Rating the New Moon Trailer

Dear Twi-hards,

Introducing Moon & UC Grade something. It’s just like Breaking-it Down Vanity Fair Style, but just with us. Sometimes The Quad is busy & this is just easier. Today we grade the New Moon Trailer. Oh, you haven’t seen it? Clearly you’re not a real fan, but we’ll let it slide. Check it out then let us know if you agree with our grade scale:

Love,
UC & Moon

Here’s a fun game. See if you can count how many times we say “Dude”

Moon: Wanna break down the trailer, right now?
UC: Yes. This feels so forced. Like we scheduled sex. 6/1/09 9:00 pm SEX
Moon: Let me close the door (sounds like we’re doing something dirrrrty)
UC: dude i’m drunk. Okay I’m reading. i mean. i’m ready
Moon:  one second let me enlarge this sucker
UC:  that’s what she said

chesttouchEdward & Bella
Moon:  ok so he says “you’re my only reason to stay.. alive.. IF thats what i am”
WHAT?!
UC:  The husband just said “such predictable dialogue” Um, no commentary from you, thank you very much
Moon:  it’s stephenie meyer- everything is predictable.  So…what Edward says doesnt even make sense
UC: “you’re my only reason to stay alive..if that’s what i am.” What does that mean!?
Moon:  WHAT?!
UC:  WHEN is that part?
Moon: It’s in the cullen house. Before the bday party?? Maybe after? Either way that line makes no sense, but he could speak pig latin and i’d listen
UC: “ihay ovelay youhay obray.” It’s kinda sexy.. the way she’s all up on his chest.. with her hand. I’m kinda turned on right now. DAMNIT 3rd glass of wine
Moon:  he could be like “i farted cause i ate a bean buritto” and i’d be like WOW- profound
Moon:  ok not really but ya know. It’s like when someone speaks a different langauge than you and it sounds hot even if they’re asking where the bathroom is. He’s working THAT
UC: He totally is. He’s working that sexy, drool-worthy voice that you know he doens’t have in real life. In between takes he was totally burping Kristen’s name

Rose rocks a hot bitchface

Rose rocks a hot bitchface

The Party (:31)
Moon:  we need to break down the outfits
UC:  first impression: House..l.. um YES… major win over the last house, which i loved
Moon:  yea i LOVED the last house. I want to MARRY the last house
UC:  House= win. so romantic. I so hope that the hubby does that exact thing for our annivesary celebration tonight.
Moon:  the two houses don’t look like they go together
UC:  i want to marry THIS house. They’re diff houses, but I love them both. This is an upgrade. Let’s discuss the coloring. It’s great. I wasn’t against the blue. I liked the blue. It was depressing, rainy. I thought it was nice, but the warm golden colors? I like
Moon: The blue color was dreary twilight, and I think the change to warn tones reflects the change to the wolves and earthy shiz like the quilutes. LOVE the new look
UC:  Um Alice= my bff. She shoulda worn THAT Sunday night to MTV cuz it’s major win. Also notice NO showing of Nikki/Rosalie except for one bitch-face moment that I’m about to screen cap
Moon:  No joke, Ash’s wig is better than her bouffant from last night
Moon:  Rose looks hot for once and not like she fell out of a TJ Max sale rack like she did in Twilight.
UC:  right. Ross Black Friday special
Moon:  seriouisly lest we forget her ACID wash jeans
UC:  she goes well with uncle jesse
UC: Esme? Uh, make me a vamp now and make her my mama
Moon:  Esme will always be hot and timeless. NEED that dress
UC:  WILL BUY that dress on ebay. For $7,000 if I have to. Will fight over any Twimom to get it.

jasperbuffont

"Won't you be my supper?"

UC:  so far I’m in love with Chris Weitz. Can we discuss the manly sound we hear “Alice that cake could feed 50. you guys don’t even eat”
UC:  It’s like Kristen said “damn, it’s 3am, i don’t give a F*ck… i’m gonna sound like it’s 3am. Or like I ate a frog.”
Moon:  uh JASPER- aka:  Mr Rogers cardigan and a poodle wig
UC:  SO nasty! Seriously. Almost as bad as sweat fest 2009 at the khyber in philly
Moon:  he’s all top heavy with that hair, makes him look like a pinhead. I’m so sad and underwhelmed.  Sweatfest was better

Not so fast, you sweaty monkey, you

Not so fast, you sweaty monkey, you

The dramatic, small flesh wound (:43)
Moon: Jasper running is ridiculous! totes diff than how i imagined it but awesome
UC: poor piano
Moon:  next time i get a papercut im going to fling whatever it is im holding in the air. totally dramatic “OW PAPERCUT!”
UC:  Yes! Then throw someone on the piano! And ruin it. Even though it’s an antique from the 1800s that Bach played in the 1600. F*ck it. Who cares.
Moon:  thats how you react to small flesh wounds
UC:  Caust it’s a MUCH bigger deal than Bella getting her period
Moon:  dude you can totally see the harness and wires on jasper/stunt double. It’s all rumbled and a big square thing on his back
UC: Rush job!
Moon: yes definite rush job
UC:  Insert note from the Hubby “how many times do you think you’re gonna watch that clip? You probably should a bunch more. You don’t want to miss any foreshadowing or symbolism” (this is where I get my wonderful sarcasm)

See where Bella gets sad and Chris Hansen comes after us, after the jump

Continue…

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Breaking it down, video style: exclusive video from New Moon!

Dear LTT-ers

If you haven’t seen this video yet where have you been? Not following our Twitter? Not hanging out in the forum? Off being an extra on set in Italy? Or perhaps you have a REAL job? Stop bragging. Well never the less we present to you 14 seconds that will make you lose your flipping mind, scream out loud and then hug your computer screen. All in about the span of 3 seconds. Trust.

Is it possible to break down like 4 actual seconds of dialogue and all from KStew? You bet your butts it is!

UC: I just had a heart attack
UC: Uh, she sounds like an effing man!
Moon: I’m gonna walk around all day doing that eyebrow lift while saying “KISS ME” in a deep voice. let’s see if the intern freaks!

and so of course without further adieu I embarrass myself in the name of the blog doing KStew’s man-voice and eyebrows…

(and next week in 2nd hand embarrassing videos…)

I must love you all!
Themoonisdown

If you didn’t know this Sunday we will be LIVE Blogging the MTV Movie awards with our pals at NewMoonMovie.Org, Lauren’s Bite and Twicrack Addict! Did you miss our announcement yesterday? Check it out here! Then come back and join us on the blog(s) (either one!) a lil’ before 9pm Sunday night (Eastern AND Pacific time in the US) to be apart of all the gossip, news and general freak outs during the MTV Movie Awards. Can you even imagine what we’re going to say about the New Moon trailer they’re going to be premiering?! Who’s with us?!

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The New Moon movie poster leaks and makes a big impression on the Quad! That's what she said!

You bes be steppin' Edward! There's a new set of cheekbones in town!

You bes be steppin' Edward! There's a new set of cheekbones in town!

Dear LTT-ers

So when the official New Moon poster leaked yesterday evening we KNEW there had to be a special “Breaking it down Vanity Fair Style” post on Letters to Twilight. So I shined the Quad Signal in the sky and we all convened at a google chat room our super top secret lair of awesomness and commenced a super-de-dooper fangirl breaking it down!  So get yourself a cocktail and a comfortable chair and settle in cause this one’s a dooooozy…  and see how many times Eastfriend talks about cheekbones and a special fake prize to anyone who catches how many time’s we say “that’s what she said.”

Get excited folks, New Moon is around the corner!
Themoonisdown, UnintendedChoice and the Quad

moon: myello
Eastfriend: i am here and i am enjoying deliciousness. and cheekbones.
moon: omg the bigger one is SO much better! THATS WHAT SHE SAID
UC: SOOOOO GOOOOD hahahah
moon: you can see all the details!
Eastfriend: THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
UC: good start so hot. lemme pull it up. THATS what she said! off to a great start
Eastfriend:  i love that jacob is in between them…that is KEY!
moon: the pissed off faces
moon: rob definitely gives better face
Eastfriend: he gives better head. ahem.
moon: that too. and the FISTS!! time to fight boys!
Eastfriend: loving the crest.
Eastfriend: CHeekBONeS. forever.
moon: no tattoo in the shot though. big reveal later
UC: I know when they did this poster
moon: it was that DAY with all those great pics on set
Eastfriend: yep.
Eastfriend: cheekbones.
UC: you’re loving those bones huh? that’s what she said
UC: He looks the same. and amazing. short hair. his hair is a bit longer now
Eastfriend: he looks exactly same, that’s why he had the orange blush on that day–photoshoot.
moon: the wardrobe

Summer Donna! Simmer down now!

Summer Donna! Simmer down now!

UC: yep exactly. Tay’s loooking great. I’m so proud of him
Eastfriend: her hair is lamespice.
UC: like he’s my lil brother. Kristen looks beautiful though, her face
moon: jacob looks like he’s somewhere between pouting and being sassy
moon: hes been taking classes with selena at the disney school of faces
UC: Tay looks dark next to Rob. which is good. he wishes it were Selena
UC: do you think that Kristen wanted to push over Taylor to get to Rob? but couldn’t b/c of his huge native american muscles?
EastFriend: rob is 100% better than last poster. thank GOD!
UC: So far this photographer is awesome i mean.. the green screen is cool. and the photoshopper is awesome
Eastfriend: CHEEkboneS.
Moon: yea SO much better than the last. he looks more real and less lame-o vampire

Much more to be covered… Rob’s makeup tips, inspecting things south of the border, Westfriend weighs in and MORE after the cut Continue…

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NReed blows smoke up our…

Dear Nikki,

Now, if I were caught out on the town without make-up, with greasy hair and smoking in-between sushi bites, I’d probably look worse than this, but I don’t think that’s a reason to not break-it down vanity-fair-style with the Quad (well, 1 of the members is on vaca this week, so we might just be a trio all week long- sad) We’d be “selling-out” if we refused an opportunity to discuss this picture just because we may or may not have had a bad photograph or two snapped of us in our lifetime(s). We’d be going against the very essence of that that is LTT- making fun of all things Twilight & related, including ourselves. We can’t do that. Not to you, not to us.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Moon: this is SO unattractive
Friend #1: what are you talking about? that is such an ‘gasm face. look at it again
UC: going. hahah. okay that’s hilarious
Moon: hahahaha sick
Friend #1: she loves her cigs
Moon: such a smokin’ orgasm that she literally blew smoke out of her mouth! DAMN her sex IS on fire
Friend #1: she has to turn to cigs when Rob is out with Kstew
Moon: zing zing

See? We just couldn’t let that moment pass!

Hugs and smokin’ ‘gasm loves

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Okay.. we gotta discuss it.. it's time

Meet me in room 618 at 11:43pm. Bring the cheap wine

Meet me in room 618 at 11:43pm. Bring the cheap wine

Dear those in denial,

I’m 99.7% certain that Rob and Kristen hooked up while filming, despite the whole Michael Oregano situation.

I recently informed a dear friend of my opinion on the matter and she responded:

“Yes. Dude…I said it all along…from that very first Larry Carroll vid… “there were TWO nights that were…productive…” He probably had wine in his room…and offered her 17 year old ass some…which she took, of course. And smoked the night away. (Figuratively and literally.)”
a
This topic is of so much utter importance that I decided to bring in my reinforcements and “break it down vanity-fair style” (see this post if you don’t know what the H I’m talking about). I know many of you don’t want to believe me. You want to continue thinking Rob & Kristen were nothing more than close friends and that Kristen stayed true to Michael. If you are one of those in denial, you will hate the following conversation because we are going to PROVE it to you. Feel free to offer your rebuttle in the comments, but just so you know, you’re wrong. XOXO UnintendedChoice

Last Tango in Paris

UC: can we talk about the PROOF that we know that rob & kristen hooked up? They watched that MOVIE….
Moon: I’m gonna play devils advocate and say NO. she seems like a total prude who’s WAY too into NReed and her BF
Friend #1: wrong- they’ve done it.
UC: how do you watch (what’s the movie again?) and not have sex after it and JOKE about mirroring your characters after it
Friend #1: LAST TANGO IN PARIS. No-strings attached sex…. they watched that shizzzzz…. and she was 17…. and he hit it. but then they will deny it ’til the death, ’cause she was underage.
UC: and i’m confident Michael knows. she told him. she was so upset at herself. and he forgave her. they worked through it
Moon: they watched last tango in paris?
UC: YES. Omg, Friend #1, she hasn’t seen the interview
Moon: god how old are they?
Friend #1: of course. ’cause he got a freebie out of it, too. GIRL…. ok, you have to watch THE interview that first came out last year….
UC: THAT’s the interview that makes us KNOW they did it
Friend #1: april of last year. it’s the PROOF!
UC: it’s SOOO obvious. MTV. They’re SO flirty
Moon: link please
(literally 3 seconds later b/c Friend #1 is awesome like that)

UC: there it is proof
Friend #2: OK, I missed a lot because of the phone call. BUT, I must say… Rob and Kris most DEF hooked up. I am positive of it
Friend #1: yay Friend #2! she agrees! she has seen the interview, clearly.
Moon: dude is this the one where she scrapes that crap out of his mouth?! sick
Friend #1: yes.
Moon: hey im just being devils advocate
Friend #1: “bonding.” is when they talk about it.
Moon: THATS it?! That’s what you base this off???
UC: YES
Friend #1: have you SEEN last tango in paris, moon? there is no reason those 2 would’ve been watching that if they didn’t have ulterior motives.

Be further convinced after the jump

Continue…

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