Breaking Dawn, can we just not and say we did?

Dear Breaking Dawn producers-

Can we just NOT and say we did? Or actually we don’t even have to say we did. Let’s just use some sort of flashback or dream sequence and call it a day. What am I asking that we avoid you ask? The birth scene… yup, I’m just gonna ask that we don’t. I was just reading an interview with Wyck Godrey, producer of the Twilight franchise where he explained that he wife was an OB-GYN and that they may need her on set to make sure Edward is making the proper incision for an “oral c-section.” SERIOUSLY? Let’s just not. Please? As if I didn’t already take enough flack for the scene in the book and various other Twilight shenanigans that need explaining to civilians. I just can’t shoulder this one. I’m sorry. I’ll explain sparkling vampires, hot and cold body temperatures, celebacy, mind reading, vegetarian vampirism, bad wigs and anything else about Twilight but I just can’t handle explaining why Edward is tearing into Bella’s womb on a 60 foot screen at midnight.

Can I offer some suggestions or even ideas for how to get around this one so you’ll have more time to focus on how you’re going to make Jacob imprinting on Renesmee NOT weird for the outsider? Oh and nice job side stepping the Jared and Claire imprinting business in Eclipse. Don’t think we didn’t notice!

But anyhooozle, maybe since the story is told from Bella’s perspective we can go inside her mind again a la Twilight the movie after she was biten by James and Edward sucked the venom out. We saw a very abstract, beautiful montage of scenes from the movie, future, past, present, scenery, etc all set to music (sung by Robert Pattinson… oh heeeeey!). Just a thought and then we could see Renesemee lifted up Simba on Pride Rock style and CUT TO BLACK, end of Breaking Dawn Part 1, meet us back here in 2012 same Cullen time, same Cullen channel. OR we see Jacob headed down to kill off the demon spawn yet he’s oddly drawn to her and he doesn’t know why and then BOOM CUT. Multiple options people! I’ve thought about this a lot. Clearly.

Then of course, because I love the idea, let’s make part 2 of Breaking Dawn in 3-D because really it’s just a cool idea. Think about how Stephenie Meyer describes Bella’s first moments as a vampire. She sees light reflection off particles in the air, everyone looks so much different and more beautiful… imagine when she takes that first leap off a rock and over the creek behind the Cullen house IN 3D! It’s like we can experience Bella’s new vampirism right along with her. Sure 3D the cool thing to do in movies now and it can be hella lame but it works right along with the story line. LET’S DO THIS!

True luv

And theeeeeennn there’s that whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee business. We all know you’re gonna get slaughtered in the critiques for it, we know there’s gonna be jokes EVERYWHERE about it. Let’s just take this next few years to ACCEPT IT NOW. But can I suggest a few things? The way Stephenie describes their imprinting is just so interesting and beautiful…

“Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was – my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self – disconnected from me in that second – snip, snip, snip – and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee.”

Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18, p.360

Yup, pretty much how I see it

So can we just preserve what little personal pride we’re going to have left when all the vultures and civilians start making this the joke on all the late night chat shows and SNL. Can we do another Bella montage type idea but instead with Jacob where as he’s imprinting we see an OLDER, GROWN UP version of Renesmee and not a kid strapped to Taylor Lautner in a Baby Bjorn! PLEASE! Please.

So producers can we just take these ideas or some other phenominal one you have that does NOT include an on call OB-GYN for authenticity’s sake in the “oral cesarian” and run with them? Please? Cause I really don’t want to have to say you did, when you didn’t have to.

The Lock-NESS-blog-monster, 
Themoonisdown

What ideas do you have to make some of the Breaking Dawn moment a little more palletable for the movie go-ing audience. What can we do for the people who just DON’T KNOW?
 
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198 Commented


Jacob & Bella: It's On

Dear Twihards,

I know that when you saw this picture today you said, “oh UC & Moon have got to Break that Down Vanity Fair style.” Duh. Of course we did.  And welcome Kristin, our fab forum mod & viagra spammer killer to today’s Breaking it down:

jakeandbella

Moon: OH. MY. GOD
UC
: what!? is this your first time seeing this picture?
Moon
: this pic!! no AGAIN. it’s my second time. It’s like almost a little much
Kristin
: it was my first time.
Moon
: VIRGIN- Relax! Breathe! Do what feels right, Kristin

Kristin: well he looks pissed
UC
: Well, he has a hard on
Kristin
: and she looks half dead
UC
: and he can’t do ANYTHING about it. And in her defense…. she is half dead…
Kristin
: and he totally has blue balls.
Moon
: Omg- I’m just staring
Kristin
: he’s like. “damnit Bella, I wanted to have to rip your shirt off and administer CPR!”
Moon
: like how’d they make a near drowning SEXY?

UC: I e-mailed The Quad earlier today and said this, “Can we speculate what’s going on during this image? cuz I don’t believe the book described a scene quite this sexy when Jake saves Bells, so what do we think? Took a lil’ shower together? Jacob is too tall to scrub his feet so Bella helped him out?’ Cuz it def seems a little more ‘sexytime in the shower’ than ‘i just saved your life from a vampire standing over you while you were drowning in the cold water’
UC
: EastFriend responded “He had his 1st wet dream about her, forcing him to take a cold shower. Bella stepped in to wash his back.
Or…
They were getting their Gene Kelly on. Just singin’ & dancin’ in the rain. Then Bella slipped & fell, of course, so Jake had to rescue her. It was a poignant moment, hence the serious expressions on their faces.
See? I can be dirty & clean! It’s a gift. Seeing both the sexy & pure sides of the same situation. ”

Kristin: Bella looks kind of “whaa just happened”- very damsel in distress. Makes me want to punch her. just a little.
Moon
: DO THAT NOW. DO HIM. Edward left your ass. DO IT
Moon
: dude bella & Edward are on WAY more than “a break”
Kristin
: she can blame it on the “near death experience” !
Moon
: he has to forgive you
Kristin
: I always have sex after I almost die.
Moon
: oh ‘oops he saved me and his tongue ended up in my mouth. ‘ OOPS. All i can imagine is a drops of water coming off his hair and hitting her
UC
: her ears look big
Moon
: such a hot visual
UC
: so do his muscles
Moon
: his nose looks big- look at his MOOBS

Kristen gets real honest after the jump Continue…

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