The Twilight saga: Cast New Year's Resolutions

Dear people ready to celebrate a new year,

Do you do the New Year’s resolution thing? I usually do. Last year I resolved to drink only 2 diet cokes per week. I did pretty well. Well, except for April-October when I had a relapse and was drinking at least one per day. But now I’m back to my commitment to lay off the DC, and I usually only drink it if it’s available in a soda fountain. I’m still pondering my resolutions for 2010, but you can bet your bottom dollar meeting Big Daddy Lautner is on top of the list.

I got a chance to *talk* with a bunch of the cast/characters from the Twilight saga and I asked them what everyone is dying to know: What are your 2010 New Year’s Resolutions?

Michael Welch- I’m going to lay off the chips and try to lose that thing where it looks like I stuffed marshmallows in my cheeks. “Team Marshmallow” is cool and all, but I’m going for more of a Rob Pattinson-type chiseled face look in 2010.

Justin Chon- I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the  ‘bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia

Buttcrack Santa- In 2010 I’m going to be looking for a girl a little bit older than my usual to share those little bottles with. Maybe someone 14 instead of 12. I’m also going to try to reinvent myself and show a little less crack. I like the ring of “”Armpit Hair Santa,” and I might try to bring the white-mesh wife beater back in style

Ashley Greene- Well, 2009 was successful with my naked picture scandal, so my 2010 resolution is to kick it up a notch with a sex tape leak. In part 2 of my resolution I hope that the scandal involves a B-list celebrity this time rather than some of the D & C-listers I’ve been known to f*ck

Kristen Stewart- This year I plan to have much better hair. I’d also like to prove all those critics who talk me up right by starring in a great movie that gets me a legitimate award nomination like that other Twilight actress…. what’s her name again?

Anna Kendrick-Anna Kendrick wasn’t available for comment as she’s busy being a real actress, but we caught up with her manager who told us:
In 2010 Anna plans to continue her reign as the only actor to come out of the Twilight saga worth her paycheck as an actress. She might possibly say “no” to filming Breaking Dawn and instead star in next year’s Oscar Best Picture winner. Rob Pattinson can sit behind her next year!

See the rest after the jump! Continue…

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Christmas messages from the Twilight cast

Dear LTTers,

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a little TwiPorn to get us in the spirit!!! Wait- are you allowed to say “Porn” and “Christmas” in the same sentence? Does that guarantee me a ticket to that firey place? Oh well. Looking at that 3rd picture, it might be worth it!

Love,
UC & Moon

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Buttcrack Santa writes US a letter!

*Here’s a first! Buttcrack Santa himself (non canon character infamously in the Twilight movie) has written us a little letter and you might be surprised that he’s alive and well and terrorizing little children this Christmas… he wants to share a little bit with you. Enjoy!*

My idea of a good night

Dear LTT readers and my loyal Buttcrack Santa Fans,

It’s a widely circulated rumor that I died in Twilight the movie at the hands of those jerkoff nomadic vampaires who jacked up my boat when in reality they just took my shit and then left me in that super sketchy boat marina while they went to find those losers the Cullens who as it turns out were playing BASEBALL in some field. And here’s a little secret for you, those Cullen kids, they’re VAMPIRES like those other jerkoffs. Vampires playing baseball? What the ef is that about? So now that I escaped their evil clutches and I have a new lease on life I spend my free days doing whatever I please… somedays I go fishing, somedays I sneak up on Cora, the waitress, and watch her through her apartment window while she’s getting ready for work, other days I dream about the diner’s steak and cobbler and still other days I hang out with “the boys” in Port Angeles since apparently that’s where you go for cheap booze and loose women… or just lost high school girls, either or.
c

Merry frickin' Christmas!

So since no one really knows what the HALE I do for a living and it IS that time of year again, I’m back at my most favorite job in the world. Yes folks, it’s Christmas time so I’m reprising my most famous role as Forks’ own creep-o store Santa. Affectionately known to you all as: Buttcrack Santa, who some believe says inappropriate things to the kids and may or may not have given underage children little bottles of alcohol instead of those crusty ol candy canes. Tell me, who wants some broke ass candy cane when you can have a little bottle of Peppermint Schnapps? That’s a big DUH right there. Booze and cruise, yall! A shot of Schnapps for the kiddo’s will make that hellacious shopping trip so much better for the parents. So you see I’m doing them a favor. They should be thanking me instead of trying to get me fired. Ungrateful jerks. I may just have to report them to the REAL Santa as “naughty.” See if they like those lump of coals in their stocking instead of a fishing pole or perhaps a… LITTLE BOTTLE?!

Take the cut to read the rest and see Buttcrack Santa’s Christmas Card to you!
Continue…

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Something's Different: No more new Twilight fans?

This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..

Dear LTTers,

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than last year after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue…

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Moon is so thankful – Happy Thanksgiving to the Twilight fandom!

Dear Twilight and LTT/LTR-ers

About 3 things I was absolutely positive: First I was a vampire blogger with the best co-blogger around. Second, there was part of us — and I didn’t know how snarky that part might be — that thirsted to blog about Rob and twilight every day for a year. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably thankful for  you all!

Thankful for their magic-ness (you can't even make this stuff up!)

Today in the states we celebrate Thanksgiving, a day we take off to sit back and remember all that we have to be thankful for. Of couse I could make a list a mile long that includes stuff like Stephenie Meyer (duh), the holy trinity, big daddy, buttcrack santa, jorts, little bottles, “you’re alive!” “animal attacks,” Cullen smiles, twi moms, Cee Dubs and his orange pants, the wietz’ genius, and this great community we have right here at LTT/LTR but you know that already. So we’re taking today to remember our family, friends, and all our blessings and that just happens to include you all and the Twilight world!

You don’t have to live in the states to participate for the rest of the week/end we will be featuring letters and tweets of thanks on LTT and LTR as UC and I take a mini break to refuel and reflect. If you’d like to tell us what you’re thankful for email us a letter, a sentence, a thought or tweet us your thanks!

I hope whether you’re near or far (wherever you are) that you know today we’re thankful for YOU and appreciate all our readers and now friends!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Themoonisdown

What are you thankful for? Take a second to share with us in the comments! Don’t live in the states? Do you have a holiday similar to thanksgiving?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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