a whole lot more epic artwork

63 Commented

Cheating on Twilight with the Hunger Games

Can you believe that in 20 months of blogging Moon & I have never been gone at the same time? Well, we broke our streak of blogging perfection & we’re BOTH gone this week. Moon is in Africa being selfless caring for kids & I’m sipping champy from a can on a beach in South Carolina (and meeting LTT friend @lula34 for the FIRST time in person!) We were tempted to hang up a “Gone Fishin’ ” sign this week and say “see ya next week” BUT… we resisted. We’ll be bringing you fan letters, some fun posts & mostly just have a simple week. So rest up as we do too and we’ll be back with you next week! Oh- pending comments will be approved but slower than usual- Moon has to send me an owl from Kenya then I use send a telegram to Stephenie Meyer asking her to approve new comments- she’s the only one we trust.  You’re in good hands today- Obird Moon’s favorite “boobs in the shoes” girl takes the reigns today and has a shocking confession!

Looks like there's a new kid on the block...

Dear Twilight Saga,

I have a confession to make….you might want to buckle your seat belt.  I am fully anticipating being shot at dawn for my crimes, but I have to come clean.  The weight of my transgressions are just too much to carry and I just can’t take the guilt any longer.  So, here it is.  I have been cheating on you.  (ducking head to avoid the onslaught of flaming darts from the Twihards)  But wait, before you break-up with me please hear me out….I mean we were “on a break” and all.  Who was it you ask?   Well, if you really MUST know it was Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games Series.  I couldn’t help myself….actually, I blame Janetrigs and Lula with their “Real Books are the ONLY way jazz”….and when the two of them love a book and tell you to read it….YOU DO IT!  How many times can one person read #PeetaOwnsMe on twitter and not be curious??  I’m only human after all.  I mean even the Queen Bee herself has a gleaming review on the back of the book.  I told myself I would just read a few chapters to see if I liked it.  I seriously didn’t even think I would like it….there aren’t even any cool hands holding apples on the front cover….it’s just some weird bird with an arrow in it’s mouth.  Alas, I was weak and it sucked me in with its amazingness from chapter one.

Now I know this might be a little premature because the Hunger Games trilogy is not yet complete (Mockingjay comes out 8/24/2010 count it down peeps), but I might go as far to say I think this series may be the “next Twilight”.  <—insert record screeching, car crashing, baby crying, woman screaming, apocalyptic mass hysteria  etc.  WAIT….don’t leave….I’m not saying it will REPLACE Twilight, but it just might be the next in line to take the YA fandom by storm.  So, being a major Twi fangirl fail I took to to my email to see if I was totally going crazy!  Thank goodness I had both Lula and Freya to help me work through the guilt…..proceed with caution and an open mind.  PS….slight spoilers ahead.

It's a fandom when the creepy drawings show up.

The first question Twi vs. Hunger Games……and GOOOOOO!!!

Lula:  Twilight is the brooding romantic fluff that we all love, the other is young adult literature with a strong heroine & sensitive subject matter with a Sci-Fi bent.  There is room for both!

Obird: I completely agree.  I mean Twi will ALWAYS be very special, but I was so taken a back by how much I loved Hunger Games.  It is the first set of books since Twilight that gave me that “special feeling”….twss.

Lula: Loving another series isn’t a traitorous act.  Like ebony & ivory, I don’t see why Twilight and Hunger Games can’t live together in perfect harmony.

Obird: I mean even SM loved them and couldn’t put them down….If that is a “get out of jail free” pass, I don’t know what is.

Then I pulled out the serious guns….aka my tweed jacket and brought Freya into the mix…..

Freya: The Twilight series were the right books at the right time for me.  I needed an Edward in my life; that romantic, protective hero who would sacrifice anything for the one he loves.  It was very satisfying, and I got hooked into the series.

Obird: Amen lady.

Freya: Hunger Games has not made me obsess like Twi did, but there are elements about it that are superior to Twi.

Obird: Well, I think I might have to join a support group, so give me an example.

Freya:  Katniss.  Katniss is extraordinary.  Bella downplays any talents that she might have (although I do think that Bella is more interesting and talented than she gives herself credit for), but Katniss knows that there are things she can do that are better than others.  She’s not vain, she just has some confidence in herself.

Obird: Yes, I totally fangirl over her with the bow and arrows….I wish I had at least some sweet nunchuck skills!!  Ok, I’m gonna hit below the belt ladies.  Peeta vs. Edward.

Lula: When Katniss kisses Peeta and says that for the first time since they were in the cave together, in the first Games, she “felt that thing again…something stir deep inside. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater.  I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind.”  That. Right there.  That my friend did it for me….slayed me, completed me more than any meadow scene or cold breathy kisses. ‘Cause that right there was freaking amazing….beautiful…frightening….HOT.

I'm team falafel

Freya: Edward vs. Peeta….Must I choose?  They’re so different.  So I’ll differentiate this way:
I would want Edward:
To do home renovations
To buy me presents
To be on my dodgeball team
To help me do math

I would want Peeta:
To snuggle with
To make secret plans with
To make decisions with (because I would get a say)
To go into business with

Obird: I guess I could settle for a Peeta/Edward sandwhich….heavy on the Peeta ’cause y’all know I’m a sucker for the carbs.

Well, fear not I will always love Twilight and nothing can take that away, but I must say I have enjoyed my torrid affair.  Hey, I will even share!  If you haven’t read Hunger Games…..GO READ IT!!  You will love it….and like Lula says….that’s ok.  There is room for both in your heart…I promise….you know ebony and ivory and all that jazz! If you have already read HG what are your thoughts???  Do you want a Peeta/Edward sammy??

Thanks to Freya and Lula for talking me off the ledge and making me want to play dodgeball at 1:30 am….you ladies rule.

Don’t forget “WE WERE ON A BREAK”


So what say you? Do you feel like you’re cheating on Twilight when you read and love other stuff or do you understand there’s room for lots of great stories in your life? Who’s read Hunger Games?

And hey… even though it’s not true… what the heck:

Hey- have you sent in anything for “While Moon was Gone” yet!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

70 Commented

Postcards from Bea’s Twilight-less vacation

(Bea writes to Twilight about her well…Twilight-less vacation! Enjoy! XO-moon)

Greetings from Vacation!

Dear Twilight,

I’m nearing the end of a two week vacation, and I miss you.  Less than the husband… but more than the cat.  Is that normal?

“Vacation,” of course, means camping out in my parents’ basement while also visiting the grandparents and in-laws.  The first week was busy busy busy: wedding shower,  family reunion, asking an old friend to be responsible for the baby if the husband and I drop dead, adapting said baby to the three hour time change, convincing grandma that baby does still need a nap at nine months old, shopping for family picture attire, etc.  Even survived said family pictures without being paralyzed by second-hand embarassment (Everybody in solid blue with khakis this time!  Except the redneck wing of the family who will come in green, gray, black, plaid and Hawaiian print! If you’ve visited AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com you have the basic idea).  In any case, I was much to busy to send a postcard to a series of YA books and movies or even miss you unless I saw a particularly fine pair of jorts.

But then week two hit.  Hubby went home, the round of visits to relatives got mundane, baby stopped sleeping like she was hungover and started teething, shopping turned into returns, and the second old friend I saw is in the middle of a very sad divorce.  Altogether less fun.

Bea's trendy baby

I did have a Twi-versation when my sad friend checked out my child’s fangs (top middle teeth aren’t in yet, but side teeth are):

Me: She’s a vampire baby.  Very trendy.
Sad Friend: [snarky snort] Have you read Twilight?
Me: [Guilty pause]  Yeah, I gave in and read them when all my students and their moms were.
SF: I just can’t do it.

Like I said, not terribly fun.  I was shooting for Jacob-esque sunshine but only managed Mike Newton-ish semi-distraction.  At least I didn’t puke on her.

Fold into the equation the fact that at the end of week one I finally got to see Eclipse.  Free babysitting meant that I even got to go with the husband, Unicorn-In-Denial that he is.  So for the first week of vacation, when I did miss you, I got to anticipate seeing you.  When we finally managed to slip away from everything I was near giddy (this was the 19th… was I the very last loyal LTTer to see it?).  We had a great conversation with my mother-in-law on the way out the door:

MIL: What are you going to see?
Unicorn-In-Denial Husband: I can’t tell you, it’s too embarassing.
MIL: Is it “The Last Airbender”?
Me: Nope. [Internal monologue: No, but one of the actors is in both films.  Evidently Jackson’s specialty is embarassing movies.]
UIDH: It involves vampires.
MIL: Ah… “the saga continues…”

The movie was fun.  I mocked the wigs, cried at Renee’s scene, fell in love with Charlie again, gagged at the ring and swooned in the meadow (Moon, you were so right about Rob finally becoming Edward in this one!  He almost never looked constipated!).

The kind of postcards I would purchase on vacay

But then tragedy struck.  Husband was in a cranky mood due to work thing unfolding at home and would not rehash the film on the way home despite my prodding.  I had to virtually do the Heimlich Maneuver to get, “It was only mildly entertaining.”  The next day I tried my best friend from college, but she left me hanging with only brief wig commentary.  What fun is a Twi-movie without people to discuss it with???  Must start planning for #pillowbite2011 and what I’m calling #NeedToKnow2012.

In short, vacation has become more like real life here in week two and I didn’t even bring a good book to read.  Instead I brought the baby book to fill in… yeah, like that’s going to happen!  My mom “finished” the one she made about me on her way down to meet the grandbaby this fall.  Like I’m going to do my child’s in real time.

And so, I miss my escape from real life: you, my dear, ridiculous Twilight.   But there is a substantial problem.  No Wi-Fi at the parents’ house.  Which means all internet usage goes through the family computer.  In the middle of the living room.  I snuck in once when the baby had me up but everybody else was sleeping and read the week’s LTT but couldn’t watch videos of Jackson side-talking or listen to Stephenie Meyer sound clips.  And then I had to figure out how to delete items from the browsing history.  Because my little Twi-closet door has opened too far already this trip.  Witness the denial conversation:

Mom: How was the movie?
Me: Pretty lousy.  We went to see this one because everybody said it was way better than the others, but it would still make no sense if you hadn’t read the book. [She’s also heard the ‘my students wanted me to read it’ excuse.]

So now I’m sitting on the back deck, with a glass of wine, watching the sunset and writing you a postcard that has somehow become an epistle.  And my vacation is feeling better again.  Tomorrow morning I’ll sneak back to the family computer and send it off to UC and Moon to do what I can to make their vacations more restful.  I plan to have the New York Times open in another window as my alibi.  If there’s extra time before my dad starts looking over my shoulder I might even get to read LTT.  And then delete it from the history.  Because that’s what normal adults do.

Wish you were here!

We wish we were there too because then we could talk about Eclipse with you and maybe sneak out to see it again once we trick the MIL to watching the kid again. So how about everyone else do you clear your browsing history every time you leave the computer? Are you still really in the Twilight closet?

While Moon was Gone: DO IT!

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