Breaking it down: Lime green, helicopters and Twilight rick rolling

Dear LTT-ers,

Some pictures from the Breaking Dawn set of honeymoon reshoots in the Virgin (ahem) Islands this weekend have finally made their way onto the interwebs in all their lime green and water socked glory. We break it down…
.

The one where Walmart sells Krisbian brand bikinis
UC: new love making pictures
Moon: oh lawd
UC: so Bella would never wear a lime green bikini
Moon: i was thinking the same thing. i mean really? lime green?
UC: Alice must’ve run out of time… Ran to Walmart & grabbed something from last season when packing
Moon: right who wears lime green? and WTF is going on here:

UC: well in real life she’s supposed to look “naked” but in LTT life I like to think that Kristen is making a fashion statement
Moon: is the green bikini just taped on? like her boobs are so amazing clothes just cling to them, they have to be close to the queen at all times? so i guess we can safely say the green bikini is a krisbian brand
UC: hahaha i think that’s a safe guess
.

The one where we don’t comment but we do:
Moon: presented without comment (yet):

UC: exactly what i was thinking….. classing it up in St. Thomas what wahtttt!
Moon: right. playing the sweet virginal sad bella. smoke it up. i’m not trying to make a judgment call on smoking but come on. i have many friends who do and i will occasionally partake of a clove ciggie but i dont know….. its like tons of kids look up to you, you know. as much as you like it or not. and we know she doesnt like it
UC: it’s gross. I’ve done it. I still do sometimes when I’m drinking & am making stupid decisions and it’s gross. Note to kids: DON’T SMOKE JUST BECAUSE KSTEW DOES
Moon: bella and edward dont like it when you smoke, kids. it makes them cry * cue “the more you know” music *
.

The one where it’s actually Kristen

Moon: this is actually how i picture kristen… they should just sub out the lime green for the pot-kini. save that 20 bucks they spent at target and the wardrobe budget will now equals 56 dollars total
wig budget = free from the party city leftover bin after halloween going out of business sale
UC: hahahhahahahahaha. that’s a funny picture. please photoshop pot leaves onto that. maybe add a hat
.

The one where Rob is a tech nerd
Moon: in other news: rob is a super nerd and brings his ipad to the beach

Moon: i wonder if he has a team edward cover for it?
UC: I wonder if he has an LTT cover (Link- i think cafe press has them)! he has “Big in Japan”
Moon: cause he is… after a really big meal of ramen. gives you the bloat.
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The one where we gas up the helicopter

Moon: do you think that dude behind him just saw the robsten-copter circling overhead?
UC: hahahahah Yes. With fans attaching their parachutes.. ready to jump. ON Rob
Moon: robsteners and the paps rented boats for s. america so maybe they upped their game for the Caribbean and took to the air? they just tell the pilot to circle while they throw out handfuls of glitter on the holy couple. “rainbows of love” as they call it
UC: The actually rip off pieces of a bear skin rug & use it as confetti showering it upon their heads
Moon: They have some poor PA scurry around the set snatching up the pieces to fashion into a full size one because you can’t waste bearskin AND they forgot their travel size for the trip.
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I need a full table setting for 12


The one with the real royal couple
Moon: now that they’ve “outted themselves” (heh) they have to figure out a way to upstage the REAL royal couple, Kate and William’s wedding this weekend. do you think some kissing photo will just MAGICALLY leak saturday morning? just to remind the public who REALLY matters and to stop pulling attention away from the magicness
UC: I think there will be a pregnancy rumor… maybe a photo of Bella with child on the cover of a mag
Moon: or some “mysterious” twitter
.

Our lovely Stephanie on the BD set

The one where we finally figure it out:
Moon: do you think rob went crabbing after the shoot in his wet suit and water socks, or did he hit up the water slide?
*time passes*
Moon: OH MAN! i think i know why that bikini is ugly lime green!!!
UC: GREEN SCREEN!!!
Moon: green screen color!!! they can replace it with whatever they want
UC: it just hit me too!
UC: smart….. (shhh don’t tell them i said that) what do you think she’ll be wearing? a little mermaid costume?
Moon: the potkini… they lost it after spring break 1993
UC: Will they CGI in some big beautiful bouncing breasts?
Moon: i just threw up
Moon: maybe her boobs will phase into wolves? she gets “THO” and BOOM wolves!
UC: they’re going to put her into a wolf bikini. just another FU to jake. gift from Edward. obviously

The one where I do some Twilight rick-rolling

Still too easy

Moon: oh and what about this one http://static.newmoonmovie.org/bdm/images/2011/04/ijsqf.jpg
First thoughts!
UC: hahahahaha
UC: First…. I had no idea who that was. Second, I wanted to get our my tweezers & pluck that unibrow. 3rd I laughed b/c it’s Jason playing a fake violin i mean non-existent violin. 4th I remembered the awfulness of the 100 monkeys and how serious he’s taking it
Moon: jason? who the heck is jason? and you call yourself the SUPERFAN… tsk tsk
UC: 5th I questioned… is that really jackson. I mean Jackson!!!
Moon: he really wanted that as his avi he tweeted it was his fave pic
UC: omg
Moon: i tweeted back and said “too easy.” I mean come on! you’re just asking for my mock and ridicule
UC: tweet him something we’ve made
hahaha
Moon: the facial hair is the catfish phase. this must have been last yr was this his subtle cry to be cast in WFE. then ron came by and took that role from him too. oh the humanity
Moon: he looks like a huge tool
UC: HUGE tool

Seriously, it’s too easy Jackson. I mean come on now. But is anyone else a little sad that this is it. This is the end of filming……. UC hold me!!!!!

It’s not the end… (it sorta is),
Themoonisdown

Did you wish it was the potkini? Do you think that Kristen/Rob/Taylor etc are role models to younger kids? Should they at least put on a more wholesome public front? Are you sad this is the beginning of the end?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

130 Commented


We break down The Cullen Family trip to Pier One Imports

Dear Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer and Edward & Bella Cullen,

A new picture was released? Well, you know what that means. We’re breaking this down Vanity Fair Style

That Explains THAT

UC: Well, I know we’ve gathered here today to discuss the latest underwhel-ment from Breaking Dawn, but we wouldn’t be UC & Moon if we let an opportunity to joke about THIS pass us by:


New Jasper Doll! How many are you gonna buy? Want it for your birthday? It’s ONLY $149.99
Moon: that will haunt me in my nightmares. THAT jasper would definitely try to kill bella and talk with a weird accent for 2 out of the 3 movies
UC: And Bella would gladly let him kill her. Because in Heaven God promises no one who looks as bad as him. I would NOT let THAT Jasper eye F*ck me in a plaza in Philadelphia on a hot summer night
Moon: no way. You can’t talk to that Jasper about red mullets. Come on! How do you screw up a barbie/ken doll version of JASPER? It’s modeled off jackson who has a pretty lady man face and a catfish mouth!!!
UC: i know. I blame China. A factory worker in China. He was tired of his wife’s obsession with the men of the saga
Moon: Who wouldn’t be tired? Men of China care about Rathbonig about as much as men of america
UC: exactly. well that explains that

We get down to business

UC: So another picture from BD was released huh? Can we say overall, now that we have 3 photos & enough to make an appropriate judgement that we are UNDERWHELMED?

Coming soon to a Pier Imports near you...

Moon: By the 3 pictures you mean… 1) feather hands, 2) pants off dance off and 3) pier one lanterns… or my affectionate names for them
UC: of course
Moon: this tells you about how exciting there are
UC:

Don't you wish we were on a bear skin rug, Bella?

I mean….. sure…. the one where we get to see Robsten in a position they generally prefer on a bear skin rug is NICE if you’re into that. But LANTERNS? for VTINES day!? COME ON!
Moon: right. nothing says happy valentines day like some sand, a boat and some ambiguously Moroccan lanterns. That pictures is a happy valentines to the dudes out there. There’s a SPEED BOAT!
UC: seriously!!!
Moon: it was for the unicorns and clearly they don’t even know unicorns- Unicorns want to see Alice in her Sobe bikini
UC: Yep. Or Bella’s camel toe in her see-through white bikini
Moon: if it was a happy Valentines Day for the robsten-ers, it’d be a close up of them in the front seat of the speed boat, getting down
UC: Happy V-tines day for Team Jacob would have been a picture of Taylor in love- and somehow proving that they can pull off the Jacob/Renesmee story without creeping us out or having Chris Hansen meet Stephenie outside her hotel room.
UC: Happy Valentine’s day to US would have been Edward.. shirtless in the water… in the moonlight…. Come on Bill Condon & Summit! Let us ask questions about what’s beneath the water for a second…. (“Is Edward wearing water shoes?” That’s what I’d be asking. What did you think I meant?)

Moon: what would have been a better picture for valentines day?
UC: Emmett & Rose dancing at the wedding- Maybe a scene I WISH they had shot & just cut out of the film so that it could be released at at time like this- where Jasper is telling the story of him & Alice and we SEE her approach him in Philadelphia.. sigh… that would be Valentine’s perfection
Moon: my favorite NOT expounding on story line!!!
UC: fail- david slade fail
Moon: stepenie meyer fail!! Forget midnight sun! BLASPHEMY! i wanna know about alice and jasper
UC: I KNOW! Write THAT story! or since we know reverse psychology works on her, Nevermind Stephenie- we HATE jasper & alice and don’t want to know ANYTHNG about them!
Moon: right. DON’T DO IT. We’ll read hunger games/Immortal instruments/Whoever instead
UC: Imma read BRAN HAMBRIC by Kaleb Nation instead!
Moon: right!!! who wants to read about alice and jasper or edward when you can read about a magician named bran!

Edward goes to Rite Aid

Moon: well lets talk about the obvious. what is that scene even from? Like yea isle esme… but… ?
UC: Their arrival??
Moon: When did edward put out lanterns? was it the scared house keeper? Is she a closeted robsten fan and wanted to make their “first time” special?
UC: Maybe Bella fell asleep in the boat ride & he quickly swam to set it up? And stock the place with condoms, which of course he forgot to use?
Moon: HUGE mistake- while Bella was freaking out in the bathroom he should have just swan at vampiric speed back to the mainland to hit up the 24hr Rite Aid
UC: for REAL. Forget lanterns Ed.. where were the condoms!?
Moon: and he could have picked up some Diet Coke, some sunscreen and KY “yours and mine” while he was there. DUH. THAT should have been the picture- Edward picking up late v-day purchases at the Braziliian Rite Aid drugstore
UC: right.. a blue plastic basket filled with necessities… priorities Edward, pssh… lanterns

all in all… Nice Try Breaking Dawn. But come on! Give us something that shows you’re even TRYING down there in Baton Rouge!!!

Love,
UC & Moon

What do you think of the new pic released as our Vtines gift!? Getting the Pier One vibe like we are? How many Jasper dolls are you planning to buy!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

158 Commented


Back to December and back to Swiftner, we break it down

Dear Swiftner (aka Taylors’ Swift and Lautner),

We miss you… a lot. We love each one of you… a lot. And now Taylor Swift has written a song about you Taylor Lautner and we want a reunion… here we are to break it down. DUH.

Have a listen here:
Taylor Swift – Back to December

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

What could have been…… awwww…

The one where we go back to December, lit-trally
UC
: okay let’s talk some Swift
Moon: yes, can i tell you my fave feature of itunes is “date added”… listening… omg my boss must think im crazy i have this blaring
UC: hahaha… youre trying to be “well rounded”
Moon: back to december allll the time. ok ok taylor im opening ltt’s dec 2009 archives… clearly taylor is an ltt fan cause dec is our anni month
UC: happy anniversary us!
Moon: awww the lautner family xmas letter. tay is sad she wont make it this yr
UC: i just saw that
Moon: oh we did a tay laut appreciate sunday in dec
UC: yeah… they were TOTES on in Dec. is that when it fell apart? Or was December a happy month?
Moon: OH right he was on SNL this month… dude what happened?! when were they seen out all those times with to go boxes? and his sports car
UC: i thought that was in the spring, but that must have been before… ohhh wait you wrote to the Taylors here and then we broke down swiftner like crazy robsten fans in OCTOBER of 2009, OCT 29 2009
Moon: awwwww memories
Moon: rainbows, unicorns… lisa frank folders
UC: it was perfection

The one where we think we know what happened

UC: and we know now, b/c of song and….. i’m now even MORE convinced this song is about them .. the timing was off in my head.i thought Swiftner was in the winter/early spring. but no… it was fall into CHristmas season
Moon: well when i was in planes, trains and hospitals last week i read like EVERY rag mag and she said it was about him pretty much
UC: and while I have to admit I’ve spent a long time listening to her new album over the past week, i think that this is how it went down: they met. They had so much fun. they liked each other. HE admitted the feelings were strong, and she did not. she hurt him. he left. she misses him, she’s sad, writes hit song. we break it down… and hopefully one day see her in concert ( I love Taylor) Because remember when that super secret source who is friends with Taylor told us they were NEVER really Swiftner and we were heart-broken? well, I still think that might be true…. and that Tay Lautner wanted to be Swiftner. HE wanted matching Lisa Frank trapper keepers & white baby kittens to hold together under a fuzzy pink blanket but something scared Taylor Swift off- I’m gonna go with Joe Jonas. And Ashley Greene- cuz she’s fun to blame even though they weren’t together then and Summit. Let’s blame Summit
Moon: hahaha, cause everyone loves to blame them for everything.
UC: Taylor Swift saw Robsten- and what happened with them- the rabid fans & the manips of their lovemaking in front of the fire (mostly from us) and didn’t want to BE Swiftner and broke Taylor’s heart
Moon: i think they were having a good ol time filming Valentines Day. they hung out, “dated” with chaperone’s (aka big daddy), vma nonsense with Kanye happened, things heated up, love declared on SNL, then BOOM johnmayer/joejonas/whoever called

The one where Taylor Swift is scared of the fireplace

Wait, is this a manip?!

UC: she says “Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind”
Moon: fear of the fireplace
UC: Fear = The Swiftner version of Robsten Fans making love videos
Moon: it’s alright to be scared the first time taylor
UC: Don’t fear the fireplace Taylor!
Moon: we’ll walk you through it
UC: haha we’ll make a step by step guide to rocking the fireplace, also rocking in front of the fireplace
Moon: taylor laut no doubt has his v card so it’ll be quick
UC: Yes- it’ll be his vcard disappearing that night.. yours will barely be touched.
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The one where the Jersey Shore gets involved

Yup, totes DTF

UC: So let’s get back tko the lyrics though- as they tell a good story…….in December, of 2009, after they went out to celebrate LTTs 1 year anniversary…
Moon: Clearly.
UC: it sounds like Taylor gave her flowers….. probably got down on one knee and asked her to make Swiftner official. NO doubt he had breadsticks in hand to seal the deal and she said NO
UC: and dropped the flowers- or he did. ANd they wilted. Like their almost Swiftner relationship
Well, it says it right there- “SO good to me. SO right” I think she loves it. She sings “It turns out freedom aint nothin’ but missin’ you, wishin’ I’d realized what I had when you were mine” It sounds like Mr. Lautner was laying down the law… saying. enough of flirting with boys from Nashville.. I want you all to myself Taylor
Moon: dude TAYLOR LAUTNER get your people on the phone, charter a flight and get to wherever Swifty is because as The Situation and Pauly D say: TAYLOR SWIFT IS DTF!!!!!!!!!
UC: You’re right she was JUST DTF
Moon: she realizes she had it GOOD and john mayer is a toolbag and she wants his assssszzzzz back
UC: she sings about wanting Freedom- but “Freedom” meant getting screwed & felt up by a dude with backne (aka John Mayer). i don’t mean screwed like Effed, I mean screwed over and felt up after having to give him a massage over his backne.
Moon: screwed as in he stole her publishing rights on a song they cowrote. LICENSING NERD ALERT!!! john mayers no fool. he sees her #1 songs

Follow the cut to read the rest of our break down, to see who we blame and the bet we place
Continue…

117 Commented


Breaking it down: McAdams loves Sheen and some other Twilight news

Dear LTT-ers,

Michael Sheen and Rachel McAdams are an item. I KNOW! And then Tinsel tweeted Gil. Right? And then we told some jokes. And then we broke it down… SURPRISE. So if you haven’t been over to LTR today then let me be the first to tell you this is a double break down day! We hit Rob and now we’re hitting half the cast of Twilight over here… enjoy!

Moon: DUDE we need to talk about micheal sheen with rachel mcadams cause….DAAAAMN SON!!
UC
: YES let’s break THAT shizz down!
Moon
: ok theres a video i watched last night and im treying to find it
UC
: sex vid?
Moon
: hahaha dont we wish
UC
: haha… ONLY if it’s her and The Gos
Moon
: that would blow the robsten magicness out of the water… but whatever theres the proof… can we talk about how he SCORED! i mean hellllooooo rachel mcadams and it says he was with kate beckinsale before this! DUDE
UC
: I KNOW.. what is UP with Michael!? Magical British PeeN? Wait WELSH… he’s WELSH
Moon
: magic WELSH peen who knew?? so im think rachel is a HUGE closet twihard, right?
UC
: oh HUGE
Moon
: and shes just using micheal for either a chance at being in breaking dawn or a chance at getting closer to rob
UC
: its’ what she talks about with michael (and Kate’s) daughter Lily it’s the ONLY reasonable explanation. or to steal something from Lily’s collection
Moon
: thats their bonding time, breaking down breaking dawn with an 11 yr old
UC
: she has Mike’s cape, signed by Stephenie
Moon
: do you think she makes micheal wear his long aro wig when they have sexy times? cause she likes the OLD vamps?
UC
: Yes She does that move from the Notebook and he pulls off her panty hose then she pulls his hair
UC:
clearly I’ve read a fic….Say IT OUTLOUD she yells in a passionate moment, then he does-

BELLER IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

UC: BELLER IS ALIVE!
Moon: BELLER IS ALIVE!
Moon:
Jinx!! this is our next fic we write we only do real life fics
UC
: please write a mini one for tomorrow
Moon
: cause we’re twisted… hhahaha NO

The one where we talk about the Notebook
Moon:
if this is a secret plot to get into breaking dawn, who does she want to be????
UC
: Tanya is taken… and that’s who I’d guess
Moon
: Renesmee??? she has to be team jacob she heard they were using CGI stuff so why not?
UC
: Right she’s got a young innocent face
Moon
: then her and jacob can be all notebook noah and allie in the ocean at first beach

UC: yes- Jake can get a canoe out on the ocean. And it’s the Pacific northwest- it’s bound to rain

Ruff ruff!

Moon: right and he’s like i just want to show you one thing… and it’s a ton of werewolves swimming in the ocean since he couldnt get geese
UC
: doing the doggie paddle
Moon
: i hope BooBoo can swim
UC
: hahah i just heard krazy kidd saying that in my head
BOW BOW
Moon
: hahahabobo hahahaa

Follow the cut for the rest of our break down
Continue…

1 Commented


Breaking Down Renesmee, porcelain dolls and our twifan card

Dear Breaking Dawn film makers,

There’s been tons of rumors about the new movie with most of them about who will be cast as Reneesme Carlie Cullen. Oh yea full name, who’s the twifan now?! But anyway it’s a big thing to cast, I mean this is the spawn of Edward and Bella, the fruit of their… ahem… love, the final WTF moment of the saga so it better be good. There’s a lot riding on this, so when news of one of the rumored girls testing for Renesmee started heating up UC and I knew it was time to break it down…

The one where we think Renesmee is pint sized

The spawn of Edward & Bella???

Moon: ok some renessssmeeeee….. so tons of gossip out there about who will be cast as renesme some actors daughter and now a 9 yr old with huge eyes. so what do you think? initial thoughts
UC: initial thoughts is maybe I’m the ONLy one who ended BDawn thinking renesmee looked no more than 3- MAYBE 4 max
Moon: yea i thought she was small like toddler/4-5 age but talked like an adult or acted older
UC: and i’m interested to see how Kristen acts the part in the script that says “Bella’s eyes grow wide as she realizes the child that burst from her abdomen 3 months earlier is now ready for the 3rd grade & loves to eat spaghettios” think she can pull it off? Is there a stutter for that (da dum ching)

Yea, I pretty much imagined Renesmee as the Samantha the American Girl Doll (hat and all)

Moon: i even had this weird image of her in like victorian type clothes like a porcelain doll, with a little hat and curls on the back of Bella and Jacob
UC: ME too.. and curly hair
Moon: like the idea doesnt really even compute. but theyre saying they’re going to use some benjamin buttons shit to use the face of the girl on a toddlers body
UC: right.. WHY? why not just use a toddler? they act on those Oscar Meyer Weiner commercials
Moon: well it’s hard for a toddler to act older i think thats the reasoning behind it like they need an older child who can interact in an older way but the look of a little kid
UC: yeah, I get it. But I WANT YELLOW KITCHEN CUPBOARDS DAMNIT
Moon: HAHAHAA dont we all. “accept it now!”

The one where we lose our fancard
Moon: all i can think about is rob and kristen interacting with this girl like WHAT is that gonna be like??
UC: I cannot IMAGINE!!!! i can’t remember- are there many scenes with the 3 of them? Can Stephenie write one in quick- family hunting trip? NO jacob? just the 3~?
Moon: yea the whole happy little family in the cottage and before the whole witness scene wait didnt they have a family hunting trip isnt that what irina sees?
UC: ohhh yes! I can’t remember is Jake is around the corner

REVOKED!

Moon: cue our twifan card being taken away from stephenie herself
UC: I mean… IMAGINE that for a second Cute 9 year old, blood on her chin Rob…. blood on his chin. and his shirt Kristen chomping down on a deer i mean… it wasn’t that ridiculous when I READ it but that’s RIDICULOUS!
Moon: right how is all this going to look?! have we not learned to TRUST yet?! i mean we worried about taylor and Kristen in NM we worried about the leg hitch and they’ve taken care of us but id be lying if i wasnt worried A LOT about BD
UC: A LOT
Moon: the birth, the baby, the hunting
UC: the sex- I mean….. what if we have a ton of nonstens in our theater? Do you think we’ll be safe? should we hire bodyguards?
Moon: dude we get that they’re together, we also dont care and we also get that theyre ACTORS i hope and i dont hope it’s awkward as hale
UC: i know…. b/c if it is, it’s because they’re thinking “omg this is awkward cuz we do this in real life- rob just broke the headboard LAST NIGHT- but that’s b/c it was Ikea and I got it when I was 10″ he and TomStu were jumping on the bed You know what I hope?
Moon: what do you hope?

BOOBS


The one where we love kids
UC
: I hope that when we watch it… we see Bella & Edward- just as we imagined them when we read BD for the first time I hope I forget it’s Rob & Kristen because as fun as being “involved” in their stars lives is (without their knowledge moohahaha – creeper) it’s quite possibly ruined the characters for me Can we really look at Edward & not think “He eat Hot Pockets”? Can we see Mike Newton & not think “Boobs?” And briging it back to Renessmee- can I see her on screen & not think “bitch is too old” Also… can I call a 9 year old a “bitch?” Cause I don’t think I can…
Moon: you called a 9 yr old a bitch…….. welcome to LTT world slut! heeeeey!!!!!!
UC: haha, we love jokes about kids.
Moon: ps but seriously, how in the HALE do you spell renesmee?!

So film makers can you see what we’re worried about and what we’re counting down the days till BD for? So make it good, we’re already regrouping our prayer chain to begin “praying and fasting for Breaking Dawn” again. Just so you know…

Renessme/Reneeseme/Renesmee/Renneesmee?
Themoonisdown

PS we dont hate kids, so don’t even try it.

So what will it be? WHO will it be and what did YOU think Renesmee looked like when you first read Breaking Dawn??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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