Breaking Dawn is trying to sell us something else

Dear Breaking Dawn Promo stuff,

Sometimes I get the feeling you are trying to sell me more than just the movie. Like when I look at the promo pictures it feels like there’s really an underlying message or brand I’m being sold. It’s as if the Summit Marketing team got together to come up with some ideas for “brand partnerships” to create “film and corporate synergy.” Yea, I’m pretty sure the word “synergy” was used a lot… So when I saw this latest batch of promo headshots from Breaking Dawn I knew I had to be onto something…
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Poor dude who plays Caius, with every movie he loks progressively more and more like Fabio. They might as well just give him a tub of butter to hold while he’s sitting behind Aro in the Voltera, Italy scenes and help make some extra money with product placement.

Charley Bewley is like one faux hawk and guy liner fueled make up and hair session away from his own Ed Hardy ad campaign. Poor guy, it’s not like he wants a rhinestrone tiger havng sex with a Koi fish on his chest, give the guy a break folks.
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Carlisle’s not just the president, he’s also a member!

Dude, Carlisle is already winning the race for worst wig in Breaking Dawn and we haven’t even seen the film yet. YIKES.
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Sure, most of Kellan’s life has been spent looking like an outtake from International Male Catalogue but we don’t need the official promo shots reminding everyone! Though I’m pretty sure Emmett did some Internantional Male Modeling in the 80s, I don’t want to see his mesh shirt collection any times soon.

(For a good time google image search “International Male Catalogue”)
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Why does Edward ALWAYS end up looking like an Insurance salesmen/Real Estate broker/Weatherman/Boringest Person In the World??? How is it possible to make Robert Pattinson look like the dad across the street? Stop trying so hard Wardrobe Dept! We know he’s 107 years old, we’re supposed to be tricking the dumb Forks, WA townspeople not making a neon sign pointing to this guy saying “This guy could be your great grandpa not your son’s classmate!”
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Sorry Alice… Sorry Twimoms but COME ON! Though I feel this latest incarnation of Alice’s hair is probably closeted to how Stephenie describes it, it still looks like she should be loading up orange slices and Capri Suns into the mini van.
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While Emmett was busy modeling for International Male in the 80s, Jasper deciding to make some extra dough moonlighting at the local Chippendale’s club. Doing that face the entire time. Just that face, some cuffs and a g string. All night long. Try not to laugh. When Chippendale’s went belly up because of a Bachlorette party done awry Jasper made the move to modeling heinous man jewelry for Hot Topic. They already have replica Bella saint bracelets, the wedding ring and Alice’s velvet choker (!!!) why not take the next step and offer the small male contingency who loves Twilight some Jasper jewelry? I know what I’m getting The Font and White Yorkie for Christmas! Terrible  jewelry!!!

Am I the only one who feels this way about some of these promo’s? Maybe I should be hired by Summit to oversee Brand Synergy! Clearly, I have a knack for what’s happening.

Off to Chipendales!
Themoonisdown

Why do they always look so crazy? Do you guys feel the same way?

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25 Commented


Twilight News Dump – The Of Course edition

We’re crazy bro!!!

Dear LTT-ers,

Since there’s nothing HUGE happening (besides the filming of Breaking Dawn) and tons of tiny little things happening AND because when I realize that some of you great readers only come here for I news, I thought it might be nice to have a news dump.

OF course Jackson would be wearing red pants and a top hat in a picture for something called the “Liquid Zoo” album and tour… of which I will not be purchasing OR attending. Love you Jacky! PS 40 cities?? REALLY?? OF COURSE!

Of course the day AFTER BrookeLockart shows up to The Grove in LA from outta town, Ashley Greene would make an appearance there. OF COURSE!

Of course at the Breaking Dawn wrap party the cast took turns riding a teeeeny tiny motorcycle that Taylor brought. I bet Big Daddy was sad. OF COURSE!

Of course Robert Pattinson is going to be on 10546546 TV Shows to promote Water for Elephants! And of course you know they’re gonna ask about Twilight and of course they’re gonna ask about you know who and OF COURSE we (meaning Jena) have you covered on the DVR alerts page.

Of course the pie guy slash the guy from The Fall talks to us Twi fans and makes me more excited to see him as Garrett whoever that is. I hope Garrett is a pie maker.

Of course Carlisle Cullen would land at #2 on the Forbes list of most wealthy fictional characters and OF COURSE his cover would be blown because they list his stocks in blood and his “daughter” Alice’s penchant for seeing the futre. GOOD JOB fake Forbes, now they have to move again! OF COURSE! #respectthecullens

Of course we all thought the Official Twilight Illustrated Guide was never coming out so OF COURSE you are really confused when it showed up in your mail today but OF COURSE you ordered it back in 2008. If you didn’t you can get it here

Of coure Catherine Hardwicke talks about Twilight and Rob while doing promo for her OTHER (laughable, LIT-TRALLY) movie. And OF COURSE we roll our eyes. SHOW US THE TAPE! Shut up or put up! Or whatever the saying is.

So of course now you’re all caught up on all the news that doesn’t matter and of course all we really want are some legal OFFICIAL stills or maybe a teensy clip from Breaking Dawn but we’ll solider on and pray that November 18 comes faster than it already is.

Happy Hump Day!
Themoonisdown

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

121 Commented


Christmas messages from the Twilight cast

Dear LTTers,

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a little TwiPorn to get us in the spirit!!! Wait- are you allowed to say “Porn” and “Christmas” in the same sentence? Does that guarantee me a ticket to that firey place? Oh well. Looking at that 3rd picture, it might be worth it!

Love,
UC & Moon

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26 Commented


Rereading New Moon – Chapters 1-3

newmooncoverDear LTT-ers,

To prepare for the November 20th release of New Moon I begin rereading the book this week to refresh my memory on the details and such. I mean it’s been since like summer when I read New Moon last and it was time to reach for one of my favorite books in the saga! It’s funny, if you asked my this time last year what was the order of my favorite Twilight books, I definitely wouldn’t have listed New Moon near the top but as with all relationships your tastes and ideas grow and mature with time like some fine Vampire wine (no, seriously there really is Vampire wine. Hot Topic is pissed they didn’t think of it first).

Currently, I’ve read chapters 1-3 (yea super far, I know!) but I’m currently in the chapter “The End” can you blame me?! I HATE this chapter. Stupid Edward… stupid Bella for not chasing his dumb ass. Stupid me for talking to characters in a book.

carlandesme

Here let me examine you with my mouth...

Last night I read chapter 2 “Stitches” aka “Happy Birthday, Jasper’s hungry!” wherein the well meaning Cullen’s throw an ungrateful Bella a birthday party. Even if you hate attention, really what can you complain about? Your boyfriends awesome family LOVES you, throws you an amazing little bash at their “palatial pad” in the forest, buy you gifts, have a cake and multiple plates (even when they don’t eat food) and all for Bella to be surly about. I seriously, don’t GET it. But anyway, we have the infamous papercut moment, Jasper nom nom nom-ing on Bella and then we come to the scene where Carlisle stitches Bella up and gives her some much needed back story on the Volturi and about his decision to change Edward. While he’s stitching her up, Bella comments about how blood doesn’t bother him and how he helps so many people by being a doctor which got me to thinking…. Sure Carlisle may be able to resist the scent of blood after all these years, but patients would most certainly notice his ICE COLD hands! Think about it, when Bella touches Edward’s hand in the car in Twilight it’s one of the major deciding points for her that he’s a Vampire (besides that super helpful book she bought in the Port Angeles bookstore) AND while he’s stitching her up she even notes how cold his hands are. Now imagine if it’s time for your favorite yearly check up and the doctor used his ice cold hands (even IN gloves) to examine you? Now tell me you wouldn’t wonder why was using icicles to check for a hernia and swollen glands?

carlislecullen

Dr. McIcy hands at your service!

And now on to the god awful, gut wrenching “The End” chapter.

Somebody hold me!
Themoonisdown

So are you rereading New Moon to get your in the mood? Or are you refraining in hopes to enjoy it even more and not nit pick? Anyone had a doctor with ice cold hands? Was it Carlisle?

PS tomorrow I’ll be seeing a pre screening of Rob’s movie Remember Me!!! You know the one that’s not due out till next March? Yup, I’ll be seeing it and reporting back here on what I thought, watch our Twitter for details too! (Spoiler free details). I guess I finally know wtf that movie’s about after all!

PPS My good pal Katelin aka the rad girl who let me borrow her copy of Twilight over a year ago attended the press junket in LA this weekend. Read her account of meeting, well, um EVERYONE at her blog: Goregous Footsteps and thank her because without her insistance we wouldn’t all be reading this crap every day! ;)

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Peter Facinelli Appreciation Day!

peterinatinytie

Fat man in a little tie! (yea yea you’re not fat!)

Dear Peter,

So a few weeks ago we started this whole “Appreciation Sunday” thing quite by accident but has turned out to be a fun way to spend a few minutes on a Sunday. Another happy accident is that we’ve been featuring the “dads” of Twilight for the last couple Sundays and by popular request YOU’VE been chosen to complete the hat trick of dads! So we’re here this Sunday to appreciate YOU, Peter Facinelli!
c

What we appreciate about YOU:
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You are Mike Dexter!

As most of the folks here know Can’t Hardly Wait is one of my most favorite movies ever and when I found out last year that you would be playing Carlisle Cullen I couldn’t contain myself. I mean you played Mike Dexter the high school jock jerk who dumps AmanDUH and befriends William Licther (spoiler alert!) only to show his true jerk feelings the next day. For someone who seems like a nice dude you play a great d-bag! Mike Dexter you are a GOD!

Bonus Mike Dexter clip (cause I can’t help myself):

You’re one of our favorite DILF’s

familycrocstogetherstaystogether

The family that wears Crocs together stays together! (I’m just gonna assume this wasn’t your idea)

You, much like Chris and Billy our one of our favorite DILF’s! You’re the dad to a gaggle of girls and that probably gives you a special understanding of this whole Twilight thing. You live with all ladies so you “get it” and we love ya for that! Oh an Jennie Garth is one lucky chickadee!

Follow the cut to keep appreciating Peter
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