Movefone helps us figure out who’s on The List!

Are you on it?

Dear Summit,

You know that “list” we’re always talking about… the list with the names of all the crazies who set stalk, call you daily, want to BE Kristen or Rob or Taylor or Mike Welch or have been found in the bushes outside of Rob’s parents home? If you need video or pictures to help train your staff on how to distinguish people who should be on “the list” that I think I’ve found your answer.

It looks like MovieFone’s done ALL the legwork for you. They have a contest going where fans submit videos explaining why they’re the biggest Twilight fan. All you need to do is contact Moviefone, watch these videos and then perform a sting operation to infiltrate the crazies lair of crazy (I’m trademarking that) and take these people down

How to spot someone on “The List”

Exhibit A:

1. If someone says “this is more than an obsession, it’s a way of life.” You need to give them the side eye and the simultaneous head nod to have security send them to the “safe zone” aka the back of the paddy wagon. Decorate it with Twilight posters and they’ll think they’re in a special after party location instead of being driven to the edge of town and dumped after the event is over.

2. If someone mentions anything using the word “bullets” whether taking one for a cast member or has a membership to the gun club or tells you they just finished their 7 day mandatory wait period before buying a handgun, don’t hesitate, immediately illuminate the “Twi Signal” in the sky (a sparkling paw print) and have Dean or the Po-po take them down.

3. During the above mentioned sting operation, when you bust through the door of their home like the Feds looking for Elian Gonzalez if you see movie quotes such as “You are my life now” proceed with take down. Use a rolled up Harpars Bazaar or Vanity Fair as a gag if they start getting mouthy or quoting Twilight

4. Are they wearing a wedding dress and veil for unexplained reasons?

5. Is there any sort of Twilight Tattoo involved?

6. If someone has both Edward & Jacob posters on her wall, grab her fast. She’s not picky- she’ll take either and they are the craziest kind.

7. If the posters are ALL Kristen, they’re a Krisbian and they can be the most hardcore and most dedicated, so take them down immediately or risk them using their well practiced “Bitch brow” to stare you into submission. And no one wants to be stared at like a petulant teenager.

You see Summit, with my handy checklist and this video you’ll be able to spot the crazies and get rid of them as necessary so that the rest of us can enjoy all Twilight events without having to wear the Twilight bullet proof vest that’s available at Hot Topic.

Now will you take US off the list? Thanks!

Do you think you’d be on the list? Is this girl crazy or normal? Can you identify or are you too busy painting Twilight quotes on the wall of your cell bedroom?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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68 Commented

Well when you put it that way…

Dear Twilight,

We love you. A lot. Like A-LOT A-LOT. You know this and we’ve accepted your idiosyncrasies and your quirks and like any good, mature relationship, they only make us love you more. Especially when the movie versions add in totally dumb ones. (shhhh those are our favorites!) But as you know people like to make fun of you and even though we try sometimes it’s hard to explain why you’re so great when people like to focus on the absurd. But they do make great videos. Like this…

“Jacob” kinda has that alpaca look about him, no?

David Slade blew the roof off Eclipse and made even some of the crazy stuff seem totally plausible so what about Breaking Dawn? We KNOW Bill Condon’s got his work cut out for him. Renesmee, births, cottages by the creek, yada yada yada I wonder if he got the cliff’s notes version like this…

Weeeellll when you put it like that…

Plasma TV and AWESOME DVD collection. Maybe these folks should write the script? They know the important stuff.

Oh Twilight, we still love you! Even besides your incessant talk of glowering and Bella’s pregnant foods being eggs and cups of blood instead of ice cream and pickles. We wouldn’t trade you for anything, for realz.

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day to all the folks in the states. Yes, another holiday where we grill stuff and hang out in pools and what not trying to hold on to the last bit of summer. So enjoy your day off and we’ll see you back here this week!

Special Thanks to Mandy and Bea for sending us the videos!Have an idea and want to write a letter while we’re grilling today? Saw a video, a picture, or a news story we need to see? Send it in! DO IT!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

32 Commented

Storytime with Moon: Eclipse Premiere and Red Carpet Event

Dear LTT-ers,

Tonight (I’m writing this at 2am) was the Eclipse premiere and red carpet event in downtown Los Angeles and I was there. Barely. And no thanks to the awful security/event management company SEM who couldn’t keep their rules straight, changed the rules whenever they felt like it, were led by a power hungry dbag, were so worried about ticket fraud they even wristbanded a BABY (which didn’t work! Fraud happened). It was shenanigans to say the least. BUT, we were in, and after meeting up with tons of #leghitch2010 girls we dropped off LilCrazyCow (my cousin) who would be helping us live tweet from her spot on the ESPN restaurant balcony, we headed off to get in line to be loaded into the bleachers by the red carpet.

Of course waiting meant we got to see a bunch of crazies in their natural habitat… outside a movie premiere…

THEY EXIST!! In real life!!! And I always thought these lived on Etsy (or Regretsy) only. Nope! People buy these!

Then these 2 old creepers showed up. I asked them what they were doing here (since they didn’t know the name of the movie), they said they were there to see a BIG TIME movie premiere… AND to pick up chicks. I told them they better check ID’s cause I was calling Chris Hansen on their creeper asses. WEIRD!

And this girl brought a TIGER BEAT for the cast to sign… ummm… ok???

It was already pretty 2nd hand embarrassing so we sat down for a second to collect ourselves before we would be faced with being in the middle of the screaming masses AND the cast.

Then we were finally taken to the bleacher area were we sat with @myrobpattinson and a few hundred people who would quickly become the bane of our existence.

Let me tell you after spending about 3048324 hours in those bleachers I don’t even know who half the cast is anymore I was so astonished at the total lack of knowledge regarding the Twilight cast from the so called fans who somehow got wristbands to sit in this special section. So don’t worry about me I just may call them by the names the “fans” gave them tonight for your reading pleasure!

First up was Tyson Houseman, aka the Nerdy Wolf who no one around us even knew. So we gave up thinking he’d come over because everyone was too worried about “Jacob” and when he’d show up. Um, not till WAY later people!

Then Mike Welch RAN over and ran up and down the line several times probably in effots to burn a few extra calories and earn some more points on Weight Watchers, but he reminded us we gotta get that protein in us!

And then in one of the “WTF arrivals” of the night Tia and Tamara Mawry showed up and worked the red carpet and even came over to sign for fans further cementing our musings about the connection between ABC’s TGIF and the Twilight franchise. Cause surprisingly the crowd knew all about these girls, pronounced their names right and talked about their show “Sister Sister.” I kept asking Ashley what planet we were on. TIA AND TAMRA MOUWRY?!

Then we noticed this dude who we swear we thought was Paris Latsis, Nikki’s old/maybe current/we don’t know boyfriend, but then we noticed he was wearing and Eclipse tshirt and was somehow working for Summit. But maybe that’s Nikki’s parting gifts to her ex boyfriends? Jobs at the studio she makes movies with? Maybe the whole “Greek Shipping Heir” thing isn’t working out for him and he needs some extra hair dye money?

It may not have been Paris Latsis but it was fate that we noticed him because without him we wouldn’t have seen this beautiful piece of art work behind him. I know when I’m planning out my posters for red carpet events my first idea is “pencil drawing of Rob and Kristen.” Who needs glitter when you can capture their magicness with a drawing?

Earning the nights “Classy Moments” award would be Papa Stew throwing up rock signs at his rando pals and then having a ciggie right in front of the fans, the huge Eclipse banner, and the radio/MC guy then snubbing it out on the edge of the carpet.

Heard in the bleachers: “OMG PapaStew and Nikki Red are hugging!” #awkward


Taller than the fire hydrant but shorter than the limo… David Slade!! To get the full effect of his teeeeeeny tiny awesomness here’s him walking away since when he came near the fans it was almost impossible to see him… he he

Do I spy some sort of blog/croc on his feet?

Follow the cut for part 2 of the Eclipse premiere complete with the Holy Trinity, a double take and a wink

101 Commented

New Moon Premiere – UC and Moon see cast, crew and Dick!

Dear New Moon,

We came (ahem), we sorta saw, we maybe conquered!

Since we didn’t camp out like the faithful Twihard fans we knew it would be a crap shoot showing up to the premiere in Westwood with a gaggle of girls, but UC needed to at least get a glimpse of Rob to make sure this last year wasn’t just a crazy psycho dream and these people that we talk about every day actually existed and since this we be my um.. forth time seeing Rob I was more than happe to give it a go! So we hauled booty over to where the entire fandom seemed to be converging. On our way we heard both KOL’s Sex on Fire and Miley Cyrus’ Party In the USA and knew it was an omen for good things ahead. Once we parked and headed towards the madness we saw Mr. Kaleb Nation aka The Twilight Guy headed in search of more glitter paint or maybe it was a restroom but we flagged him down and finally met someone we had been Twitter stalking for the last month. Another omen.

After that we pushed our way up to the barricade and ended up right across the street from the theater and the end of platform where the radio DJ guy was interviewing everyone as they showed up. We were also conveniently located next to at least two sets of crazy protesters. Why they thought the NM premiere was the optimal place for their protest posters and high pitched screaming, I’ll never know.

So here’s pretty much what happened…

We showed up to the premiere…

Look who was happy to see us!

Ok… ok… just kidding! I mean they were happy to see us they just didn’t know it.

Some lovely gal took our picture… right as a news van drove by and cut out the theater in the back ground! Thanks.

We were surrounded by crazy, loud, cool, and some totally awful fans…

obviously Rosalie Cullen got lost and ended up near the theater with her red wig

Robsten lives… in this 12yr olds heart

Follow the cut for a TON of pictures and video and crazy protesters and hot Rob and us!

347 Commented

Waiting in line for New Moon premiere? Get your helpful tips here!


4 days of hell start here

Dear LTTers,

Yesterday morning we were told a super big secret that 13 people were already in line for the New Moon premiere. Then the news leaked on Twitter and suddenly it wasn’t a secret anymore. Did you just panic because you have plans tonight and didn’t set aside time to glue your eyes to your laptop while you watch a live stream of the red carpet? Don’t worry you still have a few days. Yes, that’s right, because the premiere isn’t tonight, but it’s Monday night. Yep. Those who got in line yesterday are there 4 days in advance. Those who will get in line today will be there 3 days early. Tomorrow… 2 days. Sunday 1 day… etc.

It turns out that the first group of people are line are the gals from and Okay, they both run Twilight fansites, I get why they want to be up close and personal on the red carpet. They want to get first-hand accounts and interviews and videos for their readers. That’s really nice. I can hear your questions now, “UC- aren’t you changing your flight and flying out tonight instead of waiting until Sunday so that you and Moon can get in line and be sure to get us an exclusive interview with Solomon Trimble (who I bet is the 3rd person in line behind Twifans & CBA) and catch the action when Cathy Hardi tries to sneak past security and onto the red carpet?” Uh, no. We’re not going to be doing that. We love you and all, and while a one-on-one with Solomon would be great and we could potential make our dream come true if we see HIM on the red carpet (our dream being a UC & Moon sandwich with Big Daddy Lautner in the middle), we value sleep in a comfy bed and protection from crazy Twihards & tweens more than spending 4 days in the hot sun then cold nights on a deflating air mattress while suffering from the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that we’d get because we’d have to hold our pee for four days all the while one person stays awake to protect us from the non-rob hobos that roam the streets of Westwood, CA.


Cardboard cut out of Jacob. Check. Cranberry Juice. Check

So while we’re not going to be there many people are. I’d venture to say that by tonight, there will be a good 100-200 people in line. 45 of them will be Solomon Trimble’s closest friends and family, but they still count. And since the 4 day waiters (Hey Kim & Allison!) probably got bored 5 minutes after their tent was set up and their coffee was gone (regretting that Venti cafe latte now, huh?), I’ve compiled a list entitled “Things to do while we wait for a opportunity to see Kristen Stewart’s bare breasts in a new sexy dress and cross our fingers that Rob may or may not look our way for 2.5 milliseconds 4 days from now on the New Moon premiere red carpet” to help ease the boredom a bit:

  • Play the FanFiction game: Someone reads out loud from a famous fic like The Office or Wide Awake and you take turns acting out scenes with cardboard Edward. Since there is a New Moon Cardboard Ed & a Twi version, it’ll be like he changed clothes (unlike you who is stuck in the same thing for four days).
  • Transcribe New Moon by hand into a leather-bound notebook as a gift to Rob since it’s his favorite book. Get Solomon to sign it.
  • Knit something for Rob in hopes that it will be better than anything Kristen has knit for him
  • Comb the dictionary for every word you believe could be used to describe Rob
  • Paint your nails so that each finger has a detailed picture of a cast member- Edward-Bella-Jacob-Alice-Charlie-The Wolves- The Cullens-the Humans-The Volturi- The bad Vamps- 10!
  • Reorganize your entire Itunes library into Rob or New Moon appropriate categories. “Songs that make me think of Rob.” “Songs that make me hate Kristen.” “Songs that make me wish Solomon Trimble was in the 2nd movie” OR “Songs that make me wish Solmon Trimble would move ahead of me in line and hit on the girl over there.” You could also change all the genres around. Examples: Instead of “Rock” it could be “Songs I wanna eff Rob to.” Instead of “Indie ballads” it could be “Songs I played the day I finally believed that Rob was actually dating Kristen.” Instead of “Garage band music” it could be “Bands that are horrible but still better than 100 monkeys”

After the jump, check out what people on Twitter said THEY would add to the list! Continue…

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