Kristen Stewart’s “Brother” speaks out about the Krisbians

*please read the entire post and the note at the end before you wild out in the comments*

Dear Kristen,

I just watched this video where you discuss the term “Krisbian”

Really, Kristen? Your “brother” doesn’t like the term? In fact it “pisses him off” you say… why is that do you think? Why would your “brother” hate that girls would go gay for you or at least have a torrid make out session at The Truck Stop in West Hollywood with you for one night? What else pisses your “brother” off so much?

How about when he turns the tv on and it’s always on the Logo channel? That you just bought stock in the Croc’s shoe company? Your roadtrips with Taylor Scout Compton? That your favorite show is “Thintervention with Jackie Warner?” That your idea of a romantic date is going to Home Depot for a new tool belt and a hot dog from the vendor in the parking lot? That your favorite actresses are Cynthia Nixon (and Rojo Caliente!), Meredith Baxter Berney and that girl from Top Gun?

Man your “brother” is judgmental! Can’t he just accept you and your fans and who you choose to love?  Does your “brother” get to choose who you love? And really, doesn’t your “brother” have stuff he should be doing? Like going out with his bromantical friends? Buying more smokes from the bodega across from the the hotel? Isn’t there an In-n-Out run he should be making? And I’m pretty sure there’s a ton  of push ups your “brother” needs to be doing right now for something important that’s coming up. Right? Your “brother” should probably be in the middle of his 5th rep of 100 crunches right now instead of trolling the internets for Krisbians to cyber bully. Jerk.

Really, if it weren’t for your “brother” you’d probably call yourself a Krisbian, right? You’d start a convention for all the Krisbians to meet up and wear Krisbian shirts. You’d tie a knot in yours, of course. And then lead a break out session on proper knot tying so that all the Krisbians were doing it the correct “Kristen Approved” way.

Ok, ok maybe you wouldn’t do any of that because well we heard months ago that you and I guess your “brother” now didn’t really care for the term Krisbian. And we agonized for months over who would have to write the letter letting everyone down gently. But with this video I guess we’re off the hook now and we can meet up and have girl talk over Margs!!! Virgin for you, of course. But it’s funny, Kristen, I really feel like we’re on the same page now. Like we have something in common after all this time. Wow, this might be a new chapter in our relationship.

But now that your “brother” has to come in and rained all over everyone’s parade and said the term pisses him off, what can we do about it Kristen? What about the Krisbians? Are they at home crying into their Krisbian for life pillows? Marked out with sharpie now, natch. You just can’t change how you feel, we know that! It’s like they’re the Kurt Hummel in this Glee world and we feel for them.

We love YOU just the way you are

Maybe we should start a support group for the Krisbians to vent their feelings and provide a safe place for them to discuss what they’ll do to your “brother.” I mean… umm…. how they’ll ‘take care of’ your “brother” welllll…. ok. Maybe we should hire bodyguards for your “brother” instead.

Loving everyone just the way they are,
Themoonisdown

A special note to Krisbians: we love and accept you just the way you are! No matter who you choose to love. We’re not like Kristen’s “brother,” you’re safe here! And to show our support we’ve even thinking of turning our avatar purple on twitter… if we could figure out how to do that.

*No we don’t think Kristen’s “brother” is really her BROTHER, nor do we think any of them are cyber bullies or gay bashers, nor do we hate Kristen. There! Saved you from your dumb comments, people who can’t have a good time on the internet.*

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

321 Commented


Nikki Reed gets some ink and we wonder what it could be…

R-o-s-e... I mean R-o-s-a... dang it I can't even spell it right!

Dear Nikki,

Word on the street (courtesy of your picture or tip to the rags) is that you got matching tattoos with your brother last week. Of course my mind started racing, thinking about what your tattoo could be… a name, a saying, a memorial piece commemorating your fake lesbianship gone wrong with Kristen. So of course I hit the emails to see what my pals thought it could be. Because what else is there to wonder about then your new tattoo and the endless possibilities of laughs there could be? Witness the resulting email train as we try to deduce what the tattoo could be…

@moon – nikki reed got a tattoo… your guesses for what the tattoos says or is… AND GO!

@brookelockart- my gut says it’s the shocker symbol and below it reads “Two in the Pink – One in the Stink.” All in cursive cause that’s classy

@calliopeblabs - it matches her brothers correct? therefore i’m going to guess it says “legalize it… sibling lovin’” OR “its ok in KY” i’ve no idea what sort of relationship nikki reed has with her brother. however… it wouldn’t surprise me. i mean, where exactly do you go after rob?

@pinkfluffgirl – Obviously, a bleeding heart and then  KSTEW 4EVA ….OR F U Rob….
“But I loved her first” is most likely. In Curly Cue font. Because that’s lipstick lesbian-y

@too_far_gone “he was mine, you skanky bitch”

@pinkfluffgirl - maybe “I BLEW HIM FIRST” would be more apropos

@moon – my guess? a withering loquat tree with the phrase “what could have been” underneath it?

RIP KS + NR + RP + MA
2008 – 2009 1/2

@brookelockart – What if they went his and her cholo and chola tatts?? Tattooed tears? She does look like she’d cutabitch.

@UC – “I FKD ROB” but that’s just what i’d get

@veryemerald – I’d go with tick marks like when you are counting by 5′s and the fifth line goes across the first four. Probably be easier to keep track of all the men she has been and will continue to sleep with to try and get that “Rob” feeling back. and when people ask she can make something up like “oh its just the number of time I’ve prayed with Kellan”…

@obird - One of two things: “Get a Bitch or be a Bitch” OR my favorite “Boobs in the Shoes”

@brookelockart – “CONFIRMED WITHOUT WORDS”

@tiffanized - It’s easier to guess what it’s NOT. Like it’s definitely not “Natural Blonde” or “True Love Waits”. My official guess is . . . a portrait of Catherine Hardwicke, since she obviously sold her soul to C-Hard in order to be cast as the most beautiful female vampire in Twilight.

@moon – tested and approved: hepatitis free!

Then the big guns started coming out… and by big guns obviously I mean bored girls with photoshop…

@obird – “I got your loquats right here”…..of course across her chest.

@proselyte3 – Pfft…it obviously states:   ‘I am relevant’
or maybe this…

DING DING DING!!! I think we have a winner! The perfect combination of bitchiness, anger and wistfulness all wrapped up into a little memento you’ll have forever, Nikki. If this is really it, we may never know… or we may just have to wait a few weeks till it heals and can be seen perfectly by the paparazzi lenses.

Call us if you want to reveal it exclusively on LTT!
Themoonisdown

So what’s your guess? What is Nikki Reed’s tattoo? A saying, an image, a dolphin jumping through a rainbow hoop with Rob riding on it’s back? Weigh in on your guess in the comments

BIG THANKS to the funny ladies who made me laugh enough to post this email! I’ve got an appointment to get a tattoo of you guys on my bicep right next to my Stephenie Meyer autograph tattoo! Follow these ladies: @proselyte3, @obird, @tiffanized, @brookelockart, @veryemerald, @too_far_gone, @pinkfluffgirl, @calliopeblabs

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

355 Commented


Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by