The REAL reason behind the Breaking Dawn Part 2 Reshoots

Life is like a Twilight Puzzle...

Dear Breaking Dawn Part 2,

We heard this announcement from Bill Condon last week:

A film is a lot like a puzzle, with each piece – each shot, no matter how brief – needing to fit exactly with the ones around it. Our Part Two puzzle is finally coming into full view, and in a few weeks we’ll be heading back north to pick up some additional shots – the last tiny missing pieces.

Despite the fact that Bill addressed us like a Daddy addressing his little worried children to ease our fears that our perfect ending to our favorite story might possibly not be the perfect after all, you have to remember we can always read through the lines of any announcement right?  And while Bill might just refer to it as a “missing puzzle piece,” we know better. We know you’re missing something pretty huge for this final film. But let me remind you that we like Twilight, the original film. Buttcrack Santa, his little bottles, horrible wigs & all. So really? Breaking Dawn Part 1 was the best movie yet. And we actually liked Twilight, so you’re gonna be fineeeeeee. I mean.. as long as you fix one of the following reasons you might possibly be holding reshoots:

  • Someone thought it would be funny to switch everyone’s real scripts out with re-written scripts where the movie ends, not with a face off of the good vamps vs. Volturi with the good vamps protected by Bella’s magnetic shield, but with a epic battle occurring between good and evil, where each side suffers a tragedy. Jasper doesn’t make it. Neither does Esme or Seth the wolf. It wasn’t until Stephenie saw the first cut that someone realized a BIG, expensive practical joke was played.
  • Stephenie, after spending the summer in England, feels about Downton Abbey even more strongly than we do (she visited the set 3 times) and insisted Bill somehow integrate Dan Stevens (Matthew Crowley) into the movie. Stephenie– I hear ya but feel it’s only appropriate you also write me into a role playing opposite Dan. I need to movie make-out with him pronto.
  • Breathing a sigh of relief after achieving their main objective in Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Make Edward & Bella sex scene look nothing like a Robsten sex scene), the team forgot to write in a single sex scene for Breaking Dawn Part 2. Worried about a threat against Bill Condon’s life, a secret service detail has been assigned to him until the issue is remedied (it’s really not that big of a deal– it’s just those secret service agents who got the prostitutes in Columbia the other week. Not surprising to anyone both Peter Fach AND Jackson Rathbone have been bugging Bill for an invite to the secret service detail’s “Welcome Back to Vancouver” party.)
  • All of Charlie’s scenes need to be reshot because Billy Burke acted like seeing his newborn granddaughter aging by years in a matter of days was as shocking as learning that Bella & Jake stole a few of his Vitamin R’s to enjoy down at La Push beach when they were in high school. And let’s be honest, that has to bother the world’s worst best cop a little bit more than finding out your uber-responsible daughter occasionally likes to let loose.
  • Taylor's close to looking like THIS again

    Much to everyone’s surprise, it is discovered that buried in Rob & Kristen’s contracts was a clause saying that in the final scene of Breaking Dawn when Bella let’s Edward into her mind, Robsten will officially “come out.” Screw the idea of making the announcement by kissing for real on the MTV movie awards after winning “Best Kiss.” An Edward & Bella montage of all their love scenes from all the movies, superimposed over a bearskin rug is the only way Rob & Kristen wil have it.

  • Since Taylor is a bigshot & is being abducted in movies now, he’s slacked off on eating meat patties in baggies & has been visiting the Olive Garden more & more. His 8 pack has shrunk to a 6 pack & that’s just not acceptable. In fact, the costume maker had to bring in the waist of Jake’s jorts a little bit because he’s lost muscle!! After convincing him with the threat of Taylor Swift writing another song about him, Taylor finally agreed to fill more baggies with roids meat and start bulking up again for the reshoots.
Looking forward to seeing what you come up with!! You know where to find me in case Matthew Crawley in vampire form shows up…
Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Was Bill Condon’s announcement necessary? And did it make it seem like there’s something bigger going on other than just normal reshoots? I mean… was it necessary? Do you think I’d make a good vampire opposite Matthew Crawley? 

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34 Commented


Teaser of a teaser of a trailer

Dear LTT,

HEY GUYS… Did you see this Trailer (or teaser of a teaser, rather, which I learned about from video commenter “robsten4everinlove” who informed the good people of You Tube “As far as I know, This is a Teaser of the Teaser , which is coming out on march 23 Friday, and the Trailer`s coming out on Monday, March 26.”)

ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I’M THINKING? Of course you are..

15 things I could have done with those 15 seconds I just wasted watching the 15 second teaser of a teaser:

1. Found out just how many little bottles I could drink out of in 15 seconds.

THE LIGHT

2. Whipped out my Twilight Christian T-shirt & posted a new profile picture on FB of myself wearing it

3. Internet Stalked the Hot lead of The Host: Jake Able

4.  15 second Google search for “Taylor Lautner and Alpacas” for maximum lulz

5.  15 seconds of watching baby sloth videos (thanks Kristen Bell!)

6. I could have re-watched this clip:

7. I could have imagined myself in this sandwich for 15 seconds: Damon, Elena, Stephan

8. 15 seconds of contemplating whether Kellan came out (thanks @moijojojo)

9.  I could have spent 15 seconds trying to remember what SWATH means.

10. My 15 seconds would have been better spent watching secret naughty Ian Somerhalder videos on dailymotion where you see his you know what…

11. I could have spent 15 seconds trying to forget I overheard my VP talking about how much she loves “50 shades of gray “and how she’s trying that from chapter 5 tonight with the mister.

12. I COULD HAVE SPENT 15 seconds swooning over Matthew and Mary (YEAH WE SHIP THAT)

13. 15 seconds reading Robsten confessions

14. Followed by 15 seconds of washing my eyes out with soap

15.  And, of course, 15 seconds of fist pumps for actually updating LTT

So what would you do if you could have those 15 seconds back?

Can we talk about Mary & Matthew again? Yes? Okay

Love,
UnintendedChoice

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54 Commented


Glad to be a Twilight fan yet a little wistful

Hmmm this feels familiar

Dear Twilight,

I was watching the live feed of The Hunger Games premiere tonight while I worked and it made me a little sad, a little annoyed, and a lot relieved.

A little sad because it’s kinda like watching the beginning of Twilight all over again, only this time I know like half the fandom already, I’ve read all the books and I’m not mispronouncing the main dude’s name in instant messages to UC. But I still feel like I’m missing out a little when I see all our other site friends posting pictures and updates from the premiere. It also makes me feel a little wistful that this fandom is just getting ramped up as Twilight is winding down. It makes me think of how we’re in the final sprint towards the finish line.

Yup, more familiar...

A little annoyed because the whole thing looked like Twilight the redux from the set up at LA Live, Yahoo covering it live, fans in that camping area, the Kardashians in the “Bing Box” all the way down to the black carpet. I doubt LA Live even bothered to vacum those before they went in storage they just rolled ‘em back out and dusted off the dried tears and Krispy Kreme crumbs (say that 5 times fast). I mean Summit and Lionsgate are now merged and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but still it’s a little like, come on guys.

Killing it!

That brings us to a lot relieved. I watch this and while I’m a bit sad, a lot wistful, a little annoyed I’m mostly terribly relieved! It’s been fun to watch from the sidelines without being a stake holder. Who in the Twilight fandom will jump ship to the new fandom? Who will be the Robsten of Hunger Games? Who will leak stills from the film and launch an all out fandom war? Which fansites will not be on the red carpet and which won’t? Who will write a fan fic that becomes popular and decides to publish it? Ya know what? It doesn’t matter for us but it’s a ton of fun to watch with a bucket of popcorn via Twitter and Facebook.

And you know what, we have one more left here in this fandom and for that I’m SUPER excited. Now bring on the freaking trailer/sneak peek whatever it is we’re going to see from Breaking Dawn Pt 2 being Hunger Games next weekend.

So hooooonnngray!
Themoonisdown

Your thoughts? Are you feeling the same way or have you jumped head first into the HG fandom?
Image source: Down with the Capitol 

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81 Commented


Hey Twilight, Let me introduce you to these things called cell phones!

Even this thing would have worked

Dear Twilight,

Don’t you think a lot of the mishaps in the Twilight books and films could have been circumvented if these people had cell phones? I mean the books came out in 2006, I’m pretty sure most of us at least had some sort of cheesy flip phone or one of those nokia bricks still. Couldn’t the Cullens with infinite resources, enough to procure a car that wasn’t even in production, spring for the family plan at AT&T?

The Cullen's or Robert Pattinson in 30 years?

Is it just because they’re so old? It’s like my grandparents who leave the house and forget their cell phone and then wonder why no one calls… it’s because we did call but your phone was at home sitting next to the phone ON THE WALL!!! I gotta believe that old vampires who are super into cars and flying around and whatnot would be all about technology… I mean they can’t even sleep what else would you do at 3am besides vacillate between Fruit Ninja and Instagram?

What ever happened to this phone?! Did she get a replacement?

If Charlie put Bella on his family plan and gave the girl a cell he probably could have gotten ahold of her one of the fifty times she ran away and left a note. Sure you don’t have to answer it but you can trace that shit! And what girl in her right mind in 2011 (or 2006ish) is gonna leave home with the celly? Nevermind you might miss a call from EDWARD the hottest dude alive who likes you, who’s going to be driving late at night on slick roads in Forks with crazies chasing you and not have a cell? That’s just common SAFE sense.
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This moment = in the top 3 dumbest things Edward ever did

Also what if (movie) Edward hasn’t been a dumbass and crushed his phone before flying off to get himself killed by the Volturi, maybe Bella could have gotten ahold of him and been like “dude, you just got punk’d by Jacob, I’m not dead, don’t do anything stupid like try to commit Vampire suicide. Now get back to Forks and do me cause it’s pretty clear you love me hard.” That’s totally what she’d say. We could have totally saved all those carbon emissions they burned off flying to Italy then stealing a gas guzzling car, letting it idle and then ditching it? This isn’t even a safety or stupidity issue, now it’s a GREEN issue! Capt. Planet would be so disappointed.

Yo Bella, shit's about to go down!

Or imagine if Alice and Jasper had a cell while they were off traipsing through South America looking for Nahuel (did I even spell that right? Sometimes I forget he exists). The could have called once they found him and said don’t do anything stupid we found some proof that Renesmee isn’t an abomination unto the Volturi and we can sorta prove it and maybe people won’t die. But no, we have to convene the UN of vampires and have a non showdown in the Cullen’s backyard all because no one could commit to a two year contract with a mobile carrier of their choice. D-U-M-B.

Can you hear me now??
Themoonisdown

Srsly, is it things like that make you crazy when you read the books or even watch the movies? This is like another level version of the blue shirt/khaki shirt for me. I mean I GET IT why they’re not really used but COME ON!

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65 Commented


White Yorkie Reviews Breaking Dawn – So much wrong, so much right!

Dear LTT,You know when you receive and unsolicited Breaking Dawn review from a guy in your inbox the day after the movie is released you need to reevaluate your life… that and your friend is a FAN! Ok, ok I kid… You all remember White Yorkie from his famous posts and past podcasts, well no surprise I (totally didn’t) wrangled him into seeing Breaking Dawn with us and then I was totally surprised when this did show up in my inbox…
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To: Moon
From: White Yorkie
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Well…. Shit balls, where to begin?Before I delve into anything detailed, I think I’ll just start with some rapid-fire initial thoughts:-The Stephanie at the wedding.  Ugh.  There’s way too many metaphors and junk to discuss concerning this, but I’m a dude.  And lazy.-Ashley Greene.  Girl, you know I’ll always love you.  You’re a beautiful, beautiful woman.  So stop letting whatshisnuts do whoopsidaisy dance moves on you where you reveal your undercarriage to undeserving eyes.  It’s just not becoming.

-The scene where BSwan reveals her ingenious plan to name her daughter Renesmee.  Edward’s all “bitch, no way” and Jacob’s all “I’d do you right now, bruised preggo belly and all.”  Bella, stop being such a puss.  Go for it.  Call your baby Renesmeward.  Done.

My daughter's getting married and I've still got it!

-That stupid sexy catwalk Bella’s mom does when she gets the wedding invite.  Stop it.  And stop wearing those shorts.  And just go away and die or something.  You have nothing to contribute to these movies.  Team Mustache.

– The end credits.  I hate to say this.  But they might be my favorite of the year.  Way too cool for this movie.

-The wolf barking/talking/chase/fight scene.  What.  The.  Tits?  After the dramatic fade to black I wanted to sing.  I wanted to recite poetry.  I wanted to stand and applaud.  I wanted to throat punch the nearest grandma.  Anything, something to convey my overwhelming joy that something like that exists in cinema.  I was just too slack-jawed at the time to do much of anything.

Show us the carnage!! Not these doofus's

-The birth scene.  Anybody who’s talked to me knows this is the reason I was pumped to see this movie.  And it was simultaneously completely satisfying and completely disappointing.  Hot: all the blood.  Nearly dead Bella.  The overall tone of the scene.  Not hot:  Bella’s POV during the pivotal vampire c-section.

-The dream sequence where a bloodied Bella and Edward stand victorious on a mound of the dead.  I mean what the whaaaaaaat.  Yes please.  Why can’t the movies be about stuff like that?  Forever confused.

-More Ashley Greene being awesome.  Less of her doing flippies and being a damsel in distress during the vampire vs doggies scene.

-Why can’t Bella ever look happy.  About anything.  Ever.  Oh wait.  She does.  When Jacob shows up hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

-The vampire “extra special effects” still look like they were done by a dude fired from a CW show.  Somebody pony up some more cash for that shiz.  Take a few skrillz from the wig budget heyoooo

-Charlie is totally boning that Native American lady.  Secret loooooooovaaaahs

Alright.  Time to get serious.  As serious as I can get about a movie that I loathe and love all at the same time.  That’s right.  I said love.  I think this is the first Twilight movie I would actually recommend for people to go see.  Not because I think it’s some masterpiece.  But because it’s a masterpiece.  Let me explain.

But first, I need to get a few things off my chest that I hated about this movie and all the movies in the series.

More back breaking less slutty Renee

All of these movies are so odd.  I wish there was a better word for it but that’s all I got.  They’re so damn odd.  Odd in tone, look, structure, overall story, script, everything.  They’re such a mish-mash of awkward.  Especially this installment.  In the same movie, you have a pre-sexy time montage with Bella, a hilarious wedding reception speech by Scott Pilgrim’s sister, vampire bros giggling and secret hand-shaking as they’re about to go on Edward’s bachelor party (why couldn’t that be told in flashback instead of Edward’s secret past as Dexter?), and a scene where BELLA’S BACK FUCKING SNAPS IN HALF BECAUSE OF HER DEMON (but actually really nice) BABY.

There are so many tonal shifts in this movie that it’s hard to take seriously.  Not that I could ever take it seriously.  Well, maybe.  I could if certain things were done.  The major one being: start telling a coherent story.  With a beginning, middle, and end.  One with a driving plot.  And yes, I know there’s all these scenes from the book that all you ladyz want to see.  I get that.  But I still think all that crap could be included and still tell a story that makes sense.

Hey guys we're getting to the major conflict of the story you should really leave cause you're going to be needed

Small example of nonsensical stuff:  Bella is pregnant with the spawn of Satan.  Awesome.  And she needs to drink blood to stay alive.  Great.  But they’re running out of blood and they need to get her more.  Got it.  SO WHY DID THE ONE DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE LEAVE TO GET THE BLOOD WHEN HE HAD FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT SAID DAUGHTER OF BELZEBUB WAS ABOUT TO CLIMB OUT OF BELLA’S DYING LADY PARTS?

I know it’s all there for dramatic effect and junk.  But come ON.  At least give me a good reason.  And yeah, it might all be there on the page in the book, but you got to have this reason in the movie.

But story wise…  it just takes so long to get going.  And once it does, I kinda got bored with all the conflict that wasn’t happening but should’ve been happening.  Which I feel is a problem in this movie and the last one.  It’s a lot of waiting around for unclear reasons while conflict is about to maybe, possibly happen.  Bored.

Follow the jump for much much more from White Yorkie including who Breaking Dawn should really be about (spoiler NOT Edward and Bella) and more calling the Wolves, doggies
Continue…

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