What Twilight crap I got for Christmas (aka the one where I rant about a Hallmark ornament)

One of these things is NOT like the other

Dear Hallmark Ornaments creators,

This shit is GHETTO.

Are you for realzzzz with this years ornament? Cause uh, NO.

As a connoisseur and collector of fine Hallmark ornaments (a tradition passed down to me from the lovely Mama Moon) I knew from one look that this year’s Twilight Hallmark Ornament was NOT up to par. I mean we have an entire tree dedicated to Hallmark ornaments that have been collected for us over the past 3 decades by my mom, we even have another mini tree dedicated just to the Barbie ornaments that didn’t fit on the other tree. So trust me when I say THIS is NOT a Hallmark ornament.

Let’s compare shall we??? Cause oh yes, I have last year’s Twilight ornament as well cause homie don’t play.

The 2010 Twilight Ornament

Yes, right there next to the slutty 60s Barbie we see these two… I mean look at this thing… the quality, the craftsmanship… the fully formed fingers. Bella’s in a jacket and one of her headbands. Edward’s eyes are even gold! Slam dunk for the creators and production team on this one.

Cue 2011′s Twilight Ornament – “Eclipse”

MY EYES!!!! I know the economy is rough Hallmark but you didn’t need to result to outsourcing your production and handpainting to kindergartners. Cause this shit is ROUGH let me tell you. Let’s take a closer look shall we?

ENHANCE!

Now while I totally appreciate the inclusion of the infamous “slutty tank top” (which if I’m not mistaken is actually from New Moon but whatever this thing is so janky, I’ll take any positives at this point) the rest of this is a total FAIL. It’s a good thing Edward is holding her (light blue, frost bitten from Edward?) hand because the other is missing about half of the thumb. Then we get up to her insane hairline… which YES was essentially a fivehead instead of a forehead because of the wig but her skin did not extend up INTO her hair… nor does her neck skin attach to her hair. Just look and poor SIMPLE looking Edward and Jacob back there… I can’t… BUT WE MUST!

ENHANCE!

All things considered Jacob isn’t THAT bad… as long as you aren’t concerned that an angry 7 year old with a bicep tatt and a rage problem from his steroid use (he is a 6 feet + tall 7 yr old after all) is hanging out with an older girl in a slutty tank and a slow looking dude who probs has a huffing problem.

then we get to Edward… poor Edward who definitely got the short end of this stick

ENHANCE!

 It’s a good thing hunchback Edward’s bleeding out of the ear that’s missing a chunk otherwise he’d hear us talking about how crazy he looks. If Edward had a molten hot body instead of ice cold I could understand why his v neck is sticking to his neck and why his denim jacket is starting to drip into his hand. BUUUT since he’s an ice cold vampire I have NO clue why this happened, other than the kindergartner’s hands got tired.
.

Edward Cullen… the saddest boy/ornament in the world… Merry Christmas from half his right eyelid…

A Hallmark Ornament snob,
Themoonisdown

Did you get any Twilight related gifts this year?? I also got the BD calendar which I will happily hang in a place of honor in the closet where I can close the door… this feels like the start of a twi-losophy… hmmmm

Oh and head over to LTR where we break down our thoughts about Rob and Bel Ami

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19 Commented


Buttcrack Santa Gifts

Dear LTTers-

Have you noticed that this year it is getting harder and harder to find Buttcrack Santa gifts? I was at Hot Topic the other day (a sentence I never thought I would ever say OR think OR type!), trying to find the perfect Buttcrack Santa gift for my sister and I kept coming up with dead ends! There was just nothing I felt was worth dishing out $30 or even $14.99 for! Good Twilight gifts are becoming harder and harder to find!

Buttcrack Santa first made his appearance at Christmas of 2009. Being avid LTT readers, my sister and I both got the giggles (yes we are 26 and 29 and we still get the giggles) when she found one of “those little bottles” in her stocking with a tag “To: Team Seth, Love: Buttcrack Santa.” Our parents and husbands stared at us blankly, waiting for an explanation. There really wasn’t a good one. We both looked at each other, turned to our judgemental group and said “its a Twilight thing, you wouldn’t understand.” And with that, the Buttcrack Santa tradition was born.

But, Buttcrack Santa gifts aren’t just for the winter holidays! This special breed of Santa can make an appearance any time of year. Buttcrack Santa made an appearance in June, right before Eclipse came out and delivered me a wonderful Eclipse watching package- complete with LTT shirt, my own jorts, a replica Bella ring and other Twilight nic-nacs! Then, last Christmas I received a wonderful “Team Jacob” t-shirt, which from the looks of the orange price tag, Santa got a very good deal on!

Unfortunately, BCS was too drunk to remember my sister’s gift last year. So this year, I am bound and determined to find the best possible BCS gift for her. This search has been hard though! The stores aren’t stocking Twilight stickers, candy and key chains like they used to! Even Barnes and Noble let me down. So, my quest drove me to the Internet, where I found some real gems.

For example, did you know that for a mere $39.99 you could be a proud owner of this set of sparkling Twilight title themed Christmas ornaments?

Or, if Breaking Dawn was your favorite, you could receive these “honeymoon” themed ornaments from Buttcrack Santa this year! Now, these seem pretty easy to make, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to go to the craft store and buy a bag of fake white feathers, so my search continued.

Buttcrack Santa gifts don’t have to be holiday themed either! In fact, they are better if they are something you can use year round- like a bracelet or other fun item for your house. A good bracelet at Hot Topic can cost you anywhere upedward (see what I did there?) of $14.99, but on etsy you can find so many other varieties! Like this “Edward” handmade beaded bracelet!

Or this replica of Bella’s graduation present!

I prefer my BCS gifts to be a little more subtle however, which is why I bypassed all the wonderful creations on etsy and hopped on over to my local 5 Below. This was my last ditch effort to find the perfect Twilight gift before I hit up Michael’s to buy some feathers and a silver paint pen. Thankfully I hit the very small jackpot there, but I can’t share what I bought or Team Seth will know her gift ahead of time! I will say this: the gift is a small token of Twilight love and vampire appreciation and cost below $5 (hence the name) which is absolutely perfect for BCS’s budget. These gifts don’t have to be big or expensive, just something to give us a little reminder of the joint love of something that gave us many laughs and good times together and some great inside jokes. Buttcrack Santa is the little bit of Twilight holiday spirit in all of us LTTers.

I hope the spirit of Buttcrack Santa has inspired all of you to start your own BCS gift exchange! And although good Twilight gifts are becoming fewer and farther between, I can only hope this tradition with my sister continues for years to come!

Happy Holidays and Little Bottles to All and to all a good night!
-”Rachel B”

Rachel is right! We used to find SO many GREAT (ahem) “Buttcrack Santa” gifts every year- Etsy was FULL of the best, and now…. they are SO few & far between! I mean, there is the “Harry’s World Famous Fish Fry” Moon sent me for our 3 year anniversary (for real), but nothing Buttcrack Santa would REALLY be proud of. Have YOU seen anything?

You know who sells the PERFECT “Buttcrack Santa” gifts? (I bet you’ll never guess) We do. In the LTT/LTR Store. Stock up for the Holidays. All of them!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

43 Commented


Happy extended Christmas vacay!!

Dear LTT-ers,

So we’re all still recovering from the holidays, I’m spending time with a sick family member and UC is digging her way out of a snowstorm/blizzard whatever you east coasters call them, I don’t know. So we will be in and out this week posting here and there but wanted to give you a heads up and leave some discussion tidbits from the twidom to ponder….

  • Stephenie Meyer celebrated her 21st birthday (you’re welcome) on Christmas Eve by either listening to every Muse album front to back or ordering Pancho to give her a hand massage. Or both.


So when does it stop becoming an “outtake” and we all just acknowledge this dude has maybe 4 bad pictures to his name? The jerk.

Hope your Christmas was fan-damn-tabulous and you’re enjoying the down time with family and friends… we’ll be coming back atcha with some end of the year stuff this week and of course we’re on it if anything late breaking happens (Taylor grows a couple inches).

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Sooooo discuss… any fantbulous Christmas stories or deals you got the day after to share?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

50 Commented


It’s a Twilight Christmas!

Dear LTTers,

I don’t have too much to say, it IS Christmas Eve afterall & that means I have way too many presents left still to wrap, snacks to make for a party this evening, and a champagne bottle to stare at longingly in excitement for Christmas morning mimosas! (I love that suddenly since all but 1 of my sisters are of age, this has become a new tradition. In fact, it’s the one thing I’m looking forward to MOST this holiday!)

But I wanted to drop a quick note because it wouldn’t be a LTT holiday without creeping you out with a few things Twilight & holiday-esque!

So while you put your presents under your Christmas tree topped with a Burger King Crown:

and hang your Edward Cullen doll hagning from its branches

and also your Jumping Rob ornament that turns into a magnet after the holiday (I actually own this – THANKS Texas Lili!)

Jumping Rob ornament

and after you hang your tinsel on Cardboard cut-out tweed serious Edward:

please gaze at the beautiful Twilight-themed Christmas cards I have come across this season


Those are just a little Christmas gift from me to you. You’re welcome.

May all your Christmas dreams come true- like Robsten getting engaged

And whatever other dreams you have. World Peace & stuff. And while I’m too hungover from the 3 beers I drank last night (seriously) to create new Christmas cards (and we know I can’t top these from last year) Here are a few that we & friends have made over the years and whose messages remain the same:

We love you & hope your holiday is magical, no matter what you do or wish for!

Love,

UC & Moon

Things might be a little quiet around here since lots of people are celebrating the holiday! But  comment when you can, share the crap-tastic holiday Twilight stuff that you’ve seen circulating around! We’ll be back next week sometime!

Most of the decoration pictures came from The Twilight Examiner. Check out the gallery for mostly 2nd hand embarassing but some cute Twilight-integrated holiday decor! The rest of the pictures found by googling “twilight Christmas” then deleting my browsing history at work

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

31 Commented


4 Weeks of Twimas- Oh crap you’re screwed!

Dear Friends-

We’re in the home stretch to Christmas and this is pretty much like the last week you can order anything online and hope to have it arrive by the time Santa comes down that chimney next week. So with that in mind we’ve come up with a few more gifts ideas cause if you’re like me, about half your list is still needing a check mark. AHHH!!!

We’ve got some doozies for you today!

A little taste of the Strata Collection

First off my pal and creator of the one-of-a-kind necklace I had made for UC on our 1st blogging anniversary last year: Tiffany Kunz Design. Do you like jewelry (duh) do you like super hip and modern design? Do you like really cool girls? Well then Tiff is your girl! She currently has four collections available online, everything from bracelets to earrings to necklaces to a MEN’S line! Hello tie clips! Tiff uses rough stones, reclaimed metals and hand hammered to make unique (and green!) designs. All moderately priced as well, I might add. Stock up on staples like the earrings and rings from the Nascent collection or get the newest stuff from the Plumb or Strata line. Tiff’s designs have been featured in many magazines on and some big time celebs. Get something for your friend/sister/mom/dad or Yourself. Oh and don’t have any more gifts to get right now? I have it on good authority (aka my own eyes) that this years special Valentine’s designs are outta this world. Seriously!

Shop more Tiffany Kunz Design HERE!

Whitelight for you!

Have a big Twilight fan in your life (besides you) and need something cool? Maybe you have friend you want to read the books but your loaner set is, well, on loan? How about ordering the limited edition WHITE cover Twilight Saga for them. It comes in paperback, with white covers and crimson tipped pages. Kinda like Stephenie Meyer wrote till she bleed on them just for you. Ok, weird but don’t they look cool? And affordable! Only catch? You have to order them from Amazon UK or Waterstones. But no problem, that’s why we have the interwebs!

And don’t forget the lovely Adrienne and her amazing artwork. We’ve also updated the LTT store with a few brand new designs (Spoiler: Calendars!! and MOANtreal makes an appearance) and all the other weeks of Twimas can be seen HERE!

If all else fails get a gift card!

Merry Holidays!
Moon and UC

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

26 Commented


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