Birthday Wishes for Robert Pattinson from the Twilight crew

Dear Rob,

Yes. We realize there is an entire site dedicated to you (LetterstoRob, holla) but today is ALL about YOU! It is your birthday, afterall! So happy birthday from us, UC & Moon. We’re just popping in here quickly to tell you we collected birthday wishes or gifts from your favorite castmates from The Twilight Saga. And boy are they awesome! We hope you enjoy them!

Love,
UC & Moon

PS don’t forget to check out the party at the forum in YOUR honor and the very special edition of Letters to Rob!

this could be YOU rob! (click to enlarge! trust!)

this could be YOU rob! (click to enlarge! trust!)

Jackson Rathbone
For your birthday, you get to spend some time in the Banana suit that randomly travels around with my band, 100Monkeys. Don’t question the reason for the banana. Just jump in the suit and have a good time. Oh, and try not to sweat too much. That thing is a bitch to wash so we haven’t done it, ever. But don’t worry- we bought it only slightly used and it’s been around since ’92, so it’s good quality. Happy birthday, banana man!

Kellan Lutz

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

Today, Rob, I am burdened with prayer for you. I committ, as your accountability partner, to spend at least one hour in constant prayer for you today. I will pray for a variety things such as your inability to get over Kristen, your smoking habit, for your protection from the Pattinson Pants & Pattinson Tattoo ladies and that you will find the strength to do the necessary exercises to obtain a 6 pack such as mine. I’d also love to go clubbing with you later, if you’re up for it. I met some smokin’ hot ladies in Hollywood last night that I bet we can witness to, ifyouknowwhatimsaying (wink wink!). Prayin’ that it’s a kick-ass birthday, man!

Eat your heart out Rob!

Eat your heart out Rob!

Ashley Greene

Rob, it’s clear to me that you need another $103 LNA zip-up hoodie so I’m gonna take you to Kitson to get one! It’s on me.. No, no no, I don’t want you paying. Oh fine, you can contribute your budgeted amount for a hoodie. What’s that $40 or $50..? Oh… three dollars? Are you kidding me? Robbie, I think they charge more than that to walk in the door at Kitson…. Oh well, Happy Birthday anyway you cheap-ass friend. Oh and seriously you like THOSE girls more than me?? Hummmppphh. Maybe I should get you a brain and a pair of eyeballs for your birthday instead of a hoodie.
XO

Hair hair haaaair, long beautiful hair!

Hair hair haaaair, long beautiful hair!

Rachelle Lefevre

Hey Rob, as we all know one of the main things you’re known for is your hair. I mean remember all the hoopla in December when you cut it off? Or all the questions on the Twilight press junket about your hair and how you never wash it and how it has a life of it’s own? Yea, well we all remember it very well cause we were asked non stop about it. Thanks. So for your birthday I’m going to give you free hair tips since mine is so faboo. I’m also going to teach you how to wash it every few days so people will stop asking that question! I’ll also introduce you to this awesome dry shampoo that you spray into your hair to soak up the grease. It’s a gift

Forget those little girls Rob... grrrr!

Forget those little girls Rob... grrrr!

from God himself. And then I’ll let you let me scratch your head and massage your hair follicles to encourage growth. What? You’ve never heard of that? Just go with it babe. Trust me.

Elizabeth Reaser

Rob, I saw how you were looking at me during the Vanity Fair photoshoot. You couldn’t keep your eyes off me, if I do say so myself. So for your birthday I’m going to teach you the ways of a real mature woman! Forget these GIRLS… I’ll show you ALL the tricks you’ll ever need and then leave you wanting more you’ll be prepared for your future girlfriends.

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!!

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!! (click to enlarge)

Taylor Lautner

Hey man, it’s a big day for you and I know you have to juggle a lot what with you “being” Edward and all the crazy fans who follow you to your hotel and trying to put off the fact that everyone thinks you and Kristen are bumping uglies. Let me give you a pointer: get with a Disney girl and walk around with umbrellas and hug in the rain. Everyone will be too blinded by the cuteness to ever care or think to care about you two doing da nasty. TRUST.

Oh and Selena told me to tell you she’ll let you know what happens at the end of this season of Wizards of Waverly Place if you’ll autograph her Edward body glitter container.

Some Enchanted Evening. Prom: 1990never

Some Enchanted Evening. Prom: 1990never

Stephenie Meyer

Rob for your birthday I want to rewrite Breaking Dawn so that Bella chooses Jacob and you Edward realizes his mistake and he actually marries Ms. Stephenie Meyer Cope, the older more mature woman in Twilight and you take her off to Isle Esme. I’m also going to rewrite the part where you Edward takes my Ms. Cope’s hand and pulls her DEEPER into the water… to read more like my actual NC-17 dream that I had about how the honeymoon REALLY went down. So if you’ll fly down to Phoenix this weekend we can just run through a couple positions ideas I’ve come up with and see what works and what doesn’t. You’ll glower and I’ll show my chagrin and it’ll be awesome! This is really going to be AVN Oscar Awards worthy! I can’t wait!!!

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Not alright with this New Moon Hair & Makeup Dept.

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly (click to enlarge if you can handle it)

Dear New Moon Hair/Wig people-

I’ve never been more sad in my life.

This is just NOT alright. I am seriously sad and may think of boycotting you for making Jacksper look this ridiculous. His hair is poofy and NOT CUTE. What did you do wash and set it with sponge curlers ala 5th grade? I mean it must take a lot of work to take a normally great looking guy and make him look like a poodle at the Westminster Dog Show. In fact I think that’s where you must be going to get all the wigs that were in Twilight and now New Moon. Jacob’s half up, half down wig makes him look like a Native American My Little Pony. All he’s missing are the bejeweled eyes.

If this is the hair Jasper has when he kicks butt and draws blood at Bella’s birthday party someone will have to hold me in my seat because I may not be able to help myself. I need a bad ass Jasper taking a swipe at Bella and not some fancy boy with Shirley Temple hair.

I have no more to say about this. I’m going to act as if this never happened. I have my eye on you Wig wranglers!

The end.
Themoonisdown

PS girls in this picture: please do not frame this or make it your profile pic on Facebook. We need to forget this ever happened.

PPS UC, i <3 you and would never give you poodle hair if I was a hair stylist

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This is how you found us? Vol. 3

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and lost Googlers-

April is drawing to a close so it’s once again time to crack into our vaults of search terms. I know, I know! It’s just like (buttcrack) Santa came last night and left us all kinds of fun gifts.  So for the uninitiated, wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. It’s generally the stuff you’d expect: Rob, Twilight, Filet o Fish (of course!) and for some odd reason Muse is one of our biggest terms, but then there are the othesr! And boy, are they off the wall! So we thought man, this is funny stuff- we really have to share it with everyone… and well here we are again with another round of “THIS IS HOW YOU FOUND US?!”

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find both LTT and LTR

  • Adam Brody – be still my heart… our secret secret blog? Yup, that’s right: letterstoadambrody.com
  • we were fine. i have not left my boyfriend – is that you Kristen Stewart? Are you trying to tell us something? You can email us, ya know!
  • i gotta discuss – WHAT? What do you have to discuss with us?? Maybe you should head to the forum?
  • He loves me... he loves me not

    He loves me... he loves me not

    stephenie meyer +rob pattinson – equals true love 4ever? She wishes! You can stop googling you and Rob’s name Stephenie, it ain’t gonna change anything! Maybe you should read some fanfic instead

  • taylor lautner with his mom – Seriously, right?! We love and adore Papa Filet o Fish but what about Mama Lautner? Is she a Mama Yogurt Parfait? Where is she? Cooking Taylor’s eggwhites? So many questions…
  • what would taylor lautner want for a birthday gift? – I don’t know, how about a year membership to 24 Hour Fitness? A copy of season one of Wizards of Waverly Place? Or maybe a My Little Pony comb for his beautimus flowing wig?

Check out more crazy Googles after the cut!
Continue…

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Happy 17th Birthday Taylor

Dear Taylor-

UC and I have thought long and hard about what we were going to do for your birthday; we even made a Google calendar reminder just so we wouldn’t forget it- it was THAT important to us. So what would a 17 yr old up-and-coming movie star want that he probably couldn’t get on his own?

Then we had an epiphany: why not, a totally hot, rad, awesome, intelligent, non-stoner GIRLFRIEND, that’s what!!!??

So, Taylor, I present you: WOLFGIRL!

wolfgirl

Yep, you’re right! She DOES look like her beautiful older sister.


 

 

Yes, we went ahead and got you a girlfriend! Seriously, you should bow at our feet because Wolfgirl is good peoples and comes from the best stock around. Why yes, Wolfgirl is UC’s little sister!! A more perfect match we couldn’t imagine. A young lady, your age who was raised right and totally not affected by the Hollywood/Twilight scene. As a matter of fact, Wolfgirl had not read the Twilight series until UC and I came up with this dastardly plan, and UC KNEW she must read the books so we could hook you two crazy kids up.

Personally, I’ve made it my mission to track you down at whatever 24-Hour Fitness/Bally’s/Equinox location you’re pumping iron at in LA these days and become your “older sister/friend/yenta/matchmaker” so that I could impart my wisdom on you and share all the secrets I think you need to know about life, oh and hook you up with the hottest, bestest girl your age that UC and I approve of.

Now Taylor, I know you lead a busy life: working out, school, working out, eating egg whites, running, being the real life version of Jacob, but trust me Wolfgirl can hang! And just wait till you try her eggwhite omelet! (Note to Wolfgirl: figure out how to make eggwhite omelets stat!)

So gas up that mom-mobile, Taylor, cause Wolfgirl’s ready to be picked up so she can show you a good time for your birthday. Oh and not THAT kind of good time (yet), this is a GOOD girl and you will treat her as such!

Happy Birthday Taylor!
You owe us, BIG TIME!!
Themoonisdown and Unintendedchoice

PS And what birthday would be complete without party favors? So dear Wolfgirl and LTT/LTR readers, I bring you the music video Taylor made of himself singing OneRepublic’s “Apologize.” Try not to swoon too hard at the amazing art direction and cinematography,  gotta save something for the relationship. Let Taylor light your candle!

If you’re not inspired by this new love to join in on our Twialentine’s Day contest than you must have a block of ice where your heart should be.  Thaw it out by entering the contest!

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It's your birthday… and other things

jackvampteethDear Jackson-

It’s your birthday and you’re 24! How exciting… I’m sure you’re getting all kinds of goodies from your parents and hopefully your pals are out getting you drunk (at a decent LA bar)… if they aren’t, call me and I’ll make it happen when I’m back in LA after xmas, I’m known for my birthday party ideas! Seriously. Anyway, since I’m sure you’re getting tons of cheesy stuff from fans I thought I’d give you what I like to call “Real Talk.” Simply put, I’m gonna give it to you straight…

I actually got the chance/pleasure/displeasure of seeing the show at the 24k last Tuesday… and I was a bit surprised I didn’t realize you were the ‘em cee’ / promoter of these nights! That was a fun little surprise but from one concert professional to another I really feel like I must share a few insights with you…

1. First, I totally respect and give you big ups for putting on a show at a small venue that focuses on local acts and ‘up n comers’ (ahem). BUUUTTT if you’re going to feature local acts at least choose artists that are actually GOOD, not just your friends. I mean the hulu/reggae cover of ‘wonderwall’ by that one band was more than I could take… followed by the avril/guitarman duo and then the hipster wanna-be rock band. WTF? seriously.

2. Invest in a proper sound guy. I haven’t heard that much feedback since I took the A/V class in junior high.

myspace.com/these100monkeys

myspace.com/these100monkeys

3. If your band is going to play, go on at a decent hour… take the good slot: midnight. not the closing hour slot. 2AM on a Tuesday is NOT pretty.

4. invite more of your twilight pals :D seeing Kellan was like a breath of fresh air in that stank bar. More on this later…

5. Pick a decent venue!! I can’t stress this enough. Get thee out of West Hollywood PRONTO! Talk about bad atmosphere and even lamer people. Come to the eastside I will show you all the good spots and get people who actually care about music to your shows. Imagine that.

Anyway pal, these are small fixable things that could make your shows a billion times better, trust me! And again props for putting on a local show… you’re a dying breed.

Smooches and ear plugs!
Me

P.S. I loved that plaid jacket…  and how you totally worked the room, you were definitely the ‘belle of that ball’ that night. I think you might be a really neat-o person if we were ever friends.

MySpace: 100 Monkeys

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